It's the thot that counts

anyway we like pacing around together and ranting in the attic but sometimes instead of pacing one of us will just hang on the pole and spin, and the other person will watch on the beanbag, which makes for these really goofy conversations where the person on the bag will say something that gets the other persons goat, such as, hypothetically, that xylophones do not belong in rock music, and then the other person will go on a tirade about this, but they'll actually only be facing the Hot Take Speaker half of the time, what because of the pole, so the response will sound something like

I can't believe

you would even suggest such

a stupid opinion. You've

been to a Danny Elfman

concert! How can you

have heard Oingo Boingo

live and say with a straight face

that they alone do not justify

rock and roll xylophones

and then that person will continue until they get too dizzy, then they'll get off the pole, and by unspoken agreement, the person on the bag will get up and trade places with them to deliver their rebuttal while also spinning and it just creates this sort of crazy strip-court lawyers debating absolute nonsense for no reason kind of vibe that frankly just really does it for us.

like straight up im pretty sure if you asked people on campus they would have a “ghost story” of their experience seeing a terrifying ghost but in reality it was just me like, getting some mail or working at night. its interesting how peoples brains in my experience jump to “holy fuck a ghost” and start screaming as being the most logical interpretation of seeing me instead of “hey maybe its a muslim woman”.

I had work today, here’s what I look like often when I go to work, sleeved black jilbab, black niqab, closed toed shoes, exam gloves, headphones.

And here’s also a picture of me, now just at a distance walking down the hallway

And a lot of people’s initial gut reactions to seeing me is fear (including screaming or backing away/turning around) and thinking I’m something scary or  a ghost or monster, because I guess their more familiar and ready to believe in ghosts than realize I’m just like. A regular person. In that photo I’m literally just walking and listening to music while working as a custodian.

And like, you might say “well thats an understandable reaction, its not good but its not hurting anyone”. Straight up, in my 3 years living and working on campus, I haven’t made a single friend, no one talks to me because they’re so put off or frightened by my niqab. And each photo of me here is a photo of an exact recreation of what I was doing prior to hatecrimes I’ve experienced. Standing? Suspicious and scary. Walking by myself? Suspicious and scary. Cleaning tables? Suspicious and scary, worthy of confrontation and considering calling the police.

I’ve gotten messages and tags along the lines of “I might be startled/scared at first but when I realize you’re just a person I would talk and befriend you!” which is very sweet, honestly, and many many steps ahead of how most people treat me. However, part of the post is about that, about how when people see me their immediate reaction is fear and not seeing me as a human being.

Like I said in the inital post, people’s main association with someone looking like me is horror (shadow demons, wraiths, ghosts), all black figures in media are spooky or evil otherworldly monsters. Most people’s only other exposure is islamaphobic news that again frames someone who looks like me as a scary oppressed other. When people talk about hijab bans or “burka bans” the image that has been pushed is people that look like me. There’s no big mainstream media with someone who looks like me, hell Momtaz from We Are Lady Parts is the first niqabi I’ve seen in the main cast of any media. Otherwise the only exposure to someone that looks like me is horror at best and Islamaphobic politics at worst.

The main issue that makes day to day life in America hell for me is that when people look at me, even if its just for a few seconds, they don’t see me as human. Whether people jump to thinking I’m an actual ghost, a spooky decoration (I’ve quite literally been mistaken for being part of a Halloween display), or see me as a caricature of oppression, or a terrorist, or a criminal (tons of people think I’m dressed in all black to avoid being noticed while I commit a crime, and plenty of people think my niqab makes it so I can get away with crimes) the one common thread is people do not recognize my humanity.

Please consider increasing your contribution to The Sameer Project. They have several campaigns on Chuffed that support different areas across Gaza. I encourage you to choose any campaign and contribute regularly, increasing your donation whenever you are able to.

Forbidding the iranian team coaches from entering the country and forcing them to direct the game from MEXICO through a tv

Players from non european countries being stopped and searched like criminals with dogs

Deporting african referees just because of their nationality

Forbidding interviews from being spoken i'm languages other than English and forbidding journalists and players from speaking their native languages