What would you do if you were accidentally trapped in the same room with @monsieurdetalleyrand ?
Plot the demise of whoever trapped us in.
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@serpentofotranto
What would you do if you were accidentally trapped in the same room with @monsieurdetalleyrand ?
Plot the demise of whoever trapped us in.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I attempted to steal a statue of this faux Venus, Dibella, for a depraved man’s fetish in the Warrens of Markarth and these sapphic nuns of Venus now send me after their young seer as punishment.
Ooh lá lá, à quel point j’ai été ignoble... et je serai.
I’ve been framed for these Forsworn murders! Even in Skyrim those in power conspire against me!
Bâtards ! I am wrongfully imprisoned yet again!
An arm which @serpentofotranto cannot strip me for it is virtual in nature and not of this world!
Ripping your arm off? Now I hadn't thought of that, but it's an idea worth entertaining.
宝宝你知道吗?你是块可爱的小蛋糕💖
This translation cannot be correct. I am not a little cake.
Who's looking forward to the honeymoon more — @monsieurdetalleyrand or you?
I am looking forward to handing you over to Monsieur Sanson.
Magic anon: You're now cursed to be a talking horse until someone breaks the curse; it will break when you learn empathy for your fellow man.
What is this? Some sort of madman pretending to have powers?
What he does not realise immediately is that he is, in fact, now a grey Arabian horse.
WHAT THE HELL WHO DID THIS
A hor- oh for goodness' sake. Well. At least he's not going to be sinking any countries into disrepair, in this state.
Feel any empathy yet, Your Majesty?
Oh, this will be fun.

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@serpentofotranto, they are for my defense! These brutes, they threaten me! If not for this than to cut my own hair, so they have no need nor want to approach me!
You might be allowed scissors in prison, if you weren't A) nearly blind and B) constantly threatening to stab other inmates with them.
If I understand correctly, you are Barras' cousin
Somewhat. But everyone is everyone's cousin here, and it has never stopped conflict. If I catch him, he will regret the very unfortunate things he wrote about my wife.
How would you describe your relationship with your parents?
My father was, from what I can remember, a sailor in every way. But then he drowned long before I became old enough to enter in much conflict with him. My mother was a good woman, but she did not follow in the modern ideas of the new era we lived in. Such is the way of people like my parents.
Who was more helpful to you in politics, Bonne-Jeanne or Ernestine?
Both were deeply intelligent women and brought much to the marriage, Ernestine was not as much for politics. Bonne-Jeanne had an excellent mind for scheming and she helped me often.
Smooth seduction.

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So ummm Sire it seems that the Prince of Benevento and the Duke of Otranto have gotten together. In every sense of the word. It's a little alarming ngl.
@monsieurdetalleyrand @serpentofotranto
Come to Paris immediately and explain the meaning of this!
Napoleon was definitely far gone in his delirium of disillusionment and megalomania to think that he could still allow himself to summon his former ministers like grounded children. Talleyrand was very tempted by the appealing idea of ignoring the fallen emperor's order and instead devoting his day to more interesting matters, but that could do him a great disservice in the future. He had to remain in the good graces of this wack job, at least for a little while longer. As long as he still had nuclear weapons and control over it, at least. That remained the least risky solution for the prince of Benevent if he didn't want this eternal afterlife to become a lot more difficult to live with.
Surprisingly, he arrived first at Napoleon's house. He was calm and collected, and even allowed himself to appear slightly irritated at having been disturbed in his peace beyond the grave, as if he had done nothing wrong.
“You have heard those awful rumors about the Duke of Otranto and myself, Sire. So shocking... that I wouldn't dare to repeat them.”
He shook his head, looking theatrically outraged.
“It seems that even death is not enough to protect honest men from slander.”
Fouché slips into the room midway through Talleyrand's rant. He's annoyed that someone has ratted them out, and annoyed at having to interact with the Emperor.
"Truly disgraceful. Your Majesty's spy network has fallen to the wayside, if this is what they are presenting you with. Is it still under the management of Savary? Totally useless man."
He picks up on what his lover is aiming for : bullshit and lies all the way.
He slides up to stand next to Talleyrand, like they used to when Napoléon felt like yelling at them for a while. It is vital that their eyes don't meet, because the situation is too absurd.
"Frankly, Sire, would you ever believe such a thing?"
Napoleon contemplates their arguments nonchalantly before deciding that he doesn't believe them.
I would believe such a thing because I've seen you, the way you tolerate each other now... It would not be possible otherwise, so I am suspicious.
What if Savary is not wrong, and this is hardly slander, hm?
They played innocent with great skill, thanks to their professional experience in lying, and if they had been dealing with someone who did not know them as well as Napoleon, their bluff could have worked. Unfortunately, the fallen Emperor no longer believed a single word they said, no matter how convincing their little act was. It was almost offensive.
Joseph stands beside him, standing straight as justice itself, and this sends Charles back to unpleasant memories. He hates being publicly humiliated, and even more so by Bonaparte, whom he had long since ceased to respect.
He hates this suspicion seeping into his private life, he hates not knowing how Napoleon found out about them, he hates this power dynamic working against him, and he was starting to hate Savary too. He better be innocent in this whole affair, because if he wasn't, he knew that the professional criminal who served as his lover would take care of him.
And as he stands there, quietly crushed by his former boss's suspicious contempt, he realizes that there is no way out of this annoying situation. If they continue to deny, Napoleon will probably just keep them locked up here until they confess. And in any case, even if by some miracle they managed to convince him, the secret won't be kept for long and he will eventually find out.
His new goal was now to gain more power and control over this verbal exchange. And what was the best way to destabilize Bonaparte? Simply to use the truth as a weapon. Perhaps even reverse psychology would work, and by being honest, he would further confuse this self-absorbed little man and eventually convince him that reality is a lie.
But Talleyrand didn't just want to talk. He wanted to shock. It had to be spectacular. He wanted Napoleon to regret sticking his nose into his business for the rest of his death.
Joseph stood close enough to him to be within reach, like every temptation sent by the Devil. Very calmly and methodically, he took a few steps to stand in front of him, turning his back completely to the Emperor, which could be considered a sign of disrespect. Joseph would probably not understand his sudden change in tactics. Hopefully, he would simply continue to follow him.
In the end, he didn't say a word. No words could be as bold, as unexpected, and as unsettling to Napoleon as what he was about to do.
He simply stood in front of his lover, grabbed his jaw with one hand, and kissed him deeply, with exaggerated enthusiasm. He was explicit enough in his display that it was obvious he was enjoying it immensely, and for the noise to make Napoleon as uncomfortable as he could.
Joseph is still in the "deny everything" mindset when Charles suddenly blocks his view of the Emperor entirely. Before he can even raise a questioning eyebrow, his lover grabs him and smashes their faces together.
Oh.
Smiling broadly into the kiss, he languidly wraps his arms around Charles, letting him take the lead. He's annoyingly good at this. Delicately, he leans back against Napoleon's own desk. Let the man be too disturbed to even enter this room for months.
Amused, he cracks an eye back open to see how Napoleon is reacting. This is going to be good, and an image to treasure forever.
So ummm Sire it seems that the Prince of Benevento and the Duke of Otranto have gotten together. In every sense of the word. It's a little alarming ngl.
@monsieurdetalleyrand @serpentofotranto
Come to Paris immediately and explain the meaning of this!
Napoleon was definitely far gone in his delirium of disillusionment and megalomania to think that he could still allow himself to summon his former ministers like grounded children. Talleyrand was very tempted by the appealing idea of ignoring the fallen emperor's order and instead devoting his day to more interesting matters, but that could do him a great disservice in the future. He had to remain in the good graces of this wack job, at least for a little while longer. As long as he still had nuclear weapons and control over it, at least. That remained the least risky solution for the prince of Benevent if he didn't want this eternal afterlife to become a lot more difficult to live with.
Surprisingly, he arrived first at Napoleon's house. He was calm and collected, and even allowed himself to appear slightly irritated at having been disturbed in his peace beyond the grave, as if he had done nothing wrong.
“You have heard those awful rumors about the Duke of Otranto and myself, Sire. So shocking... that I wouldn't dare to repeat them.”
He shook his head, looking theatrically outraged.
“It seems that even death is not enough to protect honest men from slander.”
Fouché slips into the room midway through Talleyrand's rant. He's annoyed that someone has ratted them out, and annoyed at having to interact with the Emperor.
"Truly disgraceful. Your Majesty's spy network has fallen to the wayside, if this is what they are presenting you with. Is it still under the management of Savary? Totally useless man."
He picks up on what his lover is aiming for : bullshit and lies all the way.
He slides up to stand next to Talleyrand, like they used to when Napoléon felt like yelling at them for a while. It is vital that their eyes don't meet, because the situation is too absurd.
"Frankly, Sire, would you ever believe such a thing?"
Do you feel no guilt for having betrayed Joséphine de Beauharnais?
None whatsoever.
Fouché stands in the almost-Jardin du Luxembourg, waiting by the gate. Talleyrand has loaned him one of his servants, a man named Benoît, to look after Nièvre.
Speaking of him, the ex-bishop appears at last, inside his fancy berline. Fouché could walk up to him and greet him, but he is afraid to look a little too eager, after he's already shown his hand by counting the days.
Instead, he waits for Talleyrand to join him and kisses his hand. Oh how he has missed this man and his biting sarcasm.
Hello, how nice to see you at last.
[ @monsieurdetalleyrand ]
Meanwhile, Charles was in no hurry. He already knew that Joseph had been pining for him for days; his letter had completely betrayed his feelings. Seeing that he remained standing tall and straight like justice itself, without moving, he got out of the carriage as slowly as possible and walked as if he had eternity ahead of him (which, well... technically, he did). However, this little game didn't last long. As soon as his lover took his hand and kissed it, he let his thumb brush against his cheek, caressing it tenderly.
“After how many days, remind me? Seventeen, is that right?”
Charles seems to be struggling to contain his excitement. Because he is. He’s planning something huge. He snapped his fingers dismissively in the direction of his vehicle, where one of his servants was waiting, as if to command him to fetch something. He didn't look at him, completely focused on Joseph.
“I have a surprise for you, but you'll have to close your eyes.”
[@serpentofotranto happy new year surprise]
Joseph notices the snap and out of the corner of his eye, the old cop follows the servant. However, his attention is grabbed by the peacock of a man in front of him.
"A surprise?"
He isn't exactly comfortable closing his eyes while exposed to the outside, but he complies. It's a show of good will, he thinks. Charles does look so excited, so he must humour him, even if it feels childish.
"Very well, then."
[ @monsieurdetalleyrand ]
Fouché stands in the almost-Jardin du Luxembourg, waiting by the gate. Talleyrand has loaned him one of his servants, a man named Benoît, to look after Nièvre.
Speaking of him, the ex-bishop appears at last, inside his fancy berline. Fouché could walk up to him and greet him, but he is afraid to look a little too eager, after he's already shown his hand by counting the days.
Instead, he waits for Talleyrand to join him and kisses his hand. Oh how he has missed this man and his biting sarcasm.
Hello, how nice to see you at last.
[ @monsieurdetalleyrand ]

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
so, it would appear like your sister is the only non-robespierrist in this family? is that correct?
It seems so...
I also heard she was in a relationship with a guy named Fouché, who was working against Maxime...
She was not with him when he was an enemy of our family.
To be honest, when Charlotte asked me if I would agree to this union, I said yes. When Fouché lived in Arras, he seemed like a perfectly gentle and solicitous man (even if it was better not to discuss anything related to money with him), and none of us could have guessed what he was really like.
Better not to discuss anything related to money? Really?
You certainly thought I was beneath you, because I was a mere teacher and you were all of a near-bastard lawyer, oh so respectable. And yet it is I who gave Charlotte the rente which allowed her to live after you left her nothing, in all your patriotic sobriety.
Oh, hello @henriette-robespierre. I am sorry we did not have the opportunity to meet when alive. It is a pleasure.
Oh stop that.
I was particularly thinking about the money you lent me to travel to Versailles for the General Estates.
You didn't need to complain about it to everyone, I was going to pay you back.
Henriette hid behind her brother's back and peeked shyly from time to time, watching their verbal battle.
When Fouché @serpentofotranto turned to her, the girl finally summoned a shred of courage. She stepped out from behind Maxime and curtsied a little awkwardly.
H-hello, Citoyen Fouché... The pleasure was mine. I'm sorry that i started spreading stupid rumors about you and Lottie... And please, don't argue with Maxime anymore...
@tribundupeuple You were? Five years later, it just so happened that you died just before you finally coughed up? Don't make me laugh, Maximilien.
How would you describe your relationship with your associates who were involved in Thermidor or played a role in the reaction that followed, such as Tallien, Fréron, Barras, Barère, or Guffroy?
Tense. Treason does not good friends make.