cringe emporium

and just as importantly that's NOT how ilya is!! its not!!! he's got a natural sleaziness about im that comes from being extremely hot and extremely sexually desirable and extremely skilled and extremely confident. it all coalesces into this ilya who pushes pushes and pushes and when he gets what he wants takes takes and takes

he's persistent about wanting shane and he's consistent in pushing shane's boundaries sometimes. ofc he backs down at times (asg scene where shane's soooo nervous but he's so pliable so he turns over anyways and doesnt say anything until ilya asks) but he is straight up still touching shane's hole the entire time. and afterwards, he rolls over on top of shane, he's pinning shane down. and he's not exactly trying to stop touching shane and breaking contact that may be making shane nervous.

the entire 9 minute exposition of this cottage entrance: the nervous tension in the car, the hope, shane showing ilya his most intimate space (winkwonk), shane wanting to prep everything ilya could need, the hungry kissing, ilya revealing he's been saving it (his come) for shane, the butt smack laughing journey to bellboy cnc roleplay, the FAMILIARITY with each other in this, their first shared language, etc. etc. all of it is a slow burn BUILD UP to this moment against the glass!!! the viewer ANTICIPATES where this is going, it heightens this slow, meandering intimate exposition to know that the climax (haha.a.a) of the scene is approaching. the build up LEADS to the moment where ilya insists they are on display in shane's bedroom and freely bathed in maple-dappled sunlight in front of the 180° windows (1st time+vegas redux). and this moment is a callback to and an antithesis for the first time they met up, in a dark, secret hotel, where they are unfamiliar with each other and shane gets to his knees and takes ilya into his body. we watch it happen, we watch the desire flint and spark and both of them begin to learn each other's flesh and desire.

but HERE, in the cottage. we don't watch it happen. we don't see just how much they have learned. we don't pull the camera back a bit, and cross outside, so the sounds of wet suction and moans mix with wet lapping waves. we don't get have frame turning, the sounds of outside drowning out the inside, as we pan in front of the bedroom windows, looking in from the trees. we don't watch them from outside, shane kneeling safe, ilya's hands on his jaw, curled together. finally, private and public and safe. finally, the fluency in their bodies given space to relax. them on display, them on fire with desire, kindled and contained.

and there's an argument to be made about how this metatextually commentates on how they are perceived in public, and through what lens and how as they get romantically closer, their sex becomes something the viewer is not allowed to access, instead of that being the only thing the viewer can access.

I will be sending you my therapy bill. Thanks!

In all honesty, I have really enjoyed putting this one together. In some ways, this kind of burnt me out of reading fanfic for a bit. Some of these are just so good that it was hard to find fics that I would want to read next. Once my job is not as crazy as it has been, I am looking forward to reading some more.

Anyway, the whump is whumping.

"Ilya, they can see us." by intothedeepbluesea

Mature - Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Struggling with the negative media attention and speculation following Game 7, Shane goes skating on the lake and falls through. Minutes before the Ottawa Centaurs are set to face the New York Admirals, Ilya receives a phone call.

I am unsure if there will ever be more chapters of this, but if the day ever comes that another chapter is released, I will for sure be reading it. This is a sad one, and I wish I knew what the author is planning on going with this.

On The Outside (Where I Can't Be Yours And You Can't Be Mine) by NotThatPerseus

Mature - Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov - Completed

Anormal trip to Boston for the Metros is ruined by a serious accident involving their captain. Hayden is losing it- and weirdly enough, so's that Rozanov guy... AKA: Author cannot help the fact that Shane is whump-shaped

At first, I thought I would not like this one at all, but I ended up loving it so much. Honestly, this felt like some sort of medieval torture for me because of the angst. Plus, this one is part of a series, which of course I enjoyed.

between the heavens and the embers by fournorris

General Audiences - Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Just as him and Ilya have finally got their shit together, Shane's world is turned upside down. ----- “What if it’s bad?” “Then it is bad.” Ilya says. “And then we deal with it.” “We?” Shane pulls back just enough to look at him. “Yes.” Ilya says, without hesitation. “This is very much we situation.”

The author’s note for this one is “im sorry,” so you know it’s good.

We're both running out of days by sharkbrain123

Not Rated - Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov - Completed

“My- my name is Shane Hollander. Today is May 5th, 2026. Uh- I was at the ball earlier today?” His eyes shift off screen, and he gulps. Ilya watches his Adam’s apple bobbing like it’s the most precious thing on Earth. Shane looks back at the camera. His eyes start shifting, like he’s reading off cue cards. “I’m- I’m asking the MLH to provide… 100 million?” Shane looks surprised, his voice cracking on the ‘million’, and he looks up from where his eyes are fixed. The video cuts to black for a moment, and then Shane is back on the screen. His hair looks different than before, messier. The cut on the side of his temple is streaming blood, a wound re opened, and one of his eyes is half shut. “I am asking the MLH to provide 100 million dollars for my safe return home.” He says, his voice trembling. Ilya feels weak. He stumbles back into the precinct, lit cigarette still hanging off his fingers, but paying it no mind. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Shane is kidnapped from an event he is attending with Ilya. Our boys are bad at making choices, and really go through the wringer. Aka, yet ANOTHER kidnapped Shane fic.

Just to warn you, this one is a bit of a darker fic. Dare I say this could use the tag dead dove, because it is what the tags say and possibly then some.

doctors orders by garlic09

Mature - Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov - Completed

shane has broken his arm and can't play against boston, but the most annoying thing is he hasn't been able to wash his hair in days... cue ilya, our favorite acts of service baddie ------ Shane blinked. His mind was screaming at him. What was happening? This wasn’t what they did, they didn’t wash each other’s hair or care about each other’s injuries. They fucked, and then they went home. He should say no, should tell Rozanov to buzz off and leave him to suffer, but the words wouldn’t come out. Eventually, he just nodded.

I am putting this one at the end for my own sanity. Ilya is not hurt in this one, and it is super fluffy. In this one, everyone is happy just how I want it.

Like, on any given roadie the people sharing walls with the Hollanovs can expect to overhear:

- One side of phone calls between Shane and his mother where every third word is FUCK and Shane's voice gets higher the more he works himself up about whatever league drama is pissing him off that week

- Ilya yelling in Russian (Non sex reasons) (He and Svetlana are talking about Matheson in Colorado. Again.)

- Ilya gets hay fever real bad in Seattle and spends an entire night sneezing at EAR SPLITTING volume, each sneeze followed by a, "AHH!" from Shane as he is startled awake. Again.

- The Christmas wish lists of every Pike child and how they're going to be divvy'd up for the year. This conversation takes place in September.

- "I'm telling you, the penalty kill could be a work of fucking art if Haas--oh fuck, right there, don't stop--"

- As stated before, an objectively obnoxious amount of showering is happening. At one point LaPointe turns to Bood and says something to the effect of, "Crazy that Hollander takes TWO showers after every game, I guess he really is superstitious," and Bood just. Chooses not to engage.

- A thunderous and almighty BANG. This is the sound of Ilya's suitcase hitting the floor after it inevitably slides off the bed.

- "Shaaaaane, look at the livestream from the dog hotel--look at how cute! She is so sleepy, she's holding her banana like a baaaaby--"

- Vin Diesel's voice, unimaginably loud, at one AM

- Russian Yelling (Non sex reasons) (Sasha did something stupid)

- "Unh unh unh UNH UNH UNH--" (Squeak. Squeak.)

- Celtics game. Twenty minutes beforehand: "Fuck, Shane, how do I get ESPN on the stupid--Roku stick thing--"

- "Okay, look, your dad played the word veer--is not real word, right? Like, deer with a V? It's real? Shane, we can't let your dad win--no, it's not cheating, he gets Yuna's help--"

- Stuff about Rose Landry's upcoming film that they should probably all sign NDAs for even thinking about.

- Russian Yelling (Sex reasons. Probably. It sounds...ardent.)

- One time, for an entire night, silence. The day immediately preceeding this night and the morning immediately after are best left unspoken about.

- The sound of Shane's fuckass electric toothbrush for WAY too long. Seriously man it cannot be healthy to brush your teeth for that lo--oh. Got it. Okay. Where are my earbuds.

- "I mean, it's not like I'm sixteen anymore, right? It's just that sometimes I think she looks at me and sees a fucking kid still, and I get it, I get it--and fuck, babe, I know it's not fair to feel this way, she's the only mom I'll ever have, and you don't even--ugh--"

- "I'm so terribly sorry the hotel misplaced your bags, Mister Rozanov. If there's any way that we can...make it up to you..." [Giggle. Kissing sound. Kissing sound. Moan.]