𝟎𝟏 .   ALIAS   /   NAME :     carys !    

𝟎𝟐 .   BIRTHDAY :    august  ,  18 th

𝟎𝟑 .   ZODIAC   SIGN :     leo  ☼    capricorn  ☽    pisces  ↑

𝟎𝟒 .   HEIGHT :    about    6 ft

𝟎𝟓 .   HOBBIES :    writing    (  duh  )    ,    art    ,    

𝟎𝟔 .   FAVORITE   COLOR :    sage    green    /    cornflower    blue    .

𝟎𝟕 .   FAVORITE   BOOK :    either    a    portrait    of    dorian    gray    ,    or    a    silent    history    .

𝟎𝟖 .   LAST   SONG :    you’ll    rebel    to    anything    -    mindless    self    indulgence    .

𝟎𝟗 .   LAST   FILM   /   SHOW :    bungo    stray    dogs    .

𝟏𝟎 .   INSPIRATION :    lighting    candles    ,    spell    jars    ,    joan    tierney’s    poetry    ,    taking    walks    in    the    woods    .

𝟏𝟏 .   STORY   BEHIND   URL :    searuin    is    the    title    of    a    poem    i    wrote    for    theo    ,    but    also    taken    from    his    fascination    with    atlantis    in    previous    verses    .

only  few  from  the  class  could  see  them  — they  were  hardly  the  lucky  ones  .  and  yet  ,  harry  wanted  others  to  appreciate  them  ;  acknowledge  them  .  personally  ,  he  could  relate  :  the  thestrals  gained  a  perception  of  disgust  ,  of  fear  and  loosely  based  assumption  regarding  their  entire  being  .  not  far  off  from  himself .  it  was  only  to  be  expected  ,  what  with  his  crazed  ,  uninhabited  emotions  over  the  year  ,  for  harry  to  connect  to  such  beasts  ,  protectiveness  to  ensure  .

     curiosity  sparked  in  his  breast  ;  where  an  annoyed  click  of  the  tongue  ,  roll  of  the  eyes  pursued  ,  a  lack  of  understanding  now  overtook  .  he  knew  it  was  none  of  his  business  ,  and  if  situations  were  reversed  ,  harry  would  not  pay  attention  to  prying  eyes  and  minds  .  violation  would  settle  ,  followed  by  the  anger  he  had  kept  at  bay  as  of   late  .  not  particularly  perceptive  regarding  his  interest  ,  barely  empathetic  .  however  it  wasn’t  simple  questioning  ,  not  a  state  of  who  did  you  see  die  ? ,  harry  wished  just  to  understand  .  so  new  to  him  …  how  long  had  theodore  known  of  their  existence  ?

     gentle  weather  blazing  ,  a  slight  chill  on  the  sleeve  .  the  class  is  wandering  to  themselves  when  harry  properly  approached  .  majority  disgusted  ,  few  interested  ,  despite  not  being  aware  of  what  it  was  they  were  meant  to  be  looking  at  .   “  you  can  see  them  ,  too  ?  ”    he  hadn’t  intended  to  sound  so  cold  ,  so  condescending  —  shock  waves  merely  spread  through  his  body  in  a  rush  when  assessed  .  stereotypes  ensured  ,  if  five  years  proved  anything  ,  it  was  that  the  traits  of  the  colours  worn  day  in  and  out  usually  pertained  to  the  individual  wearing  said  schemes  .  harry knew better than that , he did , but a clear thought process was dimming against the surprise . neville  ,  he  could  understand  ,  he  knew  why  .  but  for  theodore  nott  to  gain  common  sight  in  the  minds  eye  …  shocked  was  an  understatement  .  everyone  had  a  story  to  tell  .  theodore  included  ,  harry   couldn’t  believe  he  wished  to  know  what  it  was  .

     “ odd  looking  things  ,  huh  ?  have  you  seen  them  before  this  lesson  ?  ”    he  knew  he  was  being  selfish  :  prying  into  extremely  personal  memories  of  a  boy  he  didn’t  even  care  for  ,  to  gain  a  better  understanding  for  himself  .  looking  after  oneself  was  becoming  a  sole  factor  of  the  year  --  he  was  beginning  to  understand  that  ,  and  shame  for  doing  so  was  flickering profoundly like a candle upon its last breath .

𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞    𝐰𝐚𝐬    𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈    𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏    the    disguised    bluntness    and    the    self  -  awareness    striking    a    distinct    chord    of    recognition    .      the sky  ;    cloudless  ,    and    yet    muddy    in    symmetry    to    the    idea    that    for    all    they    had    in    common  ,    harry    potter    was    certain    to    be    nothing    like    him    .      vaguely    refreshing    however    it    might    be  ,    the    theories    that    lay    behind    the    eyes    could    not    be    analysed    beyond    asssumption    .    .    .        /        somehow    it    made    sense    for    his    counter    to    be    able    to    see    just    as    he    could  ,    but    it    was    a    guilty    breed    of    logic  .    yet  ,    a    quiet    echo    :     “    too  ?    ”     he    wouldn’t    raise    childish    ┈    but    harry’s    emotions    seemed    to    sit    so    close    to    the    surface    .      was    a    thestral    truly    any    less    jarring    when    you    have    layed    eyes    upon    a    hundred    ?    or    did    they    always    strike    forth    into    loneliness    and    an    empty     despair    ?     the    rest    of    the    class    in    his    reflection    look    hungry    ┈    ready    to    pounce    upon    a    glint    of    anything     .      it    is    the    curse    of    a    recluse    to    still    believe    people    care    .

    ;    to    say    he    had    been    dreading    this    class    would    be    a    gross    understatement    .      since    reading    it    would    be    on    the    syllabus    there    had    been    a    𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠    resting    in    his    gut    that    coiled    in    desperation    to    avoid    the    whispers  ,    the    furtive    glances    as    the    rumour    mill    regains    its    steady    click    .      it    was    a    pity  ,    really  ,    that    such    beautiful    creatures    had    been    assigned    such    a    reputation    ┈┈    and   all   for   what    ?    perhaps    blissfully    ignorant    minds    could    not    appreciate    the    beauty    lying    in    something    so    defiant    of    nature    .

inquiry    parallels    scrutiny    and    he    cannot    avoid    the    thought    his    answer    is    going    to    be    judged    .       “    no  ,    actually    ”      tone    humourless  ,    eyes    averted      “    this    is    the    first    time    i’ve    seen    them    .      saw    someone    killed    right    before    this    lesson  ,    matter    of    fact    ┈    ”    he    feels    something    akin    to    cruel    as    the    words    spill    from    his    lips    .    (    𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐞𝐥𝐭𝐲    𝐜𝐚𝐧    𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞    𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲    𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡    𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞    ;      𝐰𝐡𝐨    𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬    𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞    𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧    𝐨𝐧𝐞    𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞      )    ----    but    he    breathes    in  ,    and    out  ,    shifts    his    weight    across    his    body    and    starts    again    in    place    of    an    apology    .

 [     .    .    .      ]

  she knew that most of their house had their own issues with their parents -- it wasn't the easiest of houses to be sorted into , and it came with specific ... expectations when one came from a pure - blooded family like she did . especially a pure blooded family who was fairly high up on the food chain of supporters of you - know - who . she was expected to follow her parents , she was expected to become a death eater like them ; it was like her whole life was set out for her now . the first couple years at hogwarts , her life was her own and she could see herself having the time of her life with them , but now ? she wasn't sure what was going to happen .

pansy watched him carefully , her cat - like eyes taking in his movements . theo was one of her best friends -- and she knew that he was in the same boat as she was in the end . her , theo , and draco -- all their fathers were in it together . they were all friends and all of the dark lord's most trusted . in some ways she envied blaise , he didn't seem to be put under the same watchful eye as the rest of them were . " i suppose you're right , theo . " she spoke finally , accented words slipping from between plush lips before the pulled gently into a smirk . " i would hate for you to destroy anything we have , and you well know it . but i appreciate the sentiment , truly . " she seemed to relax in the seat she occupied in their common room , her legs crossed thigh over thigh and she rested her cheek in her hand . " i don't know . i just want to have a little fun , you know . before we have to be so serious all the time . " or rather before she has to take the mark and her life will no longer be hers to control .

sometimes    it    was    a    comfort    they    all    lay    in    the    same    boat  ;     other    times    it    seemed    as    though    it    only    made    their    vessel    sink    faster    ┈┈    they    themselves    acting    the    part    of    catalyst    with    unknowing    readiness  ;    the    only    solace    to    be    found    in    knowing    they    might    see    one    another    to    the    end    of    the    road  .    “    you    know    i’m    always    right    .    ”      his    eyes    would    suggest    this    is    only    a    joke    but    his    tone    is    convicted  ;    barred    by    the    words    none    of    them    dare    speak    for    fear    it    becomes    an    unwanted    confession :

(    𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆    𝒏𝒐𝒕    𝒕𝒉𝒆    𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚    𝒐𝒏𝒆    𝒘𝒉𝒐’𝒔    𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅    𝒃𝒖𝒕    𝒔𝒐    𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈    𝒂𝒔    𝒘𝒆    𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌    𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓    𝒘𝒆    𝒄𝒂𝒏    𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒆    𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆    .      𝒕𝒉𝒆    𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒚    𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔    𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕    𝒔𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔    𝒊𝒏    𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓    𝒍𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒔    𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓    𝒚𝒐𝒖    𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓    𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌    𝒐𝒇    𝒕𝒉𝒆    𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆    𝒊𝒔    𝒏𝒐𝒕    𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒏𝒕  ,    𝒐𝒏𝒆    𝒅𝒂𝒚    𝒘𝒆    𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍    𝒂𝒍𝒍    𝒃𝒆    𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆    𝒕𝒐    𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆    .      𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑  ,    𝒂𝒏𝒅    𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓    .      𝒂𝒏𝒅   𝒘𝒆    𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍    𝒘𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒘𝒉𝒚    𝒊𝒕    𝒘𝒂𝒔    𝒘𝒆    𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒅    𝒊𝒏    𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕    𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓    𝒇𝒐𝒓    𝒔𝒐    𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈    .      )

>    what    do    you    wish    you    could    say    ?

𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄   ,    𝑷𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑺𝑬    𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓    𝐓𝐎    𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖    𝐌𝐄     ┈┈    you    keep    quite    literally    everything    bottled    up  ,    don’t    you    ?      you    try    to    be    there    for    everyone    else  ,    but    NOBODY    has    ever    asked    about    you    .      you    have    a    mental    list    in    your    head    of    things    that    you    WISH    beyond    wishing    that    people    would    ask    to    know    about    you  ,    but    nobody    has    .      you’re    afraid    that    if    you    tell    them  ,    you    won’t    get    the    response    you    crave  ,    which    gets    more    and    more    mysterious    and    gut  -  wrenchingly    necessary    with    every    day    that    goes    by    in    silence    .      it    feels    like    you    aren’t    allowed    to    exist    .

     he watches hesitation play on the kid’s face,  the way cigarette turns between fingers.  lily once told him about the devil,  a muggle belief,  she once told him he reminded her of him.  she had said that he used to be an angel but that he rebelled because he thought humans had to be free,  had to have free will      &&      that everyone believes him to be evil even though he had always been fighting for freedom.  lily had said that the guy was temptation,  that he forced humans to make their own choice by tempting them with the wrong one      --      sirius had felt like that lucifer bloke really was brilliant to be honest.  now,  as he watches the kid hesitate,  he does feel like that,  tempting,  always tempting people.  that never really changed,  sirius has always been skilled when it came to testing people,  he’s never been good at accepting lies      &&      uncovering liars is a pleasure of his.

      sirius likes the kid,  theodore,  he seems to be bluntly honest,  to not really care about what others think      --      he’s the kind of kid sirius can’t help but feel fondness for.     &&      so he smiles when he should be pissed,  he accepts mockery for what it is,  the way the kid chose to express himself.  the black man should know,  it still is his defense mechanism most times.  sadly,  people are always walking on eggshells around him      &&      they’re right to do so for the kid just made a mistake.  a mistake that hardens his features,  a mistake that makes anger lick at his bones,  that transforms clear hues into stormy ones,      ❝  don’t be mistaken, kid, i was charged with treason too. branded a traitor. you should be thankful there’s no more treason these days, it’s hard to breath with a knife in your back.  ❞      every joy that used to exist in the room has disappeared in a second,  his moods are ever changing      &&      betting on them is a dangerous hobby.

there    is    taking    things    a    step    too    far    ;    and    there    is    taking    a    step    directly    off    a    cliff    into    the    hands    of    something    far    more    dangerous    .      theo    is    not    necessarily    scared  ,    but    he    fears    he    has    done    the    latter    .      it    is    fine    ,    that    is    fine    .      that    is    where    he    raised    himself    .      “    no  ,    no    - - -    perhaps    not    ...    ”      now    he’s    thinking    -    a    deafening    pause      “    perhaps  ,    the    only    way    to    breathe    easy    is    with    the    knife    in    your    hand    ”      it’s    hard    to    tell    whether    he    means    that    when    he    isn’t    sure    himself    but    the    words    twist    in    the    air    as    the    mood    turns    sour    in    absence    of    apology    .

he    was    wrong    ;    is    the    appropriate    dawning    realisation    .      they    are    not    the    same    .      sirius    has    war    written    into    his    blood    ,    it    seems    to    shape    his    actions    and    his    words    and    his    soul    .      such    active    participation    cannot    be    compared    to    the    spectator’s    opinions    .      to    see    war    is    not    to    become    one    with    the    force    that    drives    destruction    .      but    theo    is    a    liar  ,    outright  ,    and    to    refuse    that    same    courtesy    of    blatant    half    truths    unto    himself    is    only    a    damnation    to    introspection    .

[text]: I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there , for tandy

[ txt ; so hot it’s Nott even funny ] ; Well, if we’re completely honest here

[ txt ; so hot it’s Nott even funny ] ; I panicked because your friends were coming

[ txt ; so hot it’s Nott even funny ] ; and they hate me so I didn’t want them to think I did it...

[ txt ; so hot it’s Nott even funny ] ; I hope you’re feeling better though. I did visit you in the infirmary though, if that counts for anything

[   TEXT  :  GLOWSTICK   ]  ;    if they thought you had done it they might have thanked you :(

[   TEXT  :  GLOWSTICK   ]  ;    i do appreciate your concern though ,  that being said however  ...  no it counts for nothing

[   TEXT  :  GLOWSTICK   ]  ;    i hope you feel guilty for leaving me helpless

@ledspew​    sent    :    “    you    swear    you    didn’t    do    it    ?    ”

“    i    did    not    ┈┈    ”    the    corners    of    his    mouth    lift    into    a    smile    “    ┈┈    but    that    isn’t    the    question    ”

@drcomalfy​   sent    :     “    don’t    you    realize    you    deserve    more    than    this   ?    ” 

he    sighs    ,      deep    and    pronounced    and    oh   -   so   -   dramatic    .      “    no    .    take    that    back    .    ” 

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀win⠀ friends⠀ and⠀ influence⠀ people⠀﹕⠀﹝ ooc ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀hope⠀ is⠀ a⠀ dream⠀ and⠀ a⠀ lie⠀﹕⠀﹝ inbox ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀at⠀ least⠀ villains⠀ are⠀ remembered⠀﹕⠀﹝ starter call ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀this⠀ magic⠀ belongs⠀ to⠀ the⠀ sea⠀﹕⠀﹝ headcanon ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀such⠀ abstract⠀ sins⠀ are⠀ unforgiveable⠀﹕⠀﹝ meme ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀mouth⠀ and⠀ lungs⠀ all⠀ filled⠀ with⠀ dirt⠀﹕⠀﹝ prompts ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀ordinary⠀ sounds⠀ like⠀ a⠀ disease⠀﹕⠀﹝ threads ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀the⠀ mortifying⠀ ordeal⠀ of⠀ being⠀ known⠀﹕⠀﹝ muse ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀a⠀ clever ,⠀ solitary⠀ boy⠀﹕⠀﹝ isms ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀dreams⠀ of⠀ being⠀ noticed⠀ ,⠀ seen⠀﹕⠀﹝ analysis ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀it⠀ is⠀ a⠀ malady⠀﹕⠀﹝ art ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀the⠀ ashes⠀ of⠀ september⠀﹕⠀﹝ vis. ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀half⠀ my⠀ soul ,⠀ as⠀ the⠀ poets⠀ say⠀﹕⠀﹝ promo ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀as⠀ though⠀ upon⠀ a⠀ throne⠀ of⠀ lies⠀﹕⠀﹝ self promo ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀it's⠀ actually⠀ called⠀ caliburn⠀﹕⠀﹝ verse⠀·⠀childhood ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀ghosts⠀ could⠀ have⠀ more⠀ impact⠀﹕⠀﹝ verse⠀·⠀hogwarts ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀i⠀ thought⠀ it⠀ was⠀ a⠀ lovely⠀ headstone⠀﹕⠀﹝ verse⠀·⠀post - war ﹞

.⠀﹠⠀ ∕⠀⠀and⠀ the⠀ snakes⠀ start⠀ to⠀ sing⠀﹕⠀﹝ dyn⠀·⠀serpents ﹞