cringe emporium

Like, on any given roadie the people sharing walls with the Hollanovs can expect to overhear:

- One side of phone calls between Shane and his mother where every third word is FUCK and Shane's voice gets higher the more he works himself up about whatever league drama is pissing him off that week

- Ilya yelling in Russian (Non sex reasons) (He and Svetlana are talking about Matheson in Colorado. Again.)

- Ilya gets hay fever real bad in Seattle and spends an entire night sneezing at EAR SPLITTING volume, each sneeze followed by a, "AHH!" from Shane as he is startled awake. Again.

- The Christmas wish lists of every Pike child and how they're going to be divvy'd up for the year. This conversation takes place in September.

- "I'm telling you, the penalty kill could be a work of fucking art if Haas--oh fuck, right there, don't stop--"

- As stated before, an objectively obnoxious amount of showering is happening. At one point LaPointe turns to Bood and says something to the effect of, "Crazy that Hollander takes TWO showers after every game, I guess he really is superstitious," and Bood just. Chooses not to engage.

- A thunderous and almighty BANG. This is the sound of Ilya's suitcase hitting the floor after it inevitably slides off the bed.

- "Shaaaaane, look at the livestream from the dog hotel--look at how cute! She is so sleepy, she's holding her banana like a baaaaby--"

- Vin Diesel's voice, unimaginably loud, at one AM

- Russian Yelling (Non sex reasons) (Sasha did something stupid)

- "Unh unh unh UNH UNH UNH--" (Squeak. Squeak.)

- Celtics game. Twenty minutes beforehand: "Fuck, Shane, how do I get ESPN on the stupid--Roku stick thing--"

- "Okay, look, your dad played the word veer--is not real word, right? Like, deer with a V? It's real? Shane, we can't let your dad win--no, it's not cheating, he gets Yuna's help--"

- Stuff about Rose Landry's upcoming film that they should probably all sign NDAs for even thinking about.

- Russian Yelling (Sex reasons. Probably. It sounds...ardent.)

- One time, for an entire night, silence. The day immediately preceeding this night and the morning immediately after are best left unspoken about.

- The sound of Shane's fuckass electric toothbrush for WAY too long. Seriously man it cannot be healthy to brush your teeth for that lo--oh. Got it. Okay. Where are my earbuds.

- "I mean, it's not like I'm sixteen anymore, right? It's just that sometimes I think she looks at me and sees a fucking kid still, and I get it, I get it--and fuck, babe, I know it's not fair to feel this way, she's the only mom I'll ever have, and you don't even--ugh--"

- "I'm so terribly sorry the hotel misplaced your bags, Mister Rozanov. If there's any way that we can...make it up to you..." [Giggle. Kissing sound. Kissing sound. Moan.]

Dillon Holmberg and Young bark at each other because they've all got that DAWG in em. Tanner Dillon I know nothing about you as a character but you are now my Brandon Duhaime stand in and you make your entrance barking on all fours.

Reporters ask if it's weird being in the Centaurs locker room because they are angling to get the players to say something negative about Shane, Ilya and Troy, but they are all talking about how the weirdest thing is that Tanner Dillon is always barking but they really love that and it really hypes the team up when he eats the cards after reading the starting lineup.

La Pointe is always stark naked under his pads and refuses to wear a shirt or anything but teeny tiny slut shorts and slides when he has to be out of his gear but still on camera, for media availability or an interview or something.

i cant get this out of my head....shane blowing ilya ok...you follow me...maybe early into their hookup days. and #myilya is packing (#9inchertruther) so shane is slobbering on it trying to fit it all in his mouth because he wants it so bad and wants to feel ilya in the back of his throat. he's still a novice at sucking dick so he's stretching his mouth as wide as it will go and taking as much as he can in eager swallows but only really getting around halfway down the shaft in each bob of his head. ilya's got one hand on the back of his head and has every intention to be sososo gentle with him but watching shane shudder and drool on his cock makes him feel crazy and he ends up pushing shane's head down down down until he's brushing the back of his throat with the head of his cock. shane obviously is gagging on it, which he finds hot but oh god actually shane realizes he is actually gagging on it, feeling the head of his cock nudging into the back of his throat, and he feels his stomach flip and turn and he's digging his nails into ilya's thigh and he can feel the bile starting to bubble up and sting his throat. he looks up at ilya frantically, whose face is twisted in pleasure, brows drawn and eyes hungry. shane whines and tries to pull off but ilya's hand is holding him there mumbling sweet nothings, "yeah, take it, take it" luckily, it's not long before ilya spills down shane's spasming throat. when ilya cants his hips back and pulls out shane is absolutely wrecked with it, chin slicked with thick saliva and coughing sputtering panting for breath. ilya gives him an affectionate pat on the cheek and hooks a finger behind his teeth to pry open his mouth and tells him how sweet his throat is and shane feels like he could fly to the moon and back with the praise, despite feeling like he's going to be sick all over ilya's shoes. he feels even sicker when he realizes how turned on he is about the idea of it.

a little bit after shane is looking at the calendar and montreal will be playing boston again in a few weeks. he keeps thinking about sucking ilya's cock again, the firm pressure of his hand on the back of his head, pushing him down down to take him, all of him, and make his throat another nice wet hole to fuck, soft and pliable, not spasming and retching. so he's determined to get better before he sees ilya next. brushing his tongue with his toothbrush, every night inching back further and further until he doesn't gag at the sensation anymore, in the shower experimentally pressing a few fingers into his mouth, inching his fingers back down on the back of his tongue, breathing through his nose and trying to ignore the twitch of his dick every time he gags around his fingers, every time the bile churns in his stomach,

soon enough shane learns how to relax his throat, how to breathe through his nose enough, how to press his thumbnail into the side of his index finger to distract him from the feeling telling him he's about to choke. the next time he sees ilya, all hot and raring to go as soon as he steps into shanes apartment after a complete rout by boston, shane wastes no time taking the hot length of him in his throat until shane's nose is pressed up against his pubes. and ilya hand on the back of shane's head, is spilling praise down onto shane, "such a good mouth, best mouth." but as shane bobs his head he doesn't see that same frenzied look in ilya's eye as the last time, that is, until he presses almost all the way down to the base and mimics a gag that's now been trained out of him. ilya folds, a litany of "fuck, hollander, you need it bad, huh?" as ilya presses shane's head down and cums down his throat once again