the last skywalker

It had been weeks since the return to the Resistance, a name that is no longer befitting thanks to their efforts in destroying the First Order, and there had been little acceptance of his return. Ben understands that there are actions that can never be forgiven. How many of their friends had he mercilessly killed, how many of them had he captured? It is time that cannot be repaid and it had been a bitter revelation after the hope that Rey had given. It was difficult but not impossible to hide those deep rooted feelings from her, but now felt like a good time. Waiting on the sleeper, legs resting over the edge, Ben watches as walks inside of the closed off room - fully prepared to discuss what had been resting uncomfortably on his mind   ‘   Rey    ’  her name flows from his lips with a melodic twinge    ‘   we need to talk     ’

The Force has been interrupted around him, a ripple in a wave that is not supposed to be there but they had tried to desperately to hide it as best as they could. Pathetic. A hubris push starts the adrenaline and Ren turns to face the heavy expanse of black forest waiting for the familiar flicker of light to start emanating from the target. His power had always been strong and that was enough to view the world in a fragile way, there were certain colours and glows for each and every object that came into his path. Their form boiled down to their essence of what they were, their own relationship with what was around them, their purpose. It’s a spectrum that his eyes fall over casually to look for any anomalies. An ambush was possible even if it were foolish, there was no guard to protect him or his mission and that was how it was preferred, even if that left it open to attack. He revels in the idea    ‘   come out    ’   he commands, his voice boomed by the heavy metallic helmet he’s wearing.

‘   What you’re talking about is suicide and it’s a stupid idea so lets just wipe that off straight away   ’   Ben doesn’t want to have to say it again, the strain in his voice that is strong enough to withstand any objection that may be put toward it. His mother waits patiently at the side, Poe seated with a baited breath as the eyes dart between the two figures standing opposite each other. Rey was stubborn, he would give her that, but there had to be another reason. 

The day only adds to the exhaustion of the meetings, droned out noises that became collective heard mentality until there was an uproar that needed to be silenced. It was always at those moments that Ben was aware of two things. One, the dislike of his parents leaving him to rule and Two, a gratitude that Nadia was here to help him along the way. It is tiring on his soul as well as on his mental health, so much weight that pushes him down until he feels as though he is drowning. Just a touch of her hand brings a warmth down his arms right into his chest, his head turning to capture a glimpse of her eyes. No doubt she looked worlds ahead of him, his eyes as heavy as the cloak around his neck feels. Was it time for a recess? Long fingers capture hers into the palm, keeping it there and squeezing for some comfort. 

            His gaze sweeps to the back of Rey’s head as she pilots. A saviour of the Resistance and the hope that they had needed all along. How foolish had he had been to offer her a way to the dark side? The mental scorn is banished as his eyes squeeze shut, unwilling to sour the victory that she had endured. He had taken it away from his mother. He would not take it away from Rey. A pause as he swallows his thoughts, the lump sticking like toffee to his throat   ‘  are we far ?  ’ 

i’m struggling a lot with writing at the moment, not just on tumblr but in general, i’ve never in the 13 years of writing ever experiencing as much of a writers block/personal change as this, so please be patient. i have full intent on returning to writing though i’m unsure as to when / what i want to do - but thank you to people who have reached out and asked if i’m okay etc. i hope everyone is staying safe.

i’m personally dealing with a lot at the moment and im tired of attempting to keep coming back when i have things half finished and my mind won’t allow me to focus when i have stuff like my icons or verses half done. so when i do return that stuff will all be completed. i’ll also be actually dividing my time between this blog and my multi muse.

He watches her walk away, regal and proud, a wave of auburn traversing down her back and resting on the soft blue satin of her gown. She is every bit of the Queen she is supposed to be and he views her with the respect that she deserves. The walls of the Finalizer become smaller as she makes the entrance into the grand hall, the walls dusty grey and large canopies draped down over the ceiling like molten lava. She is the brightest thing in the room and he allows her to absorb it all - waiting for the right moment to join her at her side.