Tiniest puff pastry: Filled with rage and sadness

    I live with my mom. While it is a warm, rent-free place to lay my head at night, it is emotionally and mentally exhausting. To the point that, when my mom was gone on a two week trip across the country, my therapist commented that I looked “lighter,” as if her expectations weren’t weighing me down.

    My mom is constantly on me for one thing or another: I don’t help out around the house, my room isn’t clean, she’s doing all of this on her own and working night shift, and goes on about how all I give her is attitude. I work a full-time job, I’m enrolled in college, and I’m trying to manage my depression and anxiety the best I can while being a functional adult. I can’t just come home after work or spend the weekends cleaning cause I don’t have the energy. She acknowledges that this doesn’t make sense to her and that she doesn’t understand it.

    In addition to this, I’m bi. Mom is not happy about this and was in straight up denial when I first came out. On top of that, she brings around her homophobic and racist boyfriend and just shrugs it off when I get upset that he makes homophobic comments and get mad at me when I try to distance myself from it. She doesn’t tell me when her boyfriend is coming over, he just shows up and I’m supposed to be okay with it.

    I feel like I can’t be out of my room when she’s here, like my very existence is just another thing she can’t stand about the state of the house. She has such high standards for everything that it feels like no matter what I do, it’s not going to be good enough, she’s never going to be satisfied, why even bother.

    My dad can be emotionally and mentally abusive too, so moving in with him is a no go. Plus his girlfriend and her kids live with him and they have a full house. Other than him, there’s no other family I can or would want to move in with.

    Back in April, I called about a studio apartment that’s going to be coming open next month (there had been a possibility of my mom moving for work and I didn’t want to move with her). For first month, last month, and security deposit, it’s $1,800. If I could get a second job like RIGHT NOW that wouldn’t be a problem, but so far, after about two weeks of applying, nothing yet. I know I’m going to get a second job, I just don’t know when.

    I’m not an artist. I can’t make anything. I might could write a short Blitzstone fic between summer and fall semesters for you if you donate, but I can’t promise anything. If you can, please donate a few dollars. If you can’t, please reblog and boost this. Gaining my independence would mean the world to me.

Donate here:  PayPal.Me/AshlynRoseCrews

too hot? change into thinner clothes!

still too cold? put on another layer!

still too hot? uh, get naked I guess?

still too cold? put on another layer!