☽

These are the titles found in Seohyun’s study. The list is based on the real idol’s recommendations compiled by ohmygoguma. ( from WGM, Seohyun Home, various interviews, SNS posts & picture sources )

“Nietzsche’s Words ” trans/written by Haruhiko Shiratori; Korean trans by Park Jae Hyun /// “Mind Class (마인드 수업)” by Jang Sung Chul /// “Freud’s Chair (프로이트의 의자)” by Jung Do Uhn //// “Walk till you know love (사랑을 알 때까지 걸어가라)” by Choi Gahb Soo /// “The Gift of Acabar” by Og Mandino /// “Write hope with your eyes (눈으로 희망을 쓰다)” by Lee Kyu Yeon  & Park Seung Il /// “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte //// “Knowledge channel 8th season (지식채널e8권)” /// “Reader’s Power (리더의힘)” by Kim Sae Joon(김세준) /// “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry /// “Study like a fool, Dream like a genius (바보처럼 공부하고 천재처럼 꿈꿔라)” by Ban Ki Moon(반기문) /// “Neverending Story” by Michael Ende /// “Business Leaders: Oprah Winfrey” by Judy L. Hasday /// “Sputnik Sweetheart” by Haruki Murakami /// “Dreaming in the Attic (꿈꾸는 다락방)” by Lee Ji Sung(이지성) /// “Milk and Honey” by Rupi Kaur /// "Sense & Sensibility" by Jane Austen /// "The Diary of Anne Frank" by Anne Frank ///  “Like 27 year old Lee Kun Hee (스물일곱 이건희처럼)” by Lee Ji Sung(이지성) /// “No One is Going to Live Your Life For You (아무도 네 인생을 대신 살아주지 않는다)” by Philip Chesterfield [obtained from his letters to his son] /// “Justice: What’s the right thing to do?” by Michael J. Sandel /// “100 Years of Solitude” by Gabriel García Márquez /// "Animal Farm" by George Orwell /// “The Housekeeper and the Professor” by Yoko Ogawa /// "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens /// A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith /// "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse /// “The Rainbow Theory (무지개 원리)” by Cha Dong Yeob(차동엽) ///“Psychology Break Special (심리 브레이크 스페셜)” by Kim Eun Sun(김은선) /// “Momo” by Michael Ende /// “Letters to Sam” by Daniel Gottlieb /// “5% Miracle (5%의 기적)” by Lee Dong Woo(이동우) /// “Saffron” by Kotoba /// the novel, “You’re the best of yourself.” /// “Rip it Up” by Richard Wiseman /// “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” Mitch Albom /// “Respect for Acting” by Uta Hagen /// to be continued...

“I know, I know, I know. I’m an idiot.“

Red Velvet’s leader, from time to time, knew a thing or two about fun. And at this time, she was trying to convince all of her friends to play the game with her to acquire additional points. It just so happened that the other Joohyun was unfortunate enough to be picked as her current victim. They’ve been at it for an hour or so, and the older Joohyun was determined to teach her the ropes. So far, however, their progress wasn’t so progressive at all. Due to what seemed like her hundredth loss, the younger let out such a statement which causes Joohyun to let out a hearty laugh, eyes narrowing into crescents in amusement as she covered her mouth. “No! No!” Her chuckling won’t seem to cease even as she purses her lips. Still, what kind of friend would she be if she doesn’t persist and let the other think of her statement as the truth? “Just do it like this…” She taps a few spots on the screen, sticking her tongue out in concentration. “Then here…” She taps a few more times before the screen flashed her victory, smiling in triumph. “And then you’re done!”

“... Ahhhh- I give up-” The woman exclaimes with feigned annoyance. “It’s too hard. I’m not a genius like you.” These little games take as much practice as any other activities, she’s aware, but how can she resist not calling her friend a genius? The woman keeps her eyes Joohyun-bound, observing that disarming beauty who’s so painfully oblivious of her devious plans. 

Handphone games are fun, but the world outside is calling. No doubt that the paths sparkle and crunch, like sugar underfoot. And yet they are indoors, ignoring all that January Seoul has to offer.

Seohyun, her catlike eyes glowing, shuts down the proximity between them with a burst of her movement. Skinny arms find the smaller frame and she’s on Joohyun, tickling her sides, laughing and making all kinds of sounds that resemble birds singing. She enjoys a little theatrical flourish, especially when Red Velvet’s leader is her prey. 

hogwarts house: ravenclaw /// half-blood /// wand: phoenix feather core, vine wood, 11 ¾ in length, slightly yielding /// patronus: russian blue cat /// workplace: department of mysteries, studies the mysteries of Love. Given her roots, she has a strong connection to shamanism.

The Department of Mysteries is a section of the Ministry of Magic that carries out confidential research. Most of its operations are carried out in total secrecy. The mysteries of the world are studied there, these include: love, space, thought, time and death.

An Unspeakable is a wizard or a witch who works in the Ministry of Magic's Department of Mysteries. Employees of the Department of Mysteries are forbidden from discussing their jobs or disclosing any information about their department, hence the name "Unspeakable."

*.: Study of Love.

"There is a room in the Department of Mysteries that is kept locked at all times. It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than the forces of nature. It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of the many subjects for study that reside there. It is the power held within that room that you possess in such quantities and which Voldemort has not at all." —Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter 

[...] Or maybe the younger resembled a snow owl or a delicate white dove to which both are associated with the wise Greek goddess Athena. Minkyung happily nodded at the other’s interest to fold a paper bird once she placed the cup she cradled in her hand moments before; smiling whilst pointing towards the small stack of perfectly squared origami paper that had always been placed on each table in her establishment next to the basket of cutleries and napkins. Every customer is welcomed to try their hand at the art of folding and were free to ask any employees for assistance. Such activity was part of the brand after all just like how a customer at a pet cafe would get the opportunity to play with any of the animals the cafe owned.

The sweetness of the tea that once overwhelmed her taste buds was now replaced with the bitter aftertaste. Just as how in the beginning of the year she was experiencing a sort of high in life that was almost indescribable but now, she’s plummeting even further to the ground nearly faster than the speed of light. And getting such a reaction from her friend added the burden Minkyung had been carrying as of late. “I know … I know.” She did know that what she was experiencing could be fixed but somehow in her mind, it just couldn’t. “I feel that by postponing the event would mean that I’ve let them down again. I’ve given them hope only to take it back from them …” she murmured, biting her lower lip as if it’s some sort of punishment. “I’m … unsure how they would react, that’s all.”

Her unnie’s voice was distressed, her beautiful face grave.

Seohyun had chosen not to go easy on her and it showed. Instead of being the cushion, the actress had decided to be that nagging voice of consciousness. It was the least she could do as a friend. Call it intruding, but she hadn’t planned to walk out of the coffee shop with just empty words and even emptier future. Minkyung deserved to be happy, and to achieve true happiness one had to break the walls of their comfort zone. And to Seohyun, stepping out of her own comfort zone meant to share her insight despite of uncertainty how Minkyung would react.

“Mm… I see.”

Brand new edges of the paper were sharp and crisp, yet Seohyun kept folding, creating what looked like a bird in flight. She was no goddess, nor was she a guru overbrimming with wisdom. She was just a woman, who understood her unnie’s feelings.

At least, she genuinely wanted to. Minkyung would do the same.

Seohyun took the crafted crane and poked its wing. Come to think of it, the woman seated across from her had a deep connection with the land of dragonflies.  Even the name of this cafe was Orizuru, japanese term for the seemingly lifeless creature in Seohyun’s palms. It gave her courage to speak.

“I bought a book. A long time ago. It’s name was ‘Letters to Sam’, by Daniel Gottlieb.”

She looked up, her gaze sincere.

“This is what I’ve learned from the story. Either you do something or you don’t. There is no middle ground, unnie, There is no trying. When I realized what those words meant, everything became so much easier. If you have chosen to do something, do it. Don’t think too much. Just do it. Without a risk, there is no growth. Right? Trust your fans too. I bet they can handle it.”

Seoul had not failed its mission and extended the vision of Christmas to the immeasurable length. The festively designed stalls were lined up along the busy streets with their twinkling lights and enchanting colors. Wooden displays were full of delightful treats, skillfully crafted toys, mulled wine and unlimited choices of gifts to the guests of the market. Vendors were smiling, offering roasted sweet potatoes wrapped in paper cones, not to mention huge mugs of hot chocolate with a generous layer of cream on top. Seohyun could hear Hyoyeon’s golden laughter, giggling of the children and loud chatter of the adults all around her. Organized chaos and warm atmosphere was the only way to describe the market in Seongbukcheon Fountain Square.

Seohyun tore her lingering gaze off of the massive Christmas tree adorned with glistening ornaments and glowing fairy lights. Everywhere she looked people swarmed in and out of the bustling shops, proud of the gifts they had purchased. She felt Hyoyeon’s soft touch and the younger held onto her arm. Like that, shoulder to shoulder, two women ventured forth.

Christmas in Seoul had always been about couples, decorations and a day of public holiday to look forward to. Yet, it remained incorruptibly innocent; like a miracle untouched. Unlike her peers, Seohyun had spent all of her Christmas holidays at her former company, surrounded by the staff members and a fruitless grove of her practice room. This year, everything would be different. This year, Seohyun had something that took a hold of her. With her freedom, the woman could do anything she’d please. She might have not shared the same beliefs as her parents, she might have not been of Christian faith, but this holiday meant a lot to the people she had grown to love. If it meant to show a little bit of gratitude with a gift, so be it. And if it meant, that a certain someone would accompany her to choose those gifts, she was more than willing to go on a hunt.

[...] he wonders how he has managed all of this so far on his own.

“fifteen isn’t too bad. it’s a little awkward when you want to be treated as an adult but still act like a child but it’s comforting to see others going through the same. you’re not alone as a trainee. that makes it easier.” he looks over to the older woman for a moment, content to hear she’s had support from her family during such trying times. he knows he could’ve needed it too, but he no longer holds on to that resentment. times change and he has grown too.

in one way or another, he has to thank her for that growth in character as well though it’s not the right moment to bring such a heavy thought up. instead, he settles with quietly watching the people passing them by, moving over to help joohyun with her bag once it’s gotten a little emptier. daehyun doesn’t want any attention drawn to them, if possible.

“we’re here. let me help you, yes?” and he smiles, a little warmer this time. like he means it, like he’s the foolish boy of fifteen years again. perhaps it’s true what they say: you can take the boy out of the town but not the town out of the boy. “let’s go to the hotel first and then catch something to eat. or would you like to eat now?” there’s concern, somewhere lacing his timbre when he speaks up again, his mind suddenly all over the place. this is going to be a short trip but daegu is not a small city: he wonders. what she must’ve seen before. if she can fathom his reason for bringing her here.

“there’s going to be no time for us to rest. i have a surprise planned for tonight.”

Daehyun’s smile is enough to convince her. She takes a polite step back, frees his space. 

“Lets go to the hotel first.”

The woman’s hand luggage is quite small, lighter in weight than one would expect. She retrieves it from him, thanks him, then steals a glance of Daegu Station through the sunlit window. Its platform is modern, full of glassy panels and hurried steps. Mighty train resounds with her silvery voice:

“Surprise?” Resignation is seen in her eyes; she should’ve expected to be spoiled. “What am I going to do with you...” Before her expression can alarm him, Seohyun’s ambers light up with a sincere excitement. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Ambassador greets them with its shiny lobby and opulent items lacking in personality. The grey zone is soon balanced out with the hospitality of the staff. After an exchange of ‘see you soons’ she watches Daehyun’s friendly face disappear behind the door of his hotel room. Just like his, Seohyun’s cubicle is a blank space meant to be re-filled. Beige sofa, pristine sheets and light furniture, image of perfection when it comes to the one of many capsules occupying their long corridor.

After settling in, Seohyun tests the bed, confidently sinks into its softness. The windows are long, reaching the evenly spread carpeting. In thought, the woman gazes at the cityscape before her and imagines what Daegu must look like in the evening; countless twinkling monoliths, flowing rivers of traffic, city lights everywhere...

What does Daegu look like in Daehyun’s eyes? 

She has no memories that might bind her to this place, no particular emotion or a sentiment. It’s a city just like any other, an urban jungle where she is a mere guest. But to the man, who had spent his childhood here, no doubt every corner, every street holds something more than meets an eye. The city might not be the bricks after all, but an architecture made of long lasting impressions.

“Ambassador never disappoints.” Seohyun praises her friend’s choice as they enter the elevator the second time. Thankfully, no one shares its marble walls but them. She looks at herself in the mirror, fixes the sleeve of the paperweight knit gracing her frame and smiles at Daehyun’s reflection. He appears to be content, at peace. She doesn’t pry further about his family, nor does she feel guilt over his companionship. If he wanted to, he’d make a different arrangement. Daehyun had a choice and he decided to stay in this hotel, with her. 

Angry belly disturbs inner monologue. Embarrassed, Seohyun laughs. “I must be hungrier than I thought...”

The lift grinds to a halt and shiny doors soundlessly open. The songstress perches up her sunglasses before they exit, and so does he; a habit, no doubt. Seohyun steals a glance of her friend, her eyebrows arched at their synchronized motion. It’s amusing and she’s ready to crack a joke, but then she notices slight change in Daehyun’s expression: As if fate itself had eclipsed his smile and left a shadow of a tensed, thin line instead. It’s something she had never seen on him before. He’s looking far, far beyond his dark glasses, and she follows his gaze. It lands on a couple, an older man and a woman, their voices reverberating the lobby. Gently, Seohyun’s hand rests on Daehyun’s forearm.

A song + drabble @89tys | no longer accepting🎼 Merry Christmas - TTS

“I don’t know how to make it sound… How to say it… ” Seohyun’s lips thinned as she reread the dark squiggles on Taeyeon’s sheet music, struggling to understand what had gone wrong. The notes sat like birds on wires, singing their own tune, not caring about the thing in the world. Seohyun squinted at them.

“Festive?” The older’s gaze was knowing, sympathetic.

“Yes. Exactly.”

Taeyeon’s concert was steadily approaching and Seohyun had been invited; not as a spectator, but as a musician. It was both an honor and responsibility. Her shoulders slouched under the weight of it.

“It isn’t a typical carol.” Taeyeon finally admitted, observing her.

“It is not.” The pianist’s face was a mixture of mild anxiety and utter determination. “It’s an example of what a carol should sound like in contemporary music. I don’t understand why I’m having such a hard time grasping it.”

“The concert is mine” Her unnie’s smile was reassuring. “The Magic of Christmas was my idea. And to invite you to share the stage with me was my idea, too. I bet the composer won’t mind if you’ll add your own character to the song and perform it your way. Your way is fine with me.”

On the evening before her flight to New York, Seo Joohyun had decided to host the rehearsal at her own place. Amidst the mess of her half packed luggage, the endless tide of clothes and scattered papers, it had taken quite some time to create the acceptable environment for their impromptu rendezvous. But Kim Taeyeon didn’t seem to mind the chaos; if anything, she had taken her maknae’s disorganised apartment as a good sign.

It meant that changes were coming.

Humming, her voice cheerful, the soloist added a butterfly doodle to the printed notation. Seohyun, on the other hand, couldn’t wrap her mind around the repertoire resting innocently on her piano. With an abandon her head fell on Taeyeon’s frail shoulder, her heart all heavy and unsure. They sat, together, on the stool in front of her beloved instrument, thinking.

Taeyeon was the one who broke the brooding silence.

“We might not be in the same company anymore but we are sisters, still. I might not understand many things but If there is one thing I understand, it’s music And if there is one thing I cherish, it’s the sisterhood built on music. Just… Let it all go and play.”

The maknae regarded her unnie’s words with wonder. The realization as to why she had failed the first time finally dawned upon her: She had acted like a solitary island and not a part of the team. She had forgotten the roots, stopped depending on their mutual love for music. How could the connection expand?

Seohyun put her hands on a piano, her movements direct as one of the physical laws.

“Alright… I’ll try. Ready?”

“Always.”

It took courage to open her mind to the keys of monochrome and to let Taeyeon’s voice impale her heart. When it did, the radiant burst of music made her think of the lights and endless cheers from their fans. The woman continued to play with a newly found certainty whilst her older sister sang in a sweetly songful voice of all the colors of Christmas.

When the final chord consumed the air, Taeyeon’s face was bright, her smile big and proud. 

“What have we learned today?”

Seohyun gifted her unnie with a smile of her own.

[…] “Perhaps … almost a hundred or maybe more than that. Some were hung here and some were brought home by my previous customers. Some held notes in them; wishes as I would like to believe while some are just mere colourful cranes.”

Minkyung paused momentarily before answering the next question. Perhaps she had told her perspective on this tale to so many people before and had left her out of it. She didn’t want to sour the mood with her sad experience of the legend hence decided to skip on that. “There is a Japanese legend about it but the tale of it being true … hard to say to be frank. I think if you wish for the same wish with every crane, you subconsciously do things that would make your wish come true. So it might not be the cranes doing for the wish being fulfilled but your own actions,” she explained with a smile.

Now that was a mouthful she thought before pouring the both of them tea to quench both of their thirsts. Her compliment brought another smile to her face, taking a hold of a fork for her own to have a taste of the treat. “My day today has been well. It had gotten better, of course, with your visit.” But MInkyung couldn’t hold a smile for so long just as how a professional swimmer was not able to hold their breath for all eternity unless they’re mermaids. “It’s postponed … on a brink of cancellation if I am to be frank. It depends on me after all but I took off before this hence I wasn’t around.” It’s hard for her to speak of this but part of moving on is to speak of what hurts the most and this was definitely it.

Minkyung spoke of her paper creatures as if they were from a different world. When she finished, Seohyun’s face was a beautiful cross of wonder and fascination. In thought the woman looked up, regarding the birds with a newly found interest. She could imagine the skies of foreign lands quite vividly, with colorful flocks coming to life and flying, higher and higher into the vast infinity of space. Seohyun lowered her fork. She was smiling a little, a smile with an odd twist to it.

“Hardwork and dedication.” The actress concluded. All of a sudden the curve of her smile fell and lighthearted bells of her voice were replaced by the strings of solemnity. “Each time you fold a wing, you’re getting closer and closer to your wish. No magic. Just your strength. No luck, only your sweat, blood and tears.” Then the woman laughed. The aura around Seohyun could change like a tide of restless ocean and she did not wish to alarm her friend with that strange aspect of her personality. So she laughed, waving her misplaced seriousness off. “I want to fold a crane too, unnie. Do you have a paper to spare?”

It seemed that Seohyun wasn’t the only ocean trapped in the cafe. Minkyung’s dazzling smile had vanished as soon as it appeared and the younger found herself to be at loss of words. 

[…] but just as quickly as sceneries change for every act, she is pulled back into the fray– almost dizzyingly; unable to comprehend what had just happened, and what is being asked of her now. take over– that alone is clear. she heeds the mistress’ orders as they carefully carry joohyun to the side, her gaze following the group until the familiar cues begin.

clap: and she moves to the first pose, heart racing, legs trembling ( how does one quiet the voices in their head? ) clap: “i simply loathe the idea of being favored because you’re injured” clap: i will never accept handouts from anyone, especially not from you– clap: “you don’t have to become the villain“ clap: you’re giving me no choice. clap: and like a well-oiled machine, the corps continues.

but the thoughts linger even after the studio has been emptied of people. jinxed– someone said in passing as they left the room. whether they were referring to her or the ballet, she wasn’t sure nor did she have the need to find out. but she had questions that needed answers, and to wait until tomorrow seemed most absurd. after all, she knows very well, that no injury will stop joohyun from staying behind (much like her) and continuing rehearsals by herself.

( sms:  서주현 ) i’m in studio c. we need to talk.

Joohyun’s phone chimes in her purse. 

we need to talk.

Letters are crisp and clean, not a mark of ambiguity found to their meaning.

Like a tasteful painting she remains, unmoving, her roots countless serpents turned to stone. In a quiet moment she shares with the corridor, certain uneasiness floods the cavity in her chest; she’s fearless of the encounter, yet she’s fearful of her own heart. Were her actions pushed by the burning pride or deeply rooted foolishness? Joohyun is unsure, for her perception is twisted. It’s been abused a hundred times, a thousand times.

With her feet unsteady, she begins to walk, step after step nearing the studio.

‘It’s better to be a wolf than a lamb,’ she hears her mother’s voice; all iron and blood, strict, binding. ‘It’s better to devour than to be sacrificed. Remember, kindness does not exist in your world. All heroes are fools.’

She winces in pain but continues on, still.

* * *

“девочки! ну же давайте! ишо один раз!”

Mistress Antonovna’s voice is crystal clear. It rings like a bell befitting Pugini’s masterpiece. Haneul and Joohyun are mirth and laughter, blooming grace of the innocent youth. They glide, hand in hand, two droplets of water transformed by the choreography of Saint-Léon. Ocean and Pearls, the piece is called, and they embody the very essence of that playful dance. They are emotions of lightheartedness flowing in elegant arcs, repeating and overlapping in mirrors all around them. Joohyun looks at their reflection, at the colorful kaleidoscope of glassy limbs and pointe shoes. She begins to laugh and tugs smiling Haneul towards her. With a crash they land, but their failure is not an issue; they do not care. They do not care about acting according to orders.

‘Lets run away.’ Haneul whispers, her sweet voice laced with a scandalous intention.

‘Where to?’ Joohyun asks, amber eyes wide and curious. 

‘Wherever we want!’ 

Their shoes go flying and to Mistress Antonovna’s utter annoyance two girls flee the room, barefoot and free, drowning in giggles.

* * *

“Lets run away…” Joohyun whispers those sinful words. 

The door in front of her is a solid wood, labeled with a capital C. It cracks open and the floor gives a wonderful, tortured squeak which tells of the live weight, albeit that of a featherlight ballerina.

Haneul is there, waiting, her beauty simple and evident. 

Tendons and muscles in Joohyun’s neck tense. She rises. She rises from the obvious weakness to court the look of certainty and something unapproachable. Her silvery voice is as calm as a flowing river.