Never Tell Me the Odds

WARCRAFT - MOVIE REVIEW "Our hope is destroyed; there is nothing to go back to. Is war the only answer?" Confession: never played the game before. I'm not a PC gamer and to be frank, I have more important things to do than devote my life to an endless RPG which doesn't even interest me. BUT HEY!!! Now there's a movie based on that same RPG!! Okay.... Warcraft is one this year's biggest question marks. On the one hand, it's a movie based on a popular video game. On the other hand, it's a movie based on a popular video game. We all know how those turn out. It's mostly based on the early, EARLY mythology of the Warcraft franchise and it involves orcs being at war with humans. But there's a greater evil lurking about so the orcs try to team up with the humans to protect their clans and shit. Aaaannnd that's your basic premise of the movie. Since I have no attachment to the game whatsoever, I've never played a single minute of it and have no idea what anything is, I bring you this review from a "critic" point of view. Warcraft has A LOT of things riding on its giant orc shoulders. Not only is it planning to be the movie that proves video game movies can be good, but it also has to satisfy the die hard fans of the game (and there are a lot of them) AND try to make the casual audience interested enough in this universe. As one half of the target audience, I'm gonna be straight up and tell you what I thought to myself as I was watching this movie. I don't care. I don't care about ANY OF THIS. Is the movie bad? No. But it's not great either. Which sucks because even I, someone who's never played the game before, wanted this movie to be awesome. I wanted this to be the greatest video game movie ever! Even better than Mortal Kombat! Sadly it's not. But I will give credit to this movie for trying though on many occasions. First of all, the CGI. HOLY SHIT!!! Those trailers were garbage. And the CGI in those trailers were worse. But then the movie started and it the first frame was a close up shot of Durotan's face and I was like " WHOA!!!l The visual effects were impressive as hell and the CGI on these orcs looked unbelievably real. You can put this movie up there with films like Avatar, The Jungle Book and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes as one of the movie with mindblowing CGI. The motion capture, character designs, attention to detail and sheer scale of this movie is enough to immerse you into this world. And once you're immersed into this world, you start to feel it as well. The fight scenes are bone crushingly awesome!! Yea the human sword fights were cool too, but when the orcs swing those big ass hammers, you hear and feel those humans' bone turn to powder. Watching the orcs fight were the most entertaining part of this movie in my opinion. The main orc and the main human are probably the best characters in this entire movie. Durotan, the main orc is the one that's fleshed out the most. You feel his motives and his story is kinda tragic. Somehow, the big ass fucking orc does the best acting in the entire movie. (Tells you something about the state of movies doesn't it) As for Lothar, the main human, he was pretty cool too. He kinda reminded me of Aragorn at times. Though he's not nearly as fleshed out or as awesome as Aragorn but still a good lead. I like how both Durotan and Lothar have a nice parallel inner conflict between each other as they struggle to find a balance between being a warriors and fathers. Everyone else I didn't really care about. I thought Paula Patton as the half human/half orc Garona was a bit underused. Dominic Cooper was ok as the king thought he didn't do much. Ben Foster was also ok as this weird wizard/mage type. However, the young up and coming wizard kid they got was a pain in the ass to watch. He was annoying, out of place and it feels like he was just cast in this movie because he won some kind of contest for Warcraft fans only were the winner gets to play a small role in this movie. This movie really could've done without him. As for the other orcs, good luck trying to remember all their names. So we got impressive ass CGI, awesome fight scenes and strong lead characters and good performances both human and orc. Where does the movie fall flat? Well in pretty much everything else. And by everything else, I mean at making me care. Yes I was immersed in this world and I was rooting for both Lothar and Durotan, but that doesn't change the fact that the first 25-30-ish minutes of this movie were boring as shit. Duncan Jones, whom I love from Source Code and Moon and for being the son of the late and legendary David Bowie, did the best job he could at directing this movie. He is a fan of this franchise and he did put the right amount of fan service here for those who've played the game. ("Right amount is kind of an understatement. This movie is REEKING with fan service!) But it almost feels like the movie is being way too self-indulgent that it forget to tell a cohesive story. Nothing really gripped in this movie. Only reason I was immersed into this world was because the CGI was so amazing and the performances were so good. Other than that, I got lost in translation. The pacing was off, it felt like scenes were cut out and certain things I felt I needed to know, I didn't. The fan service is there, it's EVERYWHERE, but the movie never stops and explains what anything is. Since there's SO MUCH lore and mythology from the game crammed into one 2 hour movie, the movie gets lost within itself and ultimately turns out to be a bit of a boring mess. What I feel this movie needed was a kind of opening like in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring where Galadriel quickly recaps explains all the history of Middle-Earth so can be caught up and know that this is the world you're about to enter. If this movie had that, then I feel like me and the general audience would enjoy this movie much more. I'm gonna repeat myself: Is the movie bad? No. But again, it's the not the greatest video game movie that we were expecting this movie to be. There is a great movie somewhere in there but frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. I give this movie credit for trying to be better than all the other video game movies that exist and by comparison, it is. Hell, I'd much rather watch this than anything else in that shit pile of of shit video game movies. I wouldn't even mind to see a more of these movies cuz I know there's potential in here somewhere. Duncan Jones needs to find it. But as a film, this movie lacks and it's bit of mess with some good things buried in there. Warcraft fans will love it, that I can guarantee. But me, I'm in this rare anomaly called "I don't give a fuck". Sorry. In my honest opinion... WARCRAFT is... A MEH OUT OF 10! (50%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

THE CONJURING 2 - MOVIE REVIEW "After everything we've seen there isn't much that rattles either of us anymore, but this one, this one still hunts me." Besides Warcraft I had to choose which new sequel to watch this weekend. The Conjuring 2 or Now You See Me 2. Coincidentally, both these movies are coming out 3 years after their predecessors. So what did I do? I flipped a coin, it landed on tails and I saw The Conjuring 2. (Warcraft comes later) So after making an ASSLOAD of money with Fast & Furious 7, James Wan returns to give us a continuation to the his precious, very successful and surprisingly great horror movie The Conjuring. This time around in The Conjuring 2, 7 years after the first Conjuring, Ed and Lorraine Warren travel to London to help out a family that is falling victim to what is apparently one of the most documented and diabolical paranormal investigations in history. It's pretty much the same plot as the first one just you know...bigger = better for Hollywood. Going into this movie I felt like I was going to the dentist. I was like "OH GOD A HORROR MOVIE SEQUEL?!?!? Do I have to?!?" As history shows, there like only 2 good horror movie sequels in existence. Every horror movie sequel that comes out is a piece of shit that you quickly forget about. But ladies and gentlemen I have news for you. I have witnessed something incredible that I thought would never happen in my lifetime. I have just watched a GOOD HORROR MOVIE SEQUEL!!!! Am I dreaming?!?!? Not only is this a good horror movie sequel but dare I say, this movie was better than the first one! Seriously it feels weird saying that. I feel like I'M possessed right now! But joking and exaggerating aside, let's break it down why The Conjuring 2 was so good. This movie was EFFECTIVE!!! What James Wan did with the first movie, he does again but even better. He uses steady and artsy camera tricks, perfectly edited sound and fantastic use of tension and suspense to provide real actual scares. Jame Wan uses everything you can to its full effect and even though you've seen all of this before, it feels new and organic. Whenever I saw a long wide shot of the camera panning around the house following a certain character, I couldn't help but think to myself "Wow! This is straight inspired by Stanley Krubrick's The Shining!" And even some parts of this movie felt like they were straight out of The Exorcist! And that's not a bad thing at all! Those 2 are my favorite horror movies because they're the ones that scare the shit of out me every time I watch them. So if James Wan can (I think unintentionally) make some parts of this feel like some of the great horror movies of all time and not make it seem like it's ripping them off, then extra points for him! Right away from the opening scene, I was impressed. That first scene was amazing. Then the movie kept going and it was just non stop anxiety and tension building up with great character development and fantastic performance to boot. This is what horror movies need to do with their jump scares. Put more emphasis on the scare rather than the jump. Directors are just lazy and stupid I guess. I love the cast they got as well. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga came back as Ed and Lorraine Warren and man, these two work magic together! Throughout this movie you really get the feeling like these 2 genuinely care for each other and that's another great underlying theme this movie has which is marriage and finding your other half who understands how you think and who you believe. One one point the two leads have a great emotional moment where the danger has reached all time highs and you can feel that one of them is probably going to die and that scene almost made me wanna cry. How often do you wanna cry in a horror movie? Yea. Never. So if a horror movie can give you the feels, then it no longer becomes just a horror movie, it becomes a great film. And the main little girl worked really well too! There's a lot of really scared children but they're all good actors so they don't bring the movie down but this main girl was the stand out. At times her performance straight up reminded me of Regan from The Exorcist. They made her work and if she didn't work well, then this movie wouldn't have work either. Thankfully she gives an amazing performance. You can see the real fear on her face MANY times throughout this movie. And nothing about this movie feels forced. Not even that finale. Since this is a sequel and Hollywood wants to make this bigger and better, they gave this movie a bigger budget so it can have s huge finale and to be honest, it was worth. Not only was a it exciting and features a demon that looked like Marilyn Manson but by that point, we're invested in the story, we care for the characters and we've been sat through a hell of suspense and tension brought to us by James Wan. I don't even care if this film is based on a true story because it doesn't matter. The Conjuring 2 impressed the shit out of me. I really liked the first one, still enjoy it to this day, but James Wan took everything to a whole 'nother level here. This might just be the first horror movie in a long while that I absolutely LOVE!! That's saying a lot because I don't give a damn about horror movies. But when you have a movie like this, a movie that turned out to be the best out 3 movies I saw this weekend, you won me over. Fuck Annabelle, let's make one more of these movies so we can have a great Conjuring trilogy. I'm running of out things to say about this movie other than go see it. It's one of the best horror movies I've ever seen, sire everything in it is pretty basic and you've seen it before but James Wan directed a new beast entirely and.... THE CONJURING 2 is... WORTH FULL PRICE!!! (89%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

THE CONJURING - MOVIE REVIEW "Sometimes it's better to keep the genie in the bottle." Horror movies have very little effect on me. 9 times out of 10 they don't work. And not just because they're bad movies, but because I feel like horror movies aren't just my bread and butter. However good a horror movie is, I usually never go back and rewatch it. Not unless I have company over and I've been convinced to do so. The Conjuring however is a horror movie I wouldn't mind watching maybe 4 or 5 more times. I've seen some great horror movies, I've seen some shitty horror movies. The Conjuring is not the latter. In fact, this movie's pretty fucking sweet. So once upon a time there lived a couple named Ed and Lorraine Warren who make a living of being paranormal investigators which is a proper term for ghostbusters/exorcists. One day in good ol' 1971 a family where the dad is Ron Livingston AKA the Office Space guy (nice to see him again for the first time since like 1999) and the family starts being terrorized by a demon so here come the Warren's to save the day! Out of all the horror movies I've seen, there's never been one that has really stuck with me for THIS long. Shit this movie came out 3 years ago and it's still one of the best horror movies I've ever seen. How is that possible? No for real, I ask myself the same question. How is a movie like The Conjuring such a good horror movie when all it does is fall victim to the same horror movie tropes we've seen a million times over? This movie isn't original. Not in the slightest but damn it sure does feel like it. If anything can be attributed to this movie being so good, it's the execution behind it. This movie is directed by James Wan who has honestly done nothing but blow me away with everything he's done. Saw: LOVED IT!!! Insidious 1 & 2: GREAT FLICKS!!! Fast & Furious 7: FUCKING AWESOME!!! But The Conjuring might just be his best work yet. The way James Wan is able to take such a small, simple and all too familiar story and make you feel like you're watching something totally new is a testament to how good of a director he is. He uses everything to its full potential. The lighting is used wonderfully, the sound design works perfectly and the cinematography is brilliant! Horror movies are the only movies that can kinda get away with looking like art house dramas in terms of their cinematography and The Conjuring is no slouch when it comes to looking artsy. Sometimes the camera would pan around following a character and it's not just for show, it works well with what the movie wants to do and that's scare the ever living shit outta you. The movies plays with long takes, dim lights and shadows and startling noises to provide REAL SCARES. Most horror movies take the easy way and go for the cheap and quick jump scares like birds flying or cats jumping. Not The Conjuring! This movie takes its time and builds up a level of tension and suspense with every shot to put you on the edge and scares you at moments you least expect it. There are some great scares in this movie, some of them leave you speechless, some not so much but what's special about them is that they serve a purpose and work well with the plot and narrative. Another reason why this movie works so well is the cast and characters. Ed and Lorraine Warren are played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga and these two work very well together. They feel like an actual married couple and are the ones that ground this movie down to reality. The scared family falling victim to the bizarre shit would normally be our eyes into this whole thing but surprisingly, our eyes are the Warrens. The experts. They're by far the most fleshed out characters in this whole movie. But not to go unsung are the children in this movie. Horror movies are known to have some of the worst and most annoying performances by child actors in any film genre but James Wan managed to get child actors who can actually ACT!!! Which is great because they don't bring the movie down at all. Check it out! This movie is rated R not because of vulgar language, nudity or graphic violence but because it's scary. The Conjuring is rated R simply because it's scary. Does that tell you something about this film? Because it should. This is one of those very rare occasion where I walk out of a horror movie not wanting to kill myself. The Conjuring is a simple, basic yet effective horror movie. It's entertaining, amazingly well directed, wonderfully acted and *wait for it* SCARY!!! One of the best horror movies I've ever seen for sure, probably the best horror film of this decade! However the sequel turn out to be, this first one still remains because... THE CONJURING is.. WORTH FULL PRICE!!! (83%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 2: OUT OF THE SHADOWS - MOVIE REVIEW "We're just four brothers who hate bullies, and love this city!" Cowabunga bitch!! You know, in my travels, I've learned something. There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Optimists AKA people who enjoyed the last Ninja Turtles movie and Pessimists AKA those who absolutely hated the last Ninja Turtles movie. I'd like to say that whoever those pessimists are, they're assholes but I'm not gonna make it personal. I'll let them have their opinions. Because at the end of the day, the Ninja Turtles are back and of you hated their last movie then do not under any goddamn circumstance watch this movie. It will be hell for you. However! To the optimists out there, the ones who loved the Ninja Turtles from their childhood -my kind of people- this new Ninja Turtles movie, Out of the Shadows is DOPE AS SHIT!!! It's the summer movie season bitch! We've had our Civil War and our Apocalypse (all in the same month! Can you believe that?) so now it's time to just chill with everyone's favorite ninja fighting team. Fortunately I got the chance to see TMNT 2: Out of the Shadows at the biggest movie theater I've seen in my life. (Seriously place I went to had a huge ass screen! Bigger than IMAX!!!) And that was the perfect accommodation to a sweet ass TMNT movie! Yes it's still produced by Michael Bay but honestly it feels like he had nothing to with this movie. The Turtles in this movie are still kickin' ass and having fun but that all stops once Shredder teams up with Baxter Stockman and Bebop and Rocksteady as he plans to....you know what? Who cares? I'm not gonna tell you the plot of the movie because it's actually the least interesting thing about this movie. What you gotta watch out for are the Turtles because they are once again awesome. Some people said they were underused in the last movie. I wasn't one of those people but I thank whoever complained because this movie gives us way more interaction between the Turtles themselves. The focus is put on the Turtles and they're personalities shine even more here than the last movie. Those who saw the last movie agreed that the elevator scene was the "best" scene in the movie. Well this movie has a scene kinda like that except it's a the very beginning where the Turtles jump off the Empire State building, do their parkour ninja shit, slide down a couple of sewage pipes, pick up pizza and end up at a New York Knicks game. That scene sets up the movie perfectly. The CGI on the Turtles was actually kinda better this time around. Which is great because they get more screen time that the humans. Megan Fox is still functional as April O'Neil. She knows she's not going for Best Supporting Actress here so she does her job just fine. They actually used Will Arnett in a way that works for the plot of the movie. He's not just here to hit on April O'Neil the whole movie, he's actually toned down quite a bit. I was really excited to see Stephen Amell as Casey Jones and I'll be honest, I was both satisfied and disappointed. Amell got most of his mannerisms down and his performance I'd say was pretty good. Changing up his origin story to be an ex-cop was really dumb, long hair was kinda missed and overall he didn't really do much. He has one good fight scene and that doesn't last to long. He just tags along with April and he doesn't even become friends with Raph which is kind of a big deal. But I did like adding him into the mix. I wanna see more of Stephen Amell rather than just Arrow. Tyler Perry plays Baxter Stockman and yea he's way over-the-top but I didn't mind that. Baxter Stockman is a mad scientist so it kinda works. Seeing him giggle made me wanna giggle. Plus he looks like he's fun with this role. And Shredder is actually played by human this time!!! How far does that go? Not far. There's way more Shredder this time rather than a stupid William Fichtner character but Shredder doesn't do anything that Shredder would do. He doesn't fight anyone and he isn't much of a threat. The most prominent threat in this movie besides you-know-who at the end which I'll get to later is actually Bebop and Rocksteady played some guy and Sheamus. (Who the fuck plays Bebop?!?!? I've never seen him before!!! Where did they dig him up?!???) First of all, I'm really glad the added Bebop on Rocksteady. If they didn't I would've been super butthurt. And they're kinda fun to watch. Yea they're a couple of simpletons but they're entertaining as hell. Plus the CGI on them looks pretty good I must say. These two and the Turtles have one great action scene that starts up on a plane and ends down in a river which was nuts as hell but entertaining as shit. The action scenes in this movie are still bizarre, ridiculous and the physics make no sense whatsoever but I'll be damned if it's not fun to watch. The best thing you can do is not make sense of this movie because you will start to hate it. Not just because it's stupid and meant for kids but this movie has fan service UP THE ASS!!!! That's what I loved that this movie did. It knew what it was and it ran with it. It embraced the Ninja Turtles essence and lore and committed to making this movie fun for Ninja Turtles. And since I'm one of them, I found this movie be better than the first one. It's just a nonsensical and childish as the first one -if not more- but somehow it still managed to make this a wonderful experience for the little 8 year old in me. Some complaints I have are stuff I already said like underused characters and almost all of the dialogue is exposition. But the biggest thing that bugged me was Kraang. I love Kraang. Kraang is a great villain. But he is AWFUL in this movie. He's literally just there to have the Turtles fight somebody at the end. Why couldn't they have just made the Turtles fight Shredder in a rematch from last time since he's now a human being? Cuz fuck you that's why. They made Shredder take a back seat to Kraang and it's ultimately the same thing as last time. The Turtles fight a giant robot. That bugged me on the inside but I was really entertained. The movie isn't perfect or anything. But it sure knows how to be a fun ass Ninja Turtles movie. As TMNT fan, I love this movie. As a movie fan, I enjoyed this movie. That's really all I can say. Can I go for 3 more of these movies? Absolutely Fun fact: I was wearing a Ninja Turtles shirt and my purple Donnie bandana having a big ol' slice of pizza having a good ass time watching this movie. Convinced yet? You should be because.... TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 2: OUT OF THE SHADOWS is... WORTH FULL PRICE!!! (80%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (2014) - MOVIE REVIEW "Four turtles... one's fighting a robot samurai. Why not?" Admit it. There's hasn't been a good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ANYTHING since 1990. We should all be glad that our favorite heroes in a half-shell are back! Michael Bay produced? Umm.......what? Usually whenever I see Michael Bay's stupid name, stupid horse face or stupid hair in anything I just turn the other way. I hate Michael Bay. He ruined the Transformers for me. Did he ruin Ninja Turtles for me too? Well first off lemme say that I'm a much bigger Ninja Turtles fan than I am a Transformers fan. (And for the sake of this review I'll try to keep the Transformers comparisons at a minimum) I grew up with the Turtles. As a kid the Turtles were irresistible They're fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!! How does that not sound awesome as a kid? My parents introduced me to the old 80s cartoon as a kid and I loved it I even love the more serious version of the Turtles from the 2000s. Didn't matter how different the tones were, I still loved them. And the 1990 movie is pretty legit too. But as good as that movie is, it kinda leaves me wanting more. And honestly, I feel like this new Ninja Turtles movie is the best we've gotten so far in my opinion. Yes, I know there are some people who DESPISE this movie. Is it cuz it's too dumb and silly? Is it cuz it's not the Turtles you grew up loving? Those are points that constantly get brought up when this movie becomes the subject of conversation. And no matter what the consensus is, no matter what the Tomato Meter says, no matter how many times some commenter says "Michael Bag raped my childhood!!!" Truth is....frankly my dear I don't give a damn. I don't care. To me, this movie is pretty fucking dope. I love it. This movie's awesome! The Turtles are back and they are back in spectacular fashion. You guys got pissed off when you heard they were gonna be aliens instead of mutants. But even when they heard you and changed them back into mutants, ya'll still got mad at how they look. "Too big!!!" "Too bulky!!!" "They looks like ugly versions of Shrek!!!" "Why do they have nostrils?!?!?" Can ya'll just shut up?? How they look I think blends in really well with modern day New York. Or do you want those rubber suits from the 90s back? No you don't. Don't lie. I dare you, (I DOUBLE DARE YOU MUTHAFUCKA!!!) to say that these aren't Turtles you grew up with. All 4 of these Turtles have different personalities and they present all throughout. They're cracking jokes, talking shit, fighting like badasses and to surprise, they have some emotional moments. It doesn't matter how they look as long as you can which Turtle is which from their personalities and you do. Mikey is most people's favorite and he's hilarious in this! Personally, Donnie has always been my favorite and I love that they put emphasis on how much of a nerd his is. All the elements you love from the Turtles are clear and present here. The teamwork between the Turtles, the at times immaturity and of course the pizza. One thing I really liked from this movie is that it gains momentum as it goes on. It starts off kinda meh with Megan Fox as April O'Neil and to be honest, I think she works fine for this movie. She's not the best actress in the world and considering the fact that she has to act against a ton of CGI here, it doesn't help her at all but she's not here to win an Academy Award or anything. She's just here to be our introduction to the Turtles. However there is one scene where she's standing in front of Master Splinter and it looks bad. Sometimes the CGI looks good, sometimes it doesn't. But it doesn't detract from the overall enjoyment of the movie. And enjoyment is the key thing to look for in this movie. The first act of this movie is forgettable as hell but once the Turtles start kicking ass, especially after the scene where The Shredder invader the Turtles' sewer home, that's where the movie starts to get going. That Shredder scene is one of my favorites in the movie because you get to see how Master Splinter interacts with his sons and even though some people say he comes off as kind of an asshole when he first steps in, he's still that lovable wise Master Splinter we know. And when Splinter has to fight Shredder, that's a great fight scene! It's well choreographed and it's all CGI (well motion capture really but still CGI) There's even a great emotional moment in that scene where Splinter's in trouble and the Turtles just forget to call him Sensei and start yelling "DAD!!! DAD!!!!" I love that! However what I don't love is how this movie bastardized the origins of not just the Turtles, but ALL of these characters. That's the one thing that didn't sit too well with me. It's so unnecessary to change the origins of the Turtles, Splinter and even the Shredder. I don't why they went in the direction they did cuz it's kinda stupid. Shredder being played by a robot? Nope. Fuck that. Hated it. Stupid. But origins stories don't mean shit here because the movie doesn't care and you don't care. What matters is that you have a great and fun time with this movie as it goes on with it's sick ass action scenes. Particularly the avalanche scene. That's the best scene in the movie! It's fast paced, entertaining as hell, the Turtles are making jokes, the action is well shot and it lasts for a good 10 minutes! Whoever directed this movie did a really good job at filming the action scenes because unlike Transformers, you can actually see what's going on. There are many uses of wide and long shots whenever the Turtles are fighting or sliding down some sewage pipe and it looks great! Does it get ridiculous? Absolutely. A little too ridiculous? Maybe. It all depends on how much of a Turtles fan you are. If the avalanche scene and the final fight scene with Shredder on top of that building -which is straight out of The Amazing Spider-Man 2- are any indication that this movie stays true to the spirit of the original 80s cartoon, then you have to at least appreciate what the Turtles stand for to enjoy this movie. What is it the Turtles stand for exactly? Fun childhood nostalgia. Don't watch this movie expecting The Dark Knight of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cuz that just sounds awful. If you're not a Turtles fan, then you're gonna hate this movie. But if you are a Turtles fan, then have yourself a slice of pizza, kick your feet up and be prepared to get shell shocked because... TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (2014) is... NOTHIN' BUT A GOOD TIME! (79%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF - MOVIE REVIEW "Bueller?....Bueller?....Bueller?" Quite possible the greatest quote ever spoken in the history of the world. Lemme run a couple of dates by you real quick. Jun 5th, 1985 was the actual day the Ferris famously took the day off. Jun 11th, 1986 was the day that Ferris Bueller's Day Off was released in theaters Ferris Bueller took his day off 31 years ago and this movie was released 30 years ago. Are you old yet? I wish I could've done this review on Jun 5th which 2 days ago but I had my high school graduation that day. Yes bitch. So here I am now 20 years old and 30 years after on Jun 7th, 2016 as a high school graduate talking to you about one of the greatest movies of all time. First of all if you haven't seen this movie then stop living your monotonous life and watch this movie goddamn it! Ferris Bueller's Day Off is exactly as it sounds. A high school wise guy is determined to have a day off from school to hit the town with his friends and just live and have fun. Millennials these days wouldn't give less of a fuck about this movie because the premise would sound stupid to them. That's because those people are unaware of the impact the 80s and especially this movie had on a entire generation. This is high school bro!!! This is every teenager's glory days! Take it from me. High school really helped me come out of my shell and become who I am today. And now that I've graduated, the world looks and feels way different. And to many people -and by "many people" I mean me- Ferris Bueller is their hero. Ferris Bueller is the epitome of that one kid that sits in class and thinks to himself "Man I could be doing other things right now." And let's face it. We've all thought that at least once everyday during our high school careers. This movie takes that notion we all feel and runs with it. Everything Ferris Bueller says sticks with you, everything Ferris Bueller does you imagine yourself doing. Changing your attendance record? Hell yea! Joyriding your best friend's dad's prized Ferrari? Been there done that. Singing Twist & Shout on a parade float? Life goals. I mean Ferris Bueller is just one of those characters that resonates with you on some kind of level. I don't wanna toot my own horn or anything but looking back at my own high school career, I was that Ferris Bueller type. I was good-hearted, streetwise and at times troublemaking student who just wants to hang out with his friends before his life changes. Some of my teachers and administrators at my school -and I swear this is true- have even compared me and and my attitude to Ferris. That speaks volumes. And Matthew Broderick's performance as Ferris transcends just acting. He is so good as Ferris that at times you don't even see him as Matthew Broderick. You just see him as Ferris. Which says a lot because Matthew Broderick was a golden boy back in the 80s. Even nowadays when Matthew Broderick is old enough to be my grandfather, he's still being remember in his traditional lazy boy pose. Ferris Bueller is such a well written character that him and his leopard print jacket have become an iconic part of pop culture. And his friends too. If you don't relate with Ferris, then you can definitely relate to Cameron if you're the reluctant type that doesn't wanna get in trouble. And Ferris' girlfriend Sloane is also a big part of the movie too as that easy going girl who's just along for the ride. One thing you can't forget to mention when talking about this movie is John Hughes. With this, The Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink and Sixteen Candles, John Hughes understood what it was like to come of age -especially in the 80s- and his films spoke to everyone. Young and old. The way he writes his characters and directs this movie with such love makes everything stand out. Whether you're with the whole Save Ferris thing, or your like Principal Rooney who will stop at nothing to ruin Ferris' day or like Ben Stein who has no idea that Ferris is gone from class, some part of this movie will speak to you. To me, this is the quintessential coming of age movie. It's funny as hell, expertly directing, beautiful well written, the way Matthew Broderick breaks the fourth wall keeps you engaged all throughout, there's never a dull moment, you feel like you're in the 80s and constantly along with Ferris, Cameron and Sloane along their journey through Chicago. This is one of the most beloved and entertaining movies fronted by one of the greatest movie characters of all time. Trying to describe the cultural significance of this movie is like trying to describe the cultural significance of something like Nirvana or Rocky or Star Wars. You can call yourself a lover of movies if you don't love this movie. That's just not how life works. Along with other films like Back to the Future, Ghostbusters and Raiders of the Lost Ark, this movie takes its place among the best movies to come out of the 80s. It's just that good. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it." Watch this movie, listen to Ferris' advice and take the day off to maybe watch this movie again. You know you'll want to. Trust me. I love this movie. I have ever since I saw it back when I was a mere high school freshmen and I will continue to love this movie until I die. Some adults I've talked to have changed their opinion on this movie drastically. Maybe it's because their older and wiser than me and but I'm still young and that's all that matters. This movie makes us all wanna live young and wild and free because.... FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF is... BETTER THAN SEX!!! (99%) -SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

THE GREATEST Another legend gone. Last night, Twitter was blowing up. "Muhammad Ali in critical condition", "Muhammad Ali so close to death", "the end is near". This morning, the world feels a little less special. The legend, the icon, simply the greatest that ever lived is now gone. Ya know...there are so many things I could say about Muhammad Ali but no matter what I say, I can't fully describe how important of an human being he was. We all know him as one of the greatest boxers of all time. But there was so much more to him than just a boxer. Born Cassius Clay Jr. in Louisville, Kentucky, he began training at the age of 12. (So there's that. What are you doing with your life?!!?!?) During the 60s, he joined the nation of Islam and changed his name to Muhammad Ali just so he could avoid going to Vietnam. Although he was arrested and suspended from boxing because of that, as boxer and a fighter he was a part of some of the greatest and most historic boxing matches of al time against some of the other greats. The rivalry between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier is considered to be the real life Rocky Balboa vs. Apollo Creed rivalry. The Fight of the Century at Madison Square Garden in 1971, the Rumble In the Jungle vs. George Foreman in 1974, and what has been claimed to be the greatest boxing match of all time, the Thrilla In Manila in 1975. If you haven't seen a single Muhammad Ali boxing match, stop reading and go watch the tapes. This guy was The Greatest for a reason. Not only did he manage to hold his own against greats like Joe Frazier, George Foreman, Ken Norton and Jimmy Ellis but he was a SAVAGE in the ring! Fast, strong, incredible arm reach, everything a great fighter is made of. One of the things that made him such an icon in the 70s was that at a time when most managers would do the talking, Muhammad Ali didn't take no shit. He wasn't just a great fighter but also the greatest shit talker that ever lived. "I done wrestled an alligator... I done tussled with a whale I handcuffed lightning And throw thunder in jail!!! I murdered a rock Injured a stone Hospitalized a brick! I'm so bad I make medicine sick!!!" Yea. He said that. You know what else he said? "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." His charisma was unrivaled. In my opinion, he is the greatest boxer of all time. Better than Evander Holyfield, better than Mike Tyson (even though he was just more of a puncher), better than everyone. Ali was influential, controversial, polarizing and inspiring figures both inside and outside the ring. Sports Illustrated even named him "Sportsman of the Century". His impact on American culture during the 20th century is the stuff of legends. And that's exactly what he became. After retiring from boxing in 1981, he focused on becoming a great humanitarian while fighting his own personal health battles. And now he's gone. But this wasn't like Prince or David Bowie where it the news just came out and we had no idea what happened, Ali was approaching his time. He was old, frail and decrepit but he lived a hell of a life. A life that not many of us will live but as he once said: "Don't quit, suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion." A champion he was. The People's Champion and The Greatest. Period. "I am the greatest. I said that before I even knew I was." R.I.P. Ali. One love.❤️🙏🏻 #muhammadali #ripmuhammadali #ali #floatlikeabutterflystinglikeabee #floatlikeabutterfly #stinglikeabee #rip #thegreatest #riptothegreatest #ripthegreatest #thankyou

ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS - MOVIE REVIEW "Everyone departs with everything eventually my dear." We all wanted this, right? We were just CRAVING this sequel! I mean, fuck Civil War, fuck Batman v Superman, fuck X-Men, Alice Through the Looking Glass was the one we were ALL looking forward to. Nothing else matters right? No. It's been 6 years since Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland and no one has given a fuck about Alice since then. Don't expect me to show any love for this movie here because as much as I didn't like the first one, you can be damn sure what I think about this movie. Essentially Alice Through the Looking Glass involves Alice who is now a sea captain apparently as she goes through a mirror back to Wonderland to help out The Mad Hatter who has grown really ill because he misses his family. How does that make sense? I have no idea. So in order to save The Mad Hatter, Alice steals this thing called the Kronosphere from Time himself played by Sacha Baron Cohen and travel back in time to save his family. Time travel in an Alice In Wonderland movie sounds cool. Right? It does! Sadly this movie is anything but. I honestly can't tell you what happened in this movie because this movie put me to sleep. It's really hard for me to fall asleep during a movie. I guess part of the reason was because i was just tired and was in need of a nap but I dozed off in the beginning where nothing happens. The movie starts off and Alice is a sea captain now. Where did that plot point come from? I have no idea but it doesn't do anything for the story at all. I fell asleep during the scene where Alice is talking to whatshisface trying to keep her ship and when I woke up, she's having tea with the squad in Wonderland. Part of me wishes I hadn't fallen asleep but the other part doesn't really care. Nothing in this movie hooked me from the beginning and it doesn't even try to engage you and make you care about what's happening. Wonderland still looks cool but the people in it are just so annoying. I did like the concept of Time in this movie. I didn't care so much for Sacha Baron Cohen's performance as Time but the fact that he's not really "the villain" of this movie kinda surprised me. You can really make Alice the villain of this movie because she's about to put all of Wonderland at risk just to make The Mad Hatter happy again. Kind of a dick move don't ya think? Mia Wasikowska is still boring as Alice and isn't developed or fleshed out at all even though this is her movie. Helena Bonham Carter still screams like a bitch, Anne Hathaway is still weird and pale and Anne Hathaway and the rest of the Wonderland characters like the Tweedles and The Chesire Cat are just there. But as for Johnny Depp.....ok. Here's the deal with Johnny Depp in this movie. He's in this movie. I was sad that he was in it. I have defended him FOR YEARS!!!! I've constantly been on his side because even though he is playing weird outlandish characters, he's so committed and such a great actor that you can't really fault him for doing what he loves. No!! Not anymore!! Seeing him do 3 different voices and put on some awkward ass makeup and act like a fool made him the most annoying person on screen. I LOVE Johnny Depp! I've loved him ever since Pirates of the Caribbean and Edward Scissorhands but man I could not STAND HIM in this movie! Remember when he used to give a fuck and star in movies that were good? Yea those days are long gone and this movie made me sure of that and I can't deny it anymore. Johnny Depp is no longer who I thought he was. (No I haven't seen Black Mass) For everything I started to kinda like about this movie, there was something that I hated. Every character was fleshed out except for Alice, Time himself was a cool character, the story is dumb, the action scenes were somewhat entertaining, the pacing and narrative put me to sleep, I like the ending song by P!nk and little tribute to Alan Rickman at the end but the CGI and everything else was unbearable and unlike the first one, the 3D does nothing to enhance the experience. My experience with Alice Through the Looking Glass mainly consisted of just dozing off, not caring about anything and loathing Johnny Depp's performance. This literally movie lost me early on and it never got me back. Sorry not sorry. A movie like this that features a thing so cool such as time travel in a place so cool such as Wonderland deserves better. Way better. In the end, I hated this one worse than the first one and this one of the most unenjoyable movies I've ever seen. I was actually deciding whether or not I should watch this first before I watch X-Men: Apocalypse and even though I loved Apocalypse and everyone is not, the one thing we can all agree one is that a movie as polarizing as X-Men: Apocalypse is head and shoulders above Alice Through the Looking Glass and is the best thing ti watch this weekend. Ot at least until everything else comes out. Don't watch this movie. It's not worth it because... ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS is... SOME OL' BULLSHIT!!! (20%) -SO WHAT DID YA'LL THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010) - MOVIE REVIEW "You used to be much muchier. You've lost your muchness." I have a love/hate relationship with Tim Burton. He's made some great and iconic movies such as Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd, Big Fish, Ed Wood, Corpse Bride and The Nightmare Before Christmas even though he didn't direct that. But for every hit, there's a miss. Not a whole lot of misses, but some really BAD misses! Mars Attacks! (yes I can't stand that movie), Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Dark Shadows, Planet of the Apes, Sleepy Hollow (which I'll be honest I haven't seen in years but remember it just being eh) and yes, Batman Returns. Not a fan of that. But the subject in question today is the 2010 remake of Alice In Wonderland. So let's get ready to have fun talking about this piece of shit. Ok I know, I know. It's not technically a remake as it works more as a sequel to the original Walt Disney animated classic but really who cares? It's a remake. Just told different. Although in my opinion, it doesn't matter if this movie is remake, sequel, prequel, spin-off, whatever-the-fuck, this movie sucks. In this movie a 19 year old Alice return to Wonderland or as it's been stupidly renamed "Underland" to you know...trip out and do some Alice In Wonderland shit. I remember watching this movie in theaters back when 3D was receiving a sudden increase in popularity. And I remember walking out of it feeling kind of like a mix bag. Visually, on the surface, this movie look fucking awesome. The CGI that Tim Burton managed to use for this movie looks amazing and real. Almost like Avatar/Jungle Book levels of real. Topping it off with the surprisingly great use of 3D, this is one of the most immersive movies you'll ever see. Hence why it made an ASSLOAD of money worldwide. But great CGI and piles of money don't mean shit if the movie isn't good. Which it's not. It's a shame this movie turned out as bad as it did because a live action version of Alice In Wonderland sounds amazing! Tim Burton's directing works for some movies and not so much for others. But one thing's for sure about Burton, his movies have a fantastic, gothic and sleek look to them. Shit, the main reason Hot Topic exists is BECAUSE of Tim Burton! (I would know because I myself am an avid Hot Topic shopper. Where else am I gonna get my Funko Pops?) And Alice In Wonderland is no exception to this directing..."theory" if you would call it that. The movie is a painting come to life. But whereas most paintings have a meaning left open to one's own interpretation, this movie has no meaning and a plot that gets lost within itself. It it cool seeing how cool Wonderland looks (no I'm not calling "Underland". Fuck that!"), but it's not cool when the reason why we're here in the first place is just to follow a dumb premise you don't care about along with characters you can't stand. A story is supposed to hook you in with it's characters and dialogue preferably from the very beginning. The first 20 minutes of this movie are boring as shit so there that goes. No emotional connection made with the movie going in and the movie starts off in kind of an obnoxious way. Alice played by Mia Wasikoska is one of the most monotonous performances I've seen in quite a while. This girl barely emotes. And the fact that she had to act against a giant orgy of CGI makes her performance worse. There are plenty of bad performances here like Anne Hathway as The White Queen. As much as I love her, they don't give her that much to do. Most of these characters are just straight up cartoons. Like Helena Bonham Carter as The Queen of Hearts. All she does is be a bitch and scream the fuck out of that big ass head of hers. I know she's supposed to do that because she's The Queen of Hearts but at what point does it become to much for you to bear? The rest of the characters of Wonderland like The March Hare, The White Rabbit, The Smoking Caterpillar getting high of hookah voiced by the late great Alan Rickman, the Tweedles via bad CGI and The Chesire Cat are all here and yes, they're all cartoony, over exaggerating version of themselves. I wish the Chesire Cat had more screentime though because that thing is so cool and fluffy!!!! The Knave of Hearts played by Crispin Glover is just king of eh. But now, time to address the big ass elephant in the room. Johnny Depp. Yes he is over the top. Yes he is eccentric. Yes he does over sell it as The Mad Hatter in this movie but damn is he good at it! I can't really complain about Johnny Depp in this movie because it's just him doing what he does best. However, as much as that may sound like a good thing, it's not. This movie is way too self-indulgent. It has a goal which is for Alice to slay the Jabberwocky (which is added from another Lewis Caroll book) and it establishes it pretty quick, but after meeting all these characters, the movie loses all sense of urgency. Some of the dialogue is pretty bad as well, at times the narrative is a bit rocky and there's no real pay off. You can't really root for any of these characters because everyone at the tea party is completely insane, Anne Hathaway doesn't do shit and Alice doesn't either and she's supposed to be the main character if Johnny Depp didn't get top billing. The most unforgivable mistake this movie made was the breakdancing scene at the end. It's a period piece. It takes place in the 1800s and at the end we get Alice and The Mad Hatter poppin' and lockin' in the mosh out of place way imaginable. Impressive CGI aside, this movie has unbearable performances, crappy ass storytelling and just....ughhh!!! I can't take this movie seriously because as a fan of quality entertainment and good movies, Alice In Wonderland doesn't do shit for me because it sucks and I don't like it at all. But it's so trippy and beautiful to look at that I'd love to do bong hits to this movie. Or I could just take acid or opium or some shit like that and go to Wonderland myself. I don't need this movie. I didn't want this movie and I don't like this movie. Can I have fun with it? Yeah if I high but as a movie... ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010) is... SOME OL' BULLSHIT!! (45%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???- #aliceinwonderland #aliceinwonderland2010 #timburton #miawasikowska #johnnydepp #madhatter #alice #annehathaway #queenofhearts #offwiththeirheads #wonderland #disney #disneyremake #moviereview #moviereviewer #followme

"And it seems to me you lived your life Like a candle in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the rain set in And I would liked to have known you But I was just a kid Your candle burned out long before Your legend ever did" - Sir Elton John Love you Marilyn!❤️❤️❤️ #marilynmonroe

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS - MOVIE REVIEW "Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's monster. And I'm looking for my creator." The Xpocalypse arrives on Friday and there's no way in hell I'm gonna be able to review all 7 of the other X-Men movies in time. I'll save the original trilogy and the Wolverine movies for another day. But for now, I wanted to reach for the throat. I wanted to get right into the good stuff. Circa 2011, the X-Men franchise was divided into 2 good movies and 2 bad movies. Fans needed something to tip the balance one way or another. Lo and behold, Matthew Vaugh comes in with a second X-Men prequel to take us back to the start and make everything awesome again. X-Men: First Class is like the genesis of the X-Men. It takes us back to 1960s to witness the moment when humanity became aware of the existence of mutants. When Bryan Singer directed the first 2 X-Men movies, he made crazy fantastical superheroes like the X-Men cool. And while they still are cool, what Matthew Vaugh does with X-Men: First Class is take all of that X-Men awesomeness and grounds it down to reality. Watching this movie, you get the feeling that people with these kinds of mutant powers have and can exist in this world. Having this movie take place during the Cuban Missile Crisis adds more to the realistic grittiness of this movie. But let's face it, what's the main reason this movie works? What's the heart of this movie? James McAvoy and Michael These 2 guys are the heart and soul of this movie. It's great that they are actually besties in real life because they have amazingly great chemistry together and neither one upstages the other. This is the kind of relationship the Anakin and Obi-Wan should have had in the prequels. They have a great bromance on screen and you can see both sides of the story as to what they think of mutantkind's place in the world. And the supporting cast is great as well. Jennifer Lawrence kills it as Mystique, Nicholas Hoult is great as Beast, January Jones as Emma Frost may be kind of dull and lifeless but Kevin Bacon OWNS IT as the villain Sebastian Shaw! I love seeing how all these characters meet and interact with one another. I especially love how Charles Xavier comes off as a smart guy but also knows how to let lose in his prime. Matthew Vaugh who was mostly known for directing Kick-Ass before this managed to add a great amount of humor into this movie. The first 2 X-Men movies were great but I honestly feel like they're not as enjoyable as First Class. It hits all the right parts balancing humor with great character development and emotion. There's nothing funny about seeing young little devastated Erik Lensherr have his parents taken from him as he bends a German Nazi gate. This movie just feels really organic. It takes place at a crucial point in time when World War III almost started, the cast works great with each other, the writing is splendid with not a moment wasted and it's just an all around good time. It's a great time actually! Once you get to see Michael Fassbender lift up a submarine, you'll wanna be shoving popcorn in your face badly. But when it gets real and the movie talks about "mutants being the next step in human evolution", you'll be left amazed. You gotta give a lot of credit to Matthew Vaugh for saving this X-Men franchise from becoming irrelevant with this movie. It's fun as hell, endlessly rewatchable and one of the best X-Men movies there are. I can't get enough of this movie so that's why.... X-MEN: FIRST CLASS is... BETTER THAN SEX!!! (90%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

NEIGHBORS - MOVIE REVIEW "We're having a Robert DeNiro party!" Ok, I have a lot of reviews to pump out in the next few days so let's not dillydally. Neighbors was a comedy starring Zac Efron and Seth Rogen that came out I think 2 years ago that I didn't see until it was already too late. Couldn't see it in theaters, 22 Jump Street had already become my favorite comedy of that year and Neighbors was just.....there....existing. Then I got the chance to watch it at home and goddamn this movie was the shit! I don't remember seeing any trailer for this movie and if I did I probably didn't even like it. So you can tell how surprised I was when I walked out of this movie. Once it ended, I felt like Seth Rogen should've called this movie Sebastian's looking glass cuz I feel like this is what I'm going to be once I hit college. Fuck that Seth Rogen parenting shit, I wanna be like Zac Efron in college! Have my own frat house, throw sick parties that will eventually start a war between my boys and my next door neighbors who happen to be new parents that just want their kid to sleep at night. Seth Rogen is fighting the good fight trying the get Zac Efron's fraternity to chill the fuck out and Zac Efron ain't havin' that shit so thus shenanigans and one of the funniest movies I've ever seen happens. You wanna know the difference between Seth Rogen's comedies and Adam Sandler's comedies? Seth Rogen's comedies feel natural. They feel like movies where everyone is having a great time not taking themselves to seriously (maybe it's cuz they smoked a little weed before filming) and they allow the audience to be in on the joke. Adam Sandler just hires his friends to get paid by telling offensive, immature jokes that don't resonate with anyone else but him. And plus, Neighbors has a story! Granted it's a simple story but there's also great themes that everyone can relate to such as friendship and growing up. But let's face it, the star of this movie is hands down Zac Efron. Seth Rogen as we all know it still funny as hell. How did he manage to get Rose Byrne to play his wife I have no clue but they have great chemistry together. But Zac Efron is the stand out. They chose the PERFECT dude to play an immature and crazy fratboy such as Teddy Sanders. If you don't think about High School Musical or all those shitty romcoms he did like 17 Again and Charlie St. Cloud, Zac Efron kinds gives off that fratboy vibe he would've had if he wasn't a Disney kid. His comedic timing is off the charts! His jokes arguably hit harder than Seth Rogen's jokes and his dynamic he has with his friends like Dave Franco and McLovin is hilarious, relatable and emotional. I myself can totally relate to Zac Efron's character because you can tell he wants to be douchy but deep down inside he's just a kid that doesn't know what he wants in life except to just be there for his boys. This movie has a lot of heart underneath what is an incredibly ridiculous movie. You can tell that Seth Rogen wanted to tell a nice story about friendship but while he was pitching this story and smoking a blunt at the same time, he wanted to also make the movie as wild and entertaining as possible. Don't be surprised if you see me having my own Robert DeNiro party in college with my own fraternity. It's a really well written movie with hilarious jokes that had me dying on more than a few occasions. Seriously guys, when I saw Zac Efron and Dave Franco grab each other's balls, I couldn't. I just couldn't. Best thing this movie did was not drag on. It's know it's supposed to be 90 minutes so it's 90 minutes. Short, sweet and to the point in the funniest way. Even when this movie comes on on HBO every now and then, I still die laughing because I love the shit out of this movie. It's a simple movie that requires a simple review. What more can I say except... NEIGHBORS is... WORTH FULL PRICE!!! (80%) -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

Mood

Bliss❤️💕✨ #prom2016 (at Omni Houston Westside Hotel)

Ummm what??? New DC logo? OK. I guess. #newdclogo #dc

PURPLE RAIN - MOVIE REVIEW "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life." Where's my review of Keanu? Not coming anytime soon. The weekend that movie came out I decided to do something different. My local movie theatre was showing a one night only screening of the 1980s classic(-ish) Purple Rain! Obviously it was to honor the recently deceased musical legend we all know as Prince. In my tribute to him, I wrote that Prince is the only person who can be associated with one name, one symbol and one color. That color is actually my favorite color, purple. (No I'm not just saying it's my favorite for the sake of honoring Prince, purple has been my favorite color ever since I realized how amazing The Joker is.) And where did Prince's association with the color purple begin? With the movie and the album both titled Purple Rain. I've already reviewed the album which you can check out for yourself. But the movie Purple Rain is NOT the same as the album Purple Rain. The album Purple Rain is one of the greatest albums of all time and one of my personal favorites. It's one of those albums that is so memorable and so complete in its songs that you can't deny how amazing it is. That album also served as the soundtrack to the movie Purple Rain and as you probably can tell, the album is way better than the movie. What do I mean by that? Purple Rain is a pretty shitty movie. Not just by comparison, Purple Rain is legitimately god awful movie. In fact, the reason the movie exists in the first place is to give Prince a popularity boost back in the 80s. What's the movie about? Well it's pretty much a very fictionalized and very bad depiction of Prince's rise to fame. Kinda like Eminem's 8 Mile. Both movies are actually really similar. They depict a real life music superstar's rise to fame in a fictitious way and they have killer music. 8 Mile has Lose Yourself, Purple Rain has....the whole fucking album. But what's the difference between 8 Mile and Purple Rain? 8 Mile is a good movie, Purple Rain is not. This movie has not held up overtime at all. It is one of the most dated movies in existence right now. Granted back in the 80s this was a big deal because everyone was dying to see Prince in his film debut and all of Hollywood turned up for this premiere. You know how superhero blockbuster's make assloads of money in their opening weekends nowadays? Well that was Purple Rain's opening weekend back in 1984. For a movie that came out in the 80s, it made MONEY!! (At least by 80s standards) But when you look at the quality of the movie itself, it looks like a student film with shitty directing, shitty writing, shitty dialogue and shitty acting even from someone like Prince. Watching it recently I was blown away by how BAD the acting is! For a guy who's full of charisma and personality, Prince evokes NONE OF THAT in this movie. He's very monotone, very boring, very whiny and bitchy and he has about as many lines in this movie as Superman did in Batman vs. Superman. Most of the time he's just dead quiet with a kind of Kristen Stewart-ish expression on his face. (Am I going to hell now for comparing Prince to Kristen Stewart? Probably. Come visit me.) And no one in this fucking cast has any personality either. Apollonia? Pssshhh. I don't know what the fuck Roger Ebert was thinking when he said that she has a bright future in Hollywood. Nice tits tho. The only person who has some kind of life in him is the "villain" played by Morris Day but WOW THIS GUY IS CRAZY. This is overacting to the tenth degree. It's kind of ironic how Prince also made the soundtrack to Tim Burton's 1989 Batman film when this movie is almost a close resemblance to tale of Batman vs. The Joker. Just look at that scene where Morris Day about to I think rape Apollonia in a dark alley and Prince comes in to save the day on his purple ass motorcycle. So cheesy, so lame, so bad. This movie has no idea what it wants to be. Does it wanna be an unintentional comedy? Because the dialogue says yes. Does it wanna be a serious drama? Because the "romance" and relationship Prince has with his parents says hell no. Or does it just wanna be a showcase for Prince's musical talents? Because the extended concerts scenes and musical number are what make the movie worth it. The movie, much like the album, starts off epically with the song Let's Go Crazy. And then other great musical numbers and performances follow. The drive through Prince an Apollonia take in the woods during Take Me With U was kinda cheesy, but the 80s was full of cheese. When Prince performs The Beautiful Ones, Darling Nikki and Computer Blue on stage with his backing band The Revolution is like MTV music video material. That's when Prince really gets to let loose and just become...Prince. I guess. The movie starts off with a great song in Let's Go Crazy and it ends with a classic. The title track Purple Rain. Let me be the first to tell you, watching Prince perform Purple Rain on the big screen almost drove me to tears. The song is already so blissful, epic and sad as it is, so imagine seeing that whole song being performed on a giant screen with loud sound. It's truly a spectacle. And the the movie decides to be nice and make up for how bad it is by giving you an encore with a final performance of the songs I Would Die 4 U and Baby I'm a Star. Those are fantastic pop songs and are a great way to cap off a shitty movie If there's a bad movie out there that deserves to be called a classic, it's Purple Rain. As a film itself, it sucks and you're better off just listening to the soundtrack. But it's undeniable that this movie sealed Prince's status as a star. If you take away the music, the movie could be considered one of the worst of all time and it's a shame Prince's film debut had to be this, but you CAN'T take away the music. You just can't. It's enjoyable as a 2 hour long music video of Prince's greatest hits, but not as a film. Unless you consider this one of those "it's so bad it's good" movies then you might love this movie. But if you can't sit through bad acting, bad directing and whatnot, you'll still love the music. That's why I will speak for both sides and say that.... PURPLE RAIN is... A MEH OUT OF 10 (50%) -SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS MOVIE???-

ASSASSIN'S CREED - TRAILER REVIEW Finally I have an excuse not to look forward to Warcraft now! Really bruh, those trailers are not selling me on Warcraft at all. I hope it turns out to be awesome but considering the budget and the fact that I couldn't give two giant orc shits about World of Warcraft, I don't think the movie will be one that proves video game movies can work. BUT WAIT!!! HOLD THE PHONE!!! An Assassin's Creed movie?!?!? Starring Michael Fassbender?!?! Whose trailer just dropped?!?!? You can bet your sweet candy ass I'm gonna talk about that! There are some video games that have been in talks about having a movie adaptation made in the future. Games like Halo, Mass Effect, The Legend of Zelda, Grand Theft Auto, Fallout and Metal Gear Solid just to name a few. A few who should absolutely NOT be made into movies. (With the exception of Zelda and Metal Gear Solid. Those would be cool.) But an Assassin's Creed movie has been at the fore front of those talks and rumors and now it's true! I have played almost every Assassin's Creed game there is. Starting from I, II, Brotherhood, Revelations, III and IV: Black Flag. (I haven't played Rogue, Unity or Syndicate because I just haven't.) And I have enjoyed every Assassin's Creed game for their interesting stories and fun as hell gameplay. Well, the ending of ACIII was kinda bullshit but whatever. Hearing about a future Assassin's Creed movie really got me interested because they can do so much with that lore and this trailer for the most kinda proves it my opinion. First of all, I love that they got Michael Fassbender as the lead. I love Fassbender with every new thing he does. He's been killing it as Magneto and he totally became Steve Jobs even though he looked nothing like him. He pretty much belongs in a movie like this. Be warned however, he's not playing Ezio Auditore or Altaïr or Connor or Edward or any of Desmond Miles Assassin ancestors we've already seen in the games. He's not even playing Desmond Miles at all! Instead he's playing an entirely new character named Callum Lynch who is apparently dead but still walking and talking (somehow) and is captured by Abstergo Industries and is forced to use the Animus to explore the memories of his Assassin ancestor Aguilar. What happens inside the Animus looks AMAZING!!! I doubt that what we see in this trailer was filmed on location but the way the Spanish Inquisition looks in this movie is AMAZING. The scenery, the cinematography and the action and stunts all look really cool. And if you ask me, I think this trailer, besides the tone and the Kanye West I Am a God song, really captures the feel of the Assassin's Creed games perfectly. It has all the right elements that make Assassin's Creed cool like the parkour, the leap of faith at the end, Templars (I think) and Michael Fassbender being a badass. The last shot of Fassbender doing the leap of faith looked perfect. Looked like it was pulled straight outta the games. It's a pretty brief trailer but I gotta admit I dug it quite a bit. Even Marion Cotillard and Alfred look like great additions to the movie. Whereas I feel like Warcraft won't be all that great, I feel like this could be it. I feel like Assassin's Creed could be the movie of all video game movies to prove us wrong. The acting talent is there, the cinematography is there (it's directed by the same dude who made that Macbeth movie last year which ironically also had Michael Fassbander, cool huh?) and even the feeling of the game is there! If this Assassin's Creed movie can be good and actually play a different role in the franchise's story, then it'll make for a great Christmas present. -SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS TRAILER AND HOW HYPED ARE YOU???-