Untitled

To do what ever I want

ive had a really stressful day and i have been really trying not to eat as much. but today i ate a lot and my dad went off on me cause i ate all the lettuce in the fridge. he made me recount everything a ate and it made me feel really fat and pathetic. i don't feel like ever touching that fridge again. matter a fact i wont ever touch that frige ever again i don't care since i eat to much i wont eat at all.

i used his car yesterday and kindly fill his tank with my money. my fiance is transferring his car title into my name tomorrow and like clockwork the car is having another unexpected issue. so i have to figure out how i'm going to travel 70 miles to make it in time to get the car in my name. my dad doesnt think i see right through his narcissistic bull crap. looks like i am truly turning in to a very independent queen.

when i started i was 114.4lbs now im 110 lbs i have been not eating snacks and if a eat a meal its one portion so i don't over eat and i ask myself if the meal is bigger than my closed fist i shouldn't eat more than that. if i get hungry i know what i'm doing is working. my CGW is 105.0lbs which is super easy. before i got super stressed and start eating tons of food thats how much i weighed. but i have a feeling i will finally get to my UGW. wish me luck.

no matter what people think crying is not weakness its hope i deal with emostions i cant contain. the pain in my haert is much greather thatn i can hold it just happens to come out as tera so f$ck you for saying any differnt

im currently 113.8LBS. i been having a really bad month so i've been letting myself eat way more then i would so i'm going to start dieting again. i feel heavy sluggish and just so out of control. i need to say no more i've been letting to many things get to me lately. if i can get to a low eight i can do it ten times over. i think im back in my honeymoon phase again. i'm starting my diet tomorrow for sure. the fact that i have to start dieting is a let down for me. i don't know why i let my mom and dad control me with food like they do. i'm an adult so if i don't want to eat then oh well they cant do anything about it.

if you know i would like to know cause at this point i'm so done with his shit. he is married to a woman he doesn't love anymore and she pays for everything all he does is get drunk and on the occasion yell at me and her for the most stupidest shit. maybe because he thinks he is the man he can do this shit but im like so done.

i started at 150 lbs lost so much i wi=eighted 95 lbs all i want rn is to be that weights again i was so happy no i'm 113lbs. i live with my parents again and all they want me to do all the time is eat eat eat i don't want to do it anymore. and i'm going to start working at a restaurant again soon too. all this food pressure is so sickening like let me starve thats what i want to do so just let me god damn it.

for some background: i'm 21 years old my mom is addicted to getting pregnant and abusing her kids, my dad is an alcoholic self centered asshole that i reconnected with in 2024. my fiance is in jail soon to be deported and i have a shit ton of trauma i'm not going to express in detail just know i wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.