svt's angel

you were extremely happy with your life - you lived with one of your best friends, spent every weekend with the other, and you loved your job. the food studio you worked at three times a week paid well, and your side gig of running a food vlog youtube channel paid even better. it was fun, too - you got to do what you loved (make and eat beautiful food), and you were able to pay rent just with the revenue you got from your faithful views. you hardly ever showed your face on camera, which meant you got to rock your day to day with a low maintenance look and in your favorite articles of athleisure, and the few times you had shown your abstracted face in a mirror shot at a cafe, your subscribers would gush in the comments about how cute you were - even if you were pretty sure they were lying, and just getting excited because they didn't get to see you often.

your flatmate was working in the other room, and you had your friend's twitch stream on your pc as you scrolled through dozens of pinterest boards on your tablet, trying to make a grocery list for the week. you laughed at something krys said, tapping through to a recipe and cocking your head at it. you pushed the end of your pen between your lips, then scratched down some ideas.

most mondays were spent this way, watching krysskross's first twitch stream of the week as your video uploaded. half the time, if it managed to upload before she was done, she would squeal at the notification on her phone while playing genshin.

"you guys!!" she would exclaim, showing her phone on webcam. "bittersweet banchan just uploaded! don't forget to go watch their new video after the stream!"

you giggled, pushing your fist into your cheek and doodling swirls in your bullet journal as you watched the first few comments roll in on your upload.

it was nice having a friend that was also an online personality, and you especially loved that her content was so different from yours. her rainbow gamer setup was a far cry from your neutral toned kitchen, yet you managed to have quite a bit of fan overlap, and seeing excited comments when they recognized her voice in your face-less videos always made you happy.

you were happy. obscenely happy. you weren't looking for anything to supplement that.

krys hummed out your name, sitting on your couch and staring at her phone. "is there a reason you're not dating?"

you gave her a look from the kitchen as she peeked over the back of the couch, then looked at your camera that was pointed at the stovetop. you sighed, thinking about how you would have to edit around this audio.

"yeah," karol said from a barstool. "they hate men and women are complicated."

"not inaccurate," you said, flipping zucchini and mushrooms in the pan of oil you had been watching. "i dunno, i'm just not really looking right now. i'm not opposed, though."

krys hummed out loud. "interesting."

"why?" karol asked, immediately looking to the youngest. "you tryna set them up?"

"not necessarily," she paused, pouting out her lips. "my brother found your youtube channel and won't stop bugging me. but since you hate men, i guess i won't say anything."

"hang on-" you spun around. "your brother?"

krys eyed you. "yeah, my brother, who you have a crush on."

"i don't have a crush!" you said with an indignant scoff.

karol gave you a look. "you have the hots for him and he's totally deserving of it. dude's ripped."

"i'm right here," krys reminded you.

you looked between them. "what did he say about my videos?"

"he thinks you're really talented," she said, tapping at her phone to refind the conversation that she had been pointedly ignoring. "yeah, here: 'i can't believe you know this person. they're so good! did they go to culinary? why do they even hang out with someone like y-' okay, hang on. i need to beat this guy's ass."

karol laughed at her before directing her attention to you. "are you gonna talk to him?"

"i-" you stared back, then suddenly woke up from your trance, frantically pulling your vegetable tempura out of the hot oil. "wait, hang on, i can't think right now."

"he thinks you're cute, too," krys said over the exhaust fan you turned on when you got fearful that you were going to burn the oil. "he keeps asking when you guys are coming over again."

you fumbled with your chopsticks, putting them flat on the counter as your eyes bugged out, looking at the floor. "everyone shut up, i'm trying to make you dinner."

karol rolled her eyes. "you're recording a video."

"wrong," you said, grabbing the chopsticks with a fist and pointing at her with a threatening finger. "i'm making you dinner and recording it. there's a difference. now shut up, i already have to edit around this conversation."

your videos often featured the voice of your two best friends, especially when the three of you went out to eat, but you tried to make sure the conversations were nothing of substance - mostly just cheersing alcohol and little notes about what you had ordered as the video focused on the food. this, though. this was definitely getting cut. hopefully no one would comment on how you didn't show the fact that you nearly burned the tempura.

you shut off your camera after filming the place setting and getting a shot as everyone sat down to eat, and you sighed, mind still swirling.

krys laughed. "you're thinking about josh."

"i'm not," you said indignantly. "i'm just tired."

"totally thinking about josh," karol agreed. "i can't believe you burned the tempura because he said he liked your videos."

"does it look burnt?" you asked, pointing. "no. i didn't burn it. god, you guys are so ungrateful."

they chorused a thanks for the food, making you sigh as they laughed.

undeniably, you thought about joshua a lot that day. you had only met him a couple times, when you had been at krys' shared apartment and he had come home from his office job or was leaving his bedroom to head out somewhere. you had never disclosed what you did for a living, but the last time you had seen him, krys mentioned that he worked for a food magazine, and you looked at him, surprised.

"which one?"

he blinked at you, fixing the collar of his jacket. "last bite?"

you gasped. "oh, my god, we get that subscription at the studio."

he laughed, and thanked you for the support. "what studio? if you don't mind me asking."

"a food studio," krys said blandly, eyes focused on the tv. "they also-"

"i'm a food stylist for a cooking brand," you interrupted, causing krys to eye you suspiciously, though it went unnoticed by joshua. "at maji studio. i only work part time, though."

"a food stylist?" he grinned. "that's awesome. i'd love to see your work sometime."

you stared after him when he left (drinks with friends, he had said), and krys kicked you from across the couch.

"ow, what the fuck?" you tented your eyebrows at her, rubbing your thigh. "what's your problem?"

she looked at you like you were stupid. "why didn't you tell him you had a youtube channel?"

"i-" you blinked at her. "i don't know. i don't like explaining it to people."

she rolled her eyes, pulling out her phone. "i'm telling karol you're an idiot."

"what?" you pulled out your phone and went to your group chat. "what the hell did i do?"

"bro, his sister is a twitch streamer," she exhaled, sending the message. "he works for last bite. you think he won't understand what a food vlog is?"

krys: y/n is muy estupido and has a crush on my half brother

you: wtf!!! no i don't!!!!!!

karol: i agree to coworker drinks ONE SATURDAY and i miss them FINALLY crushing on a hottie

you: i literally don't have a crush i am an adult??????

krys: yeah they had heart eyes while he was leaving krys: and didn't mention their youtube channel

karol: oh my god karol: how come i'm never there for the good stuff wtf

you: STOP THIS

krys: y/n and joshua sittin in a tree

you: no!!! i jsutajesfd you: I JUST you: i didn't want to explain it ok you: he seemed like he was in a rush

karol: 🙄

krys: everyone believes u lol

you pushed the bottom of your foot into krys' thigh. "you're a bitch."

"love you too, whore," she said, shoving popcorn into her mouth.

so you sat, watching with a blank stare as your friends laughed and ate the food you had prepared for them, imagining joshua watching your videos on his phone. imagining the smile he might have had on his face. imagining him liking a video and scrolling through the comments with no real intention, but thumbing up one he agreed with about how your videos always made the op hungry.

that's when you heard your name.

you blinked, looking between your friends, who were both staring at you. "what?"

karol laughed in your face. "i asked where you got the fish."

you stared at the plate of nigiri you had made. "e-mart."

she gaped at you. "grocery store sashimi?"

"yeah," you said, grabbing a piece. "baller on a budget."

krys popped one into her mouth. "are we gonna talk about how they were literally drooling over josh at the table?"

"i wasn't-" you huffed, pausing your speech as you swallowed, annoyed. "i wasn't drooling."

she pointed at you. "but you admit you were thinking about him?"

"fuck you both," you said, grabbing the plate of sushi. "i'm not sharing anymore."

karol scoffed, brows tented. "but i didn't say anything!"

"you're an accomplice," you said, pointing. krys whined from across the table, begging you to let her have more, and you glared at them both as you put the plate back, not intending to keep it away from them in the long run anyways. "for the record, i'm not looking for a relationship."

krys nodded, chewing. "but you're not opposed."

you pouted, leaning back in your chair, knowing that you had said so earlier, and therefore could not pretend it wasn't true. "but i'm not opposed."

"great!" she said. "i'll make sure to let josh know you're single and kind of ready to mingle."

you couldn't help but roll your eyes, sitting up and getting some tempura. "how does he live with you without wanting to kill you?"

she gaped at you. "hey!"

karol laughed. "see! we're lucky we have each other."

"you say i'm annoying almost every day," you stated.

"okay, but you are," she argued. "especially when you're denying the obvious truth."

the next time karol and you were headed to krys' for a movie night, you couldn't help but chew your cheek. karol eyed you and laughed.

"are you nervous?"

you puffed out your cheeks. "no."

"you seem nervous."

"i'm not nervous!" you adjusted in the passenger seat, huffing. "do you think he'll be there?"

"knowing krys?" she laughed. "yeah, he'll be there."

you groaned, putting your face in your hands. "i can't believe she did this to me."

"she didn't do anything," your flatmate said, flicking on her turn signal. "you had a crush on him before he knew about your youtube."

"i didn't," you argued. "you guys were projecting some childish romance fantasy onto me because i looked at him. once. and for the record, i still don't have a crush."

"whatever you say, sweetie."

you crossed your arms, staring out the window. "hate you."

she giggled. "you love me."

you sighed. "yeah."

you let yourself into krys' loft, the greetings short and well used, and the two of you settled into your usual stances in the kitchen as she threw a packet of popcorn into the microwave. "so what are we watching today, lads?"

you bent your neck, cracking it, then looked at karol. "you still haven't seen clue, right?"

she shook her head. "no."

"oh my god," krys exclaimed. "okay, that was easy. hey, josh!"

your eyes widened when she yelled. "what are you doing?"

she grinned at you. "he loves this movie. he'd be pissed if we watched it without at least telling him."

the door past the kitchen opened, and joshua peeked his head out. "what's up?"

you stared at him, then quickly averted your eyes when his wandered to see who all was in the room. you missed the way the corner of his lips turned upwards slightly when he saw you were there, but it was for the best - you likely would have made an embarrassing noise if you hadn't.

"we're gonna watch clue," krys said. "you in?"

"clue?" he asked, pulling himself completely out of his room. "like, clue clue?"

"like, clue 1985," you said, pursing your lips and looking away. "starring tim curry, lesley ann warren, and madeline kahn."

joshua's eyebrows quirked up as he grinned at you. "you like this movie, too?" you looked at him, lips still pursed, and nodded lightly.

"if i'm the only one who hasn't seen this, why are we watching it?" karol asked.

"cult classic," you said. "it's essential viewing if you want to remain my flatmate."

she sighed. "fine."

"make more popcorn," joshua said, nodding at krys as she took the bag out of the microwave. "i want a bowl."

she rolled her eyes, dropping it on the counter as she pulled a bowl out of the cupboard. "make it yourself."

"wow," he exhaled, shaking his head. "the disrespect."

you couldn't help the way your fingers fidgeted as he reluctantly prepared his own bag of popcorn, or how you curled your legs under you when you sat on an armchair while krys was frantically trying to find clue in her streaming history. but despite your slightly nervous body language, you managed to keep fairly normal conversation with your friends, inserting a vaguely snarky comment as often as you saw fit.

"what the fuck?" krys said, pounding her finger into the remote. "i thought it was on amazon prime?"

you glanced at the screen. "it is. you can use the search bar, you know."

"okay, but," she began, then trailed off, then made a face like she was mimicking you. "you can use the search bar, yeah, well, you can shut up."

karol laughed, eating popcorn on the other side of her. "damn, you got them good."

you giggled, rolling your eyes, jumping slightly when joshua walked past your arm to sit on the couch next to krys. conveniently, you thought, on the end closest to you.

"so," he said, clearing his throat as casually as he could. you looked at him, fingers knitting over your shin as you adjusted in your seat. "don't be weirded out, but i found your youtube channel."

your eyes flickered to krys, who gave you a wide eyed grin from behind his peripherals. "uh, yeah," you said, looking back to him with a small smile. "krys mentioned."

he studied you, his lips turned upwards in one corner. "why didn't you mention it when i asked to see your work?"

"yeah," krys said, planting an elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. "why didn't you mention it?"

"yeah!" karol repeated, crossing her arms at you. "why didn't you?"

you groaned, throwing your head back as they giggled, and joshua just chuckled as he nudged krys with his elbow. "i don't know, okay! i just-" you pursed your lips, trying to gather your thoughts. "i feel weird talking about it. it feels like a diary."

he looked apologetic. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to overstep-"

"no! no," you waved a hand at him. "no, it's fine, really. i mean, it's literally the reason i became friends with your sister. to be honest, i thought you might have known about it already, so i was kinda surprised when you asked what i did."

"yeah, well," he said, tossing some popcorn into his mouth. "krys never tells me anything, so…"

"i have more important things to talk about than my friends' careers. speaking of, i changed the subscriber alert on my channel; it is now the 'let's go, lesbians' audio clip."

karol nodded. "good choice." krys leaned back a grinned at her, saying thanks.

joshua rolled his eyes briefly before directing his attention back to you. "well i really enjoyed your videos. the food is beautiful and you shoot it really well. and i love the editing."

your lips pushed out into a pout instinctively, eyebrows tenting. "thank you, that means a lot. i work really hard on them."

"and i like that it's, like," he paused, elbows on his knees as he looked around and thought. "like, it's asmr, kinda? but also a normal vlog? they're fun to watch, but also relaxing."

"he fell asleep watching them on the couch the other night."

joshua elbowed krys in the ribs, making you stifle a giggle as she let out a small ow! "anyways," he said. "good stuff. keep it up."

you chewed on your lip, trying to keep your grin as small as possible. "thank you."

you tried not to think about it too much when krys finally got the movie pulled up, but your brain was buzzing, and you kept looking over to joshua as the music began. tim curry was on screen and yet you couldn't seem to maintain focus on it, so you truly should not have been surprised when joshua caught your eyes. he held out his popcorn bowl for you, and despite the fact that you didn't really care for popcorn that you didn't make, you took some, your gaze mingling with his for slightly too long.

karol caught you. "we're watching a movie," she reminded you.

your vision snapped back to the screen, cheeks warming up in an instant as you chewed the popcorn. when you were sure she was refocused on the movie (and the quick witted innuendos therein), you snuck a peek back at joshua, and he was trying to hide his smile when your eyes met again.

the next time you saw joshua, it was completely unexpected. it was a thursday, and you had stopped by the supermarket on your way home from the studio due to a craving for instant noodles, but the one you normally shopped at was out of the way. the convenience of this market had come in clutch in the past when you were taking the subway back to your apartment, so you cruised down the snack aisle and decided to wait for the next train instead of running back to catch the sooner one. looking to kill a little time, you decided to meander over to the fish market section, but when you turned a corner, you nearly ran directly into someone.

"oh, gosh, sorry-"

you froze, staring at the man before you, cheeks warm just from recognizing his voice, not to mention the fact that you had bumped right into his chest. "joshua?"

he stared back at you, blinking hard before shaking his head to escape his own mind. "hi!"

"sorry," you said, backing up suddenly and clutching your ramen packets to your chest. "i wasn't paying attention to where i was going."

"no, i'm sorry," he laughed. "i was in my own world. too many options."

you giggled lightly, looking at the end display of chips he had been standing at. you pointed at one of the colorful bags. "these ones are the best, if you trust my opinion. and-" you pointed at another one further away, stretching your arm past his chest. "krys likes those."

he looked at you briefly before laughing and grabbing both bags. "i'm lucky i ran into you."

you watched him put them in the cart that was parked behind him, briefly scanning the contents out of curiosity - grocery shopping was an important aspect of your livelihood, so seeing what other people bought always interested you. and though you thought nothing of it, joshua realized he had six bottles of wine, and his mind raced as he thought of what you might perceive about him based on that fact. he could easily just tell you the truth - that this store offered a 20% discount on wine if you bought six bottles or more at a time, that he was a sucker for a good deal, and that his wine rack looked better with several bottles. he, however, worried about what that would imply about him, too, even though you probably would have just commended him for his thrifty thinking and adopt the same strategy when you could convince karol to go shopping with you so you didn't have to take six bottles of wine on the subway.

instead, he panicked. which was, so far, what he did whenever he spoke with you.

"i- uh," he scratched the back of his head. "i'm having people over for dinner tomorrow."

"oh!" you smiled when he looked back up at you. "that's fun! like, a dinner party?"

"yeah," he said, squishing his lips together as his mind raced. "yeah, like a dinner party. nothing big, though."

you giggled. "you seem nervous. do you need help with the menu?"

"oh, um," he stared at you.

"it's what i do for a living, you know."

"right," he laughed. "no, uh, i got it i think. i just have to pick up a few more things."

you smiled lightly, nodding. "well, i should let you get to it. and-" you paused, looking at your phone. "i should go catch my train."

"you should come," he blurted out, then clenched the hand he had reached out in front of you to stop you from leaving, realizing there was no dinner party. he had made it up. "i mean," he paused, shoving his hand into the pocket of his jeans. "if you're free. and if you want to."

you stared at him, a smile creeping across your face. "is krys gonna be there?"

"uh," he cocked his head, thinking about how it would be her day off. "yeah, i think so. and a couple of my friends." he winced at his own words, wishing he knew how to shut the hell up.

you puffed out a cheek, nodding, your eyes shining at him in a way that made his palms sweat. "that sounds really fun. i'll be there."

"great!" he cursed internally. not great. well, great, because he would get to see you again, but not great because he was wholly unprepared and had about twenty four hours to figure this out. "around five?" okay, twenty three hours.

you grinned. "sure, i'll be there at five. should i bring anything?"

"well," his head cocked to one side as he looked at his cart. "i have the wine covered, obviously." he smiled when you giggled. "you can bring karol?"

"sounds great!" you put up a hand as a farewell, saying you should check out before you have to wait another fifteen minutes for the next train, and he watched you walk off as his heartbeat finally slowed down. he stared at his cart, trying desperately trying to come up with a menu in his mind that included at least some of the contents, knowing you had already looked over it. he pulled out his phone and quickly went to his emails, checking some of the recipes that were being proofed for an upcoming issue, and rubbed his knuckle into an eye, cursing for putting himself in such a frustrating corner. before he made his way back to the meat counter to get something sliced for a board, he grabbed two more bags of the chips you said you liked.

when you hopped off the subway, there was an extra spring in your step, and you entered the apartment with a flourish. "honey, i'm home!"

karol jumped, closing the fridge. "what's wrong with you?"

you rolled your eyes. "am i not allowed to be in a good mood?"

"not when you work at the studio." she sipped her water. "what happened?"

you sighed, putting the supermarket bag on the counter and pulling your bag off your shoulder. "okay, don't read into this too much."

she quirked an eyebrow at you. "i'm listening."

you pursed your lips, staring at her. "so i ran into josh at the store."

"oh, my god," she laughed, pointing at your face. "oh my god!"

"no, shut up," you said, swatting at her hand. "i ran into josh, and he said he's throwing a party tomorrow."

she was grinning. "and?"

your cheek puffed out and you tried to hide your smile. "and he invited us."

"shut up!" she whacked your shoulder and laughed. "shut up! he's like, so in love with you."

"no, god," you laughed. "please, we're literally his sister's friends. besides, he wouldn't have invited us if i hadn't ran into him today."

little did you know, he wouldn't have invited anyone if he hadn't run into you, but instead, he was frantically calling his sister while he waited for some sliced salami.

"whassap," she said, putting her phone on speaker on her desk as she refocused on her screen. she had already finished her stream for the day, but she wanted to grind some annoying quests so she wouldn't have to deal with them live.

"krys, i messed up."

she looked at her phone briefly. "did you knock some bitch up?"

"what?" josh's eyebrows tented. "no, jeez, no. i need to throw a dinner party tomorrow and i need you to help me."

"the fuck, joshua?" she paused the game, picking up her phone and putting it to her ear after turning speaker off. "what do you mean you're throwing a dinner party tomorrow?"

he sighed. "okay, don't say anything."

krys stared blankly at her wall. "no promises."

"krystafor, promise me."

she rolled her eyes. "okay, josaphina, i promise. what did you do?"

he scrunched his face up. "i ran into y/n at the market and invited them to a dinner party tomorrow."

krys' jaw dropped, and she instantly howled in laughter. "oh my god, josh! you are so fucking whipped, and you haven't even asked them out!"

"shut up!" he said, looking around. "can you clean while i'm at work tomorrow? i have to start cooking as soon as i get home if i want dinner ready by five, and i'm gonna have to prep some stuff tonight."

"ugh," she said, leaning back in her chair, spinning around once. "okay, fine. but only because i think you two would make an extremely cute couple."

"thank you thank you thank you i love you thank you," he said rapidly, pulling the phone from his ear to speak directly into it. "i gotta go, i'll be home soon."

after he hung up, he immediately called the first friend he could think of.

"oh, shua," he said plainly.

joshua bit his cheek. "hey, han. do you have plans tomorrow night?"

jeonghan rolled his eyes as he ate from a bag of chips. "it's a friday night, of course i have plans."

"okay, well," joshua grabbed his salami order off the counter and said a quick thank you. "can you cancel? i need you."

"need me?" he asked. "i'm intrigued. are you finally giving in?"

joshua pushed the back of his hand into his forehead. "i invited someone i like over for a dinner party."

jeonghan laughed, suddenly understanding the situation. "oh, so you panicked?"

"can you bring someone?" he plowed on, looking at cheeses. "i need to make it seem like i have more than two friends."

"who's the other friend?"

"mingh- hey, shut up."

jeonghan sighed. "i dunno shua, i have a pretty hot date."

"you owe me," he said immediately.

jeonghan's head jerked backwards. "since when?"

"christmas party," he said, hand grasping the handle of his cart. "when you made me flirt with that girl so you could steal her boyfriend."

"okay, first of all, they weren't dating," jeonghan said. "and frankly i'm offended that you accuse me of homewrecking. secondly-"

"so you're coming?"

joshua could practically see his friend sighing on the other end of the phone. "i'll bring seokmin."

"thank you," he said, grabbing a few wedges of cheese and tossing them into his cart. "be there before five. don't be late, and please act normal."

you spent half the next morning staring at your closet, trying to decide what to wear. you liked going out with friends, but it had been literal years since the last time you had tried to impress someone.

you: hey krys you: is there a dress code

krys: uhhh lemme ask

it felt like you simultaneously had too many options and absolutely nothing to pick from. why were you even worried? it wasn't that big of a deal. it was just dinner. with other people, you reminded yourself. with your friends and his friends and not just the two of you.

but it still felt like a big deal

you: hello??:?:?:!?!?

krys: he's at work i'm waiting for a text krys: josh said business casual

karol: what the fuck is this a company mixer

you: ok! you: karol shut up

karol: i'm gonna wear a suit and network

krys: omg me too

you: please stop

business casual. the term made you giggle at your phone, wondering what he had planned for dinner. something western and classy, you figured, thinking about the wine in his cart. you hoped there would be a charcuterie board. you had a weak spot for charcuterie boards.

you had already decided you weren't gonna film at the party (it felt wrong to show someone else's work if you weren't paying for it, and you also didn't want to intrude), so you anxiously tapped your leg as you transferred the footage from the rest of the week to your computer. you figured you might as well start editing, since you had another hour to kill, and you had already gotten completely ready far too early. there was a pair of slacks that you liked - you considered them your lucky pants, because you had worn them to interview at the studio you worked at, and you had also worn them in the video that had gotten caught by the mysterious algorithm, launching your channel into success. they were good slacks, you thought, especially because they were comfortable like pajamas and you liked the way they fit - wide, high waisted with a tie, and extremely flowy - and they always looked good with any shirt you picked, whether you wanted to dress them up or down.

"hey," karol said after knocking on your door. "when do you wanna leave?"

you looked at the clock on your wall. "4:40?"

"okay," she said, then paused. "did you put on makeup?"

"no," you lied, chewing your cheek. "maybe."

she shook her head, laughing. "you're cute."

when you arrived to the dinner party, joshua opened the door, and you looked to him from your conversation with karol in the hall. he greeted you with a smile, gesturing for you both to come in. despite the fact that the two of you found yourselves in his apartment often, the air felt different as you followed him into the loft space.

"like i said," he laughed, gesturing around at the few people in the room. "nothing big."

krys ran into the room. "oh, thank god, you guys are here." she laughed, hugging karol and waving at you. "i was hiding in my room."

you laughed at her, then turned your head when joshua cleared his throat, announcing you to the party. he turned to you, then pointed out each of his friends - the shortest being a man that seemed simultaneously over and underdressed, someone with a toothy grin in a patterned (plumerias, you were pretty sure?) button up, and the final being adorned in a white collared shirt with a colorful bomber jacket. "that's jeonghan - my best friend - seokmin - his roommate, and also my friend - and minghao - my coworker, and, get this: also my friend."

you giggled and waved, pressing your lips together into a smile. "nice to meet you all."

"i've got appetizers out," he said, gesturing to the table that his friends were standing around. "help yourself. i'm just waiting on the pork roast to be done."

"roast?" you bit your lip, looking at him with those sparkling eyes that made his breath hitch. "you really went all out. sorry for adding two to your guest list last minute."

he laughed lightly, quickly raking his mind for an excuse that wasn't well, the whole damn thing was last minute. "don't worry about it. i wanted to test some recipes in an upcoming issue, so we were gonna have leftovers anyways."

"okay, drinks," krys said, pushing you towards the kitchen. "right, josh?"

"uh," his eyes caught yours briefly before you were shoved past him. "yeah, right."

krys was quick to make a mixed drink for herself, but joshua offered you a glass of wine.

"i'm driving," karol said. "i'll have one with dinner, but i should only have the one."

he nodded at her. "smart. for you?"

you looked at the bottle. "yeah, i'll have a glass."

it was pretty clear to the people around you that joshua made you feel different. that your usual dry and sarcastic demeanor suddenly shifted towards a sweeter, gigglier version of the same sense of humor. you tried to hide it, but krys still got wide eyes when you laughed at something he said, hand reaching out to touch his forearm lightly. she looked at karol, who looked back as she gently sipped at her soda water, the two of them making a silent agreement to promptly leave the kitchen.

a timer went off, making him say something about needing to finish up dinner before his friends lost it, and you pursed your lips, itching to ask if he needed help with anything. with great difficulty and a lot of dilly dallying, you resisted the urge, and wished him luck before retreating from the kitchen after he gave you a genuine smile and a thank you. you thought about his smile a lot as you walked away, internally teasing yourself about how you had to force yourself to socialise with people that weren't joshua. you stopped by the appetizers, smiling at the charcuterie board and helping yourself to a generous cut of brie on a cracker with a slice of prosciutto (arguably the sexiest deli meat, but you tried not to read into it) before making your way to sit with your friends in the living space.

"so, you're y/n."

you looked at the person that sat beside you on the couch. his maroon shirt was buttoned too low and he was wearing some kind of black and gold kimono over it. "and you're jeonghan."

he grinned, sitting comfortably and crossing his legs as he threw an arm over the back of the couch. "the one and only."

you laughed when he sipped his drink, shaking your head lightly, leaning over your own legs. "you're joshua's friend?"

he nodded. "we were roommates in college. the best of friends ever since," he said, and despite his teasing tone, the statement seemed genuine. "and you are…?"

"um," you looked away, wondering what the right answer was. "i'm friends with krys," you said finally.

"what do you do, friend of krys?"

you blinked at him, remembering how you had hesitated originally to share your profession with joshua. you eyed your friends, who were engaged in a conversation with the other two party goers, remembering how they had teased you before. "i'm a food stylist at a studio, but i also have a youtube channel. i make food vlogs."

jeonghan let out an "ahh," eying you as he drank again. "interesting."

your eyebrow quirked up. "interesting?"

"you're a food stylist," he said, gesturing to you, then gestured over his shoulder towards the kitchen. "shua works at a food magazine. it all seems so fateful."

you looked away, bringing your wine glass to your lips. "i don't know what you mean."

"c'mon," he said, giggling. "you can be honest with me. i won't tell him, i promise."

"tell him what?"

"that you're using him to get a feature."

you laughed out loud at that. "yeah, sure."

"i'm kidding," he said, nudging you. "but you like him, right?"

you stared at him a moment, then rolled your eyes and looked away. "you're just like krys."

"oddly enough, we get told that a lot." he uncrossed his legs and leaned forward to match your posture, elbows on his knees and voice lowered. "between you and me, i think shua really likes you."

you looked over his shoulder, watching joshua cut into the roast, chewing your lip. your eyes met jeonghan's, and your brow furrowed. "really?"

he nodded, looking satisfied at your reaction. "he was really nervous about you coming to this thing," he said, briefly looking back to his friend. "i haven't seen him like that in a while."

"i'm not really looking for anything," you stated coolly, and while the statement was true, it mismatched the way you had been acting all night, and jeonghan wasn't blind. if anyone asked, he would say he was only repaying the favor joshua had said he owed him for distracting a girl at that christmas party, but in reality, jeonghan could tell you would be good for joshua. he could hear it in the way you laughed at his jokes and how you commented on the menu, even from a considerable distance. he could see it in the way joshua's eyes lit up and he leaned back comfortably against his kitchen counter, how he smiled softly as you discussed the flavor combinations he had picked with his palms on the edge of the granite. so despite your statement, and despite jeonghan's feigned disinterest in most things, he thought it was his duty to at least try to be a wingman for his best friend.

"neither is he," he responded after studying you for a moment, though his brain rapidly filed through much more information than his pause would have implied. "but sometimes the best things happen when you least expect them."

your cheek puffed out when you looked forward again, and you sighed, sipping your wine before continuing. "can you keep a secret?"

jeonghan looked at you, eyebrows raised in anticipation. "of course."

"so can i," you said shortly, giggling into your glass at his gaping expression. and in that moment, jeonghan thought that if joshua didn't lock you down, he would be at a massive loss.

you were pretty impressed with joshua's spread. it was clear he had picked up some tips and tricks from working on the magazine - which made sense, of course, but was just a fact that you hadn't considered - and his plateware was the exact kind you liked. clean and plain neutrals with jewel toned accents. you silently wondered if he had taken tips from your videos, too. the pork roast looked flawlessly cooked, and was stuffed with apricots and nuts, a beautiful round slice on each plate, accompanied by a bright looking salad (arugula, you noticed, which had always been one of your favorite greeneries for both its flavor and aesthetic) and charbroiled zucchini.

"our next issue is about elevated western classics using summer seasonals," he said, then glanced at minghao. "but that stays in this room."

minghao laughed. "i won't tell if you don't."

"this looks incredible," you said, fingers itching. "is it okay if i take a picture? i promise not to post it until the issue comes out."

joshua's eyes were wide when he looked across the table at you and he swallowed harshly. "yeah, of course!"

you tugged out your phone to take a photo of the plate, and jeonghan looked at joshua with big eyes. "the food vlogger is taking a picture of your food. are you proud?"

joshua made a face at him to tell him to shut up, but laughed when you looked up. "yeah, i'm flattered."

you pursed your lips. "it's a pretty plate."

joshua said nothing as he watched you adjust your wine glass placement, straightening your spine to monitor the phone screen with it raised so high from the table. krys looked between the two of you, her grin widening.

after dinner, the seven of you sat around, chatting and laughing as you continued picking at the charcuterie board and assorted other hor devours that joshua had prepared - which you complimented profusely, and he gave you a sideways grin when he thanked you for the praise. you liked this company, you decided. all of them. it was comfortable, despite how nervous you had been before arriving. joshua's friends were nice. friendly. funny. you thought about how they reminded you of your own friends, giggling at karol's story about some party the three of you had attended a year before, but you laughed the hardest when joshua covered his ears and vocalized loudly as soon as krys talked about how hard she had tried to get laid that night.

joshua was funny. too funny, almost. he made you laugh in a way that made you feel lightheaded, and you thought you could get addicted to that high if you indulged in it too often. but maybe, you thought. maybe it wasn't the worst high to be addicted to, especially if what jeonghan had told you was true.

"thanks for coming," joshua told you after the evening was settling. krys had pulled karol away with the front of needing advice on something in her room to give you two some space after the others had left.

"thanks for inviting me," you said, smiling. "this was really fun. and you're a great cook."

he waved his hand at you, averting his eyes as he leaned against the brick wall in his entryway. you stared at him, wondering if it was just that you had had three glasses of wine, or if he really was as intoxicating as he seemed. "i cheated. our recipes are pretty foolproof."

"the table setting was nice, too," you insisted, nudging him with a giggle. "you have a good eye."

he chewed the inside of his cheek, studying your eyes. "i've been doing a lot of research lately. there's this youtuber i really like, i binged all their videos."

you couldn't help the fact that his words made your cheeks warm, and you avoided eye contact for a minute. "you must like them a lot."

he laughed. "i like them a lot."

"um," you paused, fingers rubbing around your wrist briefly. "i was kind of wondering if-"

"hang on," he said, stopping you. you looked at him, wide eyed, but he just laughed lightly. "you can't ask me out. krys will never let me live it down."

you couldn't help the giggle that spilled from your lips. "you're completely right."

he straightened his spine and took a deep breath, shaking out his hands quickly, looking at you briefly before you both shared a giggle. "okay." you nodded, and he just smiled at you. "would you like to go get dinner with me sometime? like, on a date?"

"joshua," you said, grinning. "i would love to do that."

he exhaled, looking relieved, despite the fact that he had stopped you from asking him the same question. "next friday?"

you nodded. "that works for me."

"great," he said, nodding back at you. he thought about how you had been running to catch a train when he ran into you the day before, and that karol had driven you both here today. "i'll pick you up around 6?"

"it's a date," you said plainly, then cocked your head to look around him. "karol, you can come out now."

joshua spun to find karol slowly walking from krys' bedroom. "you guys are done?"

you giggled. "yes, we're done. thanks again for having us, josh."

he looked at you. "any time."

karol extended a thank you as well, and the two of you left into the hallway, krys appearing beside joshua as he waved you off.

"bye, bestie! bye, future sib-in-law!"

joshua shoved her behind him, leaving her to squeal annoyedly. he smiled. "drive safe!"

karol teased you a lot that night, and you rolled your eyes and huffed like you normally did, staring out the window, but put your palm over your mouth to hide the smile that had taken permanent residence across your lips.

the following week, after krys had graciously gifted her half-brother with your phone number, you hesitantly asked joshua if he would be comfortable with you filming the food on your date. you hadn't gone out to dinner with anyone but friends or family since you started your channel, and they had always been okay with it, but you hated the thought of doing something that might bother him just because it felt natural to you.

josh: are you kidding??? that would be such an honor josh: a true fanboy success story

you: hahaha omg you're adorable you: it'll only be when the food comes out! five minutes, tops. i promise. you: it's all faceless, and i can edit around your voice if you want?

josh: whatever you want to do, i'm fine with. josh: seriously. josh: anything.

you paused, staring at your phone. you wondered briefly if he meant the vague innuendo you had read in it. you shook your head briefly, knowing joshua wasn't the type to try to get laid on a first date, and that you certainly were not the type to put out, but that didn't stop you from worrying about when he would eventually expect something from you.

you: okay ㅠㅠ you're really sweet thank you for being so understanding you: i hesitated to ask bc... idk

josh: because it's a first date?

you: yeah.

josh: i don't mind! josh: seriously, i don't.

he assured you again that he didn't mind when he picked you up that friday, after you had admitted you almost left your camera at home. he said he would have been disappointed, especially because he had carefully considered the location's plating and aesthetics when you had asked if it would be okay. you couldn't help but giggle, looking over at him from the passenger seat of his car, catching his eyes briefly when he slowed to take a right at an intersection. he chuckled back at you as he spun the wheel, checking to make sure he was clear to turn.

"like i said, i'm totally a fan." he paused, eyes flicking to yours. "unless that's creepy. in which case, i don't even know what youtube is."

that made you laugh out loud. "it's not creepy, i promise. it's really flattering, actually. i don't really get to meet people that watch my videos."

"you don't get recognized?" he asked, eyes floating briefly across your features as he thought about how completely unforgettable they were. when he stumbled upon your channel in his recommended videos, he had a suspicion that it might have been you after watching a couple - the voice that made an appearance at restaurants was familiar, he thought. the flashes of your face, too. he would never admit it, but he had definitely rewound and paused the video the first time it happened, studying your barely shown face like he was going to have to identify you in a lineup. was it you? or was it someone who just looked a lot like you, who also worked with food? he was almost positive it was by the time he reluctantly let the freeze frame go, smiling lightly as you gave an open palmed wave in the mirror and refocused the shot on the breads in the bakery you had walked into. he was confident it was you, though, when he heard krys' laugh when you later cheersed her and karol - both of whom he recognized despite not seeing their faces - in the same video at a meat restaurant he had been to before.

you shook your head and pouted out your lips. "my channel isn't that big, you know. i did once, but i think it was only because i was with krys. i don't show my face very often."

"but when you do, you're very cute," he said matter of factly, and your face radiated with heat when you looked over at him with wide eyes. he gave you a vaguely confident smile before triggering his turn signal again, and you looked out the window - mostly to see where you were, but partly to hide your face from him as you tried to breathe normally.

"we have to park down the street, but that's where we're going," he said, gesturing to the concrete building on the corner as you passed. "ever been? nori table?"

you shook your head as you stared out the window, facing him as he drove further down the block, looking for a place to park. "i haven't. japanese?"

"yeah, sushi," he said, checking his rearview to make sure no one was behind him as he shifted into reverse, preparing to parallel park. you watched him for a second, then chewed your cheek and averted your eyes when he put his hand on the back of your seat, getting a better view as he maneuvered into the spot with a palm against the steering wheel. he noticed the way you fiddled with nothing in your fingers and chuckled lightly.

"you like this place?" you asked suddenly, despite knowing the answer. because obviously he did. he was willingly taking you here for a first date, and he was giving you all the signs that he wanted it to go well, but your nervous nature forced you to try and continue the conversation in any way you could think to as soon as your heart started beating a little fast. so you asked, dumbly, and winced at your own words, but joshua didn't notice as he settled back into his seat and straightened the car out beside the curb.

"i like it a lot. i took krys here when she moved into the loft," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt, and pulling his keys out of the ignition. "she never mentioned?"

you pursed your lips and stifled a giggle, thankful that he didn't comment on your obvious (or, at least, what you thought to be obvious) nerves as you unbuckled yourself, too. "i'll be honest, she doesn't really talk about you."

he cocked his head to one side and exhaled sharply, making a face only an older brother would. "i would normally be offended, but she doesn't talk about you, either, so clearly that's not a signifier of character."

you puffed out your cheeks, staring at him as you processed the compliment. you wondered how to respond, if you should comment on how that meant he thought you had good character, but quickly opted to make a sarcastic remark about your friend instead. "twitch streamers, am i right?"

he laughed as he pulled himself out of the car, and you followed suit, waiting dutifully as he rounded the car so you could walk beside him back towards the restaurant. he opened the door for you and you tried not to react - traditional chivalry had never been a turn on for you, and had perhaps dipped into the turn off region after you had split with your last and only boyfriend nearly five years prior, but for some reason, joshua's gesture felt like it came from an innate gentlemanliness rather than a sly attempt to make you feel like you owed him something. it was different. joshua seemed different.

your eyes flicked around the room, taking in the concrete walls and wooden beams covered in cherry blossom branches that decorated the ceiling, and you wondered if they were permanent or if they were just a seasonal installation for the springtime. you partially registered the way the chefs behind the counter shouted out a greeting in japanese as you thought about how this building had the exact modern aesthetics you liked, then blinked when you noticed joshua looking at you expectantly.

"hm?" you asked, eyes wide, then looked between him and the hostess, realizing you had missed something. "oh, god, sorry-"

"we'll take a table," he said quickly, smiling at you when the hostess turned to lead you two away.

"sorry, i was just-"

he shook his head, gesturing for you to follow the woman to a table. "you're totally fine. bar seats would have made it hard to film."

joshua forced his eyes to wander around the restaurant as he walked behind you, only so that he wouldn't be staring at the back of your head like the lovesick puppy you made him feel like. he wondered if it was as obvious to everyone else as it was to him that he was absurdly enamored by everything about you, making him think back to the way jeonghan had texted him under the table at his impromptu dinner party.

han: 😳🥰😍🥴 han: that's what u look like rn

okay. it was obvious. but he did his best to make it slightly less obvious when you paused at the table, looking up at the light fixture before choosing a seat. he smiled as you sat, taking the seat opposite you and flipping open the menu.

he waited a beat. "the lighting, right?"

you looked up from the menu. "what?'

"before you sat," he said, pointing at the ceiling. "you were checking the lighting."

your mouth opened but no noise came out, making you let out a fast chuckle in embarrassment. "uh, yeah."

"i thought so," he hummed. "no wonder your videos are so good, you pay attention to details."

of course you paid attention to details, you thought. it was second nature for you to obsess over the minutiae of everything you did, adjusting your plates millimeter by millimeter until the composition was exactly what you wanted, enlisting the help of your friends' phone flashlights to take the perfect picture in dimly lit restaurants. meticulously going through footage, frame by frame, to make sure even the audio of your clips lined up in a way that was pleasing. everyone you knew was used to it by now, never commenting on the little things you did to make sure your videos would come out the way you wanted. but having joshua comment so casually on that effort, even having noticed such a small action, made your cheeks warm. "thank you."

he looked at you. "for what? you already know i like your channel."

you shrugged, your voice quieter than you meant it to be as you smiled at him. "for noticing."

it was hard for him to not notice, he thought, when all he ever wanted to do was watch you.

you had hesitated to order too much, knowing joshua would insist on paying for everything and not wanting to impose, but he kept asking if you liked specific things and adding them to the order, only telling the waiter that would do it when he caught your panic stricken eyes.

"what?" he asked, a smile on his lips after the waiter left. "did i order something wrong?"

you laughed through your nose, lips pushed together. "why did you order so much?"

he looked around. "aren't you hungry?"

"i mean, yeah, but-"

"and we came here to eat," he continued.

you pouted. "right, but-"

"so let's eat?" he laughed at the defeated look on your face.

he had been right about the plating, watching you with a smile when your jaw dropped at the platters. sauce perfectly drizzled over rolls, nigiri lined up neatly, sashimi draped over stones, and you looked up at him, silent. he just laughed and gestured.

"do your thing. take your time."

he sipped at his water as you moved a couple plates around, adjusting them two more times before settling in your seat to film.

"wow," you said, laughing when you looked up from your viewfinder. "this looks really good."

he laughed back, wondering if you had started recording yet. "i told you, it would have been a waste."

krys: are you home

you: ???? yes????

karol: wait since when i didn't hear you

you: like twenty minutes ago u were in the shower

krys: josh went straight to his room without saying hi i wanted to make sure he wasn't getting laid so i can bug him later

karol: omg can you imagine

you: literally WHAT about me makes you think i would put out on a first date?

krys: i didn't think you would date a man at all so honestly i'm just waiting for you to prove me wrong again

karol: ^ that

you: 😐

krys: anygays HOW WAS IT

karol: YEAH SPILL

krys: DID HE KISS YOU

karol: did you laugh and hold hands and smooch

krys: omg 🥺 holding hands and smoochin 🥺

you: first of all, y'all are annoying

krys: ok and

karol: 🙄

you: secondly it was lovely and he was a total gentleman

karol: this is boring

krys: boooo give us the hot goss

you: UGHHH fine you: ama i promise to tell the truth

karol: OMG THIS NEVER HAPPENS karol: did he kiss you

you: no

krys: FUCK THAT WAS MINE krys: did he walk you to your door 🥺

you: yes and i almost ate shit on the curb and he did not comment on it i was very grateful

karol: that's so on brand

krys: KLJFDHKJLFDSSFJKDFJKSLDSDJKL krys: do u 👉👈 have a crush on him

you: .

karol: THAT MEANS YES

krys: OMGOMGOMG krys: EVERYONE GO CRAZY GO STUPID

karol: THEY ADMITTED IT THEY SAID THEY HAD A CRUSH

you: literally all i said was .

karol: yes but we know what that means

krys: omg they're in lesbians with my brother this is so cute

you: this is so annoying i'm closing this ama

karol: WAIT

you: . you: one last question each

karol: did he ask you on a second date

you: yes

krys: what did u say?

you: yes.

the next time joshua took you out, it was to an italian restaurant, and it had been ages since you had an eggplant parm that you enjoyed so much. he convinced you that it would be okay to have a glass of wine with the meal, and you found yourself sharing more than you normally would have. he asked you why you started a youtube channel, and you admitted that you had always been kind of obsessed with the idea. that your dream as a kid was to become a film director, but had always known that was a longshot, and settled for your second biggest love - cooking and eating - with your day job as a food stylist.

he watched you talk with a smile on his lips, his fork twirling between his fingers. "sounds like you found the perfect compromise with food vlogs."

you smiled back, never really considering it that way. "yeah, i guess i did."

maybe it was the alcohol that made you so comfortable, but you were pretty sure it was the boy. he was sweet. and cute, you thought, with a stylish button up smartly tucked into the front of his blue jeans. casual, but well dressed. you wondered how much he had considered his clothes before he came to pick you up, and if it was as much as you had.

he brought you home again, riding up the elevator with you and tucking his hands in his jean pockets as you stood with your back against your front door. you thanked him again for dinner, to which he waved and told you to stop thanking him.

"i wouldn't have to thank you if you would just let me pay for my part," you said quietly.

"i'm taking you out," he said, squinting at you. "what kind of date would it be if i let you pay?"

you chewed your cheek, knowing he wouldn't give it up, but stubbornly not wanting to secede your opinion. "you could let me pay sometimes," you said, sucking on your teeth and eyeing him playfully. "i would still consider it a really good date."

"really good?" he asked, taking one step closer to you.

your stomach lurched at his movement, and you tried to take a deep breath to calm yourself without being too noticeable. "i have a lot of fun with you."

he looked like he was going to say something before the elevator dinged, making you jump halfway out of your skin. joshua's gaze went upwards, avoiding both you and your neighbor as she walked out of the elevator.

"hey," she said, pausing and staring between the two of you.

you bit your lip. "hi, hani."

she walked to her door and eyed you again, and joshua finally looked over and pulled a hand out of his pocket to wave with a polite smile. hani just raised an eyebrow at you, making you exhale sharply and look away. in all honesty, you only truly spoke to her in passing, save the one time she had dragged you into her apartment to make out with you on her couch. it was fine, though. it only happened the once, and nearly a year previously. neither of you had tried anything past that, other than some vague flirting in the elevator or when she brought a package over that got left while you and karol were away.

and now you were in the hall with a guy, standing too close to just be friends, so you supposed that was putting an end to whatever might have happened between the two of you. you looked over again as her door closed and sighed, your eyes shutting as your head fell back against the wood of your door.

"that wasn't awkward," joshua stated.

you couldn't help but laugh despite your nearly fried nerves. "sorry, it's… complicated."

he watched as your eyes fluttered open again, and his train of thought was almost immediately lost. he meant to question you, tease maybe. ask how complicated. ask if he should be worried with a smirk. but you stared at him with those eyes, your bottom lip slowly slipping out from between your teeth, and he couldn't form any thoughts other than how badly he wanted to have those lips against his.

you should have seen it coming, genuinely. sure, you could be oblivious, but you weren't blind, and you knew joshua liked you. you liked him, too, and if the situation had been any different - less nerve wracking, and you had been capable of being anywhere but on high alert - you would have been excited to melt into him when he leaned into you. but alas, your brain was still buzzing on high from your non-confrontation with your will-they-won't-they neighbor, and before you could even think, your hand raised in reaction when you realized someone was entering your space.

the slap against joshua's face shocked you both, and you immediately covered your mouth with both hands as you gasped, jumping from your relaxed position against the door. "oh my god, i'm so sorry!"

"i-" joshua swallowed, trying to recover by blinking repeatedly. "i'm sorry, i clearly misread-"

"no, no no!" you shook your head, grabbing his forearm, drawing his gaze to the point of contact before he looked at your flustered face. "i'm so sorry, i swear, i want you to kiss me, i just-" a sharp breath "-my brain works weird and i get nervous easily and the thing with hani and i react weird to things and i am so sorry-"

you stopped when his lips turned upwards, because despite the fact that you had just slapped him across the face and his cheek stung slightly from it, you had said you wanted him to kiss you. and that's all that really mattered to him. and for you, all that mattered was that you hadn't absolutely obliterated your chances. "are you okay?"

you breathed out a laugh. "are you?" you hand went to his face again, but gently, apologetically rubbing the slightly reddened skin. "i'm really sorry."

his hand went to yours, holding it against his cheek. "i promise, it's fine. you didn't hit me that hard."

your heart thumped in your chest, but the nerves you felt weren't anxious this time. they were warm, your chest heating up as he leaned into you again.

he paused. "is it okay if i kiss you?"

your eyes shut as you laughed, and he joined you briefly before you gave him an apologetic look. "i promise i won't slap you this time."

and he did, his lips pressing to yours, with his hands holding your jaw, yours dropping from his face to rest on his chest as he backed you up. his lips were soft and gentle, innocent, but that didn't stop a light mewl from escaping you when your tailbone hit the door, making him let out a soft chuckle against your mouth.

"i really like you," he muttered.

you opened your eyes to meet his, feeling small when put up against his gaze. "i really like you, too."

"can we," he licked his lips briefly, thinking about how you had said it's complicated. "can we keep doing this?"

you smiled, barely catching his lips with yours again. "kissing? or going on really good dates?"

"either," he said. "both."

"both," you agreed, enjoying the way his hands dropped from your face to find your waist as you laid your arms over his shoulders. his lips parted against yours and you sighed upon them, wondering how the hell you had gotten this far in life without kissing someone like joshua hong kissed you.

he paused. "i can't believe you slapped me."

you winced, exhaling. "i'm so sorry, josh, i-"

"stop," he laughed, shaking his head lightly. "you're cute. i'll try not to catch you off guard like that again."

your lips pursed, thinking about how most people wouldn't react so kindly to being hit in the face. "thank you for being so understanding."

"you want to kiss me, so as far as i'm concerned, i'm still winning."

you never stopped smiling when his lips brushed against yours, planting repeated signs of affection that made your heart grow three sizes too large. and when he asked you, quietly, if you would want to make whatever this was exclusive, you giggled against his sweet smile. "are you asking to be my boyfriend?"

he considered the term for a moment, studying your glittering eyes. "yeah."

"on the second date?"

he gave you a crooked grin, realizing how early it still was, but not backing down. "yeah."

you analyzed his look, the smile remaining on your lips as you finally said, "okay."

after what was probably too long but felt too short, you were giggling into his persistent kisses, and you had to push him away from you to get him to leave. he laughed, holding your hand, and only letting it fall out of his grip when he was backing down the hall towards the elevator. "i'll talk to you later?"

you chewed your lip, your hand on the door knob, and nodded. "i'll talk to you later."

when you got into your apartment, you felt like singing. like screaming and squealing. like flopping around in bed like a teenager because joshua hong just asked you to be his, but instead, you just pulled your bag off over your head, put it on a shelf, and collapsed over the kitchen counter, smiling against the wood.

a door opened. "how'd it-"

you looked up from where your body was resting heavily on the counter, finding your roommate half out her bedroom door. she had stopped, clearly, because you were collapsed in the kitchen with dramatics that would only be rivaled by a jane austen novel.

"-go?"

you laughed, thudding your forehead against the counter. "oh my god, karol. i'm in it bad."

he texted you that night. and the next day. and every day after.

you saw him again on a saturday, going to a barbeque place you knew and loved. it was close enough to your apartment that when he arrived, you suggested walking, and you liked the way joshua grinned and agreed, saying it was beautiful out.

"i was kinda thinking the same thing," he said as you entered the elevator. "it's too close to justify driving, and it took me way too long to find a parking spot today. i almost wasn't one minute early."

you giggled at him, the doors closing when he reached over and hit the ground floor button, and you wondered if he had the same thing on his mind that you did.

his eyes caught yours for a brief second, making him chuckle. "what?"

you shook your head, still smiling. "nothing."

he looked between your eyes, a grin breaking out on his face before he wrapped a hand around your forearm and pulled you towards him. you giggled again, excitedly placing a hand on his jaw as he kissed you, and you pondered the idea that he had learned telepathy to know exactly what you were asking for, even when you didn't ask.

"hello," he said when you finally parted, his hand running over your waist and pulling you against his chest.

"hi." you smiled, trying to place the fruity taste on his lips. "how are you?"

you loved the way his eyes creased as he smiled. "better now."

you filmed the food again, after skipping the second date, because this restaurant had such good lighting and delicious looking meat that you could never resist getting more clips of the same thing. joshua laughed when you suggested getting some soju, shrugging as he reminded you that he technically didn't have to drive for a while.

you waved down a worker and asked for two to start, making him laugh again. "to start?"

you gave him innocent eyes. "some meals are meant to be had with alcohol, joshua. i'm just trying to enjoy this to the fullest."

you always admired his crooked smile when he was shocked. "you're something else."

"we could watch a movie or something," you told him teasingly. "if you need time to sober up. or even if you don't. i just like watching movies."

he considered that. "at your place?"

you squinted. "yes?"

"i-" he cleared his throat. "yeah, if you're okay with that."

you giggled, thanking the worker when they brought your soju. you quickly prepped the bottle and poured two shots as joshua tended to the meat, and you pulled out your camera before passing one to him, holding yours so you could see the grilling meat in frame.

"oh?" he said, grinning. "i get to be in a cheers clip?"

you laughed, trying to keep the camera focused on the alcohol in your hand despite desperately wanting to show joshua's smile. "cheers!"

he clinked his shot against yours, both of you taking it cleanly, and you let out a breath as you turned off your camera.

"why was that so bitter?" you asked, picking up the bottle to inspect it.

he eyed you, a smirk on his lips. "maybe i'm just too sweet?"

"oh, my god," you rolled your eyes but laughed as you put down the bottle, before admitting, "maybe."

after drinking too much and eating even more, the two of you were giggling hand in hand as you walked back to your apartment, and you couldn't help but think that joshua felt like the catalyst in your story line. you had gotten so used to your life, the way you existed for years. sure, you started a youtube channel, which added some intrigue. a friend who added some laughs. but joshua was a plot twist that even you hadn't seen coming, and you had never before encountered an ending you couldn't predict.

he stood dutifully behind you as you put in your door code, and when you got it open, you found your best friend sitting at the kitchen counter on her laptop.

"oh," she said, looking at joshua. "you're both here."

you grinned, shuffling off your shoes. "hi!"

joshua put up a hand with a slanted smile. "hey, karol."

she spun off the barstool, picking up her laptop. "i'll clear out."

"you don't-" you glanced at joshua, who paused taking off his shoes to look back at you. "we were gonna watch a movie, do you wanna watch with us?"

karol stared at you, a smile on her lips. "uh, no, that's okay. you kids have fun."

joshua swallowed as he watched your friend retreat to her room, wondering if you took the same implication he did, but you just turned and shrugged at him. "her loss. popcorn?"

he laughed, and despite the fact that you had both been complaining about how full you were, he said, "sure."

you washed your hands and he did right after you, looking around the kitchen he had seen countless times, but never in person. you pulled a wok out of a cupboard, grabbing a container of kernels from your pantry. "movie theater butter? or are we feeling adventurous?"

"you pop it yourself?" he asked, looking at the wok you put on the stove.

you looked it, then back at him. "yeah, it's easy. butter or adventure?"

joshua felt at a loss of words, trying to figure out when he would stop being impressed by little details about you. he shook himself awake, drying his hands on the towel hanging off your oven. "adventure."

"good choice. i have spent years specially crafting the perfect popcorn recipe."

he laughed. "what makes it perfect?"

you thought a second, opening the screw top on your popcorn kernels. "it has a good balance of savory, salty, and spicy."

"spicy?"

you nodded, reaching up into a cabinet and retrieving a few small jars, handing them to him to inspect. they both contained extremely fine powders, one red and the other white. there was a strip of masking tape on either with your neat print reading "ground gochugaru" and "theater salt", and he looked up to find you retrieving another jar.

"lao gan ma?" he asked, recognizing the label.

you grinned. "i strain it and cook the popcorn in the oil, then add the crisp at the end so it doesn't burn."

his eyebrows were knit together as he smiled. "that's genius."

"like i said," you giggled. "i've spent years."

you happily gave him a quick lesson on how to make popcorn in a wok, even using your barely touched measuring cups to show him the proper proportions - you knew them by eye at this point, but told him that for his sake, you would measure. he helped you toss the wok when your tipsy arm started to give out, and you giggled at the tough guy face he put on as he flexed his arm. despite the joking nature of the situation, you still noticed the way his bicep bulged and the veins that ran down his forearm, but decidedly ignored them in favor of the sparkle in his eye when you thanked him for his help. after you turned off the heat and tossed the wok with the final seasonings - the chili crisp and gochugaru - you poured the whole affair into a bowl and held it out to joshua expectantly. he took it from you, popping a few kernels in his mouth, eyes going wide as he chewed.

"this is really good," he said, eyebrows knit at you as he shoved more in his mouth. "are you a wizard? don't lie to me."

you laughed. "i don't mess around with snack foods."

joshua had always been very attached to food. cooking was something he did with his mom ever since he was little - being raised in a single parent household led to some creative childcare, and it was easier to keep an eye on your kid when he was standing on a chair at the kitchen counter using all his strength on a garlic press while you made dinner. he only had fond memories in the kitchen as he got older, his mother gently taking the knife from him and showing him how to hold it properly as he chopped carrots. even remembering how hard he would cry while cutting onions felt good, because he would always make some joke about ogres, and his mom would laugh and ask if he wanted her to take over. now, even though he was an entire ocean away from home, he still thought about the knowledge she instilled in him every time he stepped foot in a kitchen.

he could never miss cooking, because he did it every day, and he would never give that up long enough to pine for it. he did miss, however, cooking in the comfortable presence of someone he could make laugh. his chewing slowed as he realized this fact, watching the way your laughter lingered as you cleared the counters, and the quick kiss you planted on his cheek before stealing the bowl of popcorn out of his hands and escaping to your living room.

"you haven't seen stardust?" he asked, leaning back on your couch to look at you, sat beside him, after scrolling through options on your television.

you shook your head, popping a handful of popcorn in your mouth. "is it good?"

"i love this movie. we're watching it." he selected the title and threw an arm over the back of your couch instinctively, then registered that the motion might have been too close for you. he looked at you, about to pull his arm away, but you put the bowl of popcorn on your lap and pulled your legs onto the couch, settling against his side.

"it looks like princess bride," you stated.

he pulled his eyes away from you, chewing his lip and relishing in how nice it was to be this close to you. "it's, like, a way less overrated princess bride."

you looked at him. "you didn't like princess bride?"

"okay, i liked it," he said defensively. "but i probably would have liked it more if it hadn't been so hyped up."

you squinted at him, then looked away as you thought. "okay, that's fair, actually." you grabbed more popcorn, your head falling onto his shoulder as you watched the movie start. and even as it picked up, your eyes trained on the screen, joshua kept struggling to keep focus. he loved this movie, and even quoted select scenes with accented english, but he couldn't help but watch you and your reactions, his eyes crinkling into a fond smile every time you laughed.