SERAPH / ASSASSIN

❝ [Name], I know you've done something! ❞

❝ You've always done something. It's a lovely day out, we're having a good time...what have you done? ❞

❝ You mistake me for some kind of scoundrel. ❞

❝ Okay, [Name], what did you do today? ❞

❝ Well, let's see. I washed the car, I made a donation to the local girl scout troop, I returned an overdue movie at Blockbuster, I stepped on a ladybug by accident, and...I baked some banana bread for our neighbor, Pat. ❞

❝ Ohhh...I may have forgotten to mention one of my activities. I apologize, that was wrong. ❞

❝ Well, from here, it looks like a weather balloon. ❞

❝ I'm not in the mood for this. ❞

❝ I think it's just a lens flare and some dust. ❞

❝ Fine, I may have created a crack in space-time...through which to collect millions of baby hands. ❞

❝ What do you mean, "huh?" ❞

❝ I think I was expecting worse. ❞ / ❝ Worse? But this is totally fudged, bro. ❞

❝ Come on, look at this. How did I even do this? ❞

❝ I don't understand how or why you do anything. ❞

❝ Do you know what it feels like to be me right now? It hurts. ❞

❝ Well, you know, whities gotta pay. And the payment is baby hands. ❞

❝ I'm leaving, [Name]. I'm moving out. ❞

❝ It's the meat conveyor, isn't it? You were never a fan of modern home design. ❞

❝ Efficiency. Industry. Never before has so many dead bodies been so manageable. ❞

❝ I'm the Henry Ford of human meat. ❞

❝ I've already packed. I'm not coming back. ❞

❝ Come on! We haven't even gotten to the big surprise yet! ❞

❝ Well, now I don't even want to show you. ❞

❝ You're being a huge b-hole right now. ❞

❝ You know what's gross? Your attitude. ❞

❝ What have I done to deserve all this b-hole coming out of your mouth? ❞

❝ You buried her there! ❞ / ❝ It's what she would have wanted. ❞

❝ She wasn't keeping up with the weeding! As president of the Homeowners Association, I had to take immediate action! ❞

❝ All you do is kill people, [Name]! ❞ / ❝ That's like saying, "all Mozart did was write songs." ❞

❝ You are completely insane! ❞

❝ Oh, how would you feel if I called YOUR work a monstrosity? ❞

❝ Of course I had to use faces! Anything else would be disrespecting the art! ❞

❝ It's called modernism -- only I've made it more modern by using the face parts of city council members. ❞

❝ I disagree with the election results. ❞

❝ Someone had to take a stand! I'm a patriot and a hero! ❞

❝ Fine! If you're going to whine about it, I can sew them back on. ❞

❝ I think their bodies are still in my blood canal. ❞

❝ Yes, I'm the crazy one, not the people who elected those buffoons. ❞

❝ If you paid any attention to our city charter meetings, you would see it wasn't an overreaction. ❞

❝ You're sitting...you never sit. ❞

❝ You're always standing, [Name]! You're not supposed to sit! ❞

❝ I find this very upsetting. ❞

❝ You don't even care, do you? About MY feelings! ❞

❝ I don't even know who you are anymore. ❞

❝ No, you cannot take off the mask. It has to look right when I throw you in my blood canal. ❞

❝ Ding dong! [Landlord / Pizza delivery / Fire department / Bank manager]! You have an appointment! ❞

❝ What do you want, [Name]? ❞

❝ I want to be treated like a friend, [Name]. ❞

❝ We're not friends anymore! ❞

❝ Didn't you get my apology piano? ❞

❝ Pianos aren't supposed to bleed and scream!! ❞

❝ I guess it was less a piano and more a statement on pianos. ❞

❝ Why don't you go horrify someone else, [Name]? ❞

❝ I miss your grumpy face, and the mask I made hasn't worked. It's not grump enough. ❞

❝ ...You made a mask of my face? ❞

❝ Speaking of which, you might want to avoid being seen by any federal investigators. ❞

❝ Go home, [Name]. I'm calling the police. ❞

❝ You know there isn't a prison I can't nibble my way out of. ❞

❝ Oh, come on! I have nowhere to go! ❞

❝ I burned my house down once I had enough swans inside! ...And I used up the rest of my savings buying the swans. ❞

❝ And whose fault is that? ❞ / ❝ Society! Society and the swans! ❞

❝ [Name], please. I gave you every chance I could. I just can't do it anymore. ❞

❝ What if I got you...ten million dollars, cash? ❞ / ❝ You don't have ten million dollars, [Name]! ❞

❝ I buried a large chest of doubloons once. I could go dig that up. It was either that or my Zoobooks...a lot of something is buried in a hole somewhere. ❞

❝ I'm putting on some music, [Name]. I'm not listening anymore. ❞

❝ I'm sorry flesh-me is so ungrateful, [Name]. ❞

❝ And after all we've been through! It's scandalous, I say. ❞

❝ You do such incredible things and deserve appreciation. ❞

❝ It's okay. He'll come around...as soon as the swan piano arrives. ❞

❝ Uh-oh, what did I do this time? ❞

❝ You killed someone and chopped them up, and they're right here on the floor, [Name]. ❞

❝ I didn't do that. Why would you think I did such a thing? ❞

❝ All the blood, and th-the...pieces...you murderer! ❞

❝ I think I would have remembered dismembering someone and putting all their bits on the ground right here. ❞

❝ That's not the sort of thing I would usually forget about. ❞

❝ [NAAAME]! I hate you, [Name]. I HATE YOU! ❞

❝ Oh, watch it. Now who's being hurtful? You, [Name]. You. ❞

❝ [Name]? Y-You came back... ❞

❝ You must finish your work, [Name]. ❞

❝ There is so much we need to do. We mustn't dawdle. ❞

❝ You said you weren't coming back. ❞

❝ I don't know what I'm supposed to say. ❞

❝ What are you planning, [Name]? ❞

❝ I'm kinda just freestyling it most days, taking things as they come. ❞

❝ You're better than that, [Name]. You're better. ❞ / ❝ I am, aren't I? ❞

❝ You sure like your yelling. ❞

❝ I can't see anything. ❞

❝ You need to get up, [Name]. You are in great danger. ❞

❝ I-I don't remember how I got here. ❞

❝ Ohh, it's my gore pit. ❞

❝ You had a terrible fall, [Name]. ❞

❝ I think my legs are broken. ❞

❝ How long have I been down here? It feels like a long time. ❞

❝ Your work isn't finished, [Name]. You have so much more to do. ❞

❝ I don't know if I can move, [Name]. ❞

❝ Act quickly. Something is down here with us. ❞

❝ That's probably the basilisk. It won't bother us. The stupid thing only eats Chipotle. ❞

❝ Were you always this creepy, [Name]? ❞

❝ I know. It's all laughs with old [Name]. ❞

❝ Maybe it's my stomach making the rumblies. Hungry for hands. Remember that, [Name]? ❞

❝ I'm sorry, [Name]. You'll have to do this yourself. ❞ / ❝ Well, that's a bummer. ❞

❝ That's not gonna work. I'm in too bad a mood. ❞

❝ Oh, hey, how did all these bodies get down here? ❞

❝ You killed these people, [Name]. ❞

❝ Collecting piles of human meat is my least favorite thing to do. ❞

❝ I am a rascal. Just a no-good troublemaker. That's me. ❞

❝ I guess I'm done. ❞

❝ There's nothing left to complete. It's all gone. ❞

❝ I'm done, [Name]! ❞

❝ Why are you still yelling at me!? ❞

❝ All the hands are eaten. All the meat creatures are made, unleashed, and then also eaten. ❞

❝ Yes, it was very upsetting. ❞

❝ Do you remember the blood vortex in Paris? ❞ / ❝ Yeah. That was my favorite. ❞

❝ You know what? I don't even think you're really [Name]. ❞

❝ I think you're a liar and a cheat. ❞

❝ I'm going to go find the real [Name]. ❞

❝ I don't think he's going to be very pleased about all this stuff I've done. ❞

❝ Remember the orb thing with all the nerves? It would shock people, then eat their skin. [Name] is going to be really upset to learn I made that. ❞

❝ When I find the real [Name], I bet he's going to be the most mad at you. ❞

❝ Identity theft, that's a felony. Yelling, also a felony. ❞

❝ You are not [Name]. You are a fraudster. ❞

❝ I'm coming in, [Name]! I'm sorry if this violates your restraining order, but it's important! ❞

❝ ...Oh. I think you're already gone. ❞

❝ How did it get in here? ❞ / ❝ I left the window open. I take full responsibility. ❞

❝ It's been a windy day. I felt definite gusts earlier. ❞

❝ I don't like the accusatory tones in your voice. ❞

❝ I'm a pillar of the community and a known philanthropist. ❞

❝ Well, let's retrace our steps. What have you been up to today? ❞

❝ Ohh...you're going to laugh. This has all been a huge misunderstanding. ❞

❝ I made a citizen's arrest and then nibbled his hands off...as a citizen's punishment. ❞

❝ You bit off a man's hands? ❞ / ❝ I believe I said "nibble." Words mean things. ❞

❝ I can see now that I reacted without knowing all the facts. ❞

❝ I just...I can't believe you're capable of such a thing. ❞

❝ It was a confused moment. Tensions were high. ❞

❝ I'm as much a victim as anybody. ❞

❝ I'd like to believe you, but... ❞

❝ I, [Name], solemnly swear on my honor as county comptroller and president of the PTA that I will never harm a living soul ever again. ❞

❝ I don't know. Maybe I ate too many hands, and now I have hand powers. ❞

❝ Hey, get away from me!! ❞

❝ Don't touch my tube. Don't touch it. ❞

❝ Oh, now you've done it. You're in big trouble, [Name]. ❞

❝ Hey, buddy, I just work here. ❞

❝ But why? Why would you do this? ❞

❝ I had a rough childhood. Street crime, gang violence, El Niño. ❞

❝ My mother was a big balloon. She used to tie her string around my leg and float me around the city, dropping me into dump trucks. ❞

❝ I can't believe you've done this. ❞ / ❝ Neither can I. ❞

❝ You taste like old guacamole. ❞

❝ Well, there's no helping old [Name] now. ❞

❝ I've surely gone and done it this time. ❞

❝ I remember this place. This is where I first saw you. ❞

❝ I always thought of you as made of moonlight because of that first night. ❞

❝ You were looking for something. I don't remember what. It wasn't important, and you never found it. ❞

❝ Maybe we're both still here. Maybe we've been here all along. ❞

❝ Well, there go all our plans. ❞

❝ If you don't want to go out, there's plenty of things we can do inside. ❞

❝ We could play truth or dare. ❞

❝ Why? Why did you leave? ❞

❝ There are threads that hold us together, [Name]. Threads that connect us to every other living soul. ❞ / ❝ You left me over knitting? ❞

❝ Every time you killed someone, you cut another thread. One by one, by one, by one. And eventually...there just weren't any left. ❞

❝ I didn't leave you, [Name]. You left the world. ❞

❝ Bury yourself in a deep hole. Stay there forever. Spend the rest of time in darkness and solitude. Free the rest of us from you. ❞

❝ Oh, there you are. Didn't I eat you? ❞

❝ I'm becoming a productive member of society. ❞

❝ I'm going to be a good boy from now on, so [Name] will forgive me. ❞

❝ Yeah, I think you're on the wrong track here. ❞

❝ Let's agree to disregard what you said because you're wrong. ❞

❝ You don't deserve forgiveness. ❞

❝ You killed everyone you ever met, [Name]. ❞

❝ That's a very negative way of looking at things. ❞

❝ Yeah, and I feel very bad about it. ❞

❝ You only feel bad when something you want gets taken away from you. ❞

❝ You never feel bad when you're ripping things away from everyone else. ❞

❝ It's a beautiful day, friend. ❞

❝ Do you think I'm beyond redemption? ❞

❝ You don't even know me. ❞

❝ Okay, tell me about yourself. ❞

❝ I once cut a guy in half with a hula hoop. The trick is building up enough momentum. ❞

❝ I made a hula hoop out of human skin and bones, and then I made another guy eat the hoop...lengthwise. ❞

❝ I stuffed a bunch of orphans into one huge hula hoop and then rolled them down the hill into a lake on Christmas morning. ❞

❝ I just killed so many people that there happens to be multiple hula hoop examples. ❞

❝ Well, that all sounds pretty terrible. ❞

❝ I'm a no-good son of a you-know-what. ❞

❝ What have you done to redeem yourself? ❞ / ❝ Well, uh, I said I was sorry. Like, a lot. ❞

❝ I don't think that's going to cut it. ❞

❝ What does that have to do with anything? ❞

❝ I don't think that's a solution to my current predicament. ❞

❝ There are no solutions. Not for you. Not anymore. ❞

❝ Oh, you were quoting me. I said that. ❞

❝ What's with all the rain? Get a life. ❞

❝ I don't know what kind of establishment you're trying to run here, but I'm leaving. ❞

❝ I'm finding [Name]. I'm sorting things out between us. He'll listen to me. He'll understand. ❞

❝ ...He's dead. How did I forget that? ❞

❝ He's dead...and it's my fault. I did this. ❞

❝ [Name], I hope you're having a better time than I am. I really mean that. ❞