SECOND AFTER THOUGHTS

I saw you rise, engulfed in flame,

a living star without a name.

The crystal claimed you, fierce and bright,

a goddess lost to endless light.

Your eyes, once searching, turned to sky,

a thousand echoes in goodbye.

I reached, but silence held me still

your touch now bound to higher will.

Love, suspended, out of time,

a fleeting breath, a fleeting sign.

Yet even as the heavens take,

my heart is yours, though mine may break.

For what ascends does not depart,

you are the pulse within my heart.

Though light has claimed what night won’t give,

in every shadow, you still live.

- Secondary After

Art:Me -(Secondary After)

I Fart When I Sneeze

Love came in like thunder not the slow roll, but the violent crack, the kind that splits sky and soul wide open.

I let you in through the wound.

You touched me like a prayer and left like a curse.

I built altars in your silence, worshipped your absence

more than your presence.

We danced barefoot on the glass of miscommunication.

Every “I love you”sounded like a dare.

Every kiss tasted like a warning.

And yet I stayed.

Because pain felt like proof.

Because clarity never came when I needed it.

Because maybe this is what they meant by passion.

I loved you like war bloody, stupid, brave.

You loved me like memory distant, unreliable, revised.

Now I laugh too loud at nothing,cry at songs I used to skip,carry questions like crucifixes.

Why did it feel holy if it left me in pieces?

But here’s what’s real:

I fart when I sneeze.

Not everything broken has to mean something.

-Secondary After (June,2025)

Because I said so

**enters chat***

Here is where moonlight meets rose…

Beneath a sky of whispered grace,

Where stars like secrets find their place,

The moonlight spills in silver prose,

And wraps the world in soft repose.

It drapes the thorns, the blooming tips,

The rose that blushes at love’s lips,

Each petal catching pale desire,

As though the moon had set it fire.

I see you there,half shadow, light,

A silhouette the stars ignite,

And in your eyes, the cosmos sways,

Like roses swaying through a haze.

Your touch, a breeze the moonlight knows,

Your breath, the hush the garden chose,

Two souls in bloom, entwined and close—

A dance of moonlight and the rose.

So let the night forever keep

The vow we made when hearts fell deep,

That love would grow where silence flows,

Lit by moonlight, crowned with rose.

I love you like the sky loves the moon

close, but never able to hold.

You’re a fire I warm my hands by,

even knowing I’ll leave cold.

You speak and my name forgets itself,

rewritten in your mouth like prayer.

But every glance is a promise

of something that won’t be there.

I trace the dream of you in silence,

where wanting is a quiet ache.

Loving you is a borrowed feeling

one I’ll one day have to take

back from the place we never built,

from the kiss I never caught.

You’re the man I carry lightly

in a heart that carries a lot.

So I let you be the almost,

the never I’ll never regret.

Because sometimes love is a lesson

not to have,

but to never forget

Almost.

-me

Giambologna's Abduction of a Sabine Woman,

1579-83

** enters chat**

Yes—

I’m full of rage.

It simmers beneath my breath,

pressing against the soft parts of me,

daring them to break.

But still, I’m gentle.

Still kind.

Still a woman who offers her heart

even as her hands shake.

Today I saw something I didn’t want to:

I might be gaslighting people

the way others once bent my mind,

warped my reality

until lies felt like comfort

and truth like betrayal.

I’ve been in the dark too long—

I can’t always tell the difference anymore.

My sister is eleven.

And already, her world feels heavy.

She came to me with eyes full of fear,

a voice made of trembling:

“Please don’t say anything.”

But I did.

Because silence never saved me.

Some ran,

thinking I called the cops.

I hadn’t. But maybe I would have.

I’m scared.

Scared she’ll vanish under the weight

of everything she can’t yet say aloud.

Twice today, I said to someone,

“Enjoy life.”

And it echoed in me

sour and soft,

like a lullaby I no longer believe in.

I think others ruin my peace,

but maybe I do it first.

Maybe I unravel my own joy

before the day even begins.

I used to feel like a song—

not always understood,

but worth the listen.

Now?

I just want to feel like someone

who exists without apology.

Someone real.

Someone me.

Captured by: Secondaryafter

Kendrick Lamar 2025

**was a draft**

I like being anonymous. It’s freeing. I can say exactly what I feel without worrying about how someone might react or what they might think of me.

No one’s watching closely enough to judge, and that feels like a weight lifted. In this space, there are no expectations, no consequences.

I don’t have to filter myself or worry about disappointing anyone. It’s just me, saying what’s on my mind without the pressure of being looked at differently.

It’s peace. No one is waiting for me to be something else.

Artist:Walter Crane (1894)

**ENTERS CHAT**

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Here’s how I feel, and it’s all about you.

He’s the calm when everything else feels loud, the kind of person who makes you feel like everything’s going to be okay just by being there. There’s something about him that makes the world slow down, a quiet strength that I can’t quite put into words.

He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. I love him not because he has to do anything, but because of the way he shows up without asking for anything in return.

He’s the kind of person who makes me feel seen, like I don’t have to pretend to be anything I’m not.

He’s my rose, the one thing that blooms when everything else seems to wither. He’s my warmth, the one that makes everything better without even trying. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, home.

Artist : UNKNOWN

The truth is, we outgrow those who don’t appreciate us those who are indifferent to our presence and comfortable with our absence. We outgrow those who allow the distance between us to grow, those who make us feel replaceable.

We outgrow those who aren’t genuine with us, those who say things they don’t mean. The ones who talk the talk but fail to walk the walk when we need them by our side. We outgrow those who only embrace certain parts of us, refusing to accept us in our entirety. Those who dismiss our wants and needs, too preoccupied with their own.

We outgrow those who make us feel like we’re not worth their time or effort. Those who could give so much more but choose to hold back. The ones who consistently place us last on their list of priorities. We outgrow those who are lazy in their love those who retreat two steps every time we move one step forward.

The truth is, we eventually reach a point where we fully understand who we are, what we want, and what we deserve. We refuse to sell ourselves short. We refuse to repeat the exhausting cycle of offering our hearts to those who don’t know how to hold them. We reach a point where self-love outweighs any other love. We choose ourselves, even when others don’t.

We outgrow those who show us they’re not invested, who won’t try, and who treat us as temporary stops on their journey to something or someone else. We outgrow those who fail to make us feel cherished, who don’t value us the way we deserve to be valued.

The truth is, we’re capable of giving the world to someone we love. All we need in return is the reassurance that they won’t abuse it, that our hearts are safe with them, and that they won’t turn into another regret or another lesson learned the hard way.

We outgrow those who don’t know how to love us, saving our love for those who meet us with the same depth of care. For those who are willing to catch us when we fall. We outgrow those who offer empty words but no actions. We’ve spent years learning to love ourselves, and we won’t jeopardize that growth by staying with people who make us question our worth.

The truth is, we outgrow those who aren’t afraid of losing us because they’ll never truly understand us, never see us the way we yearn to be seen, and never give us the love we’ve always deserved.

Beheading Holofernes, by Caravaggio, 1599...

New View

Enters the chat…

Fed up and misunderstood to be the problem….

Him: I know you going through some things but…

Me: going through some things ??? You know nothing but…

I hate when people tell you how or what you’re doing.

Do NOT take my weakness to seriously because what I am working on is to be quite dangerous.

So many things that I am ready to accomplish and explore.

With or without you.

There is a type of art I studied in school where there was just one thing that had color what is it?

Antonio Corradinis Modesty, 1752

I only want you for the emotions I can’t find …

Warning we are playing hard truths …

I don’t want more that just the feel good and I don’t mean sexual.

I have a slight cough … and I drank some zzz quill.

I’ve thought about just not responding.

But I have no self control ….

I want the thought of you …

I love no one really just my family …

I said I’m gnna hurt your feelings and it’s because you keep asking and I have been drinking and it’s coming up asss

Word Vomit

I just wanna rip the bandaid off …

It’s gnna suck

Wanna play seven minutes in heaven …..

Enters the chat

It’s 4 am and we are just getting started..(shout out 2 chains)

If this ain’t love what is because I love sleep more than really anything.

The goal is to be productive I’ve had clean laundry in this wide load pile for like 2 months …

There are days where I am in love with you and then, days where Incan see my self with him. But I do love you. Conflicted

What is my pole dancing name (was going to say stripper but those ladies are high class)

Know what’s crazy you talk to her and me the same way… so it makes it easier

But I to play a wicked game (British voice)

You like what you see not what you know because if you knew (inserting a emoji is pathetic but you catch my drift)

He begged me and I’m not even worth it ….

I’m done with the pole dancing for a bit my hands all fucked up…

Why why why why why

Am I have a mid mid life crisis