It’s a real nice night for an evening

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

the miserable bitch industry would crumble without me

it’s so hard for me to listen to heartbroken/angry breakup songs by straight men bc no matter how good the song is i’ll be like i’m not sure if i fully believe you. let’s hear her side of the story.

Moose at the next table: No they don't. I've been waiting here for an hour.

Hello bisexual community

Begin killing

last night i dreamed acclaimed actor and director kenneth branagh died in a recreation of the battle of agincourt and i happened to be there at the time, so afterwards the investigator for the death (who was an off brand hercule poirot situation) asked me about it and i said “ken was always drawn to spectacle. he loved that feeling of awe” and i remember thinking, in the dream, what the hell am i doing? since when am i on ken terms with real life oscar winner sir kenneth branagh?? being a heartrendingly present bystander at the moment of his bizarre death doesn’t give me the right to ken him

perennial post i make constantly but im sooo obsessed with shane picking up ilya’s call thinking they are gonna kiki about scott’s crazy gay ass

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

Washing ashore must feel good as fuck