Crash into your Soul

Your scream echoed through the air, a painful slap to the cheek, a harsh blow to the stomach. Screaming, kicking…. The cold ground that relieved the pain of your painful limps ever so slightly followed right after. A blubbering cry escaped you as he pulled you up by your hair. Your entire body seemed to burn with pain as you yet again tried to push you off ; having you plant your nails into his neck…  You had drawn blood, you saw it beneath the edges of your nails. “You little bitch.” He cursed. Unfortunately words weren’t the only thing he communicated with; actions speaking so much louder than words, after all. Another hit, a grunt, a cry, a kick to the legs, tears running down your face.

Curse words reached your ears as you tried to get up. You wanted to fight, you wanted to show him you could… This wasn’t natural. You shouldn’t pass out so quickly…What had he done to you? You wondered all those things at the same time as you saw two pairs of legs in front of you. Were you seeing double? No, you couldn’t go down just like this. You had to see, you had to fight… He couldn’t just have what he…. Everything was turning black. Darkness was all too eager to consume you. Gone.

***************************************************

  You kept on seeing his face. But it wasn’t really him. Swirling in and out of the picture; this man, it wasn’t even him that you were actually seeing reappear. You only saw a beast; ripping at your flesh and consuming every inch of you. You wanted to scream into the darkness.

Jumping into your reality you sat upright in a flash. Everything was so much brighter than before, it had you cry out in confusion and panic…The hospital. How did you end up here? Suddenly warm arms engulfed you. “Let me go-“ “shhht. Shhht jagi, it’s okay.” That voice. Your reaction to push him away had at been nothing more than an automatic instinct your body reacted to. But so was your reaction to his voice. … Your boyfriend, your Jiwon. It meant safety. He was standing there; eyes glued to you as he tried to calculate what you’d do now. There was so much pain in his eyes, you almost worried for how much of that was mirrored in your own. “W..What happened?” you uttered in a hoarse tone. You must’ve been asleep for quite a while. You felt like you had been asleep for days. With a sigh, Jiwon fell back into his chair. The anger was unmistakable in the way he nervously fidgeted with his fingers and tried to avoid to look into your eyes. “Look at me Jiwon.” You told him, wanting to reach out to hold his hand, but finding yourself unable to. Everything hurt; and it was that ounce of information that you received with a small groan, that pushed your boyfriend over the edge. “What’s the last thing you remember?” he tried, you could see it hurt him to ask. As if he expected you to forget it all?

“I..” you started, thinking back to the night before with a dazed expression on your face. There were clear images of your boyfriend and you entering the club. It had ended up in fight over something stupid; him thinking you were dancing a little bit too provocative in your short dress to his liking. You had been your stubborn self; not wanting to be told how to dance, not even by your boyfriend. After all, you were only his. “You didn’t look like it.” He had replied to you, making you storm off in anger. It had resulted into dancing on your own in the far back, unaware of how Jiwon had been watching you and.. That guy. “He… he brought me to the alley.” You told Jiwon in front of you, receiving a nod in return. “He..H..he tried to..” you tried to let the words out, but inevitably ended up being silenced by Jiwon joining you on the bed and wrapping his arms around you. “I got there in time baby. He didn’t… do that.” He spoke. It was exactly what you needed to hear to have yourself burst out in tears. Like a dam had been broken inside of you and you could finally react to all the pain and fear inside your body.

“Thank you so much.” You breathed in between sobs; only to feel him pull away from you. You couldn’t understand why. “Thank me? For what?” he spoke loud and harshly as he stood up and started pacing in front of you. With wide eyes you stared at him, confused by this reaction. A loud bang shocked you quite a bit as Jiwon kicked the empty chair. “I was almost too late jagi! I almost… I let him hurt you! I looked away for one second and…. Look at yourself! Look at what he has done to you! He even drugged you! ”  he yelled at you; voice and eyes filled with so much guilt and anger at himself. And he was right; as you looked down at your body you could see the bruises onto your pale skin and you could feel them all over your body with every inch that you moved. You could feel the nausea in your body be overwhelming to the point of you wanting to throw up. The drugs explained it. However, despite all of that; you moved; for him.

“I want you.” His husky voice that was tainted by passion whispered so close to your ears, it send shivers down your spine. He was exploiting every weak spot of you; from softly nibbling your neck to drawing circles on your hips. He knew all too well what you wanted and how you wanted it. Your eyes opened; focusing on the handsome man right next to you.  “So, euhm, why all of a sudden?” you mumbled, pulling him in for a soft kiss the moment after. Chuckling,  he kissed down your jaw and replied. “I had a dream about you. And now I want that to become reality…Right now.” He said, fingers moving from massaging your clit to entering you. The way his finger felt inside of you had you moan more louder this time; walls contracting around him that instant. He bit his lip; enjoying the sight of you being completely under his spell. It was easy to tell for him how much you enjoyed this; your eyes half lidded and mouth slightly hanging open as you gasped for air when he entered yet another finger to pleasure you even more. It had been a while that the two of you had shared a moment like this. The two of you were so busy. His show appearances, practices, your job… it took away a lot of your quality time together, but you knew no one would take away this lazy Sunday morning from you. Not anymore.

The feeling of his hand working on you and his soft kisses combined was like heaven. You felt all stress and worries leave your body as he worked his magic. But despite feeling the burning sensation growing in your stomach, you knew this wasn’t enough to truly satisfy you. You wanted to see him experience as much pleasure as you; knowing it would turn you on even more. The way he would bite his lips, utter your name in breathy moans as he pushed himself inside of you… the very thought of him filling you up was driving you crazy and it didn’t take you long to grab his hand and pull him away from womanhood. “I want you… More of you.” You whispered; feeling his body grow more tense next to you as he knew what was about to come. A smile spread across his face as he moved to kick off his boxers; the only remaining piece of clothing on his body. Feeling overdressed; you moved to pull out your nightgown; showing your naked body only to him underneath the warm covers of your bed. Your panties had been long gone by now; making you instantly feel the tip of his member prod against your entrance as he moved on top of you.

“I love you.” He breathed, followed by a low, intense and throaty moan as he pushed himself ever so slowly inside of you. With ever inch that he went deeper you felt your muscles contract in spasms at the feeling. It felt like sparks electrified your entire body; nerve by nerve being lit on fire as your walls adjusted to his size. It felt amazing to have him glide in and out of you like this; both of you taking your time with this. Somehow you were completely tuned into each other, knowing that at this time of the day; this lazy morning, you both just needed to have this slow and intimate moment together. There was no need for screams or rough play; the dust of sleep still apparent in both of your eyes as you moved together in unison. Having your back arch ever so slightly as you gently wrapped your legs around his hips and he hit a new angle. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe your mine. I love you so much.” It was a never ending ramble of sweet things he was whispering to you with every soft thrust. An effortless giggle escaped you in reply to his words; kissing him deeply while small moans escaped you. And  as you watched him; hair messy, sweat drops on his forehead and a pleased expression on his face; you were overwhelmed by your deep love for him. And although he felt so amazing inside of you already, that was what really had you going.

The warmth spread all over you. Your fingers trembled in anticipation of the high you were about to reach. His ragged breath, the silence that came from his as he buried his face into your neck; he was getting close himself. And the way your walls clenched tighter around his hardened length had him ball his fists as he gasped for air at the same time you did. Fireworks exploded all around; the two of you for once picking up speed as he enjoyed the last bit of both of your orgasms. The harder trusts had you repeat his name over and over again as you grabbed the blankets around you. It was such an amazing feeling, making you miss it the second it escaped you and you found yourself laying on the bed, still tired but also completely satisfied.

“Oops? Are you kidding me? I spend the entire day with our sick son; worrying like crazy! And then when I finally manage to put him to sleep, you come barging in and all you can is oops?” you bursted out over the crying of Jaejoong.  The surprise was obvious on Daehyun’s face as he looked at you. “Okay If you’re going to be like this, I’m gone. I’m not in the mood for this, I’m going to bed.” He then said, typically trying to avoid conflict. Logically, you knew it was the best thing to do; but the irrational part of your anger didn’t seem to agree.  How dare he act like you were overreacting about this? He had not called once during that day despite your text messages and all your worries for your son. “Oh YOU are not in the mood for this? Does it look like I am? Maybe for once you should try to be an actual father and do something!” you  then yelled, immediately regretting the words you said while storming past him holding Jae.

Daehyun was perplexed; he didn’t even move an inch as you passed him and went downstairs. Tears streaming down your face, Jaejoong crying in your arms; all of it was overwhelming you to the point of you almost dropping down in the couch were it not you were holding a baby. Seeing the tears of his mother and the change of environment seemingly surprised the little boy; having him stop his tears and look up at you with those big dark eyes of his. “Shh it’s okay sweetie. Mommy’s okay.” You nodded, kissing both his chubby cheeks before cuddling him sweetly. Being so absorbed in that moment of peace with him, you failed to notice how your husband had entered the livingroom and joined you.

“I only saw my cellphone on the way home, jagiya. I… I figured that since you didn’t text me for the past 3 hours he was asleep, that’s why I reacted like that when I saw you sit there.” He explained, trying to give you a soft smile while you still glared at him. “You should’ve answered sooner. You need to check your phone more often. I’m not only talking about today, I’m talking about all those moments you miss from our little boy.” You sighed deeply this time, not wanting to argue but needing to let it all out. Deep down you know it wasn’t Daehyun’s fault, but it was a fact that he hadn’t objected much to the busy schedules of BAP either. And it had made you wonder; did he not want to spend time together? It was a foolish thought, but it was there nonetheless; eating you up inside. “I try my best..” he reacted, “you need to try harder. He’s growing fast, Daehyun. It won’t be much longer before he’s two years old. You’re missing out on too much. Now, it might not all be fun and glitters, but even moments like this when he’s sick are moments we need to share together. To be strong together for our little boy.To be husband and wife, mother and father. I need you too. ” You brought out tiredly, watching him nod as you did so. .. Did it sink in? Did he realize what you just said?

Meanwhile, Jaejoong was softly fidgeting yet again. You knew he would be crying again anytime soon and to your own surprise, it was your husband who took him from your hands after a moment of silence from his side. “You go to bed. I will take care of him.” He insisted, holding the crying child against his chest. “Are you sure?” you mumbled, unsure if he was doing this against his will or not. It was hard to tell with that determined look in his eyes. “Jagi, please… You look dead tired..And despite of what you think, I do know how to take care of our son. Please go to bed.” He continued on, getting up and grabbing a cup of water to give to him. “Try to make him sleep some.” You nodded, slowly walking into the direction of the door and giving one last worried glance. “Go.” You heard yet again.

It wasn’t shortly after you felt a familiar warmth surrounding you as you felt yourself getting pulled back out of your dreams. Unaware of how long you had been asleep, you blinked a few times; dazed and confused. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” he mumbled as his arms wrapped around you and he spooned you.  “It’s fine… Is..is Jae asleep?” you wondered, seeing how two hours had passed and your husband was now by your side. The house was silent and you couldn’t be happier. “He is…and…” Daehyun started, a silence following. “And?” you replied, not moving an inch but you were wide awake right now and curious as to what he had to say. “And you were right… I… I had no idea of how difficult it was for you. Seeing Jaejoong cry the past two hours, seeing him in pain and hold on to me like that. It made me realize how much I had missed. You know I didn’t even know he was wearing a bigger size of diaper right now?” he let out a small sigh at his own words. To you it was painful to hear how you had been right, but at the same time you were glad he did realize it now.  

“Well I mean like.. It’s so relaxing! How could I not like it?” you tried to save whatever was left of the moment you two had shared just now; fearing it would be long gone in a second. “I agree.” he then said; making you arch your eyebrows for a small moment until you recovered back into a pokerface. “And that’s why we should make sure it’ll stay in our memory forever.” Your heard his words; unsure of what he meant by them. Forever in your memory? “Okay, let us take a selca.” He then continued, making your head snap to the side with a huge smile on your face. He did not just…

“Don’t look at me like that, okay? Taking a selca is totally normal business and it is a perfect way to capture this moment forever.” He started going of as if he had to explain himself. Truth was, you couldn’t be happier with this suggestion; finally a picture of the two of you would exist! But it simply came as a surprise to hear him suggest it all of a sudden. “Or don’t you want to go on a picture with me?” he then continued, adding a pout to make himself look even sadder; instantly winning you over. “Don’t be silly, of course I do!” you reacted instantly, moving so that you were properly sitting next to him now and ready to take a picture.

“Okay. One two three…” a soft click was heard as the two of you looked up at Seunghyun’s smartphone for the picture. Within seconds he had it flipped around and was he intently staring at it. “Oh I look like crap. Another one.” He continued, holding it up again. “The way you’re holding it, it makes for an awkward angle from your side.” You dryly commented, aware of how he slightly tilted it too downwards. It was good to make your eyes appear even bigger, but with his hair, it made his forehead look huge too. “What are you, a selca- pro?” he grinned, the hint of slight sarcasm unmistakable in his voice. “Just give me that and watch the master work her magic.” You teased right back, amused by how both his eyes and smile widened visibly before he handed you his precious phone. “You better impress me.” He laughed, looking back up as you reached out to take the picture yourself.

It didn’t take long before you found the right angle and quickly captured the moment. Seunghyun himself was left with wide eyes as he took in the picture. “Okay damn.” “Told you I was good.” You laughed, blessing yourself for the insane amount of selca’s you took over all those years. At least they had a very special use right now. “Oh please, let’s see if you can do that again!” he remarked, handing you the phone back and obviously waiting for you to take another picture. And so you did.

Staring at the two of you on the screen, you tried to find the best angle… only to see Seunghyun looking away, towards your own face. “Seunghyun? What… What are you doing? I’m trying to take a pi-“You  started to complain about his obvious lack of focus in that moment, only to be silenced as you looked to your side; right into his eyes… which were surprisingly close to your own. “Wh—Wha-what are you doing?” you mumbled; now completely positive you were probably looking like a tomato. “You’re so pretty, do you know that?” “I…What?” Needless to say he had rendered you speechless in this very moment. How on earth did he suddenly came to the decision to blurt this out to you? Not that you weren’t flattered, but the unexpected nature of the situation simply had you unable to reply properly. “You’re pretty… Insanely gorgeous actually. And I’m not just saying that because the picture was pretty.. I’m saying that because..” he suddenly stopped, seemingly tripping over his own words as if he couldn’t get them out fully. “Because.. I.. Euhm. How to put this.” He mumbled, suddenly turning into the different kind of Seunghyun than you were used to. You adored this cute and shy side of him; and needless to say all of it warmed your heart even more. “I..Euhm.. It remembered- I re..It reminded me of how I always thought that and I.. I just really… Would you like to go on a date with me, _____-ah?” he blurted out in such a ramble of words you almost missed the last part. Were it not that he had said that particular ending surprisingly loud.

“You said his name, ____-ah.” Came his reply, all of it alarming you instantly. It wasn’t only of what he said, but the way he added your name instead of the usual ‘Jagiya’ and the tone in which he said it that signaled to you something was terribly wrong. And what on earth was he even talking about? “I said what about who?” you replied, giving him a sincere confused look. If he was mad at you for some reason, which was obvious by how he hardly looked at you, you deserved to at least know why. “Minseok!” he then snapped, now finally turning to look at you. The redness of his eyes gave away how he had been crying just now. But that seemed to be long gone now, because all you saw was frustration. “What? You’re kidding me, aren’t you? I said Minseok’s name while sleeping?”  you replied after him, not understanding why he was making a big deal out of this. “Yes you did!” he snapped right back at you. “And so what if I did? Yixing, I’ve been working 3 hours today with him practicing his English. And the past few weeks they asked me to mostly focus on his and Tao’s English, isn’t it normal for me to accidentally dream about him?” you replied, eyes filled with disbelief. There was no way on earth you felt anything remotely more than friendship towards any of his friends. Your heart completely belonged to Yixing and if you had actually said another name during your sleep, that was nothing more than you sleeptalking and working through the events of the day. “I don’t hear you saying Tao’s name though!” he shot back at you. It was easy to see that your reaction was angering him. Yixing didn’t get angry very often… basically never in all honesty. Unless there was something really bothering him. But this.. It really did shock you. “I was dreaming about teaching him English and I accidentally said his name out loud! It has probably happened before that I said names in my sleep! You always laugh about how I mutter incoherent things every night!” you snapped back, bothered by his refusal to see that this wasn’t a big deal.

“That’s different! You’re not supposed to dream about other guys!” he continued on, watching as you threw yourself backwards and down onto your bed again with a loud sigh. “God, you’re unbelievable when you’re jealous!” “I’m not jealous!” he shot right back after your accusation. ”Yes you are. You’re going on about me saying the name of a friend, in my sleep, that is. When you goddamn know very well I only love you!” you replied, slamming your fists onto the mattress. He had turned to face you and because of that you could see his eyes narrowing at you. “You better.” He stated, short and with strength in his tone that once again surprised you. “Excuse you?” you replied, equally as irritated as he seemed to be. However, what you didn’t expect was for him to move fast and swiftly into your direction, pinning you onto the mattress as his hands grabbed your wrists and locked them above your head. “You’re only allowed to love me and say my name. In fact, I’m gonna make sure that the next thing you dream about, will definitely be about me.” He grinned, a certain dark passion taking over your boyfriend as he hovered over you. “You’re not going to be able to forget about this for a loooooooooong time.” He grinned mischievously at you, making every fiber in your body feel like it was being set on fire. You definitely liked this newfound side of him.

Due to you only wearing his T-shirt that night, it was easy for him to find his way under it; reaching for your breasts and uncovering them for him to see. His free hand worked wonders on them, pinching your nipple harshly while he gently licked the other one. The rush of pain and  pleasure you felt soaring through your veins at everything he was doing, was intoxicating you.  Feeling the need to touch him, to run your hand along his bared chest and down to his boxers; you tried to free yourself from him. And to your surprise, he momentarily granted you with that chance. Within seconds the two of you were kissing passionately; tongues battling for dominances as your hands explored every inch they could find. And boy, did he find a good spot. Without even anything close to hesitation, he yanked down your panties and glided his hands in between your legs. His actions already turned you on, but the way his long fingers so skillfully discovered your womanhood, was leaving you drenched and aching to feel him. And his fingers did relieve some of that; you gasping for air and scratching his back from the moment two fingers moved in and out of you. The swirling motion had you almost feel dizzy as you laid there; writhing beneath him and begging for more. It felt so good to have him do that to you, but you wanted more. And the second you saw your chance, having him momentarily pull back; you flipped him over and onto his back.

“Let me show you I love you, you idiot.” You grinned, slowly scratching your nails over his lower abdomen and to his boxers. The torture had him groan softly from the second you pulled down his boxers, letting his erection spring free. “You wish.” You heard, his words catching you off guard and making it easy for him to fling you around and onto your back again. This was definitely a new side to Yixing, as you realized he wasn’t planning on letting you have the upper hand in this situation. Not that he always did, but it was definitely a first to see him take on all control completely by himself. And as you saw the lust in his eyes, together with the frustration of earlier , you knew this was going to be more than good. “Remember what I said about not saying names of other guys in bed?” his voice was husky as he bit harshly into your neck and moaned right after because he felt your hands glide along his erected member. Quickly he had captured your hands and pinned above your head…again. “I only want to hear one name in this bedroom, and I want to hear you scream it.” He continued on, moving away from your neck to stare into your eyes. You were entranced by his beauty in that moment in a different way than you had before. This side of him was new, but equally as big as a turn on as his sweet side was.

With his free hand he moved down again, and you felt yourself prepare to feel him. You were aching to feel him, going crazy with every second that you didn’t feel him inside of you. But instead of having him enter you, he teasingly rubbed his tip across your opening and back down your thighs. “Yi—please.” You protested, suddenly it dawned on you what he was going for. He didn’t want to just hear you scream his name in pleasure: he wanted to you scream it as you begged him for more. Wow. Again you felt him, his tip going into you ever so slowly and pulling right out as he felt it was far enough. It wasn’t hard to see in his eyes it was difficult for him too, but at the same time the smile on his face told you he was enjoying how you squirmed beneath him and bit your lip to prevent moans from coming out. “Say it.” He chuckled, kissing your cheek sweetly as he grinded against you harshly. It felt so good.. “No.” you replied, refusing to give in so easily. You knew he definitely had the upper hand here and you were more than eager to give in; but at the same time you wanted to let him see you could withstand him too, if only for a little bit. But it didn’t look like he’d release your hands any time soon now. “Jagiyaaa~” he started, tone teasingly and sensual. It was driving you mad to hear that and feel him slightly rub against you at the same time. “No no no.” you replied again. “Yes yes yes.” He laughed, the usual personality of your boyfriend slipping through again. You loved how there were both these sides to him. And again he continued on, his tip leaving you way too soon as you would’ve liked. “Yi…Yixing please. Please.” You then gave in, your voice faltering ever so slightly as you knew it was impossible to go on like this. Knowing your boyfriend, he had incredible self-control at times and quite a lot of patience. You on the other hand. “Louder.” “Please! Yixing please, Please!” you yelled this time, completely abiding by his rules. And thank god for the sweet relief that followed right after.

Feeling his member enter you and how your walls instantly worked to adjust to his side, it had both of you moan so loudly it was almost deafening. His warm lips caught yours again as he started to move in and out of you slowly at first. But then he didn’t even wait before picking up his speed, enjoying the feeling of your tight walls around his hard member too much and wanting you too badly. Faster and faster he went, finding your g-spot which immediately had you scream his name. And that was what did it. As he released your hands, you wrapped them around his neck, moving him to kiss him deeply and drown out the screams. But it was impossible, it felt too good not to say his name over and over again as he stroked your inner walls. Your hands were in his hair, tugging it while you kissed him back between pants and moans. It felt so amazingly good; you two moving in harmony and making each other feel like being in heaven. Everything around you turned into a blur, it was only you and him. Your breathing became ragged and your moans more high-pitched. Feeling his member pulsate against your walls, you clenched them even tighter around him, feeling how he filled you up with his load seconds before your own orgasm hit you. You could feel it course through your veins, making every limb feel as if it was electrified and then it moving back to your abdomen as you climaxed and he rode out his orgasm before sinking down on top of you.

“Come here you.” You laughed, not really surprised to feel him immediately crush his lips against yours in a hungry way. He was needy, very needy. Hands gliding all over your body; it seemed he was trying to feel every inch of your skin to make up for the time he had missed this. Then again, you were doing the same; exploring every part of his body as if you hadn’t seen it before. And god, was he beautiful. Swiftly removing his shirt, your eyes took in the well-defined lines of his abs and the small happy trail right above the hem of his jeans.  And in return you got rid of your top too and enjoyed the look in his eyes as he stared at you. The entire situation of both of you knowing what was about to happen, only heightened the excitement in that moment; having you feel his growing erection against his jeans and his bulge rub up against you. And it felt amazing, having the wetness built in between your legs as you did not hesitate a second to unbutton his jeans and try to tug it down. It didn’t matter how he was kissing up and down your neck sweetly. Although it felt good, it was not what you wanted mostly in that moment and you weren’t ashamed to admit that. There wasn’t enough time and space right now to hesitate or take it slow. “Someone’s eager.” He laughed in your ear before he moved back to kick off his jeans and boxers. “Look who’s talking.” You grinned; having him standing there, naked in front of you had your insides burn. The next logical action was to follow him; getting rid of your skirt, bra and panties as fast as you could before you hid under the warm blankets of his bed. And equally as fast had he joined you under them.

Heat was radiating off the two of you. Even without the blanket you were sure it would’ve been warm, but it was needed to hide yourselves in case someone came barging in anyways. In a way, it almost felt like it was your little hideout in which none one else would ever find you. Skin to skin, hands gliding over each other, kisses getting more sloppy with ever second that passed. Even feeling his erection rub against your thighs was turning you on, he didn’t even need to glide his hands in between your legs to feel how wet your were; he probably could tell by the way your were rolling your hips up against him and signaling for more. “I love you.” He breathed, the ending of that sentence being covered by a moan as he pushed himself into you. And that was also how you replied. .., your body being incapable of doing much more than that. And then it started. Wrapping your legs around him, fingers clutching his back as you threw your head back with every thrust.  “Jagi, you feel so wonderful.” He brought out between moans as he gently started to move. The sound of his voice was slightly husky and warming you up to the core. “Shht.” You sadly felt forced to say, knowing it was important to keep quiet. The loud, ecstatic moans you both wanted to let out in that moment would have to be contained; having you press your lips against his and trying to drown them out. You didn’t want the others to hear you two over the sound of the movie. But it was difficult. With every thrust against you, with you feeling the way his muscles contracted as he tried to keep it all in; god it was turning you on and you just wanted to scream his name as loud as you could.. But you had to keep quiet.