âInstead of separating your behaviors and choices into good and bad categories, you need to learn how to let yourself be a human of many seasons. Respect your natural ebb and flow. Respect that youâre adventurous and youâre also a stick in the mud. Respect that youâre taking a huge leap and youâll probably miss home often. Make some space for your own longing and ambivalence, and resolve not to treat these as moral failings on your part. Let go of the guilt that kicks up around being who you are.
This is how youâll stay out of a rut: by letting yourself be a rut-loving motherfucker sometimes. This is how you stay out in the world: by giving yourself the freedom to hide when you really feel like it. Declare your habits acceptable, within moderation. There is not a good way and a bad way of living. You can do anything you fucking like. Use your times of quiet, private laziness to fuel your outgoing, brave bursts of covering new ground. Reward periods of hard work with small indulgences.
Because once you manage to find balance in your life, you develop the ability to savor the work and the reward. You savor the courage and savor the fear. Youâre proud of your toughness and youâre also proud of your ability to remain vulnerable and open in spite of all youâve been through.
Occasionally youâll still get a little stuck. Youâll retreat too far into yourself, youâll indulge too much, and youâll avoid the world again. Forgive yourself in advance for these things. Allow yourself some space to be human.â
Ask Polly:Â âIâm Starting a New Life, But Thereâs So Much Pressure to Get It Right!â
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