cicero

quite frankly I dont think the church of scientology should be responding to the speedrun craze by bolstering security. I think they should modify their buildings to add attractive 'speedrunner corridors' to draw the speedrunners to (using the same mentality as wildlife bridges) and at the end of it should be a guy in a scary ogre costume who yells scary indecipherable noises and starts chasing them

knowing that the past tense of "hang" is "hanged" when it's a method of execution can be very entertaining because you'll be watching a horror movie and someone goes "local legend says a woman was hung in these woods" and you're like "👀 good for her I guess"

this grave keeper edible aint shit

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“why are you, as someone in their 30s, still on tumblr” oh so you think you’re gonna be normal when you’re my age? you think you’re gonna be CURED?? you think the witches’ curse will have been lifted by then?? cmon now

Wow, apparently the bellows were also colored to match the housing, and they came with accessories like matching compacts.

I just saw the world's freshest baby in Panera bread. Like that thing was JUST out of the oven. I've heard of being wet behind the ears but this baby was wet behind the everything. It was still damp.

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

i’m like if a man and a woman had a baby and it grew up in a tumultuous society with undiagnosed mental disorders and unrestricted internet access