brain melt

the thing is, it’s never too late for anyone to start over except me. I’m doomed and it’s over for me

Why does nobody ever talk about the worst part of SzPD. How you can be incapable of doing even the things you want to do the most because you can't want to do anything. Even the most important things in your life have zero importance to you. Nothing can make you motivated. I fucking hate anhedonia and avolition. It is ruining my life.

Being schizoid harms you not only from social isolation but also because of neglect towards yourself. I do not care about my health, I rot as my body gets more and more ill. Ironically, I barely care that I have serious physical conditions to manage them. Schizoid people have the worst quality of life because it is a personality of self-sabotage.

not a caller not a texter but a secret third thing

don’t contact me. ever

like i don't say this as some kind of fucked up humblebrag it's something i'm deeply ashamed of but i hurt a lot of people before i realised that i wasn't only indifferent to romance but that there was no obligation for me to perform it at all. so when i say "i won't make you happy" or "i can't give you what you want" it's not some insecure self-deprecation thing, it's your final warning. i'm not wife material i'll chew off both our legs to escape.

yoy all just hate me because I'm cold and distant and don't put effort into any relationships and off putting and frustrating to try to help or make plans with and I don't text and I don't call and I don't like doing much and I constantly make excuses for it all

“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.

Sorry for having symptoms of a mental illness I literally told you I have it will happen again