Saudade

A Smiths cover, by ATDI, who, all bias aside from being my ultimate favourite band, do it better.

Annyonghaseyo! Or, in English, hello!

I couldn't understand why I was so resistant to learning Korean. I had books and CD's I had purchased months prior to leaving, yet didn't have the motivation to learn. I knew a few basic words from working with Koreans and frequenting Korean restaurants, but for some reason, my brain just did not want to learn.

And then I realised why.

Hangul and the Korean language is extremely difficult to learn as it involves remembering a new alphabet and then having to learn a whole new vocabulary.

And what makes it more difficult for a Korean adoptee here in Korea, is that you are instantly recognised as Korean. Wherever you go, a restaurant, waiting for the subway, shopping or at a bar, Koreans will always speak to you in Korean.

Fortunately for Korean Adoptees here in Seoul on an F4 Visa, some universities offer partial scholarships to learn the Korean Language. The scholarships typically last for one semester and cover anywhere from 30% to 100% of tuition costs.

Follow the links below for more information on the scholarships offered at the following Seoul Universities:

Korea University

Sook Myung University

Sogang University (Have heard this has a very practical course {1 year} that teaches sufficiently enough to continue studies {other than Korean Language} in Korean)

Ewha University

Kyung Hee University

Seoul National University

Yonsei University (Considered the most prestigious university in Seoul. If you are wanting to gain employment in a field using Korean Language, this would look best on your CV)

http://www.inkas.org/en/service/scholarship/languageschool/

http://goal.or.kr/eng/?slms=ser&lsms=1&sl=3&ls=2 - g.o.a.l. also provide a 1:1 tutor program.

Make sure you apply well in advance to secure a scholarship space.

My advice, learn Hangul and a few basic phrases before you arrive in Korea. Or if resistant like me, at least learn Hangul before your first class. It would definitly help you not feel so stupid, like I did....

It is a slow process, but I have met many adoptees who after one or two years of living in Korea, are able to understand and speak with some fluency.

My birth mother cannot speak English and our phones do not do a very good job of translating. How we actually communicate over a one hour lunch baffles me, but somehow we can 'talk' with many hand gestures, drawings, one word of each other's language.

There have been many times she has said things to me, or said things about my adoption that I want and need to understand, but cannot. It seems that it is like a security blanket for both of us, the ignorance of each others language and I often wonder how the situation will change when I am able to understand and speak more Korean.

For the moment neither of us have a real personality to each other. Neither of us can express what we're feeling or what has happened. She knows nothing more about me than she did from the time we first met.

She basically, has no idea who I am, other than to her, I am her daughter.

But I don't feel that.

I still don't really know what I feel when it comes to this and it seems that my subconscious resistance to learn Korean Language is stemming from this.

Maybe I didn't want to be found?

Were there not legislations in place to prevent this from happening?

Or did that only concern domestic Australian adoptions?

I had grown up angry, at not a particular person, but more the situation in which adoption occurs.

The loss of control.

The ignorance and racism of narrow minded people in small-town Queensland.

And here, at 26, again, through the doings of my birth family, I had lost control.

How dare they decide to give me up and then decide when to enter my life again.

How dare they threaten the relationship between my family.

For me, there is no 'adopted' family.

There is my family, and then the birth family.

Who gave me up.

But curiosity overwhelmed me.

All my life I had wondered what they looked like.

Did I look like them?

But, coldly, that was it.

They had abandoned me, so young, so innocent, so in need of love.

I filled my heart with the love from my family who did want me.

I had to build a wall to forget the birth family I came from. Otherwise it would consume me. It would manifest into obsession.

But now those walls were crashing down and I was in fact breaking down.

I felt so guilty because I knew that for many adoptees this would be a dream come true.

I felt so guilty that showing any interest in my birth family was somehow betraying my family.

But it was kind of a strange coincidence because months before my birth family found me, I had booked my first trip to Seoul.

It is compulsory to acquire an Alien Registration Card if you are going to be staying in Korea over 90 days, and well, don't want to be an Alien.

This card gives you a national security number and will help you open a bank account, get a mobile phone on contract, order a pizza and shop online etc.

However, you can get by with just your passport with the F4 Visa Sticker as identification, as it does take about three weeks to receive the Alien Card. 

So if you have a spare ₩25,000 and half a day, go get your Alien Card!

1. Have hard copies of the following documents (If you are missing one of these documents they will not process it)

Passport with F4 Visa

Citizenship Certificate

Certificate of Adoption

Family Registry in Korea

Termination of Korean Citizenship papers (I did not have these - read below)

Have at least ₩20,000 in cash (The ATM does not accept foreign cards)

2 passport photos

2. Directions to Immigration Office

The office is located in Omokygo (Purple Line 5, stop 521) and is a short 10 minute walk from the subway.

From Omokygo Exit 7, immediately U-turn around and follow the main road for about 10 minutes. You will come to a crossroads (there should be a 7-11 on the left hand side) and the road slightly veers to the right, but continue on straight.

You will see a service station on the left and then the road ends at a T-section. You will see on the street sign overhead 'Seoul Immigration Office.' and the building is directly opposite on the other side of the road, admidst the sidewalk hawkers selling phone cards and passport cases.

3. How to get Termination of Korean Citizenship Papers

Directly opposite the Immigration office, next to the Police Station is what I believe is the Korean equivalent to the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry Office.

You need to request for your Termination of Korean Citizenship papers in order to complete your application for Alien Registration Card.

They will need to sight all the papers I mentioned above and then process the request. You only need to pay for the copies, which from memory was  ₩200.

4. How to get the Alien Registration Card

 Once inside the Immigration office, pass through the metal detectors and turn right into the main area. Take a number, selecting option 2, Alien Registration. 

Pick up the 'Report Form' (Application form) and fill out whilst waiting.

The Alien Registration Card costs ₩10,000 and will take approximately 3 weeks to process.

You can either pick it up from the Immigration Office or they can post it you for a fee of ₩4,000 cash. If getting it posted, you need to go up to level 3 and request this (they will give you a receipt/note to take)

Also, if you do not have any passport photo's, you can get them done in the photo booth on level 3 for a cost of ₩6,000 for 8 photo's. You pay at the same counter where you request postage and they will give you a token for the booth. They have cutting facilities next to this.

I can't emphasise enough that this blog is from my point of view, which I warn you now, is often quite warped.

However, moving on.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not sure exactly why I have moved here, but I do remember thinking before I left Australia that it would be strange to be a majority. To be in a country where I look like everyone else.

At first, it was bizarrely comforting to look around and see Koreans everywhere. Perhaps I wasn't so ugly? My perceptions of beauty are all based on Western ideals and I hated that I did not look like these ideals growing up.

I wanted blonde hair and green eyes. Long legs and a small face.

Oh and of course, double f*ing eyelids!

But on arrival here in Korea, I could not stop staring (discreetly) at people and compare myself. Oh, so it's normal to have kinda big calves? Oh, my face isn't that large, it's normal here? Things that were peculiar in Australia are completely normal here.

But now that the months of culture shock have worn off and I'm trying to create a new life, I've realised I've slipped into another black hole.

Due to my fashion sense, the way I apply my make-up, my accent when I speak Korean or when I have to tell someone, "Gyopo, anio Hangul (2nd gen Korean, no Korean)", Korean people here know straight away I am not Korean-Korean, and they do not treat me like a Korean, but not quite a foreigner either.

Consequently, because I look Korean, unless I speak to them, foreigners do not realise I am actually Australian and I don't want to be that weird person who starts talking to anyone I hear speaking English. So even though I notice a foreigner immediately, and feel an instant rapport with them, I have to remember that I look like just another Korean to them.

It's not that Korean people are hostile towards me, or the fact I am adopted, they are just indifferent. Generally, there are too many other pressing things for them to worry about and adoption has never featured as a big topic of discussion in Korean society. Some Koreans have given alot of thought to adoption, others none, but they all understand that it is something out of our control and broadly speaking, are kind of sympathetic to adoptees travelling to Korea.

I understand not all countries are as multi-cultural as the capital cities of Australia, but I feel more comfortable and accepted there than I do here. Maybe, because I have realised through lots of travelling, not only to Korea, that although I may not look like the quintessential surfing Aussie, I am Australian through and through mate.

I just want to let other adoptees know my experience and that by moving here to Korea, it doesn't necessarily 'fix' integration and fitting in issues derived from being raised in an ethinically different country.

Being here has actually magnified the fact that I am adopted, I have never thought about it more because I need to tell everyone I meet, they want to know if I have Korean family here, why I am here, why I can't speak the language etc.

It is great to be here, but it has been a big adjustment phase.

It may not be the magic wand solution you were hoping for, but if given the warning, you can better prepare yourself.

I cannot describe the feeling I had walking down the street for the first time, just blending in. For the first month, I kept thinking, this is home, I've found where I'm meant to be.

Become a master at Charades because otherwise you will feel like reenacting the cartoon above. I knew 10 Korean words when I moved here. None of which could move me past, "Hello, how are you, nice to meet you, my name is, oh, ah, how are you?

I've now completed one month of an intense (emphasis on intense, I sort of burnt out and know I should've studied more) Korean Language course and know about 50 words but can probably remember about 20 words.

Words, not sentences.

So, I generally get by, by either sheer ignorance and nodding at who ever is talking to me and adding in the occassional "Ne (yes)" and a chuckle here and there or just being straight up brutally honest and saying "Gyopo" which makes them laugh nervously and blush and unfortunately cease all conversation through fear. It does stop them tailgating me through the store, which is good, but gives them free reign to say whatever they want about me, which is bad.

I know this is not acceptable. Especially not when you look as Korean as I do. There's no fooling these Koreans, they can spot a fellow Korean from a million miles away. And it's not just because you eat Kimchi.

I don't want to be ignorant, I do want to learn the language, it's just really difficult to learn and retain.

So, I sprain my ankle the other day and after hobbling to the counter I realise, crap...this is going to be difficult. But you just have to first throw a word out there, test the waters, see if they bite.

Me: "Ah....annyonghaseyo (hello).....ummmm...an-ti een-flam-ma-tory?" Ajumma: Dead pan. Me: "Ah......Advil" Ajumma: Puzzled. Me: Using translator on phone for anti-inflammatory, "anti yom-jong...?" Ajumma: "An-ti by-otic, no." Me: "Anio, anio (no, no)....." Show her bruised and swollen ankle. Ajumma: "Aaaaaaaah" Acknowledges ankle is hurt but still unsure of what I want. Me: Re-enact walking along, feign twisting of ankle, fall to ground, grab ankle, yell out "Owwww" for effect. Point to ankle and gesture it getting bigger. Pretend to take a tablet and gesture ankle getting smaller. Ajumma: Laughing hysterically. "Oh, swell-ling. Med-ee-seen. Me: In shock. "Yes, swell-ling."

It is surprising the English words they know.

The damn ajumma then upsold me these hot sticky bandages, taking full advantage of her knowledge of swell-ling.

"Ooooh hut, hut. Gooood swell-ling. ₩3,000."

By the way, an ajumma (ah-joo-ma) is technically a married woman, however it is not an offensive term and refers to any woman who is middle aged or older. The male equivalent is ajeossi (ah-josh-ee)

Well, a place to hide from the rest of the world and the cold would be a good start.

Sounds easy you say...well, look, it is easy, if you're cashed up.

One big, important factor I forgot to mention is that it's all about the money here in Seoul.

Mo money, mo problems.

Basically, if you want to get your own apartment and live by yourself, start saving. You're going to have to drop a lot of cash upfront on a key deposit in the vicinity of ₩10,000,000 and upwards. ₩5,000,000 if lady luck is shacking up with you, but she spreads herself thin these days...

Korea has a system called 'key deposit' which is the biggest bond you will ever have to pay. Now ₩10,000,000 roughly translates to $10,000 AUD, which is still a lot of money, but well, saveable.

Share accommodation is possible, but from my experience, the ad's I responded to weren't very..responsive. It's not as common as what is back home, most Koreans stay with their family until they are married, and even then, some continue to live with their families.

Seoul is divided into two areas, north of the river and south of the river and this translates to a big difference in the monthly rent you will pay.

Before the Korean war, southside was all farming land, however in the massive overhaul that begun post war, this area has morphed into the yuppie, ie, expensive, slick area of town. Everything is new here but you pay for this privilege for everything from apartments, restaurants to a pint of beer. Gangnam, Seocho and Apujeong are the most expensive areas, and dare I say it, lack a diversity and culture that the northside has. 

An analogy, if Seoul was a mullet (not the fish, the hairstyle) southside would be business up front and northside, party at the back.

North of the river still has its expensive areas, namely Insadong, Jong-no, Anguk and Gyenongbokgung, however as it is the older side of town, generally accommodation is cheaper and well, older. Areas around Sinchon and Hongdae are very popular with adoptees (see below) and younger people. Hongik University is an Arts University so the culture is less conservative and there is a great nightlife/live music scene here. Itaewon is basically foreigner central. Here you will find English! and a variety of foreign restaurants and bars, foreign supermarkets and meet people from all over the world.

There is a French district in Seocho on the southside, however this is home to the French Consulate, therefore expensive French (which are more like Italian?) Restaurants and cafes. There is one cafe which serves THE best cheesecake, however coffees are ₩7-11,000.

Typically it is possible to find a one bedroom apartment on the Northside from ₩600,000 to ₩800,000 a month with a key deposit from ₩5,000,000 - ₩10,000,000. On the southside this jumps to ₩1,000,000 - ₩1,200,000 a month with a minimum key deposit of ₩10,000,000 and up. These rough estimates exclude utilities (gas, water, electricity, internet, cable TV)

Some good sites to look for apartments: http://www.facebook.com/koreaorg?sk=wall http://seoul.craigslist.co.kr/apa/ - I had little response from share housing, and be very careful, there are still a lot of scams here, I got sucked in and I'm not stupid. If something sounds too good to be true, it most definitly is.

My advice?

inKAS offers adoptees short term accommodation from 3 months to a maximum of one year (depending on demand) There is no key deposit and the rent is very, very cheap, maybe around ₩200,000 a month? You do need to apply well in advance. It does provide a great starting point in a great location for young people, where you can meet a supportive network of people and find your feet before setting up solo.

If there is no availability or it is not suitable, there are some great hostels located around the area as well. I stayed at Hong-dae Pencil Guesthouse & Hostel until I sorted my accommodation and highly recommend it. Other hostels I have heard that are clean, safe and reputable are: JK House, Shinchon Miso Guesthouse, Mapo-Gu Fully Guesthouse, Jongro-Gu

Once you are settled it is much easier to find share accommodation as people do post ad's, especially around Hongdae/Sinchon/Itaewon area or to go direct to a real estate. You will need to enlist the help of a Korean to translate though, especially when it comes to signing contracts. One final thing, apartments are small. The joke here is that anyone who has 'rooms' or an oven is rolling the red carpet. Generally apartments for one are studio style, one big room, with a seperate bathroom. If you strategically place your furniture, it could be possible to watch TV from your bed, whilst eating dinner and throw your dishes into the sink from there.

Jang Uh Gu - Korean eel bbq.

http://goal.or.kr/eng/

www.inkas.org

These are the two biggest not-for-profit organisations located in Seoul that offer assistance, advice and most importantly, support, to all adoptees abroad and in Korea.

They have dedicated and experienced staff committed to helping you in every way possible from helping you with your search and getting settled to cheap airfares, haircuts and a wealth of other contacts.

g.o.a.l also host 'First Trip Home' which is an annual event aimed to assist overseas Korean adoptees who wish to find their birth family. The event helps alleviate the difficulties and undesired stresses involved in the search process. It also introduces the adoptee to Korean language, cultures and cuisine.

Most importantly, by contacting these organisations and attending events, they put you in contact with other adoptees.

Whilst you may have felt isolated or alone through your childhood or even now, to meet people who have gone through similar experiences and can empathise with exactly what you are going through, can help through difficult times. They host a variety of events, not just birth family related searches, however as government funding has been drastically reduced, they rely on the support from the community, so if they have been helpful to you, please give something back so organisations like this can continue to help adoptees in the future.

Currently, there are still around 1600 Korean international adoptions per year, and in total have been over 200 000, however I think that number is actually much higher.

"Why are you here?"

It's a question I get asked every day without fail and every time I respond with a cliched, lame answer:

"I'm here to learn the culture" "I was born here, but grew up in Australia, so just wanted to experience Korean life" "I want to learn the language" "I love the food" I guess the answer is a combination of all these, but the real answer is, I don't know. People automatically assume I am here to find my birth family. Pretty much every adoptee here is.

However, unlike any adoptee I have met, or that they've met, I'm not doing any birth family searching.

It's not that I was never curious, but to be honest, I had never thought of opening up that hatchet.

I was happy with my family in Australia.

Whilst I couldn't physically look any more different from my blue-eyed, blonde hair Scottish/Australian parents, I was clearly their daughter, inheriting their values and personalities, a wicked sense of humour from my dad and generosity from my mum. We had ridden the wave of teenage angst and rebellion, the usual identity crises, in my case, only slightly magnified from being adopted, more stemming from growing up in a small town which would've picked on anyone of a different race, adopted or not, to more placid water where we were happy and had the utmost respect for each other.

But what happened next was out of my control.

The Korean Government introduced the F4 Visa to OAK's (Overseas Adopted Koreans) in 1999 and entitles us to basically the same rights and opportunities as Korean Nationals.

The visa grants us a stay in Korea of up to two years, however this can easily be extended and doesn't require having to leave the country.

By acquiring this Visa, we also get to keep our citizenship in our established country. There is a possibility, if desired, to acquire dual citizenship, however I am not aware of processes for this at this stage.

More information about the F4 Visa can be found in this link to a PDF: http://www.google.co.kr/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=f4%20visa%20adopted%20south%20korean&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CEEQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.goal.or.kr%2Fupload%2Fbbs%2Fe612%2F033211793818120.pdf&ei=mbvkTtT6GY6hiQfhpqm2BQ&usg=AFQjCNFnt4uhZwQMsq2pTYHlOc3WFtZebQ&sig2=xnimztHv9oAm_0wBZp19BA&cad=rjt

I have outlined the process I went through below. Basically, you have to first terminate Korean Citizenship (this typically was not done at the time of adoption) and then apply for the Visa.

I obtained the Visa whilst still in Australia, however it is also possible to enter Korea on a 90 day tourist visa and apply whilst in Korea.

Terminating Korean Citizenship (If not done at time of adoption)

Contact the Adoption Agency / Orphanage you were adopted from (Eg. Eastern Social Welfare Society, Holt - contact details can all be found on their websites) and advise them you want to apply for the F4 Visa and need to terminate your Korean Citizenship. First, get them to check this has not been done. If it has - yipee! You can proceed straight to applying for the F4 Visa. If not - they will email you two documents required for cancelling the citizenship which is the Family Registry in Korea and Certificate of Adoption. Both of these documents will be in Korean.

Contact the Korean Embassy in your country. Advise them that you want to apply for F4 Visa and need to terminate your Korean Citizenship. Tell them you have contacted the adoption agency in Korea and have the above two documents ready. They will then request you email/send these two documents and your Citizenship Certificate (from your established country, eg. Australia) to generate the application form for cancellation of Korean Citizenship. The Embassy will then email/send you an application form for Cancellation of Korean Citizenship. This will also be in Korean, however they should have written your name, date of birth, address and mark where you need to sign. It is important you sign the document otherwise the procedure will be stalled. They estimate it could take up to 3 months, but for me, the whole process was completed in 20 days.

Applying for F4 Visa

The Korean Embassy in Australia begun to process my F4 Visa at the same time of cancellation. This required me to send: -Current Passport (to place Visa sticker on) -*Visa application form with one photo -Fee of $165 in money order to Korean Consulate-General -Return self-addressed envelope (Express or Registered) *Download and print off Visa Application form from this site: http://www.traveldocs.com/kr/visa.htm

Well, great!

But here's a few things I had read about, but didn't realise the full extent of, and wish I had learnt more about, to better prepare me for the ensuing culture shock!

- Seoul is massive. Really massive. Not only in landmass, but there are 10 million people in this crowded city!

- The society is fairly homogenous. I'm going to make up a statistic based on my observations, but maybe around 98% Korean. Coming from a very multicultural country, I have found this incredible!

- Plastic surgery is out of control. Seriously.

- Learn Hangul (Korean lettering system) before you arrive! Then you will be able to understand signs etc so you can landmark yourself and not get completely lost. I'd like to say because then you will be able to read, but, well Korean's a double-kick-to-the-guts language to learn. You have to learn to read Hangul first, then work on the Korean to English translation.

- Learn a few basic phrases. The older generation struggle to communicate in English full stop. More often than not the younger generation can understand, but are much too afraid of making a mistake to speak with you.

- Always take a business card or write down the address of your accommodation in Hangul because at some point you will get lost and need to ask for directions or catch a taxi.

- Um, there's no street names! They are all numbers!

- The entire city is in a rush. For what, I'm still not sure. Pushing, shoving, pushing in - the older generation are the worst.

- Sales assistants at any shop will tailgate you no matter how many stink-eye's you give them or tell them you are ok.

- You can get food items from home, pasta, bread, cheese, wine, good chocolate (not asian weird cooking chocolate type stuff) including Tim-Tams, but you will pay through the roof for it..

- They drive the opposite side of the car and road to Australia, left side drive on the right hand side of the road. There doesn't really appear to be speed limits. They also walk to the right and escalator etiquette is to stand on the right, pass on the left.