I’m going to start sharing the resources he’s been sharing with me. You can find everything on my pinned index post, under “Mentor recommendations.”

The Rodeo Rule: you only have to do it for the first time once.

The Rohan Rule: if you are at a social function full of new people and you want to be liked, find someone doing important work like setup or food prep and offer to help.

The Tutorial Mode Rule: to navigate an unfamiliar situation where you fear you will mess up an interaction, preface the interaction by mentioning that you've never done this before, and let them know if you have a specific concern or question.

The Rocket Science Rule: most new things you want to try seem very complicated but are simple when taken step by step.

The [X] Will Remember That Rule: if you need to make small talk with the same person on a regular basis, try to save one fact or current event in their life from a given conversation and bring it up next time you talk.

you only have to do it

for the first time once.

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

Reading Anne Carson and Marguerite Porete to learn more about women, mysticism and the Beguine movement. Creating small moments, like arriving a little bit early to a work meeting, to study topics that are of my personal interest. I missed studying and my routine so much.

02.01.2026 [😉]

01.01.2026 [🙃]

커피 : coffee ☕

냉커피 : ice coffee

차 : tea🍵

보바 차 : boba tea🧋

우유 : milk🥛

꿀 : honey🍯

설탕 : sugar

컵 : cup

주전자 : kettle🫖

레몬 : lemon🍋

체리 : cherry🍒

복숭아 : peach🍑

딸기 : strawberry🍓

블루 베리 : blueberry🫐

생크림 : fresh cream🍦

크로와상 : croissant 🥐

스콘 : scones

호떡 : hotteok 🫓

소라 빵 : sora bread

페이스트리 : pastry🍰

바게트 : baguette🥖

도넛 : doughnut🍩

쿠키 : cookie🍪

롤빵 : roll🌯

타르트 : tart

케이크 : cake🎂

빵 : bread🍞

팥빵 : red bean bread

버터 : butter🧈

파이 : pie🥧

 ☁ Ambient ☁

Library Sounds

Royal Library

Hogwarts Classroom

Book Cafe 

Summer kitchen

Howl’s Moving Castle : Howl’s Room

Cozy coffee shop on a rainy night

Relaxing Sounds of Cafe in Japan

Witchy Coffee Shop

Cozy Italian cafe 

Spaceship Room

Van, vibing across space

Seaside Art Room

Potion Shop

Hobbit Hole

Victorian era

221B Baker Street 

Hogwarts Express