All my life, I believed in romance, I mean I am a product born out of romance, my parent’s love marriage. A highly successful one. It gave me a lot of hope for myself, that one day I would fall in love too, and I did, but I also realised then and there; that I have a toxic habit, I get bored very fast and easily, I tried my best to hold myself together, will it be called love if I got bored of someone I love, or was it just a mood swing that I took too seriously, overthought maybe? I don’t know man, I am having a hard time falling in love again, the idea of commitment, the idea of loving only one person scares me to death, I like to keep my options open, just checking out the men I like, develop a crush and when I get bored, crush the crush right away.
You, see? It’s so friggin’ easy, but when you decide to love someone, you take a decision, a serious one, something that you have to, no matter what, the whole idea of relationship or love isn’t only meant to be based on emotions, it’s also based upon the ultimate decision where you want that person in your life or not. Currently, I have someone who’s absolutely in love with me, I don’t know, maybe he is, I mean he says so like that. I have some really strong emotions in me too right now, but I am scared to death, I am maybe overthinking, but my fear of commitment is trying its best to sabotage this brimming sapling of love, I feel I should ask this person to get away from me as soon as he can, I don’t want to hurt him, he’s too good a person, I don’t wanna sin, I don’t wanna hurt anyone, I don’t wanna hurt him.
I am confused and scared to death, I am tired too, the idea of even making an effort regarding this exhausts me mentally.
I have a feeling I am going to end up hurting him, and if this feeling gets strong, I’ll gently ask him to leave.