Shane's most embarrassing jerk off fantasy about Ilya from the situationship era that it takes him forever to finally confess, like years later?
ohhh well you know I have a headcanon about ilya drunk calling shane during the two-year wait and slurring into shane’s voicemail about all the things he wants to do jane’s body. which shane thinks must have been a mistake (meant for some actual jane given how much ilya’s talking about her pussy) since ilya never brings it up again. but he does furtively jerk off to the voicemail for years even though it’s deeply embarrassing to be thinking about rozanov with a girl.
but hm let me see if i can come up with something new. I think shane’s most embarrassing jerkoff fantasies during the messy situationship era hookups are actually not super kinky or horny or whatever… I think they’re kind of sad :( like after ilya ghosts him I think remembering the incredibly tender emotionally intimate first time anal scene starts feeling like touching a hot stove… it makes shane flush hot with humiliation but he still jerks off to it anyway when his defenses are down and he just can’t help himself. ilya teasing him, ilya taking his time with him, ilya kissing him like that in the stairwell after. it’s not going to be like that again obviously and rozanov was right to set a very clear boundary so it’s embarrassing that he still gets off to it. I think ilya doesn’t kiss him the first couple times after vegas, so maybe most of a season, and shane gets the message. but he still curls his fingers into the sheets while ilya’s fucking him from behind and thinks about being kissed when he comes.
