Dēfectus

Seems like I’m back again huh? Really thought the last one was the last one. The difference this time is that you’re no longer venting feelings. The circumstances are different now. Well, for the most part anyway. But that’s a story for another post or maybe at the end of this one. 

Geez, I can already tell I’m gonna be all over the place with this one. I can’t even decide if I’m gonna talk in first or third person.

Anyways, I’m finally feeling content with the actions that I’ve made. Albeit all of it was recent, I still think that the steps I’ve been taking are helping me improve myself. I no longer have such strong emotions that drive me full of thoughts that I feel like I should bottle up and spill all over in a post in tumblr. Sure things aren’t as good as they could’ve been had I just made certain choices or taken more opportunities earlier in my life, but you live and let go I guess. There’s some areas that I should improve on though. Like I don’t know, the fact that you’re so socially awkward and inept that you can’t get a girlfriend even if they were right in front of you? Maybe I need to let down my ego just a little bit and stop being afraid of a few things in life.

I keep writing you so I’m just gonna switch to third lmao.

Before you get too down on yourself, let’s switch to another topic. YOUR SCHOOL?!?!? Get off your ass and study. I know you seem confident that with proper studying habits, you’ll be able to pass that test but habits are only good if you DO THEM.This test is probably the single most important test you’ll take for the foreseeable future and yet you’re sitting here reminiscing about a past that you even started to participate in again. Well to be fair, you’re just trying to get your thoughts back together so that maybe when you read them laid out in front of you some goals will finally be conceived. But please study, your future not only for the next 3 years are on the line, but possibly your whole life! You’re literally staying up until 4:30 am typing this when you should be establishing a proper sleep schedule. So please get your shit together before we both lose this opportunity to create a stable life that will allow you to finally find the success that you have been yearning for.

Well whatever, I’m just glad you’re at least stepping out and trying to do something with your life. I’m proud of you you know that? Before you’ve set goals and you never really tried to reach them but rather just hoped that they fall right onto your lap. Sure there are some things that you would’ve loved to stay with you. Things like your personality, generosity, or straight up just selflessness. But things are different now and people change. Some people change for better and some for worse. The difference is the circumstances in which they were forced by. Your circumstance was a positive one. Take advantage of that. You need to take this opportunity to propel yourself to greatness and be satisfied with nothing less.

Lastly, please try not to be so damn awkward. I know you’ve been trying to talk to people and that you’ve even made some more friends. But try to talk to strangers and get used the that uncomfortable feeling because not everything is going to be a breeze. 

Another long post huh? I guess it was deserving due to the fact that it has been a while and so many changes has happened. I still do think that there are some residual feelings from the past but they no longer affect you negatively. They’re just merely memories that you kind of cringe at every once in a while. But you more or less have moved on. Well maybe except for that part where you have MAJOR trust issues and can never seem to let that go. 

Hopefully the next time you read this you finally have moved towards a goal that you set and just as happy, if not a little happier than when you typed this up.