seven of swords

      It was exhausting … to maintain the façade of someone in love. The human heart was weak, creating exception based on no law, no reason, nothing but a feeling. Skrulls were not immune to love and affection, however the calling of a higher purpose prevented them from becoming stupid for it. This particular mission — impersonating the body of a national, if not global icon, had appeared simple enough on paper. Steve Rogers died in 1945 with the most important parts of his life filmed and documented, and made public record. Even the parts that were part of restricted files, were easy to obtain with the infiltrators already within SHIELD. Impersonating a dead man was in ways easier than replacing an alive one, though it did make fact checking difficult. The fact that he was constantly around a Seer and having to shield his intentions at all times made the mission more challenging — but that’s why he’d been chosen for the job. 

      “Nothing’s going on with me,” Steve says, opting for straight denial until he can figure out what he could have said or done to raise Muninn’s suspicions. He has a laundry list of reasons to explain away anomalies in his behaviour. He wonders which one he’ll use tonight. He lifts his head, smiles, extends his hand for Muninn to take so she can come join him on the couch. Working his way into the Avengers had been far too simple. They were desperate for help, eager to believe their beloved hero had returned from the dead in a time of need. There was hardly anyone around who had known the real Captain America; the people who thought they knew him had read the same material the Skrulls had in order to create this version of Steve Rogers. But he had to try harder with Muninn — even if the ice could account for most of his memory loss. 

Deep in her chest, she feels uncharacteristically skittish, and she loathes it. Loathes it. There is no reason for it, no blaring red flags, but for the fact that this just feels- right and wrong by turns. 

It makes no sense. But he has- more or less come back from the dead. Mortals rarely do so, and she bites back on the unsettled instinct that keeps rattling in the back of her chest. Muninn knows well that she sometimes cannot trust herself- so this instinct-  It is probably just that, again. 

He’s been through something that for a mortal is nigh-on impossible. Unimaginable. Things couldn’t- Of course they wouldn’t be the same, and of course she’s feeling uneasy. 

The thought doesn’t settle anything in her chest, though- but he looks at her, and she looks back. There’s that softness there, in those blue eyes as he reaches his hand out. She breaths out a little, and then lays her hand in his, follows the unspoken invitation and sits beside him, facing him with her legs curled beneath her. That grey gaze slides away from his, looking at where their hands meet. 

“- You’ve been through something I don’t think any other mortal has,” she says then, after a moment, hedging. Considering. “And you threw yourself back in to it- immediately. Battling for- the people of this world, against forces that would make lesser men roll and bare their throats.” 

Finally, her gaze lifts, seeking his once more as those red brows furrow. “I- just.. Worry. That you’re... Throwing yourself into the fight, so that perhaps you don’t have to think about- the rest of it.” A moment and she taps her fingertips against his, gentle. 

“Have you even taken a moment to yourself, since you- came back? Truly?” He’s different- of course he’s different. 

❛  do people always fall in love with things they can’t have ?  ❜ ❛  my heart tells me this is the best and greatest feeling i have ever had. but my mind knows the difference between wanting what you can’t have and wanting what you shouldn’t want. and i shouldn’t want you.  ❜ ❛  you’ll always be mine, in the back of my mind … i’ll look for you first in my next life.  ❜ ❛  we can’t keep seeing each other.  ❜ ❛  i think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.  ❜ ❛  how can something so wrong feel so right ?  ❜ ❛  i don’t want to be with anyone else. i only want you. no matter the consequences.  ❜ ❛  life would be much easier if i wasn’t in love with you.  ❜ ❛  i think things that i shouldn’t. i dream things that i shouldn’t. i want things that i shouldn’t and it’s all because of one thing; i do care about you.  ❜ ❛  we can’t choose who we fall in love with.  ❜ ❛  i don’t want to keep our relationship a secret anymore.  ❜ ❛  is it worse to know you want something or that you can never have it ?  ❜ ❛  i promised to stay away from you … but i can’t.  ❜ ❛  having something forbidden is exciting, don’t you agree ?  ❜ ❛  how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you’re thinking about how much more you really want ?  ❜ ❛  i shouldn’t want to be with you.  ❜ ❛  you have to promise me to keep this a secret from everyone.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could kiss you right now. but there are too many people watching us here.  ❜ ❛  we can’t keep meeting up like this. someone’s gonna find out, and someone’s gonna get hurt.  ❜ ❛  why do we always want what we can’t have ?  ❜ ❛  i can’t just ignore these feelings i have for you.  ❜ ❛  why do you have to be the one i’ve always been looking for ?  ❜ ❛  i hate this ! i hate that we’ve been put in this situation. i hate that there’s no way out of this. but worst of all, i hate that i love you.  ❜ ❛  you’re my favorite mistake.  ❜ ❛  it’s better to cheat than to think about cheating.  ❜ ❛  we can’t fall in love with each other.  ❜ ❛  you can’t be mine and i can never be yours.  ❜ ❛  if only we’d met sooner …  ❜ ❛  love is still love even if it’s forbidden.  ❜ ❛  i told myself i would never kiss you again. i can never keep my word when you’re involved.  ❜ ❛  i wish i had the strength to stay from you.  ❜ ❛  under different circumstances, our love could’ve been like a fairytale.  ❜ ❛  what if anyone finds out about us ?  ❜ ❛  we just have to believe that we’ll find a way to make this relationship work.  ❜ ❛  can we just pretend for one day that everything is gonna be okay ?  ❜ ❛  we always crave what we can’t have.  ❜ ❛  the more i fall for you, the more i hate myself for falling for you, cause the truth is we can never be together.  ❜ ❛  you and i will always be unfinished business.  ❜ ❛  we can’t be together. not now, not ever.  ❜ ❛  i knew the moment i met you that you’ll turn my life into a complicated mess.  ❜

LA by Night: Immortal Longings starters

dialogue and actions taken from s1ep6 of the VtM chronicle LA by Night.  edit as desired.  the transcript these lines were copied from, including credits to transcribers, will be linked in the replies of this post. tw: violence, death, drugs, possessive behavior, guns, foul language

I.  WORDS.

“When you're dead, you must often make choices that humans would never dream of having to face.”

“Oh, wait, you care about me?”

“You are... angsty?”

“Everything is all about money and status with you.”

“[Name], darling, are you okay?”

“I am at your leisure.  Whatever you need.”

“Don't trust anyone, really.”

“I can control myself just fine.”

“I'm sorry, did I walk into after-school?  What is going on?”

“Or you could hide in a sewer.”

“Well, that sounds like an us problem.  Again.”

“[Name], are you armed?”  –  “Always.”

“I mean, 'own' is a real loose term for a Millennial, but yeah, I've got an apartment.”

“Oh, am I boring you?”  –  “Uh, often.”

“There are certain conversations that I can't discuss with you.”

“Knowledge is power.  Money is more power, but knowledge is power.”

“I do need you to understand something.  If we show any weakness whatsoever here, we will be destroyed.  Okay?  Good meeting.”

“I don't wait in lines, darling.”

“I don't indulge when on business.  Maybe later.”

“What do you want?  We have almost anything here.”

“Do you like to party?  Partake in narcotics?”

“You seem to drink deeply from all the cups of life.”

“Hope you're not doing anything important at the moment.”

“It would be my pleasure to take away the emptiness inside you.”

“[Name], um, you're okay with this?”

“Calmeth down.”

“Go away, now.”

“Why did you decide this?  Why do you want this?”

“An opportunity presented itself to expand my business and I took it.”

“Darling, we made a promise long ago that we would... protect each other's backs.  You know that's hard to come by these days.”

“You don't seem to fit in with them.”

“I'm not some disaffected middle-aged banker that you're going to woo with your beautiful eyes and fabulous presentation here.”

“I'm trying to figure out how we can be friends.”

“You are obviously very distracted.  Perhaps you should go relax a bit and then we can talk.”

“I would like to talk to you.  I feel like you're a bit lost.”

“Back off, Dad.”

“I do not know why you are so accusatory.  I've done nothing but be hospitable.”

“This is a place of decadence.  It's a place for you to be safe. One place in a very big city that you can relax.”

“If I ever catch you again with another one, I will hurt you.  Understood?”

“You must take control of your fears.  Sometimes indulging in them until you can understand them.”

“You should have patience with yourself.”

“I might have answers.  But you need to ask your questions first.”

“Is this- Is this a cult?”

“Have you ever loved somebody? Like, really loved somebody?”

“It can tear you apart... or you learn to live with it.”

“All of this... decadence.  The drugs and the alcohol and the sex.  Does that help you?”

“The night doesn't have to be so dark and terrible. ”

“It's supposed to be meaningless, but...”

“What's wrong with emotion?”

“First, I don't have to explain anything to you.”

“I don't know how this ugly rumor keeps spreading about me.”

“I personally love hanging out with criminals.  They're very tasty.”

“Directness has never been a problem for me.”

“Sometimes learning the hard way is the best way.”

“I should explain. I don't do loyalty.  I do my job.”

“You took everything from me.  Everything!  And you think that I'm just gonna let it slide?”

“You're, uh, you're pretty strong.”  –  “That's right, I fucking am.”

“Look, look! It doesn't have to go this way.  We can deal.”

“Give me the gun.”

“Humor me, and pretend I'm an idiot.”

“I wouldn't- I wouldn't do that to you.  I couldn't.  I couldn't do that to you.”

“If you want to kill [x], you can kill [x].”

“My doors are always open to you.”

“The taste of fear has no equal. It's electric.  That frisson of terror...”

“There is a war coming, I can feel it.”

“What do you think about a double date?”

“I'm so proud of you!  That was awesome.”

“That was probably the worst moment of my life.”

“Just remember, decisiveness is power.”

“It's almost impossible, but I guess here almost anything is possible.”

“Is there a vampire therapist?  Relationship counselors?”

“I don't want death and violence to become second nature or natural.  It's- It's wrong.”

“You don't have to be me, but you have to be a different you.”

“It shall be as you wish.”

“You're done, you're finished, you're over.”

“What is your problem, bro?”

“We know where you live.”

“This is boring and I hate your attitude.”

“Mm.  You smell good.”

“Just kill me.  Just get it done.”

“Just listen to you!  You deserve to die!”

“Shut up, the adults are talking.”

“To be fair, we are kind of monsters.”

“Jesus fuck, [name]!  Just right when I think, maybe you're starting to understand the predicament you find yourself in...”

“I appreciate loyalty.”

“Vengeance is yours.”

“The next time you put hands on me in public, I will fucking execute you.”

II.  ACTIONS.  add “reverse!” to switch roles of sender and receiver

[GROVEL]:  sender drops to their knees to beg receiver’s forgiveness

[SHOVE]:  sender forces receiver up against a wall

[CARESS]:  sender massages receiver’s hands

[YOINK]:  sender steals receiver’s drink

[OBSERVE]: sender stares at receiver across a crowded bar

[CLICK]: sender handcuffs receiver

[SELFIE]:  sender takes an unplanned photo with receiver

[PRICK]: sender presses the point of a sharp weapon against receiver’s chest

[STRIKE]:  sender hits receiver in anger

[HESITATE]:  sender decides at the last minute to spare receiver’s life, though sender has the power to kill

[APPLAUD]:  sender mockingly slow-claps for something receiver has done

Rasa pauses in surprise as the man on the other side of the shelf speaks, and ghost-green eyes lift to meet blue, startled. She has a stack of books in her arms, and was reaching for another. 

There’s no- recognition, in her, when she looks at the taller figure. She doesn’t know him, not at all. 

His question hangs leaden in the air between them, and Rasa hesitates, before shaking her head. “.. Not really. I just- prefer this library to my local one.” She shifts her weight a little, considering him.