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@seksu

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A comic about when we last moved, the cats were in box heaven for months!
(It took us ages to properly unpack!)
(P.S. New spooky things now available over at shop.oursuperadventure.com !)
ę„å·”č§äŗŗé“ēē«ē«ē„
Growing.

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āTo go higher we must go deeper.ā ā Krishna Dharma
Deep Well City
art: Mac Baconai
Patience, bebe. š«¶š¾āØ
It's 2am and I have work tomorrow. Not really sure of 2 things: 1. Why I'm awake and 2. Why I decided to go on here.
Maybe because everything in the world's just been crazy lately, just wanted to open an app that's dead cause no uses this anymore to rant out, everyone's just reblogging random stuff.
It was this or playing smash, but turns out, my internet isn't working maybe for the rest of the night so I can't play online anyway.
I might spend more time here. It feels more relaxing to be on here.

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randomly logged in. cringe galore reading my feelings i posted on here. but also very weird looking back at old conversations with people i talked to here,
this site just seems like a graveyard of memories. but whoever is reading this if there is, i hope youāre doing great in life after all these years.
i really wanna go to the philippines. by myself, no family. i wanna see friends, cousins, maybe my dad but not necessarily. i wanna get drunk, party, dance, meet cool guys, flirt in tagalog, tapos sleepover, no sex necessary. if i think about it actually, iāve only had sex, like literally a dick inside an ass? only once in the philippines and thats when was my very first time, my virginity basically.Ā
maybe its the water here in america, but sex as in a dick inside an ass, is a given goal, whether you guys are dating or just fucking. filipino guys at least from my experience, are more sweet whether they wanna be your boyfriend or wanna just fuck around the whole night. madali maramdaman na youāre simply sapat, not with just the person, but with the situation in general.Ā
sex as in dick inside an ass, is still fun though dont get me wrong. but now im getting more older or just more experienced in general, when i guy says like i dont top, or i dont bottom, literally can feel my libido get cut in half. i understand that not everyone is like a versy verse verse, but really, whats the fun of sticking in on position you know. like stigma aside, if you and this guy are chill, great chemistry, does it really matter what you guys do? and if so like, wouldnāt it be be more fun if theres more things to do?
ugh. idk sensitive na masyado ako. simple sex as in dick inside an ass, kulang na talaga. kailangan may more.Ā
hm
im kinda sad, lonely, depressed low key. im sick and the worst thing about being sick is that you cant go out, people will avoid you and in return you actually donāt wanna be around people but under that is that you actually just wanna be with someone in bed, not even laying down, just next to you sitting.
im kinda sad, i kinda realized something. i can count in my fingers the number of guys im talking to right now, talking as in kind of flirting, or some sense of that. whats sad is that i realize im talking to shit guys. you have x, only talks to me when hes bored or needs to vent something out but never asked me how im doing, y only likes the idea of me as he never acknowledged the fact that the reaosn why im not replying as often is becaus i caught the flu and been suffering then, z is a great guy but doesnt see beyond me. at least he told me to get better.
but if you asked me, which of these three guys would sit next to me to keep me company, none tbrh.
i dont know wanna be those gay guys, but gay guys, theyāre assholes. rare to find that quality guy. but one day.
14/14
Holded this off for a while, but let me end this as its the new year.Ā
Unlike Chris ending, which actually has an ending, this one doesnāt really have one. Not that I feel like itās a pause necessarily like weāre going to get back together at the end of the sentence, a comma or whatever, but Iām still in that grieving process, not ready to let go, not of the memories, but let go that everything happened for a reason. The happines and especially the pain.
I think overall, Iām just a mess. Not just because of what happened, but just in general and I think I already mentioned this in the beginning. Itās been 3 months and within those three months, it had infected a lot in me that Iām still trying to figure it out. Itās at a point where I donāt know whatās causing what, why Iām sad, why Iām angry. Just lost in emotions that Iām not used. Most importantly, dealing with these by myself now that Iām alone.
And Iām gonna be more alone. As counterintuitive as it may sounds, like, I think being more alone is the way to go. I love being home in New York, with friends that care, understand and make me feel important, etc, but I just have yet to accept that Iām always going to be that friend whoās just visiting. I donāt live here with them in New York. Itās unsettling when I think deep into it.
Iām not dying, itās not goodbye. But Iām leaving and getting into something new, well Iām doing it on myself. This year, Iām going to try to make it better. Iām going to stay in Los Angeles as long as I can and live a little more independently, selfishly and more substantially. Try to have what I have here in New York, happen in Los Angeles too. Letās see how long I can go without buying a ticket to New York.
Iām also just gonna let it go with the wishes for this new year. If there is anything I wish for, is that Iāll have the strength for whatever 2018 puts on me.Ā Right now, Iām just really thankful to friends that despite Iām always far, still stay the same. Wish I could pack them in a bag and bring them with me in Los Angeles. But no.Ā
Thereās not much else to say. I did see my ex, but I donāt see a point of re evaluating what happened that night but some sense had come out of it. I can move on with a bigger step now. But I do wanna end this with a message to someone specific. I just donāt have the motivation to say it straight up and thereās a lot of things going through my mind tonight.Ā
Dear you,
As unhealthy as this may sound, but if a boy broke me apart, I believe another boy would also find me broken, fix me and then prove me wrong. Hopeless romantic like that I guess. Surprisngly, you were that boy. You still are. I wanna tell you that you give me hope, even if that hope is shallow, or just a little excitement whenever you text. When I see your name on my screen, I get excited. For what? I donāt know and I donāt really care. But the fact that I can still feel that despite feeling like giving up, is enough for me. All of this, you donāt know. You donāt know how you make me feel and how thankful I am for everything youāve done for me, for being there even if you donāt think itās much. So instead Iām writing it out, because I donāt really have the urge that you need to know anyway because what we have, whatever it is now, Iām content. I know Iām not ready to be your boyfriend and I know you arenāt either. I donāt even think weāre ever actually going to be boyfriends. Itās honestly hard to imagine it because of how content I am with everything i have with you right now.Ā
But one thing I know for sure, if I stayed here, I would most likely fall in love with you. The type that Iād do anything to see you, have you for myself and get you as happy as you make me feel. But I donāt live here and I donāt want to stay here. So itās just gonna be one of those things that wonāt happen and Iām fine with that. Cause youāre a great friend. A very handsome one.
If there is something I wish tonight, is that weāll get to a point where we can call each other best friends.Ā
Good night everyone, whoever read this. Iāll see you in LA I guess.
10, 11, 12, 13/14
Almost done with this. I donāt think Iām ready but I think itāll make me post finishing. Whatever.
In between the time of my momās departure and the day I leave for Hong Kong to meet Ryan which is roughly 10 days, Iām gonna be focusing on some restarts or something. Still figuring it out, you know, what the exactly means.Ā
Something I realized recently, is that Iāve only really started my life just fairly recently, looking back at some past experiences. Around 2016. That year felt like a birth or some shit, in a lot of aspects. And I guess I do have a lot to look forward too. Donāt know what it is yet, but Iām figuring it out.
My mom is sleeping in my bed right now. Sheās leaving tomorrow.Ā āAre you okay now that Iām here?ā she asked me when we were on our way back from Burbank getting stuff to bring back to New York. I told her,Ā āSa totoo lang, I think itāll take a little more to really say na, Iām okay, things are okay. Am I okay? Yeah Iām okay now. But really, I donāt feel like myself anymore. Iām learning to accept it muna, I think itāll be harder if I tackle it through being in denial.ā I consider my relationship with my mom unique compared to others. I can be honest with her and really talk to her like sheās a friend. She didnāt really say anything much after that. She didnāt scold me or talk about what happened during the whole time sheās here. She was just really here, spending time with me. I feel lucky to be able to say that, my mom understands me.
In some way yeah like, admittedly, the way Iām dealing with this breakup may be too overdramatic like I literally can see it being like that. But the fact of the matter is, this caused me to be depressed and lost with things beyond just this one incident and I need to accept and address it. Itās not about the breakup anymore. I donāt want him back, I just want myself back, or work on a new one. I think working on a new self is the righter way. I wouldnāt want to be back to my old self.
See you tomorrow on the next post. Gonna go have a cig.

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8,9/14
Checking in again.
I should be doing homework but got too carried away with the youtube videos. Whatever, whats new. Let me just do a thought vomit.
I was actually in a good mood today. I donāt know why exactly. Today went pretty fast. I woke up from a dream that I transferred back to my old school. I thought it was a sign so I talked to some friends on some thoughts, my mom too. Convinced it wasnāt a super good idea.
I just booked the airbnb for Hong Kong. Iām looking forward on flying all the way over this thanksgiving but more even because Iām gonna see Ryan. I havenāt seen him in 5 years, going into 6. Iāve known him since I was ten. And if weāre gonna be real here, heās asked me out like twice so thereās a little history between us, but nothing super major at least on my side haha. Sometimes I consider him my first kiss cause he is the first person my lips has touched but i wasnāt really a kiss, thatās why I just consider itĀ āsometimesā. I think Iāve felt his dick before too actually, haha not sure. But I do remember the times that we would hold hands and stuff. Whatever, thereās nothing between us honestly but the fact that were both lonely and weāre sharing a place, I donāt know. I have given it some thought like what if something happens. But Ryan is almost like my brother. It would definitely be really weird if something happened.
Nonetheless, Iām looking forward for it. Iāve been to Hong Kong before so Iām not as excited. Iām just excited to see Ryan.
Also, my mom is coming here on Thursday. Iām really looking forward for that too. When I pick her up at the airport, I think I might cry in her arms. Kinda been craving for that for a while. Iāve been back to cigarettes on a regular basis. She knows I stopped so I donāt know how Iām gonna deal with her being around. Honestly, I donāt think I can go about four days without smoking, so she might need to know.
Iāve been thinking of what do while Iām in New York. My last trip or adventure before this fucking year ends which is honestly because a hell of a year. Nothing major like flying away but far away enough from New York so basically using the train. DC has some architecture things going on so Iāve been considering DC. It seems like the only option to be honest cause I donāt wanna go to Boston since Iāve been there like three times or something, and I think thatās enough Boston for me. And if I ever go, I might be there for a while. My family might kill me but honestly, as much I want to go home to New York, i also donāt wanna be in the house, or in the New York area in general. Kind of sick of New York. Iām homesick, but not New York. Just family and friends.Ā
Oh well. Weāll see how everything works.
See you next time.
6, 7/14
Evening guys. Back at it. Missed yesterday but here again.
Been occupied with the stress with school. See I said stress not school itself because literally not super motivated. Iāve just been dragging along with school. I guess Iām still in the cloud, but eventually I know Iāll break out of it. Iām taking my time. Thats why iām doing this little countdown, so Iām able to purge out shit.
To be honest theres not much to purge out for tonight. Iāve been listening to a bunch of Troye Sivan, typical gay kid right, but perfect for my little hopeless romantic heart. I feel old in some way, I mean 21 isnt really old, but I still feel my heart and excitement with boys as if I was like, a fourteen year old. Which is kind of weird because I started pretty early with boys. My first boyfriend was when I was 13, but I was talking to guys even before then. Then lost my virginity at 14 in which I donāt regret at all. But obviously those werenāt really like packed with emotional feelings at least on my side because I was young back then. Now that Iām older like, I have a better grasp of it, Iām always craving it. You know like, that cute sappy moments with someone, you guys are just in love and just running holding hands. Itās stupid, but Iād like it.
Thatās why Iām jealous of kids who had like some romantic boy when they were young. You know theyāre like, hiding from their parents, sleepovers and all that shit. Moving often I guess was hard to achieve that, but Iāve always wanted that. Still do.
On the side note, Iām going a date with this guy tomorrow. Weāve been talking for a week, going on two weeks. I had a phone call with him last night. It was really nice. Heās older than me so I guess heās more mature, different from before, and in a way, better I guess. Iām looking forward for it. Doing this step with this whole recuperating process. I mean obviously, Iām not ready to jump into the pond. And maybe even just test the waters or something. Honestly, itās just nice to really shift the gears and as this is a step of starting a new life. Who knows where itāll go you know?Ā
I really miss my friends, especially Kevin. Iāve gotten closer with him during the summer. If I had a boyfriend, Iād like him to be like Kevin. Heās somewhat a problematic kid emotionally but the kind that doesnāt feel overbearing. Like the one you easily understand why he feels that. I guess because Iāve known him for three years, I already know him well enough, but this summer really felt like I gotten much closer to him. Heās been such a help and such a great support even before all of this happened. I feel like you always gotta have that friend who acts like your boyfriend, thats how I feel when Iām talking and chilling with him.Ā
I donāt feel a super urge to go back to New York as much as I am yearning for the comfort of my friends and my family. Iām not really counting the days till I fly back. Like I feel like if this happened and I was in New York, Iād want time to myself which would be hard to achieve and would actually be much a messier process of healing. And I guess you can say like, although being far away from home sucks especially at this time around, it actually makes things a little easier and the process faster. Thereās a good part of it after all.
Next month is the last month of 2017 and I wanna do a last major crank when Iām New York of some adventure. I donāt know what yet. Going to Europe and flying to Hong Kong is already super major, but I want one last one to just really wrap this crazy year. What could it be?
All right. Gotta do homework. Iāll be back tomorrow.