sirena

(almost) all of my stationery ^___^

good luck and have a nice life

Now, my focus is on myself. I spent a lot of time trying to please others, but I have seen people's true intentions now that I have a clear head. It's really a shame, but putting myself first is not something I do often and I have to be a bit selfish in order to succeed. Not everyone will want to understand this mindset, which is why it is so important to fill your life with likeminded people. I can only hope I will find some as now I am mostly alone (except for my love, however physically he is not nearby). Now, I am putting in a bit more time now for studying despite feeling low. I also have recently been learning Español and playing chess which has been keeping my brain busy. I noticed that my handwriting has gotten prettier, which does spark a little bit of joy.

Tomorrow, I begin my next topic which seems a hell of a lot more interesting - acute trauma and recovery !!!!!!!!!!

caught up with my work and now ahead again ✨

so sleepy, but finished and submitted my assignment :) i have a good feeling about this one, hoping for 95+

3hr study today, my eyes hurt and i've felt tired all day with toothache :( but i finished section 3 now! another day another slay

i have no doubt that i made the right decision!!!!!! i am loving biomed 🩷🩷

never fun and always scary. sometimes i do wish life was just planned out for me and i could just do what i was told. i signed up to do data science because i felt cornered and like i was running out of time as i was about to turn 25 - i also wanted to be like my boyfriend who is smart, can code and has his life together. i tried so hard to convince myself that i love it but the truth is i could never see myself truly fulfilled and happy doing that. i suck at math and i can't code, i genuinely don't know what i was thinking; i'm already struggling to understand basic concepts in my first two modules and questioning if its even the right course for me. it's embarrassing to admit to myself because the idea of being a failure is so terrifying. not only do i want to live now, but i want to succeed and i want to live the life i had planned out for myself before i let my mental health run around unchecked and ruin many things. this blog is turning 10 years old this year, and i could have achieved so much in this time. i could have become a specialist doctor by now and be practicing, i could have been great. but i don't want to dwell on the past and what could have been. it's time gone by and time that i can't get back. yes i do regret some things, but i also would not have met my love if anything would have been different. i want to succeed, and i want to become a doctor. GEM is an opportunity that i wasn't even aware of, and i've never seen a second chance presented to me so plain in sight on a silver platter. as soon as i found out it existed i genuinely felt something within me click. i can and will be a doctor just like i always wanted, and just like my parents wanted. 10 years is long enough for my life to be lost to bpd, but i can't be a victim anymore and i can see myself in med school, finally, after everything. i have such an exciting outlook on life at the moment. i'm feeling a bit strange because changes are always so difficult, and swapping to biomed means starting at chapter 1 again which i absolutely detest the idea of. i am letting myself quietly process how i feel and then putting it into a box and moving on. i only hope i can have nothing but support from others too, but i know people like to hold onto the past too. i'm so determined to start my biomed degree now, and i will get that first class hons that i know i'm more than capable of getting. we're talking about MED SCHOOL here. MED SCHOOL!!!! i can't stop smiling when i think about it. i will make my parents proud but most importantly i will make myself proud :) eep

finished @ 1:45am today

trying to get through to unit 5 tomorrow and make a start with the scratch (lol) section of my compsci textbook .......kill me

am i finally finding coding fun.............. we shall see........