meh meh meh meh meh

Logged in for the first time in 80 years. Damn it’s quiet on the dashboard.

SOU SOUP

SOUP SOUP!

Since female mosquitoes need our blood to lay their eggs, in a sense we’re all co-parents of a bunch of little mosquitoes.

Area codes are no longer where someone lives, but instead, where they lived when they got their cell phone.

wikipedia is what people imagined the internet as in the 90s

The SpaceX crew will be flying in a rocket that was not built by the lowest bidder.

Babies are the most loved parasites in the world.

Adam and Eve had to raise teenagers, but they were never teenagers beforehand.

Eve holding the first ever baby: what the FUCK is thIS

Adam, talking to God: hey buddy so uh I don’t know if this is like ~normal~ or what but my wife just shat out a fat bald monkey and now it won’t stop screaming? Are you doing okay up there bro

Ffgfdthffghh just found out my great-grandma was engaged to like 11 men during ww2 because rando guys about town kept proposing to her before enlisting and she kept saying yes because ‘well I can’t say no, they’re going to war after all’ and only wound up getting hitched to great-grandpa cause he came back to cash it in