cringe emporium

long distance selfies

and when shane finally does get a girlfriend when they're like eighteen, ilya seduces and fucks her. he thinks about shane the entire time and is absolutely furious with himself about it. he casually tells shane about it like a week later because as angry as he is at himself for doing something so terrible, he's equally angry at shane for making him feel this way and it makes him want to be cruel.

and shane tries, he even tries to ask nicer and then ilya is humming in disapproval, touching his face and saying 'it would be nicer if u asked on your knees, yes?'

and shanes already gone, its muscle memory to get down on his knees for ilya at this point, he finds himself sinking down, tuxedo pants hitting the tile thats probably decently maintained but feels filthy to him now, because ilya said it was filthy, and thats playing in his mind and he barely manages out another plea for ilya to suck his dick, bc he was told to, and ilya laughs

'that is what you want?'

'uh, what? yes. Please.'

'you are the one on your knees, are you sure?' and ilya cups the side of his head and shane is swaying, barely succeeding in his effort to resist diving face first into ilyas crotch 'maybe you do want to suck my dick? you will still have to ask for it.'

and this position is all reflex for shane, hes salivating at the thought, fears of humiliation gone in favor of his desperate need to be good and he says 'please, rozanov? please can i suck your dick?'

(tags via @mybloodstream-caffeine)

by some miracle if in that moment, ilya convinced shane to call and talk to him and shane were to figure out what was happening he probably wouldn't even hang up. he'd be upset and jealous and so mad and tearing up. but also he couldnt help but picture it, that its some girl who gets to have ilya who gets to go home with him in public but when he blows ilya, ilya's attention never ever strays. and he cries, maybe, and feels sick hearing the wet noises and ilya's voice in his ear but he does absolutely jerk off over it.

i fear this is it exactly. like, again, this is ilya at his most toxic. at his 'fuck i can't quit this guy, i have to keep having him again and again and again and fucking again' but also he's fucking mad about it. he hates that he's here, that he can't quite quit shane hollander, that he can't stop thinking about shane hollander in general. how dare he? how dare shane make him feel this way?

and then that, combined with everything going on with his family. maybe one day it's a particularly hard phone call with his dad. and the team is on a losing streak and meanwhile the metros are on a hot winning streak and ilya just feels so deeply out of control and so much like he has no power.

i think shane probably gets so mad next time they see each other and is trying not to cry about it and maybe its the first time ilya leans in, kisses shane's neck and whispers, "don't worry hollander. you are still my most special girl" and shane cries but also immediately fucking comes

next time, shane comes over and ilya has a brand new bra for him, with tags and in a cute little bag and he tells shane, come on hollander, wear them for me. and when shane puts up a fight, ilya tuts, says, i spent good money on this hollander so i'm going to enjoy seeing it on someone. will it be you or my next girl?

and shane of course tells him to fuck off, tries to act like he's going to leave so ilya laughs, says, "it can be you or another pretty girl" and it's the another that does it

And it’s like, fine. Truly, it is. And hey, penetration isn’t everything, he doesn’t mind a helping hand instead, or even getting himself off after he’s used his hands or his mouth on his partner(s). He gets off on giving other people pleasure too, so it’s not like it’s completely unsatisfying for him. All of this stuff is part of being a good Top, Ilya likes putting people at ease and he genuinely understands that his dick is Just That Big™️ that he’s never gonna have sex where he doesn’t think about these things. It probably makes him a better lover, because he has to think about logistics more than a more average sized penis haver has to.

And of course, his big dick definitely doesn’t start to become a metaphor for how he thinks of himself or anything. That would be crazy. It’s just that, you know, it’s this thing that he can’t change, that on the surface seems exciting and enticing to people, something to brag about in locker rooms, this symbol of ultimate masculinity that makes every man around him seethe in jealousy and draws people to his bed with whispers of his pornstar proportions. This thing that, in private, well it’s just another thing that’s Too Much™️ about Ilya. He’s too greedy, he’s too selfish, he’s too needy, and to top it all off his cock is too big too. No one can handle all of him, not even in a purely physical relationship where he’s suppressing all his emotional needs. And he tells himself (in a voice that’s suspiciously not his own) ‘you expect too much Ilyusha, always wanting more, aren’t you? Never satisfied by what others can give you.’ and tries to content himself with the fact he always have to hold himself back.

And then enters Shane ‘bottom of all time’ Hollander. Who can take him all. Who tries his best to choke him down from their very first hook up, who won’t give up until he can deepthroat him with ease, who comes hands free his first time on Ilya’s cock, who pushes himself back to take more, more, more, who tries out other dicks and yet always dreams of taking only Ilya’s, Ilya’s, Ilya’s…