sillymaxxer

that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

Thinking about a vampire dude bro who won't drink girl blood- because he's afraid it will estroginise him soy products style- getting trapped in a mental cage when he learns vampire dude who only bites other dudes reads as gay

just saw the funniest thing on twitter where someone was broken up with bc they ate 7 croissants im CRYINGGGG

you can experience life altering devastating emotion and then your cat will throw up next to you & look at you like does this help ?

Hey man. Not my mountain not my eagle not my liver. Not my problem

i assumed this was porn

If you are attracted to a girl it's important to show her sinister artifacts and relics

hey i felt you right click me just now. are you seriously viewing my properties? pervert

The difference is that a fetish is bound to the floor while a kink is suspended from the ceiling

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

truly an honor and a privilege getting to witness everyone's first time in public ever every single time i go grocery shopping

I got an alert for an abducted baby this morning, which is obviously terrible and I hope they find it safe and sound, but they described the baby as having "blue eyes and Bald hair" and i can't stop thinking about it