What's the best way to recover from someone trying to call you out because they don't like the femslash you write? I want to delete all my fics and leave fandom...
this is the first of two asks from the same anon
*hugs* oh anon. I'm so so sorry that you're experiencing this π
First of all, I want to stress that you didn't do anything wrong.
Anyone who doesn't like your writing has the option to simply not read it. They also have the option to mute your account on AO3 so they never even see when you post. They can block you, too, if they can't even bear to see your username in someone else's comments section.
You writing the things that you want to write has zero impact on them unless they allow it. They have no business blaming you or calling you out when they could simply ignore you entirely.
Call out culture in fandom, in cases like these, generally comes down to trying to harass someone into not creating anymore. The goal of this behaviour is to make you delete everything you've posted and never post anything again.
I do not blame you if that's the decision you make. Being at the centre of a firestorm sucks, and I've also disappeared when it got to be too much. Sometimes stepping away really is the best option for you and your mental health.
One of the many things I appreciate about AO3 is that, when you delete your work, they'll email you a copy of it. You won't be able to get copies of the kudos and comments, but you'll have the fic itself - which is still something π And if you ever decide to put it back up, that option is there for you.
If you decide to orphan instead of deleting, be aware that those fics will no longer be associated with your account, but you also won't be able to have them deleted from the Archive. The comments and kudos will remain, but you will have no ability to get the fic back onto your account. The orphaning process is permanent and irreversible.
Also, since you can't edit the work after orphaning it, make sure you check your author's notes first to make sure they don't link back to your socials or contain other information that you don't want out there.
As for how to recover? I think it often comes down to understanding that you're not the one at fault - despite what those people are saying. How you move on from this is going to depend on you and how this has affected you.
The loss of trust and safety that this kind of situation causes can be anywhere from annoying to traumatic. I say do what you need to do to feel safe again. Whether that's to take a break from AO3, seek solace in a group chat or discord server, move to a different fandom, or just get a really good hug from someone who cares about you.
Let's see how other people have dealt with situations like this before. *hugs*
