#an@diary

This could be you by the fall if you just stuck to ana.

This could be you by the winter if you eat 700 calories every day and work out for two hours and spend all your free time thinking about food.

No, this could not be me, my starting point is way higher. I have to lose almost twice as much as I want to weigh at the end of it. The binge-restrict cycle ensured so ;)

During my time with an ed I must have lost multiple times that amount. Last time it was 20 kilo. The time before that 5. Yet I always get back to square one, if not higher.

I know it's my fault that the point I'm in now is that high, but not knowing when I can expect my results realistically doesn't help at all.

At some point shit hits the fan and from eating 1500 calories, going to the gym/swimming DAILY, walking to and from uni I just stop.

It mostly happens when the brain fog is too strong. I'm in med school, I really want that degree, I really love my studies. Knowing what I should be doing and actively not doing that, because I need my brain to work better? Fuck that shit...