sad little daydreamer

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

wish there was an easy and normal way to say “I’m not as sane as you probably assume i am, and when you can see it, will you still try to love me?”

just in case this spreads: i literally mean “not sane” here. I’m not joking about how goofy i am. I mean i have behaviors and symptoms and histories that most people don’t- and ones that have been considered insane. Will you still love me when i tell you I hear things sometimes? Will you still love me when you know I’ve attempted suicide multiple times? Will you still love me when I obsess over things and break down often and can’t promise you i can always be happy?

its always a rough conversation to have, and the worst part is, in my experience, most of the time when i do trust someone enough to have it, they'll tell me they'll still love me when they see me like that, they'll still love me at my worst, they'll still love me even if i get worse, and they'll say it with such sincerity, and they really will mean it when they say it, but it won't matter, because that sincerity comes from a lack of perspective and imagination, and eventually they'll realize they were wrong

Let that WIP in your folder become a short story. Don't feel pressured to create three part novels out of every idea you have. Let the story tell you how much space it needs to play out.

Thinking about how Mark tears things apart to deal with his grief after the newest ep. He's so frustrated about Gemma's miscarriage and loss of his unborn child that he can't help but tear apart the crib when he's breaking it down. He tears apart Gemma's picture in front of Alexa, tears apart Petey's map after he gets retired. Tears apart his own brain through Severance after Gemma's death. Mark constantly copes with grief with destruction.

What’s crazy is Mark and Gemma just want each other back. They’re both scratching at either side of the same wall and they don’t even know it. What the hell man

Somehow Mark’s Dead Wife ™ backstory moves me more than any other example of the trope ever has. I think part of it is that his grief doesn’t compel him to revenge or anything cool and action-oriented, it just breaks him. Him sobbing in his car before coming into work in the first episode lets him be pitiful in a way that I find incredibly endearing. The way his eyes fill with tears when he sees Gemma in the hallway and hears her voice again really strikes me with how unafraid Severance is to show the depth of Mark’s love for her. It doesn’t feel perfunctory like many other examples of this trope often do, and even though we don’t know that much about Gemma, you can still feel moved by their relationship

your outie is griving the lost of his wife. your innie was born out of this grief. your innie is grieving the sudden loss of his confidant. your outie watched him die at the gas station. your outie has a sister who loves him more than anything. your innie is loyal to his team. your outie watched another man die. your innie prevented a death. your outie has a niece and a brother in law who wrote a mediocre motivational book. your innie became involved in a revolution because of this book. your outie is struggling with his dating life. your innie fell in love. your outie is self destructive. your innie was betrayed and assaulted. your outie once caught a butterfly. your innie knows your wife is alive.

Oh btw Mark completely stopped taking care of himself in nearly every way, doesn’t even bother to stand up straight, since Gemma “died.” Their life was full of movement, warm lights, flowers, and “I love you,” “I love you too” every time one of them left the house, even if they’d only be gone for 10 minutes. And now he doesn’t even turn the lights on when he comes home from work. Btw the grief has halted his entire life and Lumon’s kept him in a perpetual state of agony under the guise of providing relief. Just saying.