Snape

Harry: runs into strange woman as she enters the great hall "I'm so sorry miss..."

Y/N: "Snape"

Harry: "no not possible, there is no way you are related to professor Snape"

Y/N: "I'm his wife"

Harry: "really I've never heard about you or seen you before"

Y/N: "I'm the head of aurors in America"

Harry: walks away muttering "she has to be under a love potion"

Y/N: sits next to Severus "can you believe those kids think you are using a love potion on me"

Severus: "love can you turn and pretend to talk to McGonagall I'll put there suspicions to ease"

Severus: pulls vile from pocket and pours it into her cup watching Ron, Hermione and harry watch in shock

Severus: "drink this love and let the fun begin"

Teaching staff: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

Severus: turns bright red and scowls at everyone before walking out

Teaching staff: silently looks at each other for a couple of minutes

Y/N: "wait for it"

Teaching staff: hears muffled scream come from the dungeon

Hermione: " nothing sir"

Severus: "that miss Granger looks a lot like smut to me, also that type of book is only found in the restricted section"

Hermione: "sir this one is not I just picked it up from the return pile you just returned"

McGonagall: "is it me or did it just get chilly in here"

Albus: "I noticed it too"

Severus: "don't be uncomfortable on my account"

McGonagall: "do you like her Severus?"

Severus: "I'm just thinking"

McGonagall: get up and walks to her "hello that man over there likes you"

Severus: "I have no reason to be smiling"

McGonagall: "well we will find something that will make you smile"

Albus: "Severus my boy hows your morning going?"

Y/N: "so how did the time with our daughter go?"

Snape: "Do remind me why we had children"

Y/N: "well from my memory you refused to wear a condom, but back to the question"

Snape: "it was torture, she made me do some dance with her while she recorded it on her bloody phone, why did you get her a phone, then she proceeded to post it on tiktok"

Y/N: "at least she had fun"

Severus: what the hell have you done to my room

Albus: well my dear boy I decided to brighten up your life

Severus: by decorating my room in Gryffindor colors, you know I'm not Gryffindor

Albus: yes such a shame

Severus: I need to get out of her I'm going to my classroom

Hagrid: "ahh there you are, you look tense, I'll put the kettle on"

Severus: "I don't need a bloody tea, I need something stronger"

Albus: "now now Severus, we all know that isn't the answer"

Severus: "yes it is I need to drink my problems away, also who are you to tell me not to drink if memory serves me correct you are the one that told me to drink my problems away"

Albus: "I am wiser now"

Snape: gets woken by getting hit in face

Snape: "what the hell are you doing, why did you wake me by hitting me in the face"

Child: "sorry daddy you wouldn't wake and I need to tell you something"

Snape: "can you please tell me what is so important that you woke me"

Child: "promise not to get mad"

Snape: "what did you do"

Child: "you have to promise"

Snape: "I'm negotiating with a toddler, alright I promise"

Child: "we accidentally destroyed your work, we were play pretending with wands and it caught fire"

Snape: "there's a fire"

Child: "no we put it out using your cloaks"

Child: "so your not mad"

Snape: sees student reading book not to do with school work "I'll be taking that" says Snape

Y/N: "sir I don't think you should, nevermind" you say as he walks away

A little later

McGonagall: gasps

Snape: stops and stares at her

McGonagall: "Severus you shouldn't be walking around with that book in view, it should only be in your chambers

Snape: looks down at book confused

Snape: "well if you had listened to me for the last 4 months when I kept asking to leave the castle I would go to her and by the way she's my girlfriend"

Dumbledore: "and I said you are needed here to watch potter that's top priority"

Snape: smirks "I fell sorry for that unfortunate bastid, he will be having a miserable time caring for the dunderhead"

Y/N: runs up to them "oh Severus there you are U never guess what I'm pregnant"

Hermione: "she probably just just went to talk to him"

Harry: "she doesn't look like she's just been talking"

Hermione: "I don't want to think about Snape having sex"