How the Enneagrams are Assholes
Type 1: grudge-holding - I am above reproach, ergo my resentment, hatred, or anger at other people being lazy, stupid, not-dutiful, etc. is just and right; hypocrisy - it's wrong when you do it, but not when I do it; overly critical in a casual way - this movie is too long, I hate this, that is a sloppy job, I want to speak to the manager, these menus are crooked; simmering anger - I am doing this, but I don't want to do this, and you will get residual anger leaking out, because I'm actually mad about feeling like I HAVE to do it; too high of standards - things have to be better than they are right now, there is always something to fix, tweak, this needs an editor, this could be shorter, etc.
Type 2: intentionally creating codependencies - over-doing for others, assuming they can't do it for themselves, thus ensuring that they always need the 2 and are worthless to others; controlling behavior - while smiling and saying "I'm only thinking of you / I am just trying to help!"; being forceful about what is given instead of respecting their no; martyr-behavior - over-extending oneself, being resentful of it, and then whining about how they're under-appreciated; assuming everyone else is incompetent (thus, I have to do everything for them) and doing this all under the guise of "I am a good person with no wish to be thanked," while desperately wanting /needing to be thanked.
Type 3: Self-absorption and flexes - every conversation always subtly or otherwise comes back to me and how impressive I am, what I know, the important people I know or are similar to, etc; superficial charm - which may or may not reflect their true feelings; lack of self-awareness means chasing things that don't make them happy, because they got stuck in a rut and/or thought they should want that career, relationship, etc; over-selling themselves - sometimes beyond their skill level, or trying to pass something off as better than it is because they did it, by over-estimating their abilities and confidently touting them; caring too much what other people think or want from them; caring too much about impressing people; over-fixation on value symbols - if I own this, I am impressive; if I do this, I am impressive; if I act like this, I am impressive; if this person chooses me, I am impressive.
Type 4: elitism - I'm better than you because I'm so much deeper and less basic; suffering more / no one has gone through what I have gone through, and my situation is always so much worse than yours; alien - no one will ever understand me, and if they try, I will move the goal post to remain separate and misunderstood; melodrama - anguish is the thing I feel the most, so if there is nothing frustrating me, I will manufacture something or escalate it to remain emotionally intense; never satisfied - something is always wrong, less deep than it could be, aesthetically repugnant, shallow; scarcity mindset - there isn't enough of what I want to go around, and I resent you getting it instead of me.
Type 5: being too esoteric - assuming if you can't understand me, that's your problem and not that I'm hard to understand or need to "dumb down" an analysis for the audience; elitism - the assumption that I am the smartest person in the room and everyone else's analysis is subpar; intellectual arrogance - the inability to listen to others / tendency to dismiss them; self-absorption - can inconvenience others or put them at risk because you prioritize your own logic or needs (not sharing of time, resources, space, "nah, I can do this, I won't need rescued"); emotional detachment - compartmentalizing feelings and not going back to deal with them, looking down on other people for having them; neglecting things - letting relationships or your environment fall apart because that seems less important than their interests.
Type 6: reactive core - ruining things for other people, by focusing on what is negative about the situation and doubling down when others ask them to stop; pugnacious - arguing, correcting, nitpicking, not allowing anyone else to be right; “share my anxiety” - can’t let other people be happy or excited, they have to share their anxiety or outrage and get annoyed if other people don't follow along; polling everyone a lot - solicit everyone’s advice, then ignore it and do what they wanted to anyway, or endlessly wheel-spin with indecision and putting off deciding; can never be blamed - deflecting blame and refusing to take responsibility out of an unconscious fear of being punished; focusing on side issues over going straight to the point; entitlement - thinking experts and people who know things “owe” them their time which leads to bombarding them with messages rather than figuring out things for themselves.
Type 7: hedonism - I get what I want, you're going to give it to me; you're just a loser for not recognizing that I deserve all the best things in life; being a flake - failing to follow through, promising more than they can deliver, leaving earlier for something better, wanting to do it NOW or not at all; intolerance for negative feelings - you are such a bummer / party pooper / trying to raise the mood when it may not be appropriate to do so; over-selling their abilities beyond their skill level; endless unfinished projects / half-started business ventures.
Type 8: no option but top dog - turning everything into a power struggle in which they have to win; opportunism - taking advantage of others and that being a "them" problem because they were weak or stupid; self-harm - pushing through the pain to avoid showing weakness and hurting themselves; refusing to compromise - there is no middle ground, it's my way or no way at all; crushing their adversaries - going too far to destroy the opposition and leaving carnage behind. Their strength is an asset, but can also be a liability if they refuse to submit so much, it earns them punishment.
Type 9: passive-aggression - you tell them to hurry, so they take even longer, you ask what is wrong, they say "nothing" while punishing you in subtle ways; carelessness - last minute stuff and missed deadlines, with little concern about the other person; lack of initiative - "if I wait, my prince will come", "all good things come to those who wait", responding if people initiate, but forgetting to do it themselves; lack of communication - something happens, they don't tell anyone, thus offering no one the chance to support them through it or show friendship, leaving e-mails unanswered and text messages on read; resistance to self-growth - too much effort, I'm fine as I am.
