cringe emporium

the scene where yuna asks shane who he's texting and he lies and says hayden and she's like oh how's the baby! and he's like great! and the next episode - a month later - we find out shane still hasn't spoken to hayden since the birth of his child and hayden has to call him and when he does answer the phone (out of guilt) he's not paying any attention bc he's getting a blowjob. like this man barely cares about his friend and does not give a SHIT about that baby lmfao

trophy room this buttplug that.. i'm most excited for the scene where shane goes Full Bitch mode and accuses ilya of being content with being a loser smoking weed after every centaurs game

fine i’ll watch that show you guys keep talking about 🙄

*huge drag from my cigarette* back in my day there was just shane and ilya

when i made this post i almost put “also david yuna and svetlana of course” in the tags and someone just reminded me about skip which probably should’ve been the next logical place for my mind to go. but alas

Shane acting like he doesn't know how to masturbate and Ilya being more than happy to help with that

Fag the fuck up bro

i personally really think yuna’s “enough what’s the plan” is like, grounding shane. and he laughs at it. it’s like soft, to me. like okay it’s locking in time now. we cried together and i love you and mum’s gonna fix everything. maybe i’m projecting.

I do think that teen ilya read faggy enough to Svetlana that the first time he fingered her she stopped him for a moment to ask wait are you like actually into women. and he flexed his fingers inside of her like well I’m not doing this for my health.

ilya sexting shane and getting him hard before their game and then slamming him into the boards two, three, four - ah, there it is. four hits is all it takes to get hollander to shoot off into his cup

Having thoughts about Ilya teaching Shane Russian during sex by giving him phrases to repeat and Shane learning what they mean by what Ilya does when he’s made to say them, but the only phrases Ilya teaches him are I don’t want to come, please edge me for an hour, fuck me so hard it hurts me, and Shane just doesn’t know enough yet to ask for the opposite because Ilya won’t teach him :(

shane who carries all the bags and opens all the doors for ilya and gets ilya his coffee and schedules ilya's appointments for him and ilya who picks out shane's clothes for him and orders shane's food for him and tells shane how many drinks he can have when they go out and and and

understimulated shane when he's had too many free days in a row and he's on like. His third workout of the day pushing himself so hard that its not even effective or good for him he just needs. Something. and ilya comes in mid workout and forces him off the treadmill or weight bench or whatever he's using and drags him by the hair to the bedroom to give him what he needs (this is extra good to me if they dont even have sex ilya just beats him until hes sobbing and thanking him)

shane picking up a shirt that came out of the dryer and saying “oh no, my shirt shrank” and ilya immediately looking at the shirt and then at his husband, about to apologize, but then he says “please, put it on” and shane looks at him “but it won’t fit” and ilya goes “please, just try” and shane looks wary at his husband with an eyebrow raised. he takes off the shirt he’s wearing and tries to pull on the shrunken one and he gets it on but it’s so tight, way too tight, he feels like he’s being bound. he looks up at his husband and the look on ilya’s face makes his mouth go dry. ilya is looking at him like he’s the most delicious banquet after days without food, literally drooling, like he’s about to jump shane any minute now. shane asks “ilya, is everything okay?” and ilya says without taking his eyes off his husband’s chest, panting “shane” and then he looks at his face and says “i will fuck you right now, shirt stays on” and shane just chuckles.