we're only alive if we bruise

Life hadn’t exactly panned out the way that Sebastian had expected it to over the past couple of weeks. Between the shock of seeing his ex-girlfriend Amara again, the fight with the man who’d been his submissive (for all intents and purposes) and his subsequent leaving, it had been a trying time to say the least. While his default reaction would have usually been drinking himself to death, or submerging himself in his work, he was left with too many questions that needed answering... and now, without the distraction that had been blissful happiness with someone that he cared about, he had nothing but time to focus on it. Therefore, when Amara shot him a second message and asked him to meet up with her, he agreed without giving it much thought. Worst case scenario, she’d leave him with more questions than answers... and honestly, in the grand scheme of things? He could deal with that. 

Now that the time had come for them to meet up, however, he was starting to have second thoughts. They were meeting for dinner -- a restaurant that they’d both enjoyed when they’d been together years ago, and the whole thing felt a little too surreal for him. Perhaps the past was best left in the past and there was no need to re-open that can of worms. He’d just about decided to turn and leave when she came into view, hand raised in a half-wave as she approached him. She looked good -- hair swept off to the side and clipped, red dress that clung to every curve, and heels that clicked against the tiles as she walked towards him. It was like absolutely nothing had changed. 

They found their way to their table without any issue, and he held the chair out for her to take as he settled in across from her. Small talk was surprisingly easy and flowed without any awkward pauses. She talked about the art classes she was taking, the milestones that her daughter had passed over the last few months, and her plans to go back to school when she was a little older. Amara showed him a couple of pictures and he couldn’t help but notice how familiar she looked. His mind didn’t put the pieces together -- not yet, anyway. Maybe it was willful negligence or maybe it was fear of the unknown. He didn’t think about it. Four hours later -- of conversation, fingers grazing each other in an attempt to grab for the salt shaker, and ankles knocking under the table, and Sebastian was sure that he was about to make a bad decision. He could always tell, feel it springing up deep inside of him. Usually he didn’t care too much about those feelings -- after all, it was easier to apologize than to ask for permission. But, this was serious. Amara wasn’t his Not anymore. She belonged to someone else and the idea of being with someone else’s Submissive without their express permission... it was unacceptable. It was something that one shouldn’t even consider. But he did, and that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that he didn’t feel all that bad about it. When they piled into the cab and he gave only one address, his hand resting above her knee as her own covered it, he didn’t give himself a chance to feel regret. There’d undoubtedly be time for that later when he woke up and watched her collect her things and leave. No, for now he wanted to revel in the moment... wanted to enjoy something that felt familiar and felt the closest to coming home that he’d felt in what felt like ages. 

Her back hits the back of the door as soon as its closed behind them, his body pressing against hers as their lips meet for the first time in years. It feels right and wrong at the same time and he’s not sure how that’s possible. Thinking about it isn’t something he does though, instead gripping her hips tightly as her legs wrap around his legs and they stumble backwards through the apartment. He trips over one of Lucy’s toys and shudders for a moment, pulled from the moment, but her hands pressing against his shoulders ground him again. He can’t think about that, not right now. His knees hit the back of the bed and they tumble down in a pile of limbs, a giggle and a moan slipping out from her lips as his body covers her and clothes come off between fumbling fingers and whispered names amidst the sheets. It’s the happiest he’s felt in days. 

Hours later, her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her legs tangled between his, he wonders whether or not he’s made the worst mistake he’ll ever made or finally taken a step in the right direction. Nothing’s been resolved, nothing’s been discussed, and he’s left with about a thousand more questions on his mind than he’d had when he first woke up that morning.