l'étoile

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

backrooms will never scare me because all the really scary stuff happens on the retail floor. the frontrooms.

And you may tell yourself "this is not my tomodachi life"

Applying for visa feels like panting on all fours while an older woman-- (reflects on myself for a second) No it doesn't

"i just dont think the scientology speedrun trend is funny because if people did that with any other religious institution-" ok guys lets all go to the 'scientology controversies' page on wikipedia and scroll a bit before continuing this thought. lets do this right now

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

Ahh what the hell, gimme another unnamed layer! I ain't driving!

you won't believe the weather we've been getting [remembers to avoid giving away my location] the sky was turned to darkness and the moon to blood, and the stars fell from the heavens.

I’m obsessed with my 19 year old coworker. I was telling him about how my crashout divorced dad got a sugar mommy by going to random churches and having screaming sobbing breakdowns in the pews until a random rich christian widow was like ‘I can fix him’. And he went ‘yo thats tech. The meta is changing.’

*packing my suitcase for a 3 day trip* hm, but what if I need my terracotta warriors..

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄