vaguely human shaped

Geralt: I sleep with both my swords next to me. Jaskier: I sleep with a knife. Roche: Both of you are pathetic. Jaskier: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with? Roche: Iorveth.

Geralt: Why is Roche crying on the floor? Jaskier: He's drunk. Geralt: And? Jaskier: He saw a picture of Iorveth's partner. Geralt: But he is Iorveth's partner. Jaskier: I know.

Geralt: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Roche: You're a hazard to society Iorveth: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Geralt: Look at the sunset. Roche: It’s beautiful. Iorveth: It reminds me of the fire I started last week.

Iorveth: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night. Geralt: You were flirting with Roche. Iorveth: So what? He's my partner. Geralt: You asked them if they were single. Iorveth: Geralt: And then you cried when he said he weren't.

Iorveth: *Screams* Roche: *Screams louder to establish dominance* Geralt: Should we do something? Jaskier: No, I want to see who wins.

Roche: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Iorveth: Okay, but in my defense, Geralt bet me 50 crowns I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. Roche: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

Iorveth: If Roche and I were drowning, who would you save? Geralt: You two can’t swim? Roche: It’s a hypothetical question, Geralt! Who would you save? Geralt: My time and effort.

Iorveth, setting down a card: Ace of spades Roche, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Geralt, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Jaskier, trembling: What are we playing

Iorveth: Why are your tongues purple? Geralt: We had slushies. I had a blue one. Jaskier: I had a red one. Iorveth: oh Iorveth: Iorveth: OH Roche: Roche: You drank each other's slushies?

Iorveth: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? Roche: The car takes a screenshot. Geralt: For the last time, get the fuck out.