savage

this is probably one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen.

i act up on tumblr because my mama can’t whoop my ass here

one time i was on an old street in glasgow and i made a loud joke about vampires and as i did this beautiful man with long hair on the other side of the street made direct eye contact with me and then ten minutes later he walked by again and looked at me and I still count that on my list of the five closest times I’ve ever come to dying

likely: I am just too loud to not look at in public places and he was just lost downtown also likely: vampire, scoping me out for the kill

maybe the vampire just thought you were hot and funny?

a vampire finding u hot and interesting is AS bad as them finding you ugly and annoying as far as the Trying To Remain Human And Alive thing goes

It must be hard for the vampire too. Technically as they prey on humans for their blood, they rank higher than us in the food chain. To them, we are but sentient sandwiches. A vampire finding a human attractive has my eternal sympathy, because it’s basically like falling in love with a sandwich and that must be difficult to process.

reblog if you hate nazis and don’t think they should speak on college campuses

reblog if you hate nazis and don’t think they should speak.

Reblog if you hate nazis.

I remember when I found out other people chop off the tops of strawberries. I was getting stoned with a bunch of older kids and popped a whole strawberry, top and all, in my mouth. And everyone started laughing and ragging on me for being so high i ate the whole strawberry and I just had to go with it and pretend like I hadn’t eaten every single strawberry of my life like that

2013 was five years ago let that sink in

PLOT TWIST: This was a shitpost made five years ago that we brought back in 2018 because now it’s funny in a different way.

back in my day we didn’t call it “shitposting”, we called it “nightblogging” and blamed the australians

I’ve been on this god forsaken website for too long.

I literally had the sensation of being slammed back in time just now

nowadays we make bad content all day

I’m waiting for a map that’s terrible, where are they?

love when pets walk by like they have somewhere to be