BWAP

women want just one thing and it’s to be masters of their own fate rather than have that dictated to them by familial and cultural expectations

i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

"theres gonna be a power outage tomorrow welp i better boil some water in advance!" "oh gee looks like its time to vacuum the carpet!" GET REAL?????? YOU SOUND INSANE

someday youre gonna be out of baking soda when it matters most and its gonna destroy you

i love bread and i dont care what happens to me because of it

i am shrunken down and brought to the gnome world and when i attempt to assimilate to their culture I use an acorn cap as a hat and they all laugh cheerfully at my silly mistake of wearing what they use as a bowl like a cap and though this is a transgression that would have humiliated me in my human life I am instead laughing alongside them at my humorous misunderstanding

they ask me what I would like to eat and knowing that gnomes enjoy fruit i ask for my favorite fruit, an apple, and they all laugh raucously and say that i must be very hungry indeed to desire an entire apple rather than just a small chunk, and i go along with their joke and say that while my body may have shrank my stomach has not! and they all guffaw with delight until their faces turn red and see that my request is met and we all sit around a toadstool and share many apple slices together

over my time spent with the gnomes, my antics are still regarded with much delight. though i am past the age in which i am confused by their customs and norms, i occasionally pretend to be clueless about simple and easily understood things, such as shock at how toads are as tall as I am. they all continue to laugh at my feigned surprise, and sometimes join in, asking me if I need any help distinguishing what berries are for eating and which are for painting. i laugh, too. there is a sense of grace that comes with my shortcomings amongst the gnomes. they are entertained by my misunderstandings, yes, because life is to short to not be jolly.

my friend told me that her boyfriend got her a super cool rock while they were on vacation together and you would not BELIEVE my disappointment when i realized she was talking about her engagement ring

begging all of you to get a cup of hot chocolate just because i’ve been chugging hot chocolate lately and it’s really good. also i don’t feel like getting into internet arguments as often anymore bc i see someone being stupid and i go ok… and i drink my hot chocolate and i stop caring about them. i think everyone should drink some hot chocolate and stop caring

Didn’t notice porn bot followers I thought beautiful women were enchanted by my reblogging

Toothpaste. It's just frozen toothpaste.