sillymaxxer

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

he got raptured

I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

the fascinating thing about being abused is that years later youre gonna be there sitting around going "okay so what now". cause like theres no instruction manual is there

youre gonna be buying groceries and then youre gonna remember you went through all that for literally no good reason and youre gonna go Oh Okay and put paper towels in your bag or whatever

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

TRIP REPORT. Dosage: .25L hot chocolate, 15g marshmallows. t-5m: began heating water, feeling anticipation. t2m: extremely cozy throughout whole body.

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

on my way to steal your garden veggies 

i think we are long overdue for a game that does the reverse of 90s first person shooters and actively makes fun of the player for picking the hard difficulty