bumbling on

a “hypothesis”, or a “science headcanon”,

I love spurious Latinate plurals. I don’t know what it is. I once managed to convince an acquaintance that the proper plural of “walrus” is “walri”.

i hate when people are like “i hate musicals! bursting into song randomly makes no sense!” such ignorance…some musicals are sung straight through

Sleeping next to someone you care about is probably one of the best feelings in the world.

Y'all ever heard of a tax refund

So vampires don’t show up in film or mirrors, right? What if that applies to literally any kind of sensor. You got some 2000-year-old emissary of the night cussing out an automatic soap dispenser.

automatic doors. AUTOMATIC DOORS

Hi my name’s Gregory, Greg for short, Grego for medium

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.