.. force of nature ..

“Listen, I try.” Sawyer said. “I’m going to try even harder now but I’m serious…I’m asking you and Simon to help me be accountable. It’s just that when I get the itch to do it, it’s so hard not to.” Sawyer admitted. If truth was to be told, the girl was embarrassed that she had broken her promise to her friends so many times. This wasn’t the first time but she was determined to make it the last time that it happened. No more going to jail. She was going to graduate and move out and make a future of herself. 

“I know I can’t, I know. And this isn’t because I fucked up, it’s because I missed you guys.” Sawyer said and nudged her friend. It felt good to sit next to her again. While she missed Simon whenever she left, she somehow missed Sarah more. Sawyer always felt the happiest to see her friend and roommate when she came back. Sawyer looked up as the therapy session ended for the day, and she stood up. “You wanna sneak out and get some real food or do you wanna go back to our room and catch up?”

       “Oh we’ll hold you accountable. Don’t you worry!” And if not, they will. “You just gotta keep your hands busy.” Something about that statement made her want to blush. “--And stop thinkin’ about it! Anytime you wanna do it, just tell us first. We’ve got you covered.” Sarah hated how sometimes when she said we, she really wanted to say me. The three of them were best friends, but sometimes, she felt this weird craving to have Sawyer all to herself. She shook it off        “I missed you, too,” she whispered.        Therapy dragged on a constant rhythm of foot taps and hair twirls—and it couldn’t have ended soon enough. Wanting to catch up with Sawyer was making her antsy, and she let out a sigh of relief when it was finally over. “I wanna hear ‘bout everything, but real food sounds like a dream,” she admitted. “We can do both, but—” she glanced down at her frumpy uniform, “I ain't goin’ out in this. Change first?”

“a little bit, yeah. normally when students make appointments with me they are either late or don’t bother to show up,” she replied with a shrug. “so, thank you for being on time!” brows raised slightly at sarah’s false enthusiasm and she fought a huge sigh. she knew that her own happiness could be mistaken as fake, but it honestly wasn’t. meadow was almost always happy. “i’m doing okay. i forgot my kit kat in my car for my after lunch snack so kinda…dampened the day knowing it’s out their melting,” she sighed, shaking her head. “how are you classes?”

Sawyer just paused as she heard Sarah’s statement and she nodded. “Okay that’s fair. I promised I wouldn’t go back last time and I messed up and got sent back but now I’m here. For good.” Sawyer said and then looked down at her hands. “They told me that if I get sent back another time that I’m not allowed to come back here to Silver Creek.” She admitted with a grim look on her face. “So I’m staying.” she said firmly, more trying to convince herself that she could do it then she was convincing Sarah. 

“Oh that reminds me. We stopped out in the real world for a bit on our way back and I got you something.” Sawyer said with a smile. She had gotten one for both Simon and Sarah, as they were both her family. She pulled out one of those beaded distance healing bracelets and handed it over. “I got Simon one too. I’m usually not into sappy crap like this and in no way do I think that they’re actually useful for ‘healing’ but i just figured that it’d be cool if we all had like matching ones? I don’t know. I think i just missed you guys in juvie and I wanted to do something sappy. And no, before you ask, I didn’t steal it.”

       Sarah knew she was being cold—unnecessarily so--but it was what she did best. If these useless group therapy sessions had taught her anything, it was that this ingrained instinct to build up walls was a defense mechanism for her heart. That being said, she wasn’t in an introspective mood tonight, and she knew she her own attempts at apologies were much worse. The corner of her mouth twitched up as she turned to the girl, fighting a smile before it broke free. If she were wise, she would hate the effect Sawyer had on her. 

       “You better,” she said, nudging Sawyer’s shoulder with hers. “I mean it. Keep ya damn hands to yourself next time.” An eyebrow quirked at Sawyer’s peace offering, and she let out a light laugh when the girl answered her unspoken question. She took the beaded bracelet from Sawyer’s hand and turned it over in her palm. It could have just been her imagination, but she felt a little calmer just looking at it. “These are really cool, Sawyer. Thanks.” Slipping the bracelet around her wrist, her smile widened as she admired the “healing” properties-and the way it shined in the overhead fluorescents of the classroom. “Y’know, you can’t just buy me and Simon bracelets every time you fuck up.” She beamed. “I mean it!”

( @sarahsays )

meadow tapped her pencil against her notepad, glancing over some notes she had written during one of her sessions. however, when she heard a noise come from her open door, she looked up and instant smile was on her lips. “sarah, hello. you’re right on time for our appointment!” the woman flipped to a fresh piece of paper, labeling the top ‘S. MATTHEWS.’ before leaning back in her chair. “so, how are you doing?” 

@sarahsays

She had promised Sarah the last time that she would never go to Juvie again and yet here Sawyer was, getting off the bus and coming back to school from juvie once more. She had messed up and she regretted it and it was stupid, but this time they had been more lenient and only kept her in a month. Sawyer had been better this time around too because she had actually kept in contact. She knew that she was going to end up coming back so she had wanted to keep talking to Simon and Sarah. Sawyer knew it would be her only motivation to getting out early.  So here she was again, walking to the group therapy room as she had been directed. The excitement and anxiety over getting to see her two best friends again was taking over but it slowly dropped when she didn’t see Simon there. Her eyes scanned the room and she realized Jesse wasn’t there either and so they were probably trying to ignore each other. Her eyes kept scanning until they stopped on Sarah and her excitement promptly returned. She quickly ran straight over and plopped down beside her and leaned over, knowing that Sarah wasn’t paying attention enough to realize it was her. “soooo is there like a way we can get out of this meeting today or are they really forcing the mandatory thing?”

       It had been a month since Sawyer left. Four weeks. Thirty-one days. She didn’t mean to count, but it was so easy to look at a calendar and know it had been a month since she last saw her friend. Their shared room was empty without her, and although Sarah often wondered why they hadn’t replaced her, she wasn’t about to remind them. The lack of replacement was the only lingering hope that perhaps her roommate would be coming back.        Waiting for group therapy to start, she was focused on her sketch of the student across the room when the girl’s sudden words nearly made her jump in her seat. Sawyer? Her eyes lit up for a moment, and a quick glance to her right confirmed it: her old roommate was back in town--for now. She reminded herself this was only temporary. Sarah turned back to her sketchbook and feigned nonchalance, returning to her sketch. “I dunno,” she said with a shrug. “If you get sent back to juvie again, they’ll prob'ly give you a free pass.”

Have you seen YVETTE MONREAL around campus? No that’s just SEVENTEEN year old, SARAH MATTHEWS! She is a JUNIOR here at Silver Creek! She’s known to be HONEST and COARSE. I’ve heard that she’s here because SHE VANDALIZED PUBLIC PROPERTY when in reality it’s probably a rumor. 

Backstory:

➳ cw: poverty & deadbeat dads ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

➳ Sarah grew up in the run-down slums of Austin in the West Side of Chicago, IL. Here, she was surrounded by crime, poverty, and little hope for a way out.

➳ Up until attending Silver Creek, she lived with her mother and younger brother Caleb in a small, cramped apartment. 

➳ Her father abandoned the family when she was young, which taught her that adults (especially men) are not to be trusted.

➳ Her mother was hardly around, between working multiple jobs to support her family and going on cheap dates with sleazy men who gave promise of a better life. These promises would never come true. 

➳ In high school, Sarah picked up her love for spray paint and graffiti art, and used the city as her canvas. One night, she got caught defacing the local welfare building, and it was either “rehabilitation for her anger issues and disrespect for authority” at Silver Creek, or a juvenile detention center. She chose the former.

Personality:

➳ You never have to worry how she feels about you. She will tell you. Explicitly.

➳ Self-proclaimed “queer as fuck”

➳ + Adaptable, Honest, Independent

➳ - Coarse, Impulsive, Inconsiderate

➳ Likes: bold colors, braiding friends’ hair, the cool metal touch of a can of spray paint

➳ Dislikes: rich snobs, heights, nosy people

➳ Style: oversized black hoodies, men’s flannels, and worn high-top sneakers

If you’re interested in reading more about Sarah, please see her STATS and her BIO!

“I don’t think it would be a very good idea to bring an adult bear to the school”, he replies quietly. His eyes look up at the girl. If she’s wants to see the hurt animal—— well, there IS a hurt animal, but it is not a bear. Zach bites his lower lip as she speaks, his hands balling the white shirt in his hands to make less of a mess.

A change of atmosphere.

“Do you really want to see it?”

His willingness to comply puts her a little at ease. Her skin is still prickling with paranoia, but it certainly isn’t the first time since The Dark Room that her heart started racing over something stupid. A slow, calming breath passes through her lips. 

“That makes sense.”

The words leave her in a breath of air. She still doesn’t feel quite right, but the room is no longer closing in on her and she feels like she can breathe again. Baby steps.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, you know.”

She grabs the object from the table, bringing it closer to her face, turning it in her palms, and examining it closely with a smile on her lips.  She looks at the other finally, huffing as if in a final decision. “Either way, you have me absolutely SMITTEN.  How shall I pay back this admittedly gallant gesture?”

     “...I know.”

It’s the moment of truth, the big reveal, and she’s starting to regret the decision. Sarah rocks back and forth on her heels, hands hiding in the back pockets of her skinny jeans. It’s always unsettling, watching someone inspect her artwork like this. Even if she’s sure the girl isn’t scrutinizing--the way Sarah inked the eyes just a little too darkly, the curve of her chin just a little too narrow--she’s never gotten over the feeling of vulnerability that comes with exposing herself in this way. Her graffiti is meant to be seen, a bold statement shouted to the world at the top of her lungs, but drawing a person is different. It means that she’s paying attention to them. It means that she cared enough to observe.

Sarah averts her gaze, as though looking at Rebecca’s face would get her hopes up, like the girl would suddenly retract her statement and throw the drawing in the trash.