Dreams About Dying Birds

Hello again my fellow neilchris truther! it’s definitely intended, I don’t know if you’ve read heat 2 yet, but these two are Really familiar with each other, and Chris even described Neil as his Soulmate (he used this exact word, and he thought about this when he was having sex with another woman mind you)

and I always thought about how Chris probably regrets going after Charlene instead of waiting for Neil, because big chance is Neil wouldn’t go after Waingro if he had injured Chris with him. Of course this is my personal bias that Chris has some regrets over it, but I think it does make sense, and makes him calling Neil his soulmate in Heat 2 even more of a tragic yaoi situation lol.

Also another detail I Love is how Chris follows Neil like a golden retriever, especially in the scene when Neil was calling Trejo asking where he is. Chris is always there when Neil calls someone from whichever phone it is (he was also with Neil when Neil called Van Zant, in some restaurant kitchen lol) and his eyes are fixed on Neil’s face, and Neil was going to smash the phone bc he got pissed but then he calmed himself and slowed his movement down to hang up the phone. I always wonder if Chris being with Neil kind of acts like an anchor in some way, (or they are mutually each others anchors), this can also be seen as Chris being the sniper that protects Neil when he meets up with Van zant’s men.

I wonder if Neil being with Chris actually makes him able to control his anger a bit more and vise versa, because they are both very traumatized men who have anger issues, and they might seek another being’s presence to calm themselves down when they are triggered. and I think in this sense they complete each other like soulmates for real :)

Omg haha that makes me so happy…<3

But I know right? I just blame it on the overall nicheness of Heat fandom, since Chris is like a fan favorite character too from the movie, if all the middle aged men I talk to are into fandoms they will all go insane for neilchris, I think even more than mchanna maybe, the amount my ear has heard people giving me the fun fact of Chris mag changing scene being trained in the army is just Crazy. Tbh, there are so many details about them that makes me go like, Michael Mann what are you telling us. What do you mean he has Neil’s house key and sleeps over on his floor like a puppy and brings his own ashtray.

I also love how universal symbolisms are……because even before I read the book I’ve been calling myself Basement Goblin and the horrors The Man In The Basement. Because these are the only descriptions that seem to be fitting. (Or, when you are in contact with things that are indescribable in short it’s better to describe it as an abstract Thing.)

I’m usually just heartbroken but this time I’m angry because before this I just gave them two tickets to The Odyssey 70mm, since I have a pretty urgent family situation rn and don’t wanna go anymore. Im more pissed off that I gave someone tickets they didn’t deserve than I got betrayed🙃

I got my own order of keychains! These will be what it’s gonna look like :)

It will be called 夢死酔生 (a Chinese idiom that roughly translates to Dreaming Death, Intoxicated By Life) I noticed that it’s surprisingly easy to have ideas flow naturally when I’m really dissociated, I’m a bit worried that to people outside what I wrote would become an example of some symptom documentation in the DSM. I seem to only be comfortable coming up with stories that are nonlinear, ambiguous, full of symbolisms that are going to be unexplainable due to the scope of a short comic (and probably, pretentious as fuck, because I’m trying to parallel Neil/vincent to Orpheus and eurydice, in a story with a random and stupid premise)

Art really has been my happy source my whole life, so much so I wish I’m an abstract concept and all of my life is doing art instead of being a three dimensional human being. Because (like now) I’m barely able to move and couldn’t draw, of course. Life feels so empty and meaningless without beings able to do the only thing that’s fun. What am I if fighting for everyone’s happiness makes me lose mine.

My discord is @/oneirotects if anyone ever wanna add or yap with me (you’re always welcome to!) since I’ll probably not be on other socials until time gets easier for me…[check the lost and found basket for me once in a while.]

Thinking of having all of my free time for the rest of the year be spent on making a mchanna comic, basically it would be mchanna mirroring Hannibal lector/clarice in the aspect that Neil becomes someone who can help with Vincent’s cases. Bc that’s something I really want to see. (I’m not totally decided on if it would be a neilives! Or post 1995 canon.)

I always love doujinshi culture and it’s been my dream since I can remember to make one, I have so many idols who are doujinshi artists…so I really hope it can happen. I feel like it would just be nice to immerse into creating something longer (but honestly, it’s my fear too bc I’m not consistent at all).