Received my first personal valentines gift this year by someone I deeply love and thought loved me. Before this, the only gifts I got were from family or class/group Valentines exchanges.
Tell me why, two months later, this person who I loved so deeply and moved in with at the begining of the year, admits that they lost feelings for me before we even fully moved in together.
They had only said that they were going through some stuff emotionally, so they didn't feel as affectionate. But they had the ability to give that to others.
They ditched me on my birthday when they were suppose to help keep me awake on a long drive after an overnight shift. They "cleaned" the apartment instead when they were supposed to have done it days before.
They didn't admit they completely lost feelings until I broke down and voice how hurt I was by my birthday and the distance. They said they didn't know I had been feeling this way, but I had been asking they to tell me once they feel up to being affectionate again every week or two.
They said they still saw me as a friend, but I see them interact with their other friends, both those older and newer than me. They do not show me the same care. They do not notice me as much. They do not listen to me as much. I can not help but feel that this is a lie. Just like all of the "I love you"s they said to me after the move - the ones that only seemed to happen when I opened my wallet or went out of my way for them.
I looked back at our old messages. I still can't see the signs. I doubt it was ever genuine in the first place. I was just a placeholder until they found someone they actually loved.
I thought they were different than all the others.
Now my dad's voice echos in my head "no one will ever love you" and "you are unlovable", the only memories of him where I can still distinctly remember his voice.
Maybe this is my fate, to always be the temporary person - there to give and give until they find someone they actually love but never truly be loved back.
