summary: the hunt is over, and for the most part, dean considers it a win. but he couldn’t save one kid. so why does his nightmare feel like he lost everything that mattered?
content: dean winchester x reader, smut!, nsfw, angst, hurt/comfort, nightmares, vulnerable dean, post-hunt angst, comfort, cuddling, sharing a bed, fluff, kissing.
you were almost falling asleep on the unnecessarily soft and comfortable motel bed. the painkillers dean had somehow found in this deserted and slightly creepy place seemed to be responding well to your abdominal cramps.
that was until the phone rang, both frightening and exciting you at the same time.
you picked up the phone. god, it was so hard to see when you were half-asleep. the man whose voice never failed to make you grin answered.
please, let that be a good “hey.”
“we did it. we’re on our way back with sam. sam’s already started dozing off on his feet. and i think i’m gonna have to deal with his beauty sleep too, so don’t worry. you can sleep. don’t wait up for me.”
you smiled at his words, but you could tell how exhausted he was from the very first word. he needed that sleep more than you did.
“okay, handsome. be careful.”
you were the first one to end the call.
you just wanted to sleep beside him. the second he walked through that door, you were going to throw the pillow you’d been hugging for the past few hours straight into outer space. you closed your eyes, trying not to think about why dean’s voice had sounded different despite them having succeeded.
but they were coming back. that was what mattered.
maybe dean had a headache or something, right? i didn’t know.
i must have fallen asleep, because the thing that woke me from whatever ridiculous sleep i’d been stuck in for who knows how many minutes was dean’s voice.
you turned your head toward the door and watched sam disappear slowly and heavily into the room, half-asleep. but he shut his door so quickly and threw himself onto the bed that i’m pretty sure he was already moving on to his third sweet dream.
“told you,” dean said. “i mean, i’ve gotta deal with a sleepwalker on top of everything else.”
“so it was a successful hunt, huh?”
“very successful,” he said with a grin, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. you noticed. of course you did. but before you could ask, dean was already pulling off his jacket.
he nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. you watched him move around the room, putting away his gun and taking off his boots. everything about him screamed exhaustion. his shoulders were tense, his movements slower than usual, and there was something distant in his eyes.
you almost asked him what happened. almost. instead, you simply smiled.
he raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but didn’t push it. a few minutes later, the room was quiet again.
dean quietly slipped into bed, careful not to disturb you. you were still awake, waiting for him. he glanced over and noticed you were only wearing a t-shirt and turquoise lace underwear. his eyes lingered for a second before he cleared his throat and looked away.
“the hunt went okay,” he mumbled, picking at the edge of the blanket. “we got the son of a bitch, but…”
he stared at the ceiling.
“the kid was good. he was a good kid. smart, too."
“we just… couldn’t save him.”
you were smart enough to notice the way his voice had changed.
“i’m sorry,” you said softly. “i know you wanted to save him.”
dean stayed quiet for a moment.
“yeah. i just keep thinking maybe i could’ve done something different.”
you reached for his hand beneath the blanket, gently lacing your fingers with his.
“you did everything you could, dean.”
“doesn’t really feel like it.”
he didn’t say anything after that. instead, he shifted closer until his face was tucked against your neck, his arm settling around your waist as he finally let himself relax.
it didn’t take long for his breathing to even out.
you stayed still, letting him sleep.
he was so pretty. you were almost jealous of his sleep, because you couldn’t see those beautiful green eyes while he was asleep.
some time passed before you realized that something was wrong. you had already fallen asleep, but your sleep had never been particularly deep anyway. you’d spent the entire day doing absolutely nothing at home. dean’s arms were wrapped around you, his breath warm against the back of your neck. his arms were resting around your waist, your back completely against his broad chest.
dean had started breathing too fast.
even half-asleep, you thought it might be a panic attack. you knew what they felt like, what they looked like. but could it happen while he was asleep?
dean was mumbling something. as you tried to make out what he was saying, a sharp pain caught your attention.
dean was gradually tightening his grip around your waist, harder and harder.
you knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose. but god, he was using all of his strength.
the difference between his usual hold and this was almost frightening.
you still weren’t facing him. you couldn’t turn around with him holding you like that.
“dean, let go of me. i think you’re dreaming.”
“no, let her go. let that girl go. i can’t lose her.”
you were starting to get scared too, especially now that the room was completely dark. you couldn’t sleep with the lights on.
you stopped trying to pry dean’s hands away because you knew you couldn’t break his grip. instead, you reached your arm backward. for a second, you worried you might accidentally poke him in the eye, but then you thought of his hair.
“dean, you’re hurting me. god, i’m right here!”
“please, don’t take her. don’t take her away from me. the kid is w-with me. give her to me too and let me take them both. take me, please. just let them be okay…”
if dean didn’t wake up soon, you were either going to scream or sam had to be awake by now.
you almost let out a sob, and somehow, that was what finally woke dean.
the little hiccup that escaped your throat made him freeze.
he sucked in a breath like someone who had just escaped drowning.
dean sat up in bed, and you did the same.
that little boy must have affected him more than he wanted to admit. maybe he had seen himself in that kid. maybe some part of him had recognized his own childhood in that boy.
you couldn’t stop yourself. your eyes filled with tears.
just like dean’s voice had trembled, yours did too.
what the hell was wrong with you?
god, why were you suddenly this emotional?
it wasn’t the pain in your waist.
it was seeing dean like this.
wasn’t he allowed to be at peace even in his sleep?
you wrapped your arms gently around his neck and pressed your forehead against his temple.
“dean, i’m right here. calm down. nobody’s taking me anywhere. i’m right here. this is real. look at me, sweetheart.”
dean was sweating. his green eyes were shining.
the pale streetlight coming through the window was just bright enough for you to see him, and apparently, he could see you too.
dean slowly raised both hands.
his large hands found your small face, holding you so gently it almost hurt.
“did i hurt you? tell me. i’m sorry. the nightmare felt so real. i-i’m really sorry. how could i hurt you?”
“why didn’t sam wake up? i’m gonna kill him. why didn’t he hear you? look at me.”
“you look at me. i’m okay!”
“i was trying to save you.”
“i swear to god, i was trying to save you.”
his voice was still unsteady, like he hadn’t completely managed to separate the dream from reality.
“i saved the kid,” he continued. “i got him out. he was alive. i actually got him out this time.”
he stared down at the blanket, his jaw tightening.
“but then they took you.”
“i saw you,” he whispered. “you were right there, and i was trying to get to you, but i couldn’t move fast enough.”
his eyes started to glisten.
“i kept telling myself i could still get to you. that i could fix it. but they…”
he stopped, shaking his head.
you slowly kissed the corner of his mouth.
“nobody took me from you, and nobody can. i’m right here, and i’m as real as this kiss, okay?”
dean looked at you for a moment, his eyes still carrying the remnants of the nightmare.
you gave him another small kiss, this time against his cheek.
you started to sit up, but dean’s hand immediately found your wrist.
“dean, i’m just getting you some water.”
his fingers tightened gently around your wrist.
there was something so vulnerable in the way he said it that you didn’t argue.
you held dean’s hands where they rested on your waist, your fingers overlapping his. slowly, gently, you pulled his hands away, bringing them to your lips to kiss his knuckles one by one.
then, you placed his palms against your own face, holding them there as if still trying to prove to both of you that this was real, that you were really right there with him.
dean leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment as you sat together on the bed. for the first time all night, a quiet sense of peace washed over him.
"you're so sweet, dean. wanna go back to sleep? or we could eat that pie in the fridge. what do you want, hmm?"
dean’s hand shifted from your cheek to gently cup the back of your neck. he pulled you in, meeting your lips in a kiss that was calm, slow, and warm. for a second, it felt like everything was finally back to "normal." but suddenly, you couldn't help yourself.
his heart rate was supposed to be slowing down, yet before you could even process what you were doing, you shifted and pushed yourself into his lap.
"yeah, come here. don't care about the water. don't go away."
you couldn't help but smile. being in his lap felt incredible. no matter the situation, he never seemed weak—his hold on you was always solid, always grounded, always strong.
dean kept kissing you, using one hand to brush the hair away from your face while his other hand wandered down your hips, tracing the edge of your underwear.
the ghost of the nightmare was completely gone now.
but somehow, a sudden wave of impatience washed over you.
for a split second, you even felt a little reckless, acting on pure impulse.
straddling his lap, you reached down and pulled his boxers down so fast they didn't even go all the way off. dean didn't hesitate for a single second. if anything, a dark smirk touched his lips—he loved it.
if this was what it took to bring him completely back to reality, then fine.
god only knew how, but dean moved even faster than you, hooking his fingers into the band of your lace underwear and tugging it to the side. neither of you were even fully undressed.
you reached between you, guiding him, and sank down onto him so quickly that both of you lost the breath to kiss.
you were both just left breathless, mouths slightly open in a sharp gasp.
"stupid sam shouldn't hear this."
he immediately covered your mouth with his broad hand, his palm warm against your lips. you began to move slowly up and down on him, riding the heavy, intense friction.
everything felt overwhelming, like an alarm was blaring in your head—because dean refused to break eye contact, his deep green eyes pinned entirely on you, while you had already closed yours, completely consumed by how intense every single touch felt.
you were sure this felt like a dream to dean. everything was happening so fast, so raw, blurring the lingering edges of his nightmare into a reality that felt almost too intense to be real.
but you both knew you couldn't keep this going for long.
no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't keep your voice down. you wanted to scream. yes, even like this, in a position as simple and classic as this, sitting right in his lap with his broad palm smothering your breathless whimpers.
the sheer friction, the weight of him, and those dark green eyes refusing to leave yours made everything way too overwhelming, and you were completely losing control.
you rode him hard, the pleasure hitting you like a tidal wave.
"dean, i'm gonna come. i'm sorry,"
you whimpered against his palm. dean buried his face in your chest, a dark, breathless chuckle vibrating against your skin.
"fuck, don't be," he growled low, his voice wrecked and heavy.
his hips snapped up one last time, driving deep as he came right along with you. a guttural groan left his throat, swallowed by your neck as he held you impossibly tight.
both of you froze, trembling, completely spent.
"got you," he panted against your skin, his grip fierce even in exhaustion. "i got you."
seconds later, you rolled over, pulling his heavy body down with you. you dragged the thin blanket up over both of your shoulders.
you pulled his head onto your chest.
dean let out a long, quiet sigh, sinking into your warmth. his arm draped heavily over your waist, pinning you close.
"stay," he mumbled, his voice thick and slurred against your collarbone. "don't move an inch."
you ran your fingers slowly through his short hair. "go to sleep, dean."
"m'not going anywhere," he whispered back, his breath warm against your pulse.
his eyes fluttered shut. his heavy breathing slowed, turning deep and steady against your chest.within minutes, both of you drifted off, completely fast asleep.
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