Babe Ruth Was An Alien

the distinction between “venomous” and “poisonous” exists mainly as enrichment for annoying people who like to hear themselves talk

If it's beneath the Earth's crust it's poison, once it reaches the surface it just becomes sparkling venom.

I thought it was poisonous if it was from the cave ceiling but venomous if it grew from the bottom?

actually it’s poisonous while it’s burning up in the atmosphere but it’s venomous once it strikes the Earth’s surface

assigning Scully to the X-files was the funniest thing the US government ever did because imagine you send this logical, rule-following scientist to spy on the Basement Weirdo but instead they fall in love and soul-bond so intensely that it’s actually a legitimate threat to national security. all the super-important super-evil government conspiracies are at risk because you (the US government) accidentally pulled the best matchmaking job in history and now they’re so in love and oh shit they’re breaking into another top-secret facility, they’re discovering evidence of another war crime, they’re gazing longingly into each other’s eyes next to a crashed ufo and it’s all your fucking fault

grey hair is so attractive

little miss “i, uhm…” meets mr “use your words”