thank you to everyone who left me messages and asks, i love you all so much thank you for being so kind. i will have more confidence and self worth. im genuinly about to vomit from anxiety iwill see you guys later.

i thought we were fine because i ended up messaging him and he said it was okay while he "thought about my apology". so i was just texting normally and hes left me on delivered for 7 hours, this mf is not sleeping, he is on his socials responding to girls about his kinks.

hey so ive been on opened for a day 😐

like id rather have him say he doesnt want to talk anymore than me just blocking him, because i dont think thats right since its happened to me before. i really want to message him but hes still ''considering'' my apology.

Your feelings of frustration amd hurt are so valid. Your self-awareness is admirable. Your actions, however, are neither, and the first step to healing is addressing that without getting defensive or complacent about it.

I advise you, if you'll hear me, to start seeing a therapist, university/school counselor, whatever is available to address what I am taking an educated guess is not the healthiest sense of self-esteem. I also advise you to wean yourself off of older men, who, if you're under age, are pedophiles or at least groomers, and I cannot imagine why anyone would want to make scum like that happy.

I also want to reassure you of something: dick is the cheapest commodity in the world. Women hold the power of admiration and success, that is why men seek us out to peacock that proximity to other men. Getting pussy is a power move for them. They have absolutely no regard for the person it's attached to. So you have every right and reason to limit their access to it. To you. Who wants a man that can't even keep his eyes on you anyways?

All of this is to say, I see you, I hear you, I love you, and if you want a friend who can connect you to actual good people, feel free to lmk and I'll stick around 🫂

You are deserving of respect, of love, of confidence, and of safety.

thank you so so much for taking your time to write all of this for me, i really appreciate it 🫶

i am currently not seeing a therapist since most of them have been no help to me at all, mentally. i have deep personal issues, which i know is no excuse, but its why i lean towards older men. boys my age dont look my way so its the only attention i gain which is not good wither lol. but i think if i dont have attention ill go crazy and even feel worse about myself. one day, i hope to not be so reliant on way older guys, or guys in general. i hope to be confident and not worry about what others think.

youre speaking true facts, and i know deep down. but i just have attachment issues and i need someone to rely on since ive never had that. yes i know its not healthy, but again one day i will overcome it fully.

call me a bird because birds of a feather stick together 😭

if i knew my self worth i would leave immediately. something about his demeanor keeps me there, like he could be the best but these cons outdo the pros. i guess the version im attached to is what i want back but i dont know if thatll ever happened. he got me to open up a lot which meant i trusted him, yet he still says im uninterested or that we are still not like on a reasonable level of trust.

this happens almost every relationship i try to maintain, so im at the point where i feel like im always in the wrong but i just want to express my feelings without the other person getting upset. i guess im doing it wrong. i keep checking our chat to see if he unadded me or something because im very paranoid since its happened to me before. i want to talk but i have this hostility towards him that i cant get rid of.

he says he doesnt want me to change myself for him to like me but hes constantly saying i act uninterested so i try to seem more engaged or excited. he also makes these jokes where theyre not even jokes, they just make me feel stupid. he said i made him feel dumb about something so I apologized because i thought he was serious? like i dont know im just a lost cause.

he got upset by me saying he was uninterested and I explained how I felt but he said he still didn’t understand why I was saying the things I did. we were going back and forth and he stopped replying to my messages but kept opening them. he just now replied saying he didn’t appreciate my words and me laughing in a voice note. I was laughing because of how fucking ridiculous this grown ass man is.

I ended up sincerely apologizing for what I said and how it upset him. he’s taking my words into consideration. gee thanks! you can go have fun with all the other girls you talk to while I wait. I genuinely may be an asshole but I have feelings too and I felt that he didn’t address them like I did for his. previously I’ve also brought up how I felt about him getting all these messages of girls wanting him and he dismissed them and said I couldn’t talk to other guys or it would be me being uninterested after I asked.

i will start off by saying, i know tumblr is not a good place to talk about your problems. i dont have anyone i could talk to about these issues, and this is the main platform i use. i know i also have underlying issues, i recently found out i have bipolar ii. it not only broke my heart, but it explained why i am the way i am.

ive always thought it was just my teenage girl hormones or it was just my depression phase every teen girl supposedly gets. i felt crazy and out of my mind for looking so deep into things, getting called emotional whenever i speak out about my feelings. ive always been the kind of girl boys look past, it affected the way i grew up. i dont have a type, if you love me i will devote my whole heart to you.

because of that, i seek attention online from older men. that is another mistake, but i genuinely think i might lose my mind if i dont have company or nobody to tell me they love my appearance. it sucks feeling ugly all of the time and getting no compliments. i know appearance is not everything, but you cannot love someone properly without admiring them and their beauty, inside and out. the love of my life will admire me and my personality and i will do the same for them.

ive been on this platform since the beginning of may, ive talked to numerous older men. all of those stages ending because im not sexual enough for them. im just a teen girl, i make it pretty obvious that i dont just care for sex. yet thats all they want from young girls, they dont realize you will get that once you love a girl for all she has.

i love to write, i love to draw, i love to play with dolls and figures. i love to swim and wrestle. i love to speak my mind and share my excitement with people i care about. once someone truly adores all of those traits ive found the one.

i seek older guys because i have daddy issues and ive always yearned for a father figure and someone that would care and love me like a dad would. i melt when someone is gentle or uses sweet nicknames that are personal. or when they notice things i like. i love ice cream, i will never forget one time a guy pointed how he loved how much i ate and got ice cream. he noticed i liked ice cream, its little but it means so much to me.

back to the point, im stuck. its hard to sort through all the guys who just want nudes. but once you find the ones that want more, you have to sort even more. they want something serious or casual. im fine with either, but im not fine with them seeking out other girls while acting like youre the only one. if you ask if they have someone else, they will deny it but still act off. if you have someone else, they will still deny you from having someone else. they can have an other girl but you cannot talk to any other guys. it baffles me. i see posts on tumblr of him seeking other girls even after ive spoken about how i felt about it. when i bring up if i can talk to other guys he immediately gets upset and says im uninterested. im interested, just not if you dont value the time and emotions i give to you.

i get upset and put off, i want to talk to you but i have an attitude and push them away. i act dry and short until those feelings pass. even when im excited to talk, the minute their tone gets weird im put off. and the cycle continues. i dont want to be a side piece if you dont want to be one either. you say youre testing the waters, but it just seems as if youre using it as an excuse to talk to multiple people to entertain you. i love when we talk and have a good time but i hate when you make me feel wrong for my emotions. i hate when its obvious youre ignoring me and giving that attention to someone else, even doing more like matching things. you barely talk to me, how am i supposed to stay interested and feel wanted. i talk all the time, busy or not.