Cluster B meets world

Now even tho my past girlfriends werent selfish or pushing me into this role, I felt I had to play it and they were more than okay to let this dynamic stay.

Now my currrent girlfriend she is the first to break this cycle. Most of the times I'm the little spoon and when we sit somewhere, she often has me in her arms (even tho I'm more than a head taller than her). She scratches my head and caresses my back... and honestly I feel so loved by that. I do not always have to be the one to protect and give with her. On bad days she puts herself between me and the cruel world. We protect each other and I can be soft and vurnerable. I never had that kind of affection given to me by a lover.

For you I would burn down the biggest cities.

I would sink a thousand ships.

I would trade a million lives and fight the gods, if it meant I'd have one more day with you.

TW: Mentions of trauma triggers and possibly sexual assault.

A problem that often commes with PTSD from rape/sexual assault, is the struggle with being touched or receiving/giving intimacy. Speaking from experience it can be a trigger and often make relationships very hard to maintain.

Since both my girlfriend and I suffer from PTSD from early childhood sexual abuse, I thought it might help others to see how we deal with intimacy and affection as a couple and as survivors.

First of all communication: At the beginning of the relationship we talked openly about what might be a trigger and what was absolutely not ok. It was a difficult process but it was also very important and it grew our mutual trust. Dont be afraid to lay down your boundaries and make sure your partner is aware of them.

You do not need to disclose any details of your trauma, saying what you like and dont like is enough. This also applies to nontraumatised people. You dont have to justefy your boundaries!

Try finding alternatives. Sometimes kissing can be hard for my gf so we started touching our indexfingers together and saying the word ,,kiss" . It might not be as intimate as kissing but it is a good way to show our love for each other and honestly we both really love it. The same goes for cuddling. If that is not an option, we hold hands or wrap our pinkies around each other. Or I put my hand on her knee. The possibilities are endles and you can learn a lot about each other in the process.

Ask before touching any "difficult" areas and I am not talking about privat parts. I'm talking about anything that might make your partner uncomfortable (legs, arms, back etc.). Expect the same treatment from your partner.

Never stop communicating. Your boundaries might have shifted or you learned a new trigger, keep track of what feels good and what doesnt. With time it became easier to be touched by my gf so I told her that certain things didnt bother me anymore and now she knows that she doesnt have to be carefull when grabbing my arms.

Show love and affection through other means. Use your words, write a poem or love letter, dance together, tell each other secrets, explore the world around you, buy your partner their favourite snack. Touching and sex are not the only ways to be close to your partner!!!

Be patient with one another and grow your trust. You have all the time in the world so be gentle with yourself and your lover. Love can be so impowering and help you master parts of your trauma, you never thought you would be able to get over.

And how you don't need it to be a decent human being...

As someone who has low to no empathy, due to bpd and ptsd (official diagnosis) from early childhoodtrauma, I cant stand the notion that you have to have empathy to be a good person and a productiv member of society.

All it does, is alienate people who already have to deal with the stigma and backlash that come with the more "scary" mental illnesses.

Doing good is a choice! Being a good person is a choice!

Yes I cant relate to other people's pain on an emotional level,but I can still decide not to be an ass about it.

I am so much more than my lack of empathy...

I am a loving daughter, sister and girlfriend. There is nothing I wouldnt do for the people I love.

I am a vegetarian, I volunteer at animal shelters and I work with different animal rights groups. Animals are my passion.

I am the go to person for my friends when they are in trouble, need advise or just want to talk.

I live as environmantely friendly as possible and I take great care in preserving our nature for future generations.

I dont say this to make myself look good, but to show you what kind of life one can lead without empathy. All these things are a product of a concious effort on my part.

So stop shaming people with bpd,aspd,ptsd, autism etc. We didnt have a say in this whole thing and many of us just want to live our lives in peace!

So repeat after me:

You dont need empathy to be a good person!