The Grass Is Greener Where You Water It

i. my mom bought me a sweater that happened to be in your favourite color and when i tried it on, i didn’t feel like crying ii. someone walked past me and smiled, they had the same rosy cheeks as you and instead of stopping and trying to regain my breath because all of a sudden the memories came, i just smiled back and kept walking. iii. my friends told me that you moved on and they caught you with your tongue down her throat last friday night and instead of throwing up last nights dinner, i laughed and shrugged. iv. their lips were not yours but they made me feel something and for the first time in months, i didn’t end up on my bathroom floor four hours later with a burning throat and aching heart. v. we made eye contact in what felt like forever and this time i didn’t look away. maybe, just maybe, this must be what moving on feels like.

I saw you smiling at her as if she gave you a world you’ve been hoping to have, and for the first time I know how it feels to drown even if I’m out of the ocean.

You left so I stopped wearing my seatbelt again and even though I promised you I’d never go back to that, I just can’t help it because you broke your own promise too when you said you’d never leave.

i. you were my anchor but now I need to learn how to stay steady without you. when night hits i hit back harder. when morning gets here I’m bruised and aching but I’m still here so it counts it counts it counts. ii. every time I have a dream about you, I wake up crying. last night you loved me and the night before you didn’t. once you told me you had a dream we were together and I still think about that, but only when I’m trying to convince myself you were good, too. iii. i’ve never known how to say goodbye so I keep saying hello but you don’t want to hear it anymore so I’ve stopped calling. the cards are in your hands and if I were you I’d throw the deck but this was never my decision it was always yours and you made that pretty clear when you chose her. iv. i’m not petty I’m just tired. its okay and it’s not. every song hurts but so does silence. i keep trying to wake up but the punches aren’t landing. nothing is impacting. v. nothing is impacting.

Why worry? If you’ve done the very best you can, worrying won’t make it any better.

[Girls] there is no boy cute enough or interesting enough to stop you from getting your education.