Lessons From The Trees
     My story starts with the thump. It had been only three months of getting my license. The world bore a renewed gleam with bright colors and vibrant energy. The roads never seemed so warm and energetic. My newfound privilege behind the wheel only offered me happiness.
     Driving was a danger in my family, one that was riddled with the threat of my dogs. I was only five when my dad ran over our English Springer Spanielâs paw. My mom nearly collided with our other two pugs.
     âWeâre going to be late.â My sister complained. Darkness crept upon the landscape and swallowed us whole. The headlights failed to warn me of the danger in the back. I accelerated backwards and out of our garage, the wheels crunching on gravel and colliding with my dog.
      I say my goodbyes in a sterile white room of a twenty-four-hour vet in front of people I didnât know and my mom. âGoodbye, Jake. Iâm so sorry.â I uttered before leaving, know this was my fault and there was no way I could save him. Iâm so sorryâŚIâm so sorryâŚIâm so sorry.
     The days following the event were filled with anxiety and fear. I couldnât bring myself to approach the end of the driveway and even starting the car was a challenge. To come to terms with what had happened, I begun processing by walking in a forest not far from my home.
     We were soulmates, the path and I. Aspen trees were the guardians of where I walked. The stiff, unyielding bark that coated my hands in dusty powder and musty earth odors bore down into my heart. Day in and day out I came here to process and wonder what I couldâve done better. I couldâve backed out of the driveway slower. I couldâve double checked. I couldâve done so many things that wouldâve guaranteed Jake lived another day.
      The more I walked, the more I noticed that I had an unfriendly follower. The bushes cowered in his wake and even the wind didnât dare to touch him. A day came and he reached out one gnarled finger and yanked my feet out from under me so that I found myself skidding on my face. The cold wood of the soulless creature ripped up my skin and scarred my heart.
Fear penetrated my heart. I could barely walk the path anymore. I turned and ran from the treeâs entangling fingers that crawled along the earth. The closest I ever got was five feet from the dead tree. Â The forest grew older and the aspens grew weary. I couldnât go on. I couldnât back out of the driveway. I could not approach that tree.
     But there was one brave pine that did not let the terror of the dead tree touch her trunk. She was a tall pine well rooted in the ground. Her leaves didnât quake when this tree came near. Her shrouded eyes only watched the now empty path. One clouded day came and I had built up only a miniscule amount of courage to come visit the now overgrown path. The tree scrutinized me, her great green boughs swaying.           âDoes this branch hurt you?â She addressed me. I looked from the dead branch to the pine and nodded.
      âMy dog has died.â Was my only response. âI do not want to drive anymore. I donât want to run my other dog over.â
     âYou cannot get over the branch because you do not want to trip again. You are too weighed down by fear and sadness to try. Set aside your sadness and continue, but do not forget the past and your faults.â
     Her words made sense but making sense didnât equate with doing what was right. To move on, to let go of what happened was going belly up for life to attack again. To let go of the fear could make me unwary, could make me prone to accidents occurring again.
     That day, I walked away from the pine, not knowing what to do. The threat of the branch on the path loomed over me. In the time that I was gone from the old pine, the forest, and the dead tree, the path became overgrown.
      I stay awake and stare out of the window. At night when the howling winds come crashing through the neighborhood, they shake even the strongest leaves and pull them to the ground. Sometimes a stubborn green leaf clings to a branch under the relentless gusts. Occasionally, it takes a couple nights for the winds to finally tear the poor soul away from its home, but it always happens.
     The tree lets go of the leaves but they never truly go away. Instead, they pile up in a little monument to what the creature has endured. The oak resists the wind and stays strong no matter what, but never truly lets go of what has happened. He overlooks the monument of leaves in the corner of my yard.
   When I returned to my forest, I do as the trees taught me. My feet reroute myself to the dead branch which has claimed dominance in the forest. Sleek stones with craters of memories called to me from the sides. Take me! Lay me down! They called. Put me to rest!
     At the dead treeâs fingers, I laid five stones and stacked them tall. The stones and their whispers fell silent as I put them down. As soon as my monument was erected, the dead tree receded and faded into the shadows. My monument of stones is dedicated to when I ran over my dog. Jake had been laid down and set to rest. I am not afraid of running over another dog. I am not afraid of passing over the branch.
Goodbye, Jake. Goodbye, driveway.
Peterson, Annabelle. Acceptance. Original work in watercolor, sharpie, and stitched book pages.