She/Her | Fan of Kpop since 2009 | Listening to ATEEZ since 2019 | Writing for ATEEZ since 2026 | Not an 18+ account unless specified in written works | No requests unless given special privilege
I write for joy and hope you read for joy!
Currently Writing:
Turbulence (Non e la fine): First loves, first heartbreaks, first friendships and betrayals. The story follows y/n as she navigates through high school into adulthood, encountering new people and troubles. (Series 1 of a longer project)
Enough (Yunho x F. Reader): You miss the man you fell in love with and decide to leave. He wants you back.
Latest Poll: Who best fits the vibe of a male lead in a story about close proximity due to a forced bond? Or who would atiny’s like to see as the male lead lol
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Member of @eighteez-net
You miss the man you fell in love with and decide to leave. He wants you back.
Genre: Romance/Angst
Word Count: 996
Warnings: Minor Name Calling/Swearing
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Final
I stood in front of the gate, my heart racing anxiously. I lifted my hand to knock but froze. That’s when I heard the metal scrape and the door slid open.
I was met with an older man. His hair had greyed since the last I saw him. His face had aged as well, especially around his eyes.
Yunho brought me back to my place after we got caught in the park. He couldn’t keep his promise about making sure I was back in the house before my father woke up. We both got an earful from him that night. Yunho apologized for the both of us over and over.
That was the start of my fathers disapproval of this relationship.
He already disliked Yunho as a friend. He said Yunho had no sense of direction or ambition. He never saw him study for anything and he seemed to pull me away from my studies too. My father just didn’t want me with a boy who wouldn’t be able to take care of me.
That seemed to escalate when Yunho and I started dating.
“I don’t like this, y/n.”
“Dad, you’ve never liked Yunho.”
“For good reason,” he argued in the kitchen, “and if you know how I feel about this, why are you seeing the boy?”
“Dad, you just need to get to know him. I promise you’ll love him like I do.”
“Don’t say things you’re too young to understand. I’ve known that boy as long as you have, y/n. He may have been a nice boy when he was young but he’s grown into a man with no motivation. Does he even know what he wants to do with his life?”
“Yes! He’s figuring it out!”
“Figuring it out this late in the game is not good enough for me. You’re both nearing the end of high school. You have good universities lined up for you. I just…” he sighed and took a seat at the table, “I don’t want all your hard work to go to waste.”
“Yunho says he plans to work hard so he can take care of me. Isn’t that what you wanted for me, dad?” I tried to gently reason with him, “I’ll still go to school. I’ll make you proud dad. Just… please give him a chance.”
My father looked at me with wary eyes.
“He promises to take care of me.”
I should’ve known then, the stress a parent feels for their child.
“My room… it still looks the same,” I said to my father.
“Couldn’t get myself to change anything,” he said.
“Thank you, dad. And… I’m sorry.”
“Go to sleep… we can talk in the morning.”
He closed the door. I looked around my childhood bedroom. Everything, from my high school books to my posters, was just as I left it.
When I left with Yunho.
Dad and I fought the night I told him I was moving out. He didn’t like the idea. I was terrified he would reject me when I showed up tonight. I’m glad he let me stay. Looking around the room, I knew he never meant what he said.
“If you leave now, I don’t ever want to see you again!”
He never meant it and I felt sorry for hating him.
I woke up to see a long series of texts and missed calls from Yunho. He kept begging me to tell him where I was staying. Apparently he had checked with all my friends. I wish he knew, those friends were never our friends.
What’s up girlie?
Your man called.
Did you two fight and break up? — Dahyun 2:03am
Tell me why Yunho called me up last night?
Did the two of you finally call it quits?
About time
Dating the same person since high school is always boring. — Jimin 2:19am
Bitches. I always knew they had a thing for him. I tossed my phone aside and got out of bed.
I smelled something good. I made my way down to the kitchen where my father was serving breakfast.
“Good to know you’re still an early riser,” he said while placing an omelette onto a plate.
He walked over to hand it over to me.
“Thanks, dad.”
I took a seat at the table. I took a bite and sighed. My father’s cooking was always the best. I missed this.
“So, what brought you back to your old man?” he asked me once he sat down.
“I… broke up with Yunho.”
He looked surprised to hear that.
“Then man you left me for?” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I know, dad. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I was worried about my only baby but… to be honest, I never really wanted you two to break up,” he confessed, “I trusted your judgement, I truly did. You looked so determined to follow him, the same way your mother did when she left with me.”
I watched my father smile at the memory.
“I just hoped Yunho would change… smarten up! I wanted him to prove me wrong, y/n.”
“Yeah, well, he did change.”
Just not for the better.
“Could I… stay here for a bit, dad? Just until I find my own place.”
“You can stay with me until I die.”
I laughed. For the first time in a long time, I laughed a genuine laugh. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until the tears started to flow. My father stood up to come over and hug me. I felt like a little girl again, wrapped in his arms, crying my heart out over some boy.
I never imagined Yunho could make me feel like this. Never. I cried out the months of pain I felt from being left behind and my father held me tight through it all. He patted my back and caressed my head.
I have been on the fence this week about starting therapy. I don’t like the mental space I have been getting to a lot this year and I’m fortunate to have resources close to me. I’m just scared tbh
Hi! In case any of you have come across my works or page and decided to follow due to any assumption on what kind of stories I write, I wanted to leave a note pinned here.
I mostly write whatever I feel like writing but will sometimes ask for suggestions via polls. I currently do NOT take any specific requests (I apologize, maybe in the future) but I appreciate ideas.
I like to write longer series content over smaller scenarios or oneshots.
I mostly write fluff and angst material if it's a romance story. I'm a big yearning romance lover over sexual desire. So more often than not, my stories will not have smut.
I felt the need to clarify this: I don't typically write smut, so I tend to be very unsure about my smut writing skill and hesitate to write it. HOWEVER, I try to write it where it makes sense, not just to have smut for the sake of smut. There are many writers who are more than open to writing all types of smut, so I hope you'll still enjoy my stories for the lack of.
I'm open to all genre's otherwise, but my favorite are found family, angst and romance.
Thank you for showing your interest and I hope you continue to stay reading my content.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I AM SORRY I VANISHED FOR AN ETERINTY BUT. I JUUUST SAW YOU POSTED MORE STUFF AND IMMA BE READING EVERYTHING SOON AAA
cant wait honestly I'm so damn excited to read it all ♡♡♡♡ hope you've had great weeks while I was away and ill be bumping the asks as soon as im done reading mwhahaha
Hi my 4LOVE anon!! No worries! I kinda assumed you were like “meh, don’t really feel like talking” which is totally fine by the way! I love when you message but I also understand you have a life lol
And yes!! Turbulence is back and almost near the end of its first part! I can’t believe I have spent almost a year on that story (I started writing in October of 2025 before posting this year). I was just thinking how the time went so fast! And also, I’m on Yunho’s story for the yearning series now. That’s member 5 out of 8. I can’t believe I’m actually getting myself to finish everything I’m starting, and I’m seriously enjoying the process. Take your time reading. And don’t force yourself to read everything. It’s not enjoyable if you do.
Member of @eighteez-net
You miss the man you fell in love with and decide to leave. He wants you back.
Genre: Romance/Angst
Word Count: 998
Warnings: Kissing, Swearing, Breakup, Seonghwa Cameo
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Final
Author's Note: for anyone new to this series, you don't have to read the other member's stories if you don't want to. I try to write these as standalones so you can read just the member(s) you want. However, the members do make appearances in other stories of this series and I think it's fun if you enjoy cameo moments to read all the stories.
I was walking down the crowded street. It was near dark. I entered one of the brighter lit buildings.
“Come on, Seonghwa, this machine fucking hates me.”
I watched a girl kick at the gacha machines before storming off. Her date followed behind her, pulling her to the punch boxing game.
He called again. I stared at the phone.
Giant🩵 is calling.
I sat down on a stool and closed my eyes. I clicked ‘answer’ and put the phone to my ear.
“Shit, y/n—are you there?” I heard his distressed voice, “y/n? Hello? Please answer me. I come home and you’re not there. I text, I call and you’re not picking up. I was worried something happened! Where are you? What’s going on—?”
“What time is it, Yunho?”
“What?”
“You’re reaching out to me nearly a day after I left,” I let out a bitter laugh.
“Y/N, I… are you messing with me? Was this like a game to see how long I’d take to call? Babe, I didn’t get home till—”
“Now. I know.”
I stood up to walk around.
“I waited for you, Yunho.”
“Y/N…”
“Seems like all I do these days is just wait.”
“I… y/n you know I work—”
“Yeah. You have training, practice runs, races… parties.”
“I understand you’re upset, y/n, but please come home.”
‘I get you have a much busier life than I do’, I wanted to yell that at him. There was a lot I wanted to say, but I couldn’t
“Y/N, listen. Come home, and we’ll talk this out.”
I looked at the machines lighting up in front of me. The screens showed the same image of a car driving on a racetrack.
“Y/N, I hear video games. Are you at an arcade?”
“You know, your name still pops up as the highest score on these.”
“Y/N—”
“You really are the best at what you do, Yunho. It’s no surprise everyone wants you.”
“Y/N, I’m having trouble hearing you. I know where you are. Just stay there and I’ll come to you.”
I heard him shuffling things around.
“I won’t be here,” I told him loud and clear.
“Y/N—”
“I won’t be staying… anymore.”
“…why does that sound like you’re not coming home either?”
“Because I’m not.”
“What do you mean? What are you saying? Y/N, what the fuck–”
“I’m saying it’s over, Yunho.”
He didn’t say anything. Maybe, he couldn’t say anything. I heard his voice shaking when he begged me to stay on the phone. I knew he was running out of the house. He kept saying he was sorry. Whatever is going on, he’ll fix it.
“Just please, stay.”
“Goodbye, Yunho. When I’m ready, I’ll come back for my stuff.”
“Y/N–”
I ended the call.
I heard a man yelling in triumph. I looked over to see that same man from earlier pulling a pink bunny out of the gacha machine his girl was fighting against. He quickly hid it when she came back to him. They looked happy to me, whether they both knew it yet or not. They both looked happy with each other, the same way Yunho and I used to be.
I came to the arcade he sent me. He said he wanted to have a fun first date. I told him we’ve done things like this before.
“Not as a couple,” he said it so easily, making my face turn red.
He enjoyed embarrassing me with affection. I didn’t hate it though.
“Pick a game,” he told me.
“I don’t know. Games aren’t really my thing, you know that.”
“Playing them isn’t. Which is why you’ll pick, I’ll play and win you prizes.”
“Am I here just to keep you company then?”
“Mm…” he looked up as if he was thinking about it, “yes. You’re my pretty arm candy.”
He laughed when I hit his arm.
“I’m kidding.”
He moved behind me and covered my eyes as we walked around. I felt his breath next to my ear.
“I can’t buy you something big, but I could definitely win you something.”
“Like what?”
He brought us to a stop and removed his hands. My eyes went big when I saw the massive golden, dog-looking plush. If my eyes could animate sparkles, they would be right now. I heard him laughing next to me.
“I knew you’d want this! You and your dorky love for cute animals.”
“There’s no way you can get that. You just set me up to get disappointed,” I teased him.
“Are you doubting my skills?”
He rolled up his sleeves and cocked his head. I looked back at the plush. I didn’t want to say it, but it looked easier to save money for something this big.
“You’re gonna need a lot of points, Yunho.”
“Then pick a game,” he told me, “and if I seriously win you this dog, you owe me a very public kiss.”
I tried to hit him again but he dodged.
He did what he said he would do. I pointed out a game and he’d get so focused on winning. I was genuinely surprised by how quick and calculated he was. I knew he gamed, but I only ever saw him on his phone. The race car game was his best one. He kept racking up points easily on his wristband. I found myself cheering for him too. The man behind the counter had to triple check when Yunho picked out the plush for me at the end.
“Time for my prize,” he leaned towards me.
I laughed and told him I knew a better place. I saw a photobooth earlier. We both sat inside the small box with me on his lap.
I just want to express some joy. After having a tough day with some personal issues, it was really nice to come online and see something positive. I know I keep saying I’m not proud of my writing but to see my work continue to get recognized and shown love/respect in any way you all choose to show it, it really does brighten my mood.
“Turbulence” was the series I wanted to really write and the reason I started this blog this year. I was very unsure, and I continue to be unsure about this long project as I work on it, but the recent new interest in it has really pushed me to keep on going. Thank you again to everyone who is enjoying the series. It sounds like an exaggeration but it genuinely lifts my mood.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Things were pretty quiet the first day. I made sure not to say a word or look her way. She did the same. I didn’t say goodbye when I left either. I was angry. I didn’t understand why it felt like she was being pushed towards me.
You’re in the same class.
Right. It was nothing more than that. I guess it made sense for her to be assigned to help me. She was the class rep. I saw her papers on Mr. Kim’s desk before. She always got high marks.
Just like I used to.
Getting out of my room was still hard but I found myself struggling more today. I got to the school later than I was supposed to. I peeked into the teachers office to see her already there.
Great.
I wasn’t really surprised but now I felt like she was going to notice me more than had I arrived before her. I put on my earbuds and opened the door to step inside. She tried to say ‘hi’ but I quickly looked away. If I didn’t speak to her, I could pass through this successfully.
I was fine.
I was fine, until I heard coughing. I pulled my earbuds out and looked back to see her coughing. She was hunched over. I could only see her back shaking. She held onto the desk for support.
He’s sick, Wooyoung.
Was she sick?
He got too sick.
I didn’t want her to fall. Not here. I didn’t want anyone to come in and—I don’t know. I just moved on my own. Without thinking. I moved. Without thinking, I just spoke.
“Are you okay?”
Before I could check on her, she turned around to face me. Her eyes were wet. She started to settle, it seemed, and gave me a nod. She was okay.
She was okay.
“Did they fall?”
I wasn’t paying attention to what she said. I just looked down to see my earbuds laying there. I guess I dropped them when I thought she was…
I pushed the thought aside and quickly picked them up.
“Sorry.”
Stop apologizing.
“Did I ruin your music?” She asked.
“No.”
There was no music playing to begin with.
“I’m glad”
Why? Why would she be glad over something like this? She should be glad she’s—
“How was your Chuseok?”
I froze. I felt my heart starting to beat faster. My stomach started to twist. Why was she asking me this?
“At least I have my family. Who did you celebrate your Chuseok with?”
My mind started to fog up.
“Did you… do anything fun with your family—?”
“Why do you care?”
Stop acting like you care.
“What?”
I started speaking without thinking. It was just all automatic. The anger. It just poured out.
“What is it with everyone asking about Chuseok? Before the break, after the break? It’s just a fucking holiday.”
I hated talking about it. It’s all everyone kept talking about. The class, Sihyun, my uncle, her. Just shut up about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to hear about it. I didn’t want to be reminded about it.
“I guess you didn’t have a good one.”
“Shut up, I don’t want to talk to you about my life.”
That wasn’t true. Not entirely. But I was angry. I couldn’t stop feeling this anger. I didn’t mean to yell. I just wanted her to stop. She didn’t seem to know what to say after that.
I felt guilty.
I did.
Then she said that.
“My Chuseok… wasn’t good either.”
I looked at her. I wondered…
I couldn’t help but wonder if she found out about her family.
“I guess, not everyone has a good time with their families,” she kind of chuckled softly when she said that.
She looked sad. So sad. She had to have known. She had to have figured it out. I wanted to say something, anything, to get rid of that look on her face. How could I, though? I wasn’t any help already by taking my anger out on her.
I wanted to be…
“What happened?” I asked as gently as I could.
She looked a bit surprised. I didn’t blame her. I watched her think about it before speaking.
“I guess… a box was opened that I tried so hard to keep closed.”
A box?
“What box?” I asked, trying to understand.
“…what?”
“You just said a box was opened. Was there something important inside?”
What box did she find? I was genuinely confused. I thought she would've learned about her family.
“Some… family stuff.”
A box full of family stuff?
“That’s not vague at all.”
I wanted to ask her if she knew.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable with my personal stuff.”
“You already make me uncomfortable everyday by coming here,” I said without thinking again.
I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my face. I just had to go and make her feel bad again.
Fucking idiot.
I took a deep breath.
“I didn’t mean that,” I said, “I shouldn’t have said that… you… you can speak if you want to. I’ll… listen.”
Part of me said that so she wouldn’t feel bad about me lashing out before. Part of me had said it as an apology. Part of me thought it was nothing special of me to offer an ear, not that I’d really be paying attention but…
“I… think… my parents might… separate.”
She said it. That told me she knew. If not what I knew, she knew enough to know something was wrong. When she told me that, her eyes looked so distant. She looked like she went somewhere else.
Don’t do that. Don’t go.
She apologized again after that and said she wouldn’t speak any more. We worked in silence for the rest of our time in the office.
I didn’t understand what it was about her, but being around her bothered me. I didn’t like it. I didn’t necessarily hate it either. I just didn’t understand it. When she spoke with me, I felt this need to be better to her.
I walked to the classroom afterwards and saw Sihyun in the hallway. I felt my stomach drop. I still hadn’t spoken to Sihyun. I wasn’t sure if I should go to her. Maybe she’d come to me and start another fight. I didn’t care. Maybe she was looking at me for the same reason. But neither one of us approached the other.
She kept looking out of it after our conversation, if one could even call it that, and I felt my eyes naturally following wherever she was. I kept wondering if she was okay and I’d always get embarrassed when she’d catch me staring.
I overheard her tall friend checking on her in class one day. He checked her forehead. I felt uncomfortable with his affection towards her. I wondered if she was feeling sick again. She already had that coughing fit in the office once. What if she was so stressed by her family that she was starting to get sick.
I felt this unreasonable guilt.
I was already unable to keep my cool around her. Around everyone. I didn’t think she’d look forward to working with me if she was feeling unwell on top of that. I wanted to…
I wanted to make up for my behaviour.
I couldn’t sleep that night. I think I stayed up the whole night just trying to pass out. It was the first time I found myself at the school really early too. I got to the teachers office and saw that she hadn’t come in yet. I guessed she decided to stay home. It was good of her to stay home. If she was feeling sick, it was good of her to not come in today.
Even though today was the last day in this office.
I grabbed the last bit of paperwork and started working. There wasn’t much left to do. She was always better at putting this place together than I was. Sihyun would hate how bad I was at organizing here.
I wondered how she was doing. I was still angry at her for saying what she did.
“At least I have my family…”
I was angry, but…
I heard the door sliding open and my head snapped in that direction. I felt my heart racing. Why was she here?
Y/N.
She looked almost as surprised as I felt.
“Hi–”
“Hey–”
Silence. We had tried to speak at the same time. I waited for her to go first but she looked like she was waiting for me instead. I tapped against the papers on the desk and looked around.
“Uh… I didn’t think… you’d be here, today,” I said.
“What?”
“Well, you didn’t look well yesterday.”
“I didn’t—?”
“Not that I noticed or pay attention to that stuff,” I said quickly, defending myself, “I just happened to overhear your friend. The tall one touching your head.”
I pointed awkwardly over the bangs that covered my forehead.
“Yunho?”
I gave a look that said ‘who else?’.
“No, I’m fine. He was only concerned because—”
There it was again. Her eyes.
“You do that a lot.”
“What?”
“Nothing, just… your eyes seem to…” go somewhere else, I wanted to say but I stopped myself, “I already finished everything in here.”
“Yeah?” She looked around the office.
“Well, everything that Mr. Kim asked for.”
“Guess that leaves me with a lot of free time then,” I heard her say.
I felt myself deflate. I wanted to finish up in here so she didn’t have to worry about it, but that meant that we were done seeing each other now. I should’ve been relieved. I should’ve felt excited to get away from her, but then I saw her homework.
“Nah, I don’t think so.”
“What?”
I lifted a sheet of paper up. It had a score written in red ink. I showed it to her.
“I just sorted through the class homework.”
“Is that mine?” She took it from me.
“You don’t ever make a mistake on those.”
“I just study.”
I thought of an idea.
“Could… you help me?”
“What?” Her eyes widened.
“Well, considering I finished all the work without you, and today’s the last of my punishment… you owe me something.”
I didn’t need her help. I knew if I put my head on right, I could catch up on the material Mr. Kim had taught us. I was capable of doing this on my own, but…
“I think my parents might separate.”
I don’t know why I was so invested, but I wanted a reason to stay near her. But with how I had been acting towards her, it made sense for her to reject the idea. I was an idiot to think she’d be easy to fool like this. I’m an idiot to think…
She’d ever care to do this.
Any confidence I had vanished.
“If you don’t want to, I get it,” I told her.
“N-no! It’s okay! I don’t mind tutoring you.”
She said it so quickly. She kept shaking her hands as if to stop any thought of me going back on this. My face started to feel really warm. Maybe I was catching what she had.
“Okay… if lunch works for you…?” I asked.
Tutoring at lunch gave me a proper excuse to ask if she was okay.
He looked around the place. There wasn’t anything laying on the floor today. I didn’t think that counted enough to say I had cleaned up.
“Sihyun… told me I should try…”
He smiled when I informed him of that, saying she’d be happy to know. I didn’t think she would find my attempt that great. I’d still be getting an earful from her about how I live like a zoo animal. At least I tried. I wanted to tell her that.
I watched him clear out my kitchen space to make room for the food he brought in.
“Speaking of Sihyun, did… something happen between you two?” he asked.
I felt my heart beat spike. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know how to. I figured he could tell.
“You don’t have to share. She didn’t say anything either, but I know my daughter well enough to know she was starting to feel happy again.”
Happy again?
“Sihyun… has always sort of struggled in the area of making friends,” he told me while cleaning up, “she wasn’t always as mouthy as she is now. I just think the child is still full of anger.”
Full of anger?
“She lost her mother a couple years ago. She was… sick. Sihyun wanted her to get better but…”
My uncle's eyes went distant then, as if he was reliving the memory. He took a deep breath before saying something that genuinely surprised me.
“Sihyun was excited to meet you. I think, for her, not only was she meeting someone she thought was similar to her… she was also meeting her family for the first time.”
He said it was his fault. He left the family after my father helped him settle into the city. He had his fair share of issues with their mother, so he could never bring himself to come back. He always felt sorry towards my father, but even more sorry towards Sihyun for never knowing him.
And for never knowing us.
“If she started a fight with you, I apologize as her father. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I would like for you two to get along again. She seemed happier because of you.”
I made her happier? How could that be true? She was the one who didn’t seem too pleased to escort me to school. Not that I was all too thrilled about it either.
When I saw her in school, I thought about what my uncle said. She didn’t look happy to see me. Sihyun still avoided me like I was a worm in the dirt.
But she didn’t.
“Hi… Wooyoung.”
Y/N. She stood in front of the classroom door with her two friends. I felt their eyes glued onto me. I couldn’t speak so I just gave a small nod and went inside.
She didn’t avoid me, despite how rude I was with her. She was quick to tell her friends she couldn’t see them for lunch either and joined me for our planned study sessions. I was surprised she kept her word. She could’ve easily backed out but she chose to stay.
I felt this uneasy sense of warmth in my chest. I had to be getting sick.
She helped me catch up on material I had slept through. She was very patient with me. Even when I couldn’t get some of the English phrases and sighed out of frustration, she’d remain patient. I knew she felt nervous around me. She’d flinch when I sighed or retreat to her side if I showed any bit of annoyance.
Again… I wanted to be better.
I thought about it, about Sihyun, and then excused myself to go to the bathroom. I wandered the halls until I found her. She spent lunch alone all the time. I could’ve texted her but I wasn’t sure if she’d answer. It was just by chance.
Pure luck.
I caught Sihyun in the hallway, looking out the window. I walked towards her and saw that she was looking out to the field where the boys were playing soccer. She didn’t look my way when I approached her.
“So you’re studying with y/n now?” She asked.
“Yeah…”
“Finally decided to catch up on your class work?”
I didn’t answer. I just gave a nod when she turned her head to face me. I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t know how to say it.
“I’m glad,” she said to me, “at least someone is able to knock sense into you.”
She stepped away from the window and turned away from me to leave.
“S-Sihyun!”
She didn’t look back but she stopped walking.
“I’m…”
I’m sorry.
I couldn’t say it. I didn’t think I deserved her forgiveness. But then she looked back over her shoulder.
“I’ll wait for you at the gate?”
I felt a weight lifting off of me.
“Yeah.”
That was the first time I saw Sihyun smile without any hidden intentions.
I met up with her after school was over. She waited for me at the gate. It was awkward but I think we both understood that we both felt sorry. She nodded her head towards something and I looked back to see y/n walking out with her friends.
“Do you want to ask them to tag along?” Sihyun asked.
Y/N looked over at us and I felt my heart jump. Her tall friend was looking over at me too, making me feel nervous.
I spent a few days with her, always studying in the library during lunch hour. Y/N and I didn’t really talk much outside of academics, although there were times I would see her tapping her pencil like she had something on her mind. I decided to try and ask her how she was doing. She said she was good but I didn’t know if she was being entirely truthful about that. She admitted that she couldn’t talk about it, but her family situation was bothering her a lot. She didn’t seem to like me bringing up her sister either.
I wondered if she had the same problem I had.
I don’t know what got over me, but I offered myself to her. I told her if she needed someone to speak to, I was here. I didn’t mean for it to mean anything but the way her face brightened up when I said that, it made me feel… warm.
Since the library wasn’t the safest place to vent, I brought her to the roof.
The same roof I would escape to when I needed my space. The same roof I overheard her sister talking on the phone.
It was chilly that day. She sat on a storage box covering her ears with her mitts whenever the breeze cut through.
“Sorry, I guess it wasn’t smart of me to suggest this place,” I told her.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”
I removed my beanie and placed it on her head.
“Oh, you don’t have to—!”
“It’s fine. I don’t feel as cold.”
I walked back to the fence with a burning face.
“Thank you.”
I hid my smile by facing the fence. I looked over to the fields. The boys were playing soccer again. I knew one of them, the tall one, was her close friend.
“I hope we can be friends, moving forward.”
I wondered if he actually meant that.
“Are you interested in joining the soccer team, Wooyoung?” she asked.
I shook my head
“I was just thinking of something,” I said, “your friend is always out there.”
“Yunho? He’s part of the soccer team. He’s been a fan of the game for as long as I can remember. He was in an after school team too back in middle school. I remember he saved up all his allowance once to get a jersey…”
It’s like she realized she was talking so animatedly about her friend and got embarrassed or something.
“Sorry…”
“For what?”
“Just… I didn’t mean to talk so much about him.”
“Why do you do that?”
“What?”
“Apologize for everything.”
“I don’t… all the time.”
Yes she did. I hated that she did.
“Whatever, you can talk about him all you want though I have no interest,” that part was only partly true, “I’ll just tune it out.”
“Sorry—“
“Does he know what’s going on with your family?”
She lowered her head and shook it slowly.
“You’re not… dating,” at least that’s what I had overheard, “but… I assumed you two were close enough to know each other's secrets.”
“Yunho’s got enough on his plate already. He doesn’t need my problems on top of that.”
“Don’t you have that other friend of yours? That girl?”
“Mirae? I haven’t thought of how to bring it up to her. She’s usually busy with club activities and her own family.”
“Who else knows?”
She seemed to think about it.
“Aside from my sister and I…”
“Only I do?”
She gave a nod. I sighed.
“What is it with you people keeping your problems to yourself?” I muttered.
But she had told me. She had told me and no one else. Not her friends. Not that tall one, Yunho. She hadn’t spoken to anyone about this, except for me. I felt my cheeks getting hot.
“Are you not cold? Your face is getting pink.”
I pressed my hands to my face and turned away.
“I’m fine. I told you I don’t freeze up like most people.”
I cleared my throat and turned back around to face her. I took a deep breath before speaking again.
“A couple months back… when I first arrived… I found this place for myself so I could hide away from everyone. It’s not entirely secret, but… for the most part it’s always empty. So, if it helps… to speak your mind here…”
“Why… are you being so nice to me?”
Why would she ask me that?
“I’m not being nice.”
“No?”
No. Why would she assume I was a nice person just because…
“I’m not a nice person.”
“I think you are.”
Shut up. If only you knew…
“Well, you’re wrong.”
“Wooyoung–”
“You don’t know me. Stop trying to act like you do.”
“I’m sorry, I–”
“Stop apologizing! You did nothing wrong!”
Shit. I yelled at her again. I couldn’t stop myself. I told her everything.
“I heard her that day. Your sister. I didn’t know she was your sister. But she was here and I heard her talking to that guy.”
I told her everything I heard.
“I didn’t care to tell you,” I told her, searching for an excuse, “because… we’re not friends.”
And then I remembered. As much as my brain started to trick me into thinking we were, Y/N and I weren’t friends.
“We are not friends.”
We would never be friends.
If she knew anything about me, she’d never want to be my friend.
I couldn’t bring myself to go to school. I just couldn’t. The image of her terrified look, because of me, stayed in my brain. I was scared she was mad at me. I was scared she went and told other people about how I treated her. I was scared.
I heard banging on my door.
“Open up, cousin!”
It was Sihyun. She hadn’t come over in a long time. I walked over to open the door and see her dressed in her school clothes.
“Why aren’t you ready?” she asked.
“Sihyun…”
I didn’t want to argue with her again. I had no energy for it. She didn’t say anything for a moment, which was very out of character from what I knew of her.
“What happened?” she asked, “you left the school on your own yesterday. I saw you running off the property. What happened?”
“Why do you care?”
“Do I need a reason?”
“Just leave me alone, Sihyun. I want to be alone.”
I was better off alone.
“No.”
Sihyun looked angry.
“Sihyun–”
“Why do you look so defeated?” she asked, “why do you look like you’re ready to give up?”
Why was she shouting at me?
“You think I’m going to let you stay here and mope around until you die? Why are you okay with that?” she pushed me and I stumbled backward.
“Hey! What the hell?!”
“Don’t you ‘what the hell’ me!” she pushed again.
I raised my hands to block her but she kept attacking. She picked up my pillow off the ground and hit me.
“Stop it, Sihyun!”
“No!” She hit again
“Sihyun! Stop!”
“I won’t! Not until you see how fucking stupid you are! Why are you okay with just giving up?! Why do you look like you want to die?!”
“He’s laying around like he wants to die!”
Hit. Another hit.
“Stop!”
“Why can’t you see that people care about you? You’re too fucking dumb to notice anyone! My dad cares about you! I care about you!”
I stopped fighting back. Sihyun was out of breath. She lowered the pillow and let it drop. That’s when I saw her eyes. She was crying.
“Why can’t you let people take care of you when you’re feeling like this? Why do you only think of giving up?”
I watched her drop to the floor and cover her eyes. I remembered what my uncle told me, about Sihyun’s mom being sick. I crouched down in front of her and reached my hand over. I hesitated before patting her shoulder.
“I’m… sorry.”
She wiped her face and lifted her head to face me.
“If you’re really sorry, you’ll come to school.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’m… scared,” I confessed.
She didn’t push further than that. She didn’t ask for a bigger explanation. She just crossed her legs and took her backpack off, putting it to the side.
“Fine. If you’re not going today, neither am I.”
“What?”
“I’m keeping you company, whether you like it or not.”
I felt that warmth in my chest again.
“It’s not like I want you around me either.”
I learned then that Sihyun was a bad liar.
She stayed with me all day. It was quiet at first, until she apologized for hitting me so much. She said she was angry at someone else and took it out on me. When I asked who, she said her mom. I listened as she told me about how her mom got sick.
“She wasn’t sick in the way most people got,” she told me.
She wanted to help her mom. She wanted her mom to hold on, get better, but there wasn’t anything more she or her dad could do. She started crying again at this point. I didn’t know how to comfort her.
I guessed we had more in common than I thought.
“You might not believe me, but… y/n cares about you too.”
I looked at her when she said this.
“How could you be sure about that?”
“Because I’m more observant than people think. Lack of friends gives me more time to watch things happening.”
She smiled but I felt sorry for her.
“She’s always kind of looking at you.”
I felt a bit warm all of a sudden and she started laughing. I asked her what was so funny but she wouldn’t tell me. Looking at me didn’t mean she cared, I told Sihyun. Maybe y/n thought I was strange. Sihyun disagreed.
“I don’t like a lot of people,” she said, “but I don’t mind her. She seems honest.”
Honest.
Maybe that’s what I had been seeing in her too. She came off as someone who genuinely cared about people. Maybe that’s why I wanted to be…
Sihyun stayed with me until her dad showed up. He was surprised to see us hanging out. We didn’t mention that we both ditched school but I’m sure Mr. Kim would’ve said something. I stayed home the following day too, but without her. She did come back after school to tell me not to worry about coming to school. Y/N didn’t look mad. If anything, she looked better for some reason.
“Like she’s relieved about something. But she kept looking at your desk.”
I felt warm again.
I decided to be brave and fix my mistake. Sihyun said she would be there to support me. I showed up to school with my heart beating crazy fast.
I waited for her.
I saw her walking through the gate with her friend, that boy. I grew more anxious when I saw him looking at me. She must have told him I yelled at her. He must be mad at me too. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to do this.
I forced myself to walk to her. I wanted to tell her I was sorry but the closer I got, the more my confidence fell.
“Hey, Wooyoung. Feeling ready for the midterms?” Her friend asked me and I froze.
I wasn’t expecting him to speak so casually with me. I didn’t know if he was being genuine or trying to build a wall between y/n and I. I didn’t know what to say anymore until I remembered something.
I looked at y/n.
“My beanie.”
I asked for the beanie I had lent her the day I yelled at her.
“We are not friends.”
I was such an ass. I watched as she apologized to me, again, as she always does and rummaged through her bag to pull it out. It smelled like she washed it.
How nice.
I wanted to say ‘thank you’. I wanted to say ‘sorry’. I wanted to ask if she wanted to be friends with someone like me. But I couldn’t get the words out. Sihyun was going to be disappointed in me for giving up so fast.
“Hey, Wooyoung, a couple of us joined your study sessions with y/n. Hope you don’t mind.”
I looked between her friend and her. I squeezed my beanie hard. I forgot about the study sessions.
“They… just want to study. I promise,” she told me.
I didn’t know if I would be able to handle this. I didn’t want to be around people I didn’t know without–I thought of Sihyun immediately.
“Fine… then I get to bring someone too.”
Sihyun was against it. She warned me that people would get upset if she joined the group. When I tried to ask her why, she wouldn’t share.
She was right though.
That one girl, Mirae, seemed to have a bone to pick with Sihyun. She kept looking over at Sihyun throughout the entire lunch period. The boys didn’t seem to care though. Y/N’s friend kept his focus on helping Sihyun and y/n went between helping me and the other guy, Mingi.
There was something off about her friend, Mirae. She seemed angry the whole time we were together. I even saw her make y/n cry. Yunho tried to cover her, but it was obvious. Mirae made no attempt to say anything to Sihyun and I either when she walked past us. I thought about it.
What person makes their friend cry?
Y/N seemed to cheer up after and it was forgotten but I couldn’t shake this weird feeling. Her friend wasn’t around for tutoring the next time we all gathered.
I tried to focus on what y/n was trying to say to me, but I couldn’t. It was also hard to hear any instructions when all I kept thinking about was how I wanted her to forgive me.
“Well, shit, seems I forgot my earbuds in my backpack,” I heard Sihyun, “I can’t study without some music in my ears.”
“I could sing for you,” said Mingi.
“Shut up.”
Sihyun looked at y/n and gave a nod of her head.
“Hey, y/n, go get them for me, will ya?”
What? I gave Sihyun a look like she was being crazy.
“E-excuse me?”
“Why–”
“Why should she have to do that?”
Mingi and I spoke at the same time.
“Y/N doesn’t mind, does she? Not like this short trip will affect her studying. I need all the time I can get. Unless, she thinks her time is more important.”
“Sihyun…” I tried to warn her.
“It’s okay. I can grab them for you,” said y/n, standing up from her seat.
“Thank you,” Sihyun waved.
Yunho tried to go after her, but Sihyun grabbed his arm to sit him back down. It wasn’t until y/n had left that Sihyun then looked at me and nodded.
“Uh oh, seems like I had my earbuds the whole time. Wooyoung, go get her.”
“I can just text her–” said Yunho.
“No. Wooyoung can get her.”
I understood what Sihyun was trying to do. Yunho didn’t argue. I bowed to him apologetically before running to catch y/n.
I found her just in time. She was about to enter the classroom when I called her name. She looked back to see me and said my name like she wasn’t sure it was me. She asked if I was okay. I felt the nervousness filling up in my stomach immediately. I told her she didn’t have to tutor me anymore. I was sorry about how I treated her before. I was sorry about how I yelled at her. She wouldn’t let me apologize but I begged her to let me. I was so sorry.
“I… was angry,” I told her, remembering Sihyun in that moment too, “about something else… And I took it out on you. It… wasn’t fair. I’m… really sorry for yelling at you. And… you have every reason to be angry at me… to hate me.”
She wasn’t angry though. She didn’t hate me. She said it was fair of me to say we weren’t friends and that bothered me more. I wanted her to be angry with me. I deserved it. Why was she so forgiving?
Why couldn’t she get mad?
She took my hand to thank me instead. I felt like something was about to burst in my chest. Why was she so kind?
Then she apologized for holding my hand, saying she often held Yunho’s out of habit. She didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. But I didn’t.
It felt nice.
I wanted…
I wanted more… of this.
How could I ask for this though? I tried but I couldn’t get the words out myself. So she asked instead, surprising me.
“Could we be friends?”
I couldn’t believe it. She wanted to be friends.
“W-Wooyoung—?”
“Yes! Ah, I mean… yes. Yes. Okay.”
This fever wouldn’t stop creeping onto my face.
“O-okay.”
“Okay.”
Okay.
Friends.
We were friends now.
She went back to get Sihyun’s earbuds but then I told her not to worry about it. Sihyun had them the whole time. I never told her it was a planned trap to allow me time to talk to her privately. We returned to the group and Sihyun raised her brow at me. When I shook my head, she smiled wide.
I tried to get Sihyun to join for tutoring again, but she was convinced that she only made things more difficult for me. If only she knew that the others were curious of her too, especially Yunho. He looked disappointed when I started showing up alone.
Things were going great though. Y/N invited me to karaoke. I wasn’t sure I should join, but Yunho and Mingi both begged me to come. The warmth grew bigger, so I agreed. They cheered, nearly getting us kicked out of the library. I had to hold back my own laughter.
I couldn’t help but think of Sihyun too.
After exams finished, I asked y/n if it would be okay to include her. She seemed unsure.
“She’s not a bad person. I don’t know what you’ve heard… or what she may have done but… I promise Sihyun’s not a bad person.”
Yunho and her looked at each other. Yunho suggested that she might be nice once they got to know her. I wanted to tell him he was somewhat right. I was happy when they agreed but of course Sihyun had to make comments that were somewhat rude. I apologized and told Sihyun to watch her mouth when we walked home. She told me I was just like her dad. But I knew why she acted out. She was happy to be included.
She was just shy.
I was happy too.
Too happy.
I forgot how bad things could happen at any moment.
The day we were supposed to meet for karaoke, y/n didn’t show up. We all met up at the gate and her sister said she already told y/n they were gonna make their way over. Y/N had something to do. She would join us there. A few of us left the school.
But she never showed.
It wasn’t until Yunho checked his phone to see a text that he never sent her.
I panicked. So did Yunho.
We all ran to find her.
Who would tell y/n to go to the storage room? I was worried she had been locked in there, all alone. I didn’t want her to be scared, all alone with nobody around to help.
Please let her be safe.
I wanted to get to her quickly.
I wanted to help.
I wanted to be the one to help.
But when we reached the school, when we ran into the gym, she was already standing outside with someone else.
I think people forget that kpop (any hobby really) is supposed to be FUN. It shouldn’t have to feel like a full time job. You can be a fan and not want to stream a music video or song to get an idol/group in to the millions. You can be a fan and not contribute funds to pay for a billboard. You can be a fan and not want to purchase physical albums or merch. You can be a fan of just the music and not care for anything outside that. You can be a fan and not want to participate in fandom culture. You can be a fan and understand that this is something that you enjoy and feel happy with to whatever capacity you want. I’m tired of the few loud fans who make it so that you feel like you’re not enjoying something “properly” by prioritizing things outside of something that is meant to be fun and not take up your entire life.
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You miss the man you fell in love with and decide to leave. He wants you back.
Genre: Romance/Angst
Word Count: 998
Warnings: 14+ Themes (Kissing/Making Out, Feeling Her Up), Minor Swearing, Mention of Alcohol Use
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Final
Hongjoong Series | Seonghwa Series | Yunho Series | Yeosang Series | San Series | Mingi Series | Wooyoung Series | Jongho Series
Author's Note: This series was written and queued up before Yunho's dating news/rumours came about. I was laughing because I just wanted to write a childhood to lovers to ex-lovers story for him... Never thought it was something that possibly happened in reality 😂😂😂😂
I heard the sound of a pebble hitting my window. I tried to stay focused on my notes but he was relentless.
“Y/N!”
I slammed my books shut and ran to my window. I looked down to see him standing on the other side of the gate, laughing. He picked up another pebble off the ground and tossed it up before catching it in his hand. He got into position to throw again and I opened up my window.
“Jeong Yunho, don’t you dare!” I scolded him quietly, “are you trying to wake up my father?”
“No,” he crossed his arms, “I’m trying to get the loser, who’s too busy studying, to get out of her bedroom.”
“You know my father already doesn’t like you.”
“I’m not here for him. Come down.”
I looked behind me, at my door, before looking back at Yunho. If he didn’t look so fucking cute smiling up at me like that, I probably would’ve thrown a rock back down and told him to leave.
But he was my closest friend since childhood. I could never say no to him.
I grabbed my hoodie, slipped it over my pajamas and quietly made my way out to see him. I was careful with the gate. I slipped through the small opening and looked around before I found him standing near a bike. I walked over to him.
“What’s this?” I asked him.
“What’s it look like?”
“Is it yours?”
He gave a nod.
“Saved up every paycheque I got for the last year, all so I could buy this”
He had two helmets, each hanging off either handlebar. He brought one over to me.
“Come on, you’ll be the first to ride.”
“Yunho, I… really shouldn’t.”
He stepped closer to me. His eyes were shining as he looked into mine. He took hold of my hand.
“Please? I’ll have you back before your father wakes up.”
He tilted his head and smiled wide when he saw me starting to reconsider.
“Okay. One ride.”
He placed the helmet over my head and helped me sit down. I tugged at my shorts. I wasn’t exactly wearing the best clothes for this. He put his helmet on and sat in front. He gave it a start and kicked off the break. I let out a shriek when he moved ahead and breaked. My body collided against his back and I held onto him for dear life. I heard him laugh.
“Yunho! Are you sure you know how to drive this?”
“Of course I do. You just gotta hold on tight.”
He grabbed my hand and wrapped my arm around his waist. I wrapped my other arm around him just as he started driving away.
He took us around the city. It was exciting to see all the bright lights and people walking around as he drove past them. The world looked different at night.
It looked different with him.
He brought us to a park. He got off the bike before helping me. We took off our helmets and I walked behind him as he led me to the grass.
“Why are we here?” I asked.
“Thought it be nice to watch the stars.”
He laid himself down and I joined him. The stars were bright. He kept talking about constellations and would laugh every time I told him to stop making things up.
“But you believed me, didn’t you?”
“As if! Yunho, you forget I’m a lot smarter than you are.”
“You’re right. If not for your notes to copy off, I’d be failing right now.”
“Too bad you can’t copy my exams. I don’t know how you’ll get into university,” I teased him.
He nudged me.
“I don’t have plans for university,” he said.
I turned my head to face him but he was gazing up at the stars.
“I’m gonna work hard. Do what I’m good at and make so much money that I’ll get a house, as many bikes and cars as I want, and you’ll never have to worry about studying hard to get work for some lame ass company. I’ll take care of you.”
“Me?” I chuckled.
He turned to face me.
“Yeah.”
He looked so serious. I felt a flutter in my stomach.
“I swear, I’m gonna work so fucking hard and take so much care of you that you’ll never have to worry about anything.”
“Yunho…?”
“I love you, y/n,” he confessed and laughed, “that shouldn’t be a surprise.”
He turned his body to get closer to me. His hand reached over my stomach to hold onto mine.
“I’ve always loved you. Only you.”
“Yunho… I… love you too.”
We both smiled wide and laughed. He then brought his face close to mine. I closed my eyes before I felt him kiss my lips. He was slow. I was nervous. I felt his hand roam to the hem of my hoodie. He slipped his hand underneath, moving it up my abdomen. I felt goosebumps crawling over my skin. I felt his tongue against my bottom lip. I opened up for him. He would’ve gotten further, but just as he was about to grab my breast a light flashed on us.
“Hey! Just what do you think you’re doing out in public?”
Yunho quickly removed himself from me. My face was red underneath my hands as I hid myself. He apologized to the officer and brought us to our feet.
“Next time, I’ll pick somewhere more private,” he chuckled.
“Shut the fuck up,” I laughed.
I rode back home with him, happily holding onto my boyfriend.
Author's Note: After Seonghwa's story, I'm starting to feel more comfortable writing more intimate scenes. Hope this was good enough, so far, for you atiny's. But this also doesn't mean these scenes will be more frequent. I will only write them where it makes sense to have them.
