Literally don't.

Hey,

        Don’t get all uptight about this. I’ll be fine. And I’m not running away. I just need some time out of the house that isn’t school and I don’t want to do something that I’ll regret. I just... I’m sorry, I guess. Even if I promise not to get into any trouble, I’m going to anyways because that’s my luck. It’s just my luck that I’ll keep writing and writing and maybe not even leave the house and just, cry myself to sleep again tonight like I have the rest of the nights I haven’t come out of my room.

        You know, I’ve. Been contemplating death. And dying. But I just. I don’t know. I’m sorry. Fuc

==> The entire line is scratched out, but not enough to fully blur it.

        Please don’t take this as a personal offense. Just don’t. It’s not. I hate myself enough, don’t give me more reasons. ... That was bad, fuck

==> It’s scratched out more, but still not enough. ==> There are not-quite-dried tears on the edges of the paper.

        I’m sorry I just need to go for a while please don’t get upset over this please don’t it’s not like you’d miss me anyways I’m just a fucking inbred fuck as everyon esays I’m sorry I’ms orry,

Recently, my dissociation and suicidal thoughts are reaching an all-time high, and since they occur at around the same times... it’s... it’s not good. All of my friends at school ( which are few and far between, actually ) are trying to keep me alive but lately it’s been getting harder and harder to think that anything will get better. It’s getting harder and harder to keep on smiling.

Not to mention that my family ( save my brother ) is deliberately misgendering me, even after I say that I want to be called this, or by these pronouns by saying things like “You’re our daughter and that’s how it’ll be” / “That’s not what’s on the birth certificate” and I’m already stressed out from people at my school bullying me and misgendering me and disrespecting who I am simply because of what I look like ( a very effeminate person, mind you ) and, even though a few people have been using my preferred pronouns and name, it’s getting to be too much.

Now, I know that I should talk to someone about it but, for me, that constitutes as a failure. Even if I am well aware that it’s not, I’ve been raised in an environment where even getting a ‘B’ ONCE is considering failing. It’s literally been bred into me; I’ve been BRED into involuntary perfectionist thoughts and it’s really not helping anything.