more like Ass-master amirite?

This thread is making me wet

“I voted for a guy who wants to take rights away from people I love and got backlash for it :(”

“I voted for a Vice President who caused an AIDS outbreak as governor of Indiana while also supporting conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT legislation and now my gay son won’t talk to me :-(”

That’s a really bad trace, dude.

When that person u hate is finally getting dragged and u bring your whole family to watch

protip if you ever eat too much sour/acidic shit and you burn layers off your tongue suck on a tums tablet cause theyre used as stomach antacids but i didnt consider that it would act immediately on acidic surfaces but it does and it provides temporary tongue comfort

this would have been useful information when i murdered my mouth eating ten warheads in a row

hey quick question what was going through your mind when doing that

“urghurhur im love eat sour” it was a bad call

A girl at work kept sputtering when she was ordering her coffee, and her friends kept giggling. She’s literally so cute omg.

Update: she keeps glancing at me over her mug. Her friend is nudging her. I’m literally. Omg.

UPDATE: I was getting dishes from a nearby table. Her friend said “Do it.” Over amd over. She sputtered out “you’re cute” she’s blushing a lot. Omfg.

Someone asked if I drink espresso straight. I said I don’t do anything straight. She giggled. Her friend smiled. What the frick.

I GOT HER FUCKIGN NUMBER

Her name is Riley and we’re gonna see a movie together on Sunday. OH SHIT.

My name is Junie B. Jones. The “B” stands for “Bush did 9/11” but I just go by “B”

academia is fake you can only trust your fists

Are you suggesting we start punching professors?

idk about you but I know a couple of profs who could use a swift punch in the teeth

physically defend your thesis 

“money can’t buy happiness” is such a baby boomer concept like…. I don’t want excessive wealth to buy a golf plated toilet seat Karen, I just wish I wasn’t crying because I can’t afford both spaghetti and rent after working 40 hours a week

if falling in love doesn’t feel like “granger danger” from the 2009 smash hit musical a very potter musical, then i do not want it