scarlett

don’t look for me in stars, the moon, the ocean

i won’t be there. i never was

don’t look in the forest, which smells of pine when the sun shines high

that which holds the deep green i have always adored

that which holds seclusion and beauty all at once

that which becomes horrifying in an instant

i won’t be there. i never was

don’t look in gardens, filled with flowers that bloom even after i’m gone

the soft pink peonies won’t mimic the blush in my cheeks

the purple hyacinth won’t return my love for you

the lilacs won’t carry my soul within them like they believe

i won’t be there. i never was

don’t look in music, where we drown in sorrow and share our joy

the sad songs won’t reveal my unheard screams or the unseen tears

the happy won’t reveal my laughter or bring back my too toothy smile

the beloved won’t allow you to hear me sing once more

i won’t be there. i never was

don’t look for me in the crowds, you wouldn’t have found me there anyway

the loudness will never be attributed to me

the laughter is not mine

and none of the smiling faces belong to me

i won’t be there. i never was

look for me in the empty space, that which i have always filled

the melancholic face, constantly trapped within my own thoughts

the shadows that would conceal me either way

the overlooked corner is where i will stay

the distant look as my heart aches, but i’ll never say

the forced smile as i say i am okay

i will be there. i always was